Oh yes and one more article from Molly Ivins
osted on Sun, Mar. 16, 2003
Who's next on the insult list?
By Molly Ivins
Creators Syndicate
OK, sign me up for the Bush program. I'm aboard. Who else can we insult,
offend, bribe, blackmail, threaten, intimidate, wiretap or otherwise
infuriate?
Getting the Canadians, who are famous for their phlegm, seriously mad at us
took real work. Our latest ploy in that direction was to contemptuously
reject their compromise that had a few more days' delay in it than the
British-U.S. version. Then, when our version didn't fly, we decided on a few
more days' delay ourselves -- without, of course, the contempt.
Then, to add to the festivities of "Let's Tick Off the Next-Door Neighbors
Week," we started leaning on President Vicente Fox of Mexico. Our ambassador
to Mexico, Tony Garza, said: "Will American attitudes be placated by half-
steps or three-quarter steps? I kind of doubt it." An unnamed
American "diplomat" was quoted as saying it could "stir up feelings" here if
Mexico voted against us, and does Mexico "want to stir the fires of jingoism
during a war?"
President Bush said: "I don't expect there to be significant retribution from
the government [what's significant?], but there might be a reaction like the
interesting phenomena taking place here in America about the French, a
backlash against the French, not stirred up by anybody except the people."
For those who oppose the United States, "there will be a certain sense of
discipline."
George W. Bush in chains and black leather. Why should we care that the
overwhelming majority of the Mexican people are opposed to this war? To hell
with democracy in Mexico -- we're for democracy in Iraq.
That's us: If you don't give us everything we want, you're with the
terrorists. Anyone who questions anything we do is supporting Saddam Hussein,
and dissent is treason. I love it.
Next up, Tony Blair, the first casualty of the war. How very smart to fall
out with our closest ally. Nice going by Donald Rumsfeld, suggesting that we
can't count on the Brits. They've already got 45,000 troops in the Middle
East.
We've already ticked off the pope, and now a tiff with Israel -- outstanding.
But we haven't done anything to Paraguay yet. How about doing something to
annoy the Paraguayans? We could have Rumsfeld make one of his statesmanlike
remarks such as, "Nyah, nyah, Asuncion stinks."
And why leave out Mali? Mali is a silly name for a country. This is fun.
Let's go insult some goobers in the South Pacific, too -- say, Tonga. Don't
leave out the Scots. Their guys wear skirts. Burkina Faso -- now there's a
dump. Only morons would name their capital Ouagadougou. Hee-hee. This is more
fun than junior high school.
A French journalist observed in horrified wonder Tuesday: "Mon Dieu, Bush has
made Jacques Chirac into a hero. Jacques Chirac!" What a little miracle-man
that George W. Bush is. He has that wonder-working power.
One can hardly say enough about the courageous action of the U.S. House
Administration Committee in renaming french fries "freedom fries" at the
House cafeteria. In these critical times, it's good to know we can count on
House Republicans. They'll teach those cheese-eating surrender monkeys a
thing or two.
(Guys, did you really have to just hand the French this one? That has to be
the slowest pitch on record.)
This was in addition to Republicans trading tasteless anti-French jokes
publicly during a hearing with Colin Powell. Just for the record, there are
6,000 French troops currently serving as peacekeepers in Afghanistan and the
Balkans. As they keep watch in places they'd rather not be, I'm sure they all
appreciate your gestures. Likewise, the Germans -- described by Rumsfeld as
a "pariah state" -- have 10,000 troops in Afghanistan and the Balkans.
Have you ever seen such amazing arrogance wedded to such awesome incompetence?
Chickens coming home to roost all around. Turns out the reason that some of
the African nations are sticking with the French is because they get more in
foreign aid from the French than they do from us. Thank you, Jesse Helms, for
your many years of work destroying American aid programs.
Of course, we don't need the United Nations. Why should we worry about
peacekeeping, nation-building or international cooperation on global problems
when we can buy our friends, bully our allies and bomb everybody else? What a
glorious future.
_____
Molly Ivins writes for Creators Syndicate. 5777 W. Century Blvd., Suite 700,
Los Angeles, CA 90045
"In Germany, they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the homosexuals and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a homosexual. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a protestant. Then they came for me--but by that time there was no one left to speak up."
Pastor Martin Neimoller
Infinity is a fathomless gulf, into which all things vanish.
Marcus Aurelius (121-180) Roman Emperor and Philosopher
To see a world in a grain of sand
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand
And eternity in an hour.
Frodo has failed, Bush has the ring.