Is it all Worth it?

[Aegis]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Mr Sleep
Personally the most important thing is fresh air, excercise and changing your environment. If possible go on a weekend away, have a new experience; something to remember.[/qoute]

This was my "weekend" away thing too, ironically enough. I'm just lucky that some of the people I trust the most are online.

[QOUTE]There are so many easy things you can do to change how you are living, alter your diet to a more healthy one, go walking, do all the things you enjoy (although not too much spam ) Personally i would do as Leedog says snap out of it![/QOUTE]Well, I'm already doing things to change my lifestyle (LEss carbon based drinks, more water for instance), and I'm still writing, but even thats beginging to frighten me. My writing, when I'm in a mood like this, is incredably dark...

[Tybaltus]

It says on your profile that you were born in 1985 (And on July 13th so happy birthday-Im only a couple days off!-sorry about being late!) And teen years are tough-I am 18 right now-so Im basically still in the teen years-sort of. It was an endurance run for a while for me.

Let me tell you how bad things got for me and triggered two of my deepest depressions: In 7th grade-my best friend was the first person to start making fun of me. Spread rumors about ugly things that I never did-he ended up making me lose ALL of my friends that year. I became a loner, unvoluntarily, for 4 months with no friends to turn to. I couldnt turn to online because I wasnt a member of anything. Every class-I had to endure every making fun of me for things I never did. I tried to ignore it but everything got to me. In fact the worst thing about this was that all of my old friends were the people who were primarily teasing me-those who I invested trust in.

But once that year was over-the very next year I made new friends, friends I still have today. I also got a girlfriend the very next year-that didnt work out, but it was fun while it lasted.

I had a similar situation in 10th grade where a few of my good friends started to try to get to my bad side and succeeded. Instead of trying to attack them back like I did in 7th grade-I just avoided them. By the end of the year we basically forgave eachother and they are still my friends.

Things that helped me out through these times:
Computer games/tv
Self Pity
A few select people I could still trust
Avoidance

I wouldnt recommend Self pity-but I do believe these times will pass through out time. If things get rough-turn to select friends like I did. And I think the other advice youve gotten is a good idea too. Just realize that things WILL turn around no matter how rough life gets.

[Nightmare]

Originally posted by Aegis
My writing, when I'm in a mood like this, is incredably dark...

Aye, but don't let that scare you. For me, writing about things when I'm depressed (either about the world, or about depression and death) sometimes cheers me up. Now, thats just me, and it might not work for you. But if it makes you feel better...

Myself, I think I have clinic depression. I still need to see a doctor about that (or even confront my parents about it...).

[RandomThug]

hey there

I dont know if this will mean much to anyone but Aegis I want to thank you and all the others on SYM. As corny as it sounds I haven't been into any one thing Online for ages... last time I frequently visited something online was when Ultima Online was new... But thanks to people like you aegis I feel more than just welcome here, I feel a level of acceptence between everyone on the game banshee network. You and others have been able to make me have a better day just by posting a reply to some stupid thing I type.

Thank you everyone. thank you aegis.

thug

[leedogg]

Re: hey there

Originally posted by RandomThug
I dont know if this will mean much to anyone but Aegis I want to thank you and all the others on SYM. As corny as it sounds I haven't been into any one thing Online for ages... last time I frequently visited something online was when Ultima Online was new... But thanks to people like you aegis I feel more than just welcome here, I feel a level of acceptence between everyone on the game banshee network. You and others have been able to make me have a better day just by posting a reply to some stupid thing I type.

Thank you everyone. thank you aegis.

thug

SUCK UP!! We need some humor!

I feel the same way aegis, yourself along with the others are some of the best folks on the net....I hold you in the highest regards. So just remember, you have a friend in Alabama! Don't let the writing get you down, any kind of venting helps.

Have a nice day!!! from Leedogg

[Littiz]

Wait. Let's try not to be silly.
Life can be terrible at times.
Better times are no GUARANTEED for anybody.
Don't make my old mistake, don't wait for things beyond
your control to happen... they might just never show up.

Again, the beginning and the end of every problem is in YOU.
I was really in depression. Deep depression, my uncle, who's
a doctor, suspected it and wanted "professional help" for
me. My parents held the attitude "hey, what are you talking
about, my son is perfectly sane!!! HE'S MY SON!!!"
I told 'em, you're right, there's nothing wrong with me,
but of course I lied...
Anyway, this thing triggered something.
Unfortunately, I started waiting for better times, and they
DIDN'T come, of course.
That's why my depression lasted unnecessarily long...
until I DECIDED to end it.
Forget medicines, friends, the same ol' stuff.
They have another role in life, I don't deny it here.
But for your (mine) problem, the solution is in you only.
Oh, Ok, maybe MANOWAR, their songs and lyrics helped me...
These seem only words, I know... I wish I could incapsulate
in them the understanding of a few moments that I lived...

Anyway, stand up and forget that mood.
Be a winner, your first friend, and always proud.

Someone makes something you don't like?
Tell him.
STARING HIM IN THE EYES.
He'll be the one who will lower them.

A wall blocks your way?
Don't go around it.
STORM IT!!

You want something?
Don't complain if you don't have it.
WORK FOR IT. WORK, don't dream!

Something bad happens?
BEAR IT.
Bear the consequences as well.

Don't fear anything. You'll lose ALL in any case
sooner or later. Be careful, OK, but don't miss things
you want.
And keep always an exalted look in your eyes!

Try living a week like this.
Then look in a mirror... you'll like the person behind it.
You'll feel so comfortable that you'll never change anymore.
And MAYBE you'll even achieve some things you didn't expect..

[thantor3]

To provide another point of view, here is a passage from a little book called, "A Short Guide to a Happy Life." It was given to me by a patient who is a recovering alcoholic.


"It is amazing how much you can learn in one year... I'm not sure I learned anything much about mortality, or death, or pain, or even love, although in the years since, I have found that that one horrible year has given me a perspective on all those things I wouldn't otherwise have had…

And I went back to school and I looked around at all the kids I knew who found it kind of a drag and who weren't sure if they could really hack it and who thought life was a bummer. And I knew that I had undergone a sea change. Because I was never again going to be able to see life as anything except a great gift.

It's ironic that we forget so often how wonderful life really is. We have more time than ever before to remember it. The men and women of generations past had to work long, long hours to support lots and lots of children in tiny, tiny houses. The women worked in factories and sweatshops and then at home, too, with two bosses, the one who paid them, and the one they were married to, who didn't.

There are new generations of immigrants now, who work just as hard, but those of us who are second and third and forth generations are surrounded by nice cars, family rooms, patios, pools -- the things our grandparents thought only rich people had. Yet somehow, instead of rejoicing, we've found the glass half empty. Our jobs take too much out of us and don't pay enough. We're expected to pick the kids up at preschool and run the microwave at home.

C'mon, let's be honest. We have an embarrassment of riches...

I don't mean in any cosmic way. I never think of my life, or my world, in any big cosmic way. I think of it in all its small component parts: the snowdrops, the daffodils; the feeling of one of my kids sitting close beside me on the couch; the way my husband looks when he reads with the lamp behind him... Life is made up of moments, small pieces of glittering mica in a long stretch of gray cement. It would be wonderful if they came to us unsummoned, but particularly in lives as busy as the ones most of us lead now, that won't happen. We have to teach ourselves how to make room for them, to love them, and to live, really live.

I learned to live many years ago. Something really bad happened to me, something that changed my life in ways that, if I had had a choice, it would never have been changed at all. And what I learned from it is what, today, sometimes seems to be the hardest lesson of all.

I learned to love the journey, not the destination. I learned that this is not a dress rehearsal, and that today is the only guarantee you get.

I learned to look at all the good in the world and try to give some of it back, because I believe in it completely and utterly... School never ends. The classroom is everywhere. The exam comes at the very end. No man ever said on his deathbed I wish I had spent more time at the office."

~ Anna Quindlen

[C Elegans]

Re: Is it all Worth it? In my opinion: YES!

Originally posted by Aegis
I guess my question is, has anyone ever gotten to the point where they just feel like that can't go anymore, and have begun thinking of some pretty grim alternatives?

Absolutely. I spent a my late teens considering suicide at a daily basis. As I said elsewhere, I was only really happy when I was alone in the mountains. Risking my life climbing was sort of the only way I could find to feel any sort of value in my existance.

Some really bad things happened in my life when I was in my mid teens, and I got very bad support from my family, who had problems of their own - my grandfather died and my mother fell severely ill during the same period. I had many friends, but although they all did their best to support me, I felt nobody understood the kind of problems I had, or could offer any support that made a difference to me. It was kind of them and all that, but it didn't make me feel any better. So I decided to seek professional help. I tried several different psychotherapists between age 15-17, and they were all crap, one worse than the other. One just gave me lots of pills, which didn't help at all. Another had the idea that all my problems where connected to my relationship with my mother, and thus wanted to discuss only my mother - not my problems. A third offered sympathy and understanding, which was nice, but no more than nice - I still didn't feel any better. It really felt like there was no way out.

By the age of 20, I considered myself the most lucky and happy person on earth. Since then, I have never been depressed again, apart from when special things have happened (people I loved die, going through divorce etc). I don't know if it would help you or anyone else, but if you wish, I could post what I did to change my life situation, and what I still, both as a private person and a professional, think is the best thing to do when stuck in depression. (To a large extent I agree with what Littiz has posted.) Let me know, and take care.

[thantor3]

Re: Re: Is it all Worth it? In my opinion: YES!

Originally posted by C Elegans
By the age of 20, I considered myself the most lucky and happy person on earth. Since then, I have never been depressed again, apart from when special things have happened (people I loved die, going through divorce etc). I don't know if it would help you or anyone else, but if you wish, I could post what I did to change my life situation, and what I still, both as a private person and a professional, think is the best thing to do when stuck in depression. (To a large extent I agree with what Littiz has posted.) Let me know, and take care.

I would be interested to hear... I am always up for being inspired by the acts of courage and perservance of others.

[Ode to a Grasshopper]

Back on topic...

@Aegis-My advice, if it's still wanted/needed, is to keep on keeping on. I went through the same thing at the same age as you have, and if your depression is related to the girl you had leading you on a while back then it was for the same reason too. I knew it would fade with time, and having come out the other side it was well worth it-it allowed me top deal with some issues that were long overdue for being dealt with and, now that they are dealt with I have achieved a sense of serenity.

Sounds new-age and hokey, I know, but it works for me.