Dwarven throwers (subject-related spam, only)

MordorMan · Post by **MordorMan** » Wed Mar 28, 2001 5:26 pm

Do you get an acid or nausea bonus if your dwarf throws up over your enemy after being thrown?

MM

Dúnadan · Post by **Dúnadan** » Wed Mar 28, 2001 5:45 pm

That is indeed a possibility, MM, though a dwarf's high constitution and tolerance for ale would make this a very rare occurence.

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President of the World Alliance for the Advancement of Me (W.A.A.M.)

Dinin DoUrden · Post by **Dinin DoUrden** » Wed Mar 28, 2001 5:53 pm

"I need a swig o' some strong, dwarven ale!"

Dúnadan · Post by **Dúnadan** » Wed Mar 28, 2001 8:41 pm

Don't we all my friend, don't we all.

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President of the World Alliance for the Advancement of Me (W.A.A.M.)

MordorMan · Post by **MordorMan** » Thu Mar 29, 2001 2:01 am

Originally posted by Dúnadan:
That is indeed a possibility, MM, though a dwarf's high constitution and tolerance for ale would make this a very rare occurence.

This is true, but I estimate an avarage dwarf's resistance to air sickness to be a whole lot less.

MM

The_Pope · Post by **The_Pope** » Thu Mar 29, 2001 6:02 am

ROFLMAO

two · Post by **two** » Thu Mar 29, 2001 9:36 am

I am both amused and disgusted by the amateurism displayed by this thread.

I find it difficult to believe -- in this day and age -- that such subjects as the efficacy of hafling and/or dwarven throwing, with regards to a singular thrower and throwee, still have an audience, much less authors so bereft of both reason and pride as to post using their commonplace (and for the most part, common) Forum names.

For those history-deprived among you (and this seems to encompass the entirety of the "reading" audience, and I use that term provisionally, as many of you probably move your lips when confronted with text, and either sound out difficult words or simply skip them) this subject has been discussed many times before, and while there exist those "old timers," addicts of "PnP" D&D back when dice came 6 sided and had to be whittled into a D20; when a choice of attacking monster flopped between the twin poles of orc and goblin; when the only spells available were the "2G's" of Goodberry and Grease; when a competant DM need not have graduated fourth grade -- while these sorts of nostalgic carmudgeons undoubtedly exist, and occasionally crawl out of their caves to post inane articles that they really should leave to their betters, it is not true their their manifest ignorace should be forever engraved upon the permanent parchment of this respected Forum.

Now, unless you are one of those freaks that find the concept of maximization repugnant; who enjoy crippling yourself with weak classes and/or inane weapon specialization choices; who retain high charisma values instead of dropping it to near-three in order to reap the benefits a weak character-generation system allows the savvy; I say, unless you are one of these aberrations, read confidently on.

Back in the days of yore (and yes, I mean over eight months ago) there was some excitement generated by the discovery that dwarves could be lifted and lofted towards a perceived enemy. Soon thereafter, haflings, gnomes, and even an occasional elf were experimentally thrown. Clear enough. Soon after the amount of damage these projectiles caused was known, a flurry of threads appeared with titles such as "Maximizing your Number of Dwavish NPC's," "How to Bribe Bearded Barmaids," etc. Then came the application of flame to greased moustaches, illusionary apples dancing before skewer-bearing, unwieldy, hastily-launched halfings, and the whole question of acid and/or poisoning pre-throw; which acids did not destroy the bearer en route while still doing good post-impact damage; the best topical poisons of which certain strains of Dwarves were immune, etc.

Finally (and I take some pride in this discovery) it was revealed that a certain scrolls of limited wish allow for the wishing of a "special companion," who inevitably turns out to be a Siamese twin of race: gnome, dwarf, or halfing. While the logic of the implementation has never been completely understood, these siamese twins (bonded at belly and sporting four legs, four arms, and two heads, and which when flying resemble nothing so much as a leaping sword-spider) do not twice but THREE times normal damage, making squandering a scroll well-worth the effort. Once this became public knowledge, no monster was safe.

Yet still some persist in discussing throwing a singuler, solitary, everyday dwarf! Where the Siamese revelation led, many followed, and I will not (and can not, given time constraints) sketch the outline of all the developments that soon appeared -- catapult cups capable of holding an entire clan of nervous gnomes; giant rubbery tentacles, cut from a Kraken, used to surround and launch skyward halfing family reunions, stolen silverware and all.

I only hope, before more articles are posted, the people will take the time to do some basic research, and thereafter refrain from making those same discoveries and errors that have already been made (in the past) by those both speedier and smarter than any indicated by posts to the present thread topic (present writer, of course, carefully excluded).

[This message has been edited by two (edited 03-29-2001).]

BraveSirRobin · Post by **BraveSirRobin** » Thu Mar 29, 2001 2:04 pm

fable,

It is done by taking the basic internet address listed and then changing around the numbers until you find what you are looking for. The threads on the forum are numbered based on the date of the first post. So if you know approximately when you posted them you should be able to find it.

pinkypinky,

You can always find me by looking for the flying dwarves in the sky.

two,

I am afraid that your allegations of having a longer history of dwarf throwing is unsupported. Unless you can show me a dwarf throwing manual dated prior Oct 17, 2000 (the date Fable, Zundar and I began our chronicles), I will label you an imposter. In all likely hood you have simply plagiarized from our chronicles and have changed the strategies slightly to make it less obvious. For example the Siamese dwarf/gnome mix sounds very much like the multiwarhead dwarf/gnome/halfling strategy mentioned earlier.

Therefore I would ask that you desist in making these unsubstantiated claims. It is clear that your are a fake, a charlatan and a fraud. You posses no original thoughts on the subject and your presence here is an affront to the true DTU (Dwarf Throwers Union) members everywhere.

Dúnadan · Post by **Dúnadan** » Thu Mar 29, 2001 2:27 pm

I absolutely agree with BSB, even though I only later joined the original thread back at BGDungeon. It would not do, however, to sully the good name of this thread with petty accusations and squabbles. We are here to learn and benifit from the wisdom and knowledge of others. Therefore, I suggest we get back to the topic at hand. Now, has anyone come to refute my theory that gnomes surpass halflings in nearly every aspect, or will you allow your silence to further my cause?

Dúnadan · Post by **Dúnadan** » Thu Mar 29, 2001 2:32 pm

By the way...I changed my sig so that it pertains more to this topic...

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The world's foremost authority on the throwing of dwarves, halflings, and gnomes.

Dúnadan · Post by **Dúnadan** » Fri Mar 30, 2001 10:47 am

I am *Not* letting this thread die! Where's fable?

fable · Post by **fable** » Fri Mar 30, 2001 2:01 pm

I'm right here. I'm just very busy at the moment, working with the US federal government on a new top-secret Gnome-based anti-missile system.

Oops. No longer top-secret, is it?

Well, I'll return to our thread in the very near future, assuming I'm still at large.

Dúnadan · Post by **Dúnadan** » Fri Mar 30, 2001 3:45 pm

Ah, I see you are now adopting the gnome as projectile of choice. After reviewing the original thread I noted that you were an avid supporter of halflings, but consequently switched your favor to dwarves when you started this thread. How times change...

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The world's foremost authority on the throwing of dwarves, halflings, and gnomes.

fable · Post by **fable** » Sun Apr 01, 2001 2:35 am

The Outsider · Post by **The Outsider** » Mon Apr 02, 2001 7:11 pm

All of you have overlooked a valuable source of ammunition: kobolds! Lightweight, aerodynamic (it's those ears), and in plentiful supply. We here at Firewine Industries suggest that you try a quiver(ing mass) of kobolds sometime. You'll notice that they can be thrown much quicker (and, possibly, further).

Additionally, kobolds are amongst the ranks of your foes, as opposed to drawing upon your shorter allies as ammunition. We feel that this is a viable solution to your tossing problems.

TheHellion · Post by **TheHellion** » Mon Apr 02, 2001 9:31 pm

Where the hell do you guys come up with this stuff?

LMFAO

fable · Post by **fable** » Mon Apr 02, 2001 9:44 pm

(blink)

Come up with what? Anybody know what he's talking about?

Dúnadan · Post by **Dúnadan** » Thu Apr 05, 2001 3:33 pm

I really hate to bump a thread that has obviously lost its wind, so after this, I guess I'll let it fade into oblivion.

So, here's my solemn, yet dignified *bump*..

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Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll get nailed by a U.S. nuclear submarine.

fable · Post by **fable** » Fri Apr 06, 2001 9:55 am

The one other aspect of midget throwing that we have thus far overlooked is the ability of the gnomish people to soar (no pun intended) as projectile weapons.

Dunadan has made a valuable contribution to this august gathering with his comment, above. In all fairness, we should (however briefly) examine in this journal the effects of gnomish ammunition on ancient and modern warfare.

It is believed that gnomes first became airborne in prehistoric, unrecorded times; for although the gnomes themselves have written little upon the matter, there are references made in ancient elven lays (cf particularly "The Doom Dweomer of Whiteleaf Heartsblade and the Farmer's Daughter of Detmold," lines 2302-2323) and even the occasional dwarven skaldchant:

"Booming heartily, heavily heaved
the ogres mightily their miniature arms;
swift and sure the living weapons flew,
nostrils a-quiver with battle bane,
voices hoarse with hate-filled harm..."

Of course there's no direct evidence in the above that gnomes were the preferred ammunition du jour of the ogres in question, but the reference to "nostrils" is highly suggestive (given the relative importance of the gnomish nose to the gnomish face); while the "voices hoarse with hate-filled harm" could very well refer to the traditional gnomish battlecry:

"AAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH, NOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!"

...so very easily misunderstood in the enthusiasm of the moment.

Be that as it may, the first recorded, historical reference to an airborne gnome dates from 4,285 years ago in the small economic community of Belgium-on-the-Ulcer. (And parenthetically, it is being celebrated later this year. You are all invited, but bring your own.) One Kneebok Burreebop was involved in minor altercation with his wife and life companion, Tunisia Theremin (known to all her friends--meaning her mother, and a budgee, as Sarah Jane). This was not unusual, as Kneebok and Tunisia were known to engage in mild though loud disputes that could be heard at quite a distance, since both participants were slightly deaf and had been earnest students of primal screaming in their earlier years. (They once toured as members of the Maynard Ferguson band, in fact.)

What did make this argument noteworthy, however, was the sudden appearance of Kneebok through the roof of his thatched hut, without any visible means of support. He continued on a trajectory ((W2+S/X = 5 miles from Amstelveen, carry the 1, makes 20) which took him into the neighboring village of Boise (population 321, but growing). After he was recovered from the municipal fountain, dusted off, and treated to a couple of flagons of gnomish lavender whiskey, he explained that Tunisia had taken exception to some remark of his, and, gesturing wildly, had inadvertently catapulted her husband into the ether. Of course, ether she did so inadvertently, or she didn't; but the point remains that whatever the motivation, she succeeded. And by any reckoning, rather well, since the Boise village elders noted Kneebok's hangtime, and gave Tunisia a collective 6.8. (It would have been higher, but the Roumanian judge, Kneebok's own cousin, Bamcurdle Constantinescu, didn't like his form.)

The municipal records indicate that Kneebok took the whole matter in good spirits, and returned to his wife the very same day. Evidently they chose to willingly experiment in a similar vein, for Tunisia abruptly flew out of their house (using the same hole in the roof--a nice touch, that, on Kneebok's part, since it was environmentally friendly) less than twenty-four hours later. She only traveled to the edge of Belgium-of-the-Ulcer, however, since Kneebok, a thrifty sort, wanted to save on cabfare.

This pair of exploits were much heralded at the time. Military experts took a close look at the gnomish potential for surprise ranged assault, and made copious notes.

During my next post on this material, I will detail the momentus events that followed, which secured all gnomekind a privileged position in the history of directed flight and airborne warfare.

[This message has been edited by fable (edited 04-06-2001).]

fable · Post by **fable** » Sat Apr 07, 2001 8:01 pm

In no way is this important thread going to be lost to posterity!