addiction problems

BILBAST · Post by **BILBAST** » Tue Apr 27, 2004 11:36 am

my name is Tina, i am Bilbast s girlfriend.I see many people addicted at this game, as my boyfriend is. I see him play this game all night long.Are you having addiction problems yourshelves? what do your girlfriends think? thank you.

smass · Post by **smass** » Tue Apr 27, 2004 12:02 pm

RPG fans have girlfriends? Seriously?

Actually, I am married with two kids so I can explain how I work out my "addiction". My wife goes to bed early and I am a night person - so I play most of the time late into the night. This way my game playing does not unfairly interfere with the time I spend with my loved ones.

This question is a good one for the SYM forum - maybe the thread should be moved. Without sounding preachy it comes down to balancing your respect for other people's time vs. your needs. It sounds from your post like you feel that your boyfriend is spending too much time with the game and not enough time with you. May I suggest that maybe the problem is twofold. Maybe your boyfriend needs to meet you half way. It is just a game after all. The other side of the equation is that maybe you should respect your boyfriend's need to have time to himself to pursue his hobby (sounds better than addiction).

The best relationships are ones where people respect each other personal space and set up mutually agreeable parameters for spending time together. This way one person does not feel neglected - and the other person is not resentful of being "controlled".

A long winded answer - but hey - you asked

fable · Post by **fable** » Tue Apr 27, 2004 12:07 pm

Originally posted by BILBAST
my name is Tina, i am Bilbast s girlfriend.I see many people addicted at this game, as my boyfriend is. I see him play this game all night long.Are you having addiction problems yourshelves? what do your girlfriends think? thank you.

There's a simple solution:

1) Get the gamer to acknowledge that they have other activities that need doing, whether work or play.

2) Give them an alarm clock, and agree to some ground rules--such as all playing limited to 1 or 2 hours, a day.

3) Finally, don't let them near an MMORPG. The pseudo-cameraderie of "real people" in the environment can be an immensely seductive draw.

Hope that helps.

Luther · Post by **Luther** » Tue Apr 27, 2004 12:20 pm

What problem? I don't have a problem! I can quit anytime! Leave me alone!!!

Haha. Just kidding. Seriously, this is a common discussion with today's games. They are longer, richer and designed to be totally immersing. It's like reading a great fiction novel, the kind that's a total page turner and you can't think of anything else while you're enthralled with it. When you're finished you put it down, breathe deep and pay attention to the outside world once again.

nephtu · Post by **nephtu** » Tue Apr 27, 2004 2:32 pm

Well..

you can always play an RPG with your wife/girlfriend/what have you if they're inclined...the bulk of my RPG play at home is with my wife.

Barrin · Post by **Barrin** » Tue Apr 27, 2004 3:07 pm

Re: Re: addiction problems

Originally posted by fable
There's a simple solution:

1) Get the gamer to acknowledge that they have other activities that need doing, whether work or play.

2) Give them an alarm clock, and agree to some ground rules--such as all playing limited to 1 or 2 hours, a day.

3) Finally, don't let them near an MMORPG. The pseudo-cameraderie of "real people" in the environment can be an immensely seductive draw.

Hope that helps.

hmmm sry fable but ill have to agree with smass you should respect your boyfriends hobbies but make sure he spends enough time with you so that it doe sno consume his life. I felt that Fable's post would be denying his right to express himself (even in a geeky but good way). When i say Geek i dont mean it as an insult my translation of geek maybe different from other people's. If you were concerned enough about his "addiction" to post a thread on a gaming site he might have an unhealthy addiction. I'm cracking up while i type this because im consulting you on your boyfriend or love life or whatver you wish to call it when i am only 11.

hope i helped yah.

fable · Post by **fable** » Tue Apr 27, 2004 5:03 pm

hmmm sry fable but ill have to agree with smass you should respect your boyfriends hobbies but make sure he spends enough time with you so that it doe sno consume his life. I felt that Fable's post would be denying his right to express himself (even in a geeky but good way).

I think you're misreading me, @Barrin. I'm not suggesting a person who enjoys playing games stop.

But if they logically put a limit on their gameplay, after acknowledging the importance of other activities, then they can schedule time for both. And the alarm clock keeps them from getting "sucked in," which happens to all of us when our attention is rivetted on any subject.

How does that deny anybody the right "to express themselves?" Or do you mean that acknowledging responsibilities to others is a denial of fundamental rights?

Kaitsuburi · Post by **Kaitsuburi** » Tue Apr 27, 2004 5:27 pm

Re: Re: addiction problems

Originally posted by fable
3) Finally, don't let them near an MMORPG. The pseudo-cameraderie of "real people" in the environment can be an immensely seductive draw.

This is so true! While I find the BG series very addictive, it is apparently nothing as bad as MMORPGs. I personally know 2 people who flunked out of college because of Everquest. I dared not install it

It's all about self-control. There is a concept in philosophy called the "paradox of hedonism" that challenges the straightforward relationship between happiness and pleasure. I think it can very easily be applied to this situation; In my experience, limiting your gameplay (i.e. sacrificing some pleasure) and investing time into your relationship, work, other hobbies will leave you a happier BG player in the end. I've had 18-hour play sessions in the past, but somehow they never leave me satisfied...

@girlfriend of BILBAST ~ I think you should confront him about it and have a long conversation

-kaitsuburi

Daydrius · Post by **Daydrius** » Tue Apr 27, 2004 9:24 pm

I have never had a Girlfriend, so I wouldn't really know, but I have played Everquest...They only way to get youself off of a real addiction to these type of games is to...I don't really know...The only reason I stopped playing EVerquest is due to the fact that I fell from straight A's to straight D's, and I actually care about my future. The more minor form of the game addiction(such as games like BGII and Morrowind) can be escaped by drilling a strict scheduel into yourself.

Kaitsuburi · Post by **Kaitsuburi** » Tue Apr 27, 2004 10:21 pm

A friend of mine limits his computer use time at home to 1 hour. It gives him just enough time to read the news, answer emails, look at some pictures, and perhaps transfer some music to his portable player. No time really for games. In return, he gets a lot of time to read books, excercise, drive his sportscar, etc. I know he realizes how many cool things he is missing, but based on his priorities, he makes a conscious choice; he simply shuts off his computer.

I admire his will power and sometimes wish I could be as strict toward myself. But then, I do like candy (otherwise I would not be here)

I don't feel being "addicted" is inherently wrong as long as one has thought seriously about one's priorities and excercises sufficient self-control to respect those priorities.

I myself am fortunate to have a girlfriend who respects my hobbies (one being pc gaming) as long as I respect her, communicate and do a lot of (non-computer) things together with her.

-kaitsuburi

Barrin · Post by **Barrin** » Wed Apr 28, 2004 5:37 am

I suppose i reallly should spend less time on the computer. I heard you said people could set a strict schedule with a clock. But for some reason i do not like that idea very much. Does anybody know a different way to limit yourself?

araknid70 · Post by **araknid70** » Wed Apr 28, 2004 6:36 am

Do all the important things you have to do for that day first (like homework or housework), then play computer.

The important thing is to get priorities straightened out. Does the game come first or does the partner come first? And even if the game does come first, keep in mind that the game is only temporary (although BG2 is a long game). There will be times when a person has no choice but to prioritise other things above a girlfriend, like studies or work etc. If the partner can't accept the fact that sometimes she/he has to take second place for a while, then it isn't just only gaming that will cause problems.

fable · Post by **fable** » Wed Apr 28, 2004 9:12 am

Originally posted by Barrin
I suppose i reallly should spend less time on the computer. I heard you said people could set a strict schedule with a clock.

They can, for one specific task.

There's no reason everybody should do it, but it does work for many--and not just for gameplaying, either. If you (meaning anybody) tends to get over-absorbed in activities--which can be bad, not merely for one's social life, but for one's physical and mental well-being--it helps to use an alarm. For example, I do a lot of writing, due to my profession. But I've got some lower back problems, and my doctor's advised standing up and doing stretches every 30-60 minutes. I use an alarm to remind myself, since otherwise I would forget.

I'm not dictating this, but recommending it as a very good solution. And like so many problems needing answers, this is only one solution among several.

krunchyfrogg · Post by **krunchyfrogg** » Wed Apr 28, 2004 9:41 pm

Originally posted by BILBAST
my name is Tina, i am Bilbast s girlfriend.I see many people addicted at this game, as my boyfriend is. I see him play this game all night long.Are you having addiction problems yourshelves? what do your girlfriends think? thank you.

Give your boyfriend something more interesting than Baldurs Gate to do at night.

If he finds the game more fun than you, then there really is a problem here.

dragon wench · Post by **dragon wench** » Thu Apr 29, 2004 8:45 am

Re: Re: addiction problems

Originally posted by krunchyfrogg
Give your boyfriend something more interesting than Baldurs Gate to do at night.

If he finds the game more fun than you, then there really is a problem here.

It is possible there is a problem. However, sometimes we just take relationships for granted.... and subconsciously assume our partners will always be there regardless of our actions, or we are not really fully aware of the impact our activities have...

This can be a tough situation...

CrownHead · Post by **CrownHead** » Mon May 03, 2004 1:00 am

Re: Re: addiction problems

2) Give them an alarm clock, and agree to some ground rules--such as all playing limited to 1 or 2 hours, a day.

No offense Fable, but you sound like my mom.

In response to BILBAST's girlfriend's question, this game is extremely addicting. If you become addicted this game it becomes as important to you as urinating, it just hurts to not do it for a long time.

But one thing not to do is to forbid the game. THIS IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT, DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES TAKE AWAY ALL RATIONS OF THIS GAME. Take me for example, my computer has been broken for almost a whole year now and I haven't played once this whole time, yet I still come to little forums on the internet just to read ANYTHING about it. What does that tell you?

Maybe, someday, years from now his interest in the game shall falter and it shall no longer be so appealing, but until then your just going to have to face the cold truth that he's going to play that game, your not going to understand it, he's going to enjoy it, and your just going to have to sit there and wonder why he would rather play video games than take his hot girlfriend out on a nice date (I don't know that your hot, but I can dream).

Overall Piece of Advice: Try letting him teach you how to play the game. Be patient, it's very complex and takes time to learn, but once you do, you'll probably be playing it more than him. That is, if you can beat him to the computer.

fable · Post by **fable** » Mon May 03, 2004 7:42 am

Re: Re: Re: addiction problems

Originally posted by CrownHead
No offense Fable, but you sound like my mom.

None taken. But you're completely missing my point. I didn't suggest that anybody order you to do this. I suggested that anybody who *recognizes this conduct within themselves* could consider exercising a degree of personal responsibility, without rules from the outside, and *set limits to their own playing.* This isn't about outside authorities creating boundaries, but noting a problem and dealing with it in a mature fashion. Whether the guy involved does so or not, of course, is none of my business; I could care less. I'm not your mother, or his.

And ultimately, if he wants to hurt and lose his girlfriend or even forget the basic rules of hygiene in a need to stare at his gaming screen, isn't my concern.

We can all wish this guy well--but he needs to get a grip, and at some point in his life, his parents stop being the the arbiters of what kind of grip to use. Personal responsibility is a lonely and terrifying thing, once you get passed the heady upward draft of freedom.

nephtu · Post by **nephtu** » Mon May 03, 2004 9:40 am

The whole addiction thing

As Fable so cogently pointed out, the addiction problem is a personal problem, and not really related to the specifics of the game. It is more likely to be driven by really compelling games like BGII-SoA, but I've known it to happen to folks with things like online Backgammon & even Solitaire & Minesweeper.

Certainly MMOGs can significantly exascerbate the picture - the large time slices typcally involved can make them colossal time sinks. A full play through of SoA/ToB is about 300 hours, tops - my main character in Everquest, by comparison is at 105 Days played over the last four years, and none of that is as an unattended Bazaar merchant or what have you.

Good gaming in a balanced life is the objective, I think. Cheers!

Boris · Post by **Boris** » Mon May 03, 2004 9:37 pm

I had started writing a really serious analysis of the concept of "addiction" and whether it was appropriate to computer-gaming, but got bored myself & won't inflict it on anyone else.

Besides, I seriously doubt if the Thread Author will be coming back to read any of this - likely just letting off steam & maybe trying to get the BF's attention.

So I'll just say that playing an interactive, challenging, thought-provoking game like BG (etc.) is surely a better use of ones brain than, say, watching TV, listening to pre-recorded music or most of the other, sedentary passtimes more common in the "Western" World.

Of course, we should all be off climbing mountains, etc. But most of us live in cities with inclement weather...

B.

P.S. If you *are* reading this, Tina - what would you *like* to do in your spare time?