*Enters the Thunder carrying a large box, switching on ultraviolet goggles and carefully stepping over passed-out SLURRites*
*Dons radioactive suit, cautiously using a blunt-edged tool to open the seal on the package. Purple light illuminates the bar as The Most Precious Object is lovingly withdrawn from within...*
Ah, the
Quantum Vacuumatic 10000 With Smart-Herbarette Technology. The culmination of six lifetimes filled with painstaking clinical analysis, wasted brain cells, and pilfered top secret technology.
*Pulls a tome three times the size of Manhattan's phone book out of the box, thumping it down on the bar next to the
Quantum Vacuumatic. The sound reverberates within the Thunder, but is drowned out by the thunderous snores of oblivious SLURRites*
The owner's manual, written in 28 languages including the Rolling Thunder's own curious dialect...High Hot-Tubbed Drunkese...or HHTD.
*Hastily scribbles a note in HHTD, attaching it to the base of the Quantum Vacuumatic before hastily exiting the Thunder*
Eery,
May this note find you appropriately wasted. Upon this bar you will find the zenith of herbarette-smoking evolution...the fantastic, wonderous, awe-inspiring and rather dangerous
Quantum Vacuumatic 10000 With Smart-Herbarette Technology. You will recall the prior incarnations of the Vacuumatic from the days of yore, when things were more simple and straightforward. Back then, you simply plugged in your herbarette and pressed the button. Ah, those were the days.
Such is not case in this technologically-savvy time we find ourselves in now. The Vacuumatic must rise up to seize the day...and make a quantum leap forward in the evolution of wasting brain cells more savagely and efficiently. To this end, I present to you the
Quantum Vacuumatic 10000 With Smart-Herbarette Technology. It makes the prior versions of the Vacuumatic look like the paleolithic stone tools of primitive brutes. It burns your herbarette. It uses inhaled nanorobots to deliver concentrated packets of herbarette goodness directly to your brain cells, bypassing the rather inefficient blood cells of the circulatory system in an effort to blast you swiftly into oblivion. It features all sorts of funky, cool buttons. None of them are marked...and the owner's manual specifically makes it impossible to figure out which button does what. All I will say is this: the damned thing does everything. The
Duff ports have been enhanced...the same
Smart-Herbarette Technology takes alcoholic beverage consumption to new, very frightening levels. Bon appetit.
Oh, don't forget to sign the waiver forms found at the beginning of the owner's manual. I will not be responsible for what happens when this thing is actually used.
Bon Voyage,
Chan
