Tips for all you guys

Magrus · Post by **Magrus** » Fri May 20, 2005 10:51 am

Ha, sounds like something I would do.

I used to work in a bakery, and all the things you buy with chocolate frosting, like those donuts and such? They had a little cart with two double boilers inside there full of chocolate and vanilla frosting. You roll it to the counter, plug it in and let it warm up and you scoop it out and serve. Well, of course, this tickled my interest and as my uncle managed the grocery store, I went to him to ask how much one of those things was. He said he didn't know and to ask my manager but gave me an evil grin. My manager, was a 50 year old Irish woman, and she turned bright red when I asked about it for "home use" and the puerto rican guy in back started chuckling and saying "my fiancee would LOVE that".

Anyway, all of the cute cashier girls always complained about how much their job sucked and how hard it was, yadda yadda yadda. "I wanna work in the bakery so I can eat cookies" came up most often from them. Well, the bakery is one of THE hardest departments to work in at a grocery store and we always got those cashiers sent to my department when it got busy. I was working early morning on easter, and they sent back the one girl who always begged me for food from there and kept requesting to be transferred. Wonderfully cute young lady who went to school with my brother.

My manager sent us back together to frost things, I frosted them and she packaged them. So, standing with this young lady at this HUGE white table, about the size of a king size bed, with this cart full of chocolate topping my mind starts to wander right. I turn, with the spreading knife in hand covered in chocolate to look at her, and that guy Jose looks at me and starts giggling. So, she turns to see what he's laughing at, then looks and sees me and asks "What are you just standing there for? Isn't there something else you should be doing over here? We have to get busy!" At which point I can't help it and start laughing and Jose is in tears and I just nodded and said "As soon as you get up on that table cutie".

Girl turned bright red and went right back to packaging. The next monday, I come home after work, my brother looks at me from the couch and says "Hey, I heard you offered to coat the head cheerleader in frosting at work last weekend. She wouldn't even look me in the eye today, what happened?"

She didn't come by for a few weeks, then all of the sudden started being quite suggestive when she came by my department and saying she still wanted to work back there. Manager said no though after that comment.

thantor3 · Post by **thantor3** » Fri May 20, 2005 6:17 pm

[QUOTE=Aegis]Than, I could swear you ripped those right from the Guy's Code I posted some time ago

[/QUOTE]

And I have lived by them from that day to this. You... you changed my life...

*weeping* I heart you, man!

Magrus · Post by **Magrus** » Fri May 20, 2005 6:18 pm

*chuckles* How touching.

Xanidu · Post by **Xanidu** » Fri May 20, 2005 7:11 pm

[QUOTE=thantor3]And I have lived by them from that day to this. You... you changed my life...

*weeping* I heart you, man![/QUOTE]

I thought there was something wierd about you...

Bloodstalker · Post by **Bloodstalker** » Fri May 20, 2005 7:19 pm

I have problems with the original post. What is this, lifted right from the pages of Castrated Male Monthly? I leave for a few weeks, and it all goes to Hell. Allow me to comment a bit from the true male perspective on a few key points.

- say you love her LOTS everyday, unless you're not that far yet.

Yeah, and then the words lose their meaning and you're just saying them but you don't really show it....bah

- give her lots of flowers, but not so many that she gets tired of them

You kidding? Flowers? And then she starts wondering what you did wrong to warrant flowers, next thing you know, you're single again. Although, this can make a good exit strategy if you wish to break up without getting the blame.

you'll know, unless you're pretty blind

Like you know what you did to upset her, what you said wrong last week that she still won't talk to you for, what she really meant to say when she told you she didn't want that shiny ring she spent two seconds looking at and expected you to realize it was the most important thing in her life...at least today.

presents are good. don't make it seem like your desperate, though, or she'll get all "Oh um.. thanks. Another one."

And get accused of trying to buy your way into her pants. Granted, that's what I'm doing, but she doesn't need to say it like it's either a revelation or a bad thing.

- if she says she's cold, I mean, come ON, give her your coat and put your arm around her!

Why? Just because I may have more body hair, doesn't mean it's all that much insulation. Besides, I should treat her like an equal. Let us freeze our asses off in unity I say. And by the way, if she really loved me, would she want me to be uncomfortable? I'll be damned if I'm going out of my way for someone who's not truly concerned with my wellbeing.

- ALWAYS do what she says, unless it involves hurting those you care about, because, then she's just evil.

And get left behind for not being a man and standing up for yourself, making your own dicisions, etc. I'm a man, not a castrated dog that's been to obediance school

- say she's beautiful, not just on the outside

Say this, and she will take it in the same way people take it when you say the have a great personality. Regardless of your phrasing, she will only hear the words Beautiful, Not, and Outside

- open doors for her

Unless she is they type of woman who believes you opening a door is the equivelant of intentionally undermining the womens liberation movement single handedly

- for goodness sake, don't hit on her friends

But she gets soooo mad when I hit on strangers....

- buy her food if she says she's hungry

At which point she will swear you're trying to make her fat to keep other guys from looking, are saying she's too thin, r are again trying to buy your way into her pants. She'll only eat a salad and water anyway. Take her home, turn on the sprinlker system, and let her loose in the lettuce patch. Saves money.

- take her on romantic dates
- following the above point -- Romantic dates include expensive restaurants, candlelight dinners, suits/ties etc.

Expensive resturaunts suck. They frown on real people. Candles can be fun, but only if you don't mind a bit of pain, and I will never wear something around my neck that cane be used as a ready made noose when I do something to piss her off.

- talk maturely

Talking dirty counts.

- tell her how many degrees you have, NOT how many times you failed grade seven

Why would I tell her either? What is she, some kind of goldigger? I will NOT be desired for my mind. It's demeaning to my manhood.

- do NOT tell her how many times you go to the gym every week as if you were bragging, don't tell her you don't go to the gym

True. If you go to the gym, she'll be able to smell it on you.

- do not bring up problems, wait 'til she asks

At which point you are "distant" and "drifting away from each other" Since you have been quiet for all of three minutes and of course the only reason a man can be silent is because he's contemplating cheating or breaking up with you.

- always pretend you know what she's talking about.

Hell no, because at some point, if I pretend to know, she'll ask me about it, and when I have no idea what she's really talking about, I'll be labeled decietfull. I don;t need that label in case I ever really DO need to be decietful.

Magrus · Post by **Magrus** » Fri May 20, 2005 7:30 pm

Ha, I told her these were flawed.

I missed you BS, the drunken pervert who takes the time and effort to put together perfectly amusing posts was absent for too long.

I have to agree with the above post, only because I have dealt with nearly every single one of those so far in my life with immature and ridiculous *coughs* "women".

There's a time and a place for everything, and you adjust to fit each person in each situation, no doubt about it.

But she gets soooo mad when I hit on strangers....

Ha, so true. So true. At least if your hitting on her friend, she can ask her friend if nothing is going on.

Talking dirty counts.

Only between 4:30pm-10:30pm, then sleep time occurs, and between 6:15am-6:30am, because we can't be late for work, and the 11am-12pm, because lunch breaks are meant for motivation for a mad rush home in heat.

Expensive resturaunts suck. They frown on real people. Candles can be fun, but only if you don't mind a bit of pain, and I will never wear something around my neck that cane be used as a ready made noose when I do something to piss her off.

Exactly. If I want something around my neck, a woman with some nerve can try putting a leash on me. THEN we go to the fancy, uptight people restaurant.

Ok, You can't go back man...they switched you and Fas for me and Kitten here. It's no good, you can't leave.

Bloodstalker · Post by **Bloodstalker** » Fri May 20, 2005 7:39 pm

Sure, it's all amusing now, but it wasn't when I discovered all these amazing insights

I don;t know if she can aske her freind or not, but I figure so many women get mad sitting around not knowing where their man is and thinking about who he might be doing, at least if you hit on her freinds, she'll know where you are and who you're with. Hell, I'm doing her a favor here.

What the Hell are you talking about? fas? kittens? Switch? this sounds bad.

Magrus · Post by **Magrus** » Fri May 20, 2005 7:41 pm

Oh it is, the Switch thing can be fun though if you give it a try. No no, since you left, no more gossip about you and your hunky Fas. No...Luis started in on me and my new pet.

The one who's list of tips you just shredded.

Nice. Very nice. I didn't have to.

I was VERY tempted to...very tempted...

Luis Antonio · Post by **Luis Antonio** » Fri May 20, 2005 7:42 pm

OMG BS rules all... answer that Kitten

Bloodstalker · Post by **Bloodstalker** » Fri May 20, 2005 7:44 pm

I didn't shred anything. I merely contributed to the thread by fleshing out the list a bit.

And I suppose when the flames start, you'll dissappear like all the rest leaving me alone to face the angry masses right?

Magrus · Post by **Magrus** » Fri May 20, 2005 7:48 pm

Dissapear? The only time I'm not here is when one of my cute friends drags me out to get me wasted for their amusement. Which is wonderful fun and all...but this place saves me loads of money on not going out to amuse myself.

No, no, when the flames start, I'll have myself a BBQ of epic proportions.

Bloodstalker · Post by **Bloodstalker** » Fri May 20, 2005 7:51 pm

Damn, Usually I count on people leaving so it makes them look guilty and I can shift the blame......

Luis Antonio · Post by **Luis Antonio** » Fri May 20, 2005 7:51 pm

[QUOTE=Bloodstalker]I didn't shred anything. I merely contributed to the thread by fleshing out the list a bit.

And I suppose when the flames start, you'll dissappear like all the rest leaving me alone to face the angry masses right?

[/QUOTE]

BS, I've never left a fellow spammer on the battlefield.

But you know I'm a mod now, things might get hard

Magrus · Post by **Magrus** » Fri May 20, 2005 7:54 pm

Ha, well, you can blame whoever you want.

I can flame, still just a pervert with a membership. Nothing special here, move along.

Bloodstalker · Post by **Bloodstalker** » Fri May 20, 2005 7:55 pm

Never Luis? Damn, what's wrong with you?

And please, that second comment was simply TMI. Keep that mod sex talk to the hidden forums, I really don't need to know such things.

Magrus · Post by **Magrus** » Fri May 20, 2005 7:57 pm

So THATS what those forums are for. Mod orgies. I knew it!

Luis Antonio · Post by **Luis Antonio** » Fri May 20, 2005 8:00 pm

[QUOTE=Magrus]So THATS what those forums are for. Mod orgies. I knew it!

[/QUOTE]

Ahem. No.

*stares BS, evil grin*

I've never left a friend be flamed without a proper answer

Bloodstalker · Post by **Bloodstalker** » Fri May 20, 2005 8:03 pm

Don't grin at me, I ain't a mod

If I was I'd have to be all responsible

Magrus · Post by **Magrus** » Fri May 20, 2005 8:04 pm

No mod orgies?

[QUOTE=Bloodstalker] Don't grin at me, I ain't a mod

If I was I'd have to be all responsible [/QUOTE]

Exactly. No fun there.

Sytze · Post by **Sytze** » Sat May 21, 2005 1:11 pm

[QUOTE=Magrus]So THATS what those forums are for. Mod orgies. I knew it!

[/QUOTE]
It almost makes it worth to become a mod, doesn't it. Almost...