Age difference in a relationship.
*nods* It is very possible things may work out very well. I have noticed however, most people tend to encourage without pointing out the reality of a possibility of negative consequences of someone's actions when asked for advice. I never much liked it when I was little, but, knowing what is likely to occur, good and bad can help you make an informed choice on a matter. It seemed as though everyone else was saying "don't worry, go for it", so I took an alternative route given my past experiences.
"You can do whatever you want to me."
"Oh, so I can crate you and hide you in the warehouse at the end of Raiders?"
"So funny, kiss me funny boy!" / *Sprays mace* " I know, I know, bad for the ozone"
"Oh, so I can crate you and hide you in the warehouse at the end of Raiders?"
"So funny, kiss me funny boy!" / *Sprays mace* " I know, I know, bad for the ozone"
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Luis Antonio
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- Location: In the home of the demoted.
- Contact:
You know what happened with me, Mag, it was devastating, and yes, there's a dark side, but does it really matter? Wouldnt you be on the dark side knowing it'll be the price for a few days of strong light that warms your very soul?
Loving and hating are very close things, love that is not nurtured or taken care of turns into hate, and hate, when not feeded, heads torwards friendship and maybe one day may become love (even though its harder, people with the burnt hand tend to wait a bit longer before trusting again, which is a normal thing).
So, I say, enjoy. This may be the last time in a long time that you feel something special, no matter what you feel and who're you in love with. Just try to remember that you're important too, and never neglect your life, never. Loving others depends a lot of loving yourself.
Oh damn, I must say I'm happy nowadays and these thigns come clearer on my mind.
Loving and hating are very close things, love that is not nurtured or taken care of turns into hate, and hate, when not feeded, heads torwards friendship and maybe one day may become love (even though its harder, people with the burnt hand tend to wait a bit longer before trusting again, which is a normal thing).
So, I say, enjoy. This may be the last time in a long time that you feel something special, no matter what you feel and who're you in love with. Just try to remember that you're important too, and never neglect your life, never. Loving others depends a lot of loving yourself.
Oh damn, I must say I'm happy nowadays and these thigns come clearer on my mind.
Flesh to stone ain't permanent, it seems.
Heh, I never said don't go for it. Younger women have their own personal charms, just as older women do. Even if it doesn't work out, it will be a learning experience. If it does, well, you will have a bouncy little lady longer than most as you get older.
"You can do whatever you want to me."
"Oh, so I can crate you and hide you in the warehouse at the end of Raiders?"
"So funny, kiss me funny boy!" / *Sprays mace* " I know, I know, bad for the ozone"
"Oh, so I can crate you and hide you in the warehouse at the end of Raiders?"
"So funny, kiss me funny boy!" / *Sprays mace* " I know, I know, bad for the ozone"
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Luis Antonio
- Posts: 9103
- Joined: Sun Oct 05, 2003 11:00 am
- Location: In the home of the demoted.
- Contact:
Bah, age difference only makes things nicer
If they're older they have experience and know thigns you dont.
If they're younger they are willing to learn and to share things you havent seen even though they're young.
What really matter is what the heart says. The rest is dog poo.
If they're older they have experience and know thigns you dont.
If they're younger they are willing to learn and to share things you havent seen even though they're young.
What really matter is what the heart says. The rest is dog poo.
Flesh to stone ain't permanent, it seems.
[QUOTE=Brynn]What? :laugh: I thought you were going to say she's 8 years older or something. Hell, 5 years is not a problem at all, if the girl is younger.[/QUOTE]
Ahem. Did you read what I said about my current relationship in the disclaimer I wrote in a previous message? Do you have a problem with it?
Ahem. Did you read what I said about my current relationship in the disclaimer I wrote in a previous message? Do you have a problem with it?
First off, my apologies for replying to this thread so late. Life is intervening increasingly with my gamebanshee exploitations.
Now that’s said, I want to thank everyone for the replies. There’ve been some comments that shed a new light on the situation and I’m thankful for that. However, instead of replying to every single post of every single person, I’d rather touch the different subjects discussed. So here goes:
Communication:
For the moment, we’re just having fun. Exploration is probably the right word for the stage we’re in at the moment. I’m a bit hesitant to continue, though, because I do not want to hurt her unnecessary. I know she likes me, and I like her, but should I come to the conclusion that I’m too afraid of the age difference, then I’d rather not give her any false hope, any false pretenses. That’s the reason why I came her so early despite that I know her for so short a time. I want to make my mind up as soon as possible. I’m not going to talk about a romance and future dating plans, not immediately anyway, but I’m not sure if I’m going to ask her out either. I doubt she’ll ask me, because I think she’s now waiting for me to make the next move. She made her intentions clear, I obviously haven’t.
Parents:
I’ve been on a vacation with four families. One of those families included her and her parents and so far they’ve had no problem with me whatsoever. To them, to everyone, it was quite clear she liked me. She and I spent hours, days, on the piste together. It was great fun.
I’m not sure how everyone looked at the difference in years between us, but I’ve heard several people comment that we ‘were a nice couple.’ The way she and I got along obviously did not went unnoticed. Therefore I think it’s safe to say her parents won’t be much of an obstacle.
Legitimacy:
Not really one of my concerns right now. And as it seems, not a future concern either.
Expectations:
Right now I have none and a million at the same time. On one hand I’m simply waiting to see where this is going, but on the other hand I’m already wondering what the consequences will be if I date her. It’s a paradox difficult to overcome. Then there’s also the aspect that I quickly develop expectations too surreal for reality. It’s the dreamer within me and I can’t suppress it.
Regardless, any expectations I hold do not go further than the beginnings of a possible relationship. I can’t envision a life four years from now, and I rather not think about it anyway. I’m taking this one step at a time, and I’ll try to enjoy every moment of it.
The only difficulty is that I’m not sure what my next, my first, step will be…
Now that’s said, I want to thank everyone for the replies. There’ve been some comments that shed a new light on the situation and I’m thankful for that. However, instead of replying to every single post of every single person, I’d rather touch the different subjects discussed. So here goes:
Communication:
For the moment, we’re just having fun. Exploration is probably the right word for the stage we’re in at the moment. I’m a bit hesitant to continue, though, because I do not want to hurt her unnecessary. I know she likes me, and I like her, but should I come to the conclusion that I’m too afraid of the age difference, then I’d rather not give her any false hope, any false pretenses. That’s the reason why I came her so early despite that I know her for so short a time. I want to make my mind up as soon as possible. I’m not going to talk about a romance and future dating plans, not immediately anyway, but I’m not sure if I’m going to ask her out either. I doubt she’ll ask me, because I think she’s now waiting for me to make the next move. She made her intentions clear, I obviously haven’t.
Parents:
I’ve been on a vacation with four families. One of those families included her and her parents and so far they’ve had no problem with me whatsoever. To them, to everyone, it was quite clear she liked me. She and I spent hours, days, on the piste together. It was great fun.
I’m not sure how everyone looked at the difference in years between us, but I’ve heard several people comment that we ‘were a nice couple.’ The way she and I got along obviously did not went unnoticed. Therefore I think it’s safe to say her parents won’t be much of an obstacle.
Legitimacy:
Not really one of my concerns right now. And as it seems, not a future concern either.
Expectations:
Right now I have none and a million at the same time. On one hand I’m simply waiting to see where this is going, but on the other hand I’m already wondering what the consequences will be if I date her. It’s a paradox difficult to overcome. Then there’s also the aspect that I quickly develop expectations too surreal for reality. It’s the dreamer within me and I can’t suppress it.
Regardless, any expectations I hold do not go further than the beginnings of a possible relationship. I can’t envision a life four years from now, and I rather not think about it anyway. I’m taking this one step at a time, and I’ll try to enjoy every moment of it.
The only difficulty is that I’m not sure what my next, my first, step will be…
"Sometimes Dreams are wiser than waking"
[QUOTE=Sytze]For the moment, we’re just having fun. Exploration is probably the right word for the stage we’re in at the moment. I’m a bit hesitant to continue, though, because I do not want to hurt her unnecessary... I’d rather not give her any false hope, any false pretenses....
On one hand I’m simply waiting to see where this is going, but on the other hand I’m already wondering what the consequences will be if I date her. It’s a paradox difficult to overcome...[/QUOTE]
Okay, maybe this will help you overcome your uncertainty. You will probably never have an opportunity like this again. When you're 30, you won't be able to date a girl like her. When you're 40, you'll be asking yourself why you allowed so many opportunities like this to pass you by. When you're 85, you won't be able to hold your water and you'll be having illicit thoughts about the middle-aged nurses who are taking care of you. Sytze, what are you going to do with your life?
I sympathize with people who worry about the consequences of their actions. I know what it's like to be afraid of hurting someone else's feelings. But here's how to unravel such self-defeating "logic": In effect, you're saying you're afraid of her because you think she's weaker than you are. That doesn't make sense, does it? So in reality, you're the one you have to worry about, and guess what? It sounds like you're worried about yourself, not her. So your supposed concern for her just doesn't add up. It isn't rational, and it isn't beneficial for you or her. So put it out of your mind and look at at other considerations. For example, you're going to hurt her as well as yourself if you let an opportunity like this pass by. She'll be disappointed, and you'll regret it for the rest of your life.
You're letting fear hold you back. Someday, when you feel like a man, you'll kick yourself for allowing that to happen.
What you should do next is pretty simple. If you feel like putting your arm around her, put your arm around her. You don't have to spend four hours mulling it over and worrying about the consequences before you do it. Just do it. It's not like the world or even your relationship with her hangs in the balance. Turn off your brain for a while and enjoy yourself, and don't hinder yourself or bore other people with your self-doubts. Why spend five days planning "the perfect evening" when all that time could be better spent actually doing something fun?
On one hand I’m simply waiting to see where this is going, but on the other hand I’m already wondering what the consequences will be if I date her. It’s a paradox difficult to overcome...[/QUOTE]
Okay, maybe this will help you overcome your uncertainty. You will probably never have an opportunity like this again. When you're 30, you won't be able to date a girl like her. When you're 40, you'll be asking yourself why you allowed so many opportunities like this to pass you by. When you're 85, you won't be able to hold your water and you'll be having illicit thoughts about the middle-aged nurses who are taking care of you. Sytze, what are you going to do with your life?
I sympathize with people who worry about the consequences of their actions. I know what it's like to be afraid of hurting someone else's feelings. But here's how to unravel such self-defeating "logic": In effect, you're saying you're afraid of her because you think she's weaker than you are. That doesn't make sense, does it? So in reality, you're the one you have to worry about, and guess what? It sounds like you're worried about yourself, not her. So your supposed concern for her just doesn't add up. It isn't rational, and it isn't beneficial for you or her. So put it out of your mind and look at at other considerations. For example, you're going to hurt her as well as yourself if you let an opportunity like this pass by. She'll be disappointed, and you'll regret it for the rest of your life.
You're letting fear hold you back. Someday, when you feel like a man, you'll kick yourself for allowing that to happen.
What you should do next is pretty simple. If you feel like putting your arm around her, put your arm around her. You don't have to spend four hours mulling it over and worrying about the consequences before you do it. Just do it. It's not like the world or even your relationship with her hangs in the balance. Turn off your brain for a while and enjoy yourself, and don't hinder yourself or bore other people with your self-doubts.
Why spend five days planning "the perfect evening" when all that time could be better spent actually doing something fun?-
dragon wench
- Posts: 19609
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Indeed! What Von Dondu is saying is bang on.
@Sytze,
just a small tip. Most women *hate* it when they feel the male partner in a relationship is making decisions for both of them because he believes himself to be the protector. One, it is patronising and demeaning. Two, women generally see straight through the motivations behind such an attempt. Three, relationships should be an equal playing field with each partner contributing exactly half to major decisions like this.
I'm not trying to portray you as some kind of sexist or anything Sytze, I'm just giving you a female perspective based on personal experience.
@Sytze,
just a small tip. Most women *hate* it when they feel the male partner in a relationship is making decisions for both of them because he believes himself to be the protector. One, it is patronising and demeaning. Two, women generally see straight through the motivations behind such an attempt. Three, relationships should be an equal playing field with each partner contributing exactly half to major decisions like this.
I'm not trying to portray you as some kind of sexist or anything Sytze, I'm just giving you a female perspective based on personal experience.
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[QUOTE=dragon wench]Most women *hate* it when they feel the male partner in a relationship is making decisions for both of them because he believes himself to be the protector.. One, it is patronising and demeaning...[/QUOTE]
Very good point.
Being overprotective is just another way of treating her like a child: "I have to watch out for you because you're so young." And you're what? Her superior? She won't like that.
Sytze, listen to dragon wench. 16 IS young, but she's a young woman, and she wants to be treated like an adult. Give her some credit. She knows what she wants, she knows what she's doing, and she doesn't want you to deny what she wants because you're trying to "protect" her. That is such a lame excuse for being afraid to act, and it is so condescending.
Very good point.
Being overprotective is just another way of treating her like a child: "I have to watch out for you because you're so young." And you're what? Her superior? She won't like that.
Sytze, listen to dragon wench. 16 IS young, but she's a young woman, and she wants to be treated like an adult. Give her some credit. She knows what she wants, she knows what she's doing, and she doesn't want you to deny what she wants because you're trying to "protect" her. That is such a lame excuse for being afraid to act, and it is so condescending.
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dragon wench
- Posts: 19609
- Joined: Tue Apr 24, 2001 10:00 pm
- Location: The maelstrom where chaos merges with lucidity
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[QUOTE=GregtheSleeper]IN THEORY...
To get the ideal age for a male/female relationship, you:
Take the guys age
Divide by 2
Add 7
This is the ideal girl's age.
So 21/2=10.5+7=17.5
However, I am 17 and in the same school year as people who aren't even 16 yet, so...
If you think she is mature enough emotionally....[/QUOTE]
To second Fiona,
where on earth does that come from???
You can't use formulaic equations to answer a question like this. Everything depends on the people and circumstances involved....
To get the ideal age for a male/female relationship, you:
Take the guys age
Divide by 2
Add 7
This is the ideal girl's age.
So 21/2=10.5+7=17.5
However, I am 17 and in the same school year as people who aren't even 16 yet, so...
If you think she is mature enough emotionally....[/QUOTE]
To second Fiona,
where on earth does that come from???
You can't use formulaic equations to answer a question like this. Everything depends on the people and circumstances involved....
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[QUOTE=dragon wench]You can't use formulaic equations to answer a question like this. Everything depends on the people and circumstances involved....[/QUOTE]
Thank You for saying that so I didn't have to.
[QUOTE=VonDondu]Give her some credit. She knows what she wants, she knows what she's doing, and she doesn't want you to deny what she wants because you're trying to "protect" her. That is such a lame excuse for being afraid to act, and it is so condescending.[/QUOTE]
That sounds exactally like a guy I know :laugh:
Thank You for saying that so I didn't have to.
[QUOTE=VonDondu]Give her some credit. She knows what she wants, she knows what she's doing, and she doesn't want you to deny what she wants because you're trying to "protect" her. That is such a lame excuse for being afraid to act, and it is so condescending.[/QUOTE]
That sounds exactally like a guy I know :laugh:
peace love and music wasn't made with a fist yall!
http://www.archive.org/search.php?query ... reation%22
http://sprott.physics.wisc.edu/Pickover/pc/dmt.html
http://www.archive.org/search.php?query ... reation%22
http://sprott.physics.wisc.edu/Pickover/pc/dmt.html
I actually saw it in the news...
It was August... so there is very little news...
I just threw it in there...
Obviously, it depends on many factors on both sides... it's just a general idea... I have several female friends - 16/17 - who are involved with older guys and it works fine for them...
And girls tend to 'mother' young boys... And you never see a woman with a young 'trophy husband'...
It was August... so there is very little news...
I just threw it in there...
Obviously, it depends on many factors on both sides... it's just a general idea... I have several female friends - 16/17 - who are involved with older guys and it works fine for them...
And girls tend to 'mother' young boys... And you never see a woman with a young 'trophy husband'...
[QUOTE=Lasher]I dont mean to be a jerk, but I think that you have to find out if she can handle it, not what problems you might have. You should really meet her parents (awkward, I know ), because as a teenager she's going to need their support more than yours. I think foregoing sex would be a very good idea until a while after you are both comfortable with the idea.
Hope I didn't come off as an ass hole or anything... good luck![/QUOTE]
I agree with you on that one. People at that age dont know what they want nor know if what they are doing or getting themselves into is a good idea. If you really like this person and she really likes you and you both understand whats involved then go for it. You dont need anyone else approval...as far as freinds or what not.....family though you may need especially hers . You should wait till she "matures" more until you both get more serious in the relationship...but this is only my opinion and from experience that I say this to you.....good luck and just sit down with her and really talk to her about how you feel about this and what will come of it.
), because as a teenager she's going to need their support more than yours. I think foregoing sex would be a very good idea until a while after you are both comfortable with the idea.Hope I didn't come off as an ass hole or anything... good luck![/QUOTE]
I agree with you on that one. People at that age dont know what they want nor know if what they are doing or getting themselves into is a good idea. If you really like this person and she really likes you and you both understand whats involved then go for it. You dont need anyone else approval...as far as freinds or what not.....family though you may need especially hers
. You should wait till she "matures" more until you both get more serious in the relationship...but this is only my opinion and from experience that I say this to you.....good luck and just sit down with her and really talk to her about how you feel about this and what will come of it. Wondering how vampires live the life they live.....
seriously I dont know how they sleep during the day, I have a twitch everytime I hear a loud sound as I slumber, everytime ....Im just waiting to pounce on the poor mortal who creates a sound while I sleep in during the day. /rant
seriously I dont know how they sleep during the day, I have a twitch everytime I hear a loud sound as I slumber, everytime ....Im just waiting to pounce on the poor mortal who creates a sound while I sleep in during the day. /rant
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dragon wench
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[QUOTE=slade]People at that age dont know what they want nor know if what they are doing or getting themselves into is a good idea. [/QUOTE]
On what basis do you arrive at that conclusion? There are plenty of self-assured and highly intelligent sixteen-year-olds out there who know *exactly* what they want out of life, and they are probably more mature than many people twice their age. These things can't be put into a generic box...
It has been stated above already, I'll repeat it once more, do not patronise a girl/woman or assume that you know what is best for her or the two of you.
It is offensive in the extreme.
On what basis do you arrive at that conclusion? There are plenty of self-assured and highly intelligent sixteen-year-olds out there who know *exactly* what they want out of life, and they are probably more mature than many people twice their age. These things can't be put into a generic box...
It has been stated above already, I'll repeat it once more, do not patronise a girl/woman or assume that you know what is best for her or the two of you.
It is offensive in the extreme.
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Fiona
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dragon wench
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[QUOTE=Fiona]People at any age don't know what they want or whether what they are getting into is a good idea, IMO :laugh:[/QUOTE]
You have a point there...
You have a point there...
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[QUOTE=dragon wench]It has been stated above already, I'll repeat it once more, do not patronise a girl/woman or assume that you know what is best for her or the two of you.
It is offensive in the extreme.[/QUOTE]
I never said anything about her being a girl on that account. Its true that there are alot of 16 years that do know what they are doing,but there are alot that dont....not just girls...that discrimenation.....DW...I dont approve of that...you should know that by now
I think I like what Fiona said better....sorry
I dont think some one should know whats best for her...thats why I said...he should sit down and talk to her....to find out what "they" want.....
It is offensive in the extreme.[/QUOTE]
I never said anything about her being a girl on that account. Its true that there are alot of 16 years that do know what they are doing,but there are alot that dont....not just girls...that discrimenation.....DW...I dont approve of that...you should know that by now
I think I like what Fiona said better....sorry
I dont think some one should know whats best for her...thats why I said...he should sit down and talk to her....to find out what "they" want.....
Wondering how vampires live the life they live.....
seriously I dont know how they sleep during the day, I have a twitch everytime I hear a loud sound as I slumber, everytime ....Im just waiting to pounce on the poor mortal who creates a sound while I sleep in during the day. /rant
seriously I dont know how they sleep during the day, I have a twitch everytime I hear a loud sound as I slumber, everytime ....Im just waiting to pounce on the poor mortal who creates a sound while I sleep in during the day. /rant