Originally posted by EMINEM
I think the question "What is exactly riight with pre-marital sex?" needs to be answered adequately first, since it seems to be the majority opinion. In the meantime, allow me to put in my two cents worth into this disccussion. Well, not “my” two cents, but rather what other researchers have found regarding this topic. In summary, then:
1. Contrary to popular notions, premarital sexual intercourse may actually “hinder” intimacy. Indulging in sexual intercourse prematurely short-circuits the emotional bonding process. In a study of 100,000 women, a correlation was found between early sexual experience and dissatisfaction in marriages, unhappiness with the level of sexual intimacy, and a prevalence of low self-esteem
2. Sexual intercourse and extensive physical exploration early in a relationship do not reflect sex at its best. Of course there is sensual pleasure for those who engage in premarital sexual experiences, but they are missing out on the best route to marital happiness. Sex is an art that is learned best in the safe environment of marriage. When unrestrained physical intimacy dominates a relationship, other parts of that relationship suffer. In healthy marriages, sex takes its natural place beside the intellectual, emotional and practical aspects of life. Married couples spend less time in bed than they do in conversation, in problem solving, and in emotional communion. The lie that premarital sex prepares you for marriage denies the fact that sexual happiness grows only through years of intimate relationship. The height of sexual pleasure, psychologists tell us, usually comes after ten to twenty years of marriage.
3. Those who settle for short-term sexual relationships are settling for second-best sex. Journalist George Leonard observed that "casual recreational sex is hardly a feast-not even a good hearty sandwich. It is a diet of fast food served in plastic containers. Life's feast is available only to those who are willing and able to engage life on a deeply personal level, giving all, holding back nothing.” For a woman, particularly, sex can reveal hidden fears and lack of trust. Good sex-which can be a healing agent over time-requires trust, trust which grows best in the context of the life-long commitment of marriage.
4. Premature sex is bad for your emotional health. The February 1991 issue of the journal Pediatrics reported that researchers at Indiana University found that sexually active teenagers are more likely to be prone to alcohol abuse and illegal drugs, and are more likely to have trouble in school. They reported that sexually active girls were more likely to be depressed, have low self esteem, feel lonely or attempt suicide. Premarital sex may be bad for the emotional health of your future marriage. It lays the groundwork for comparisons, suspicions, and mistrust. "Am I as attractive (or as sexually stimulating) as his last partner?" "If she didn't wait for me before we were married, why do I think she will settle for only me now?" "If someone better comes along, will I be left in the dust?"
5. Premarital sex is also bad for your physical health. Sexually transmitted diseases have received abundant attention from the press in recent years. Equal time has not been given to the opinion held by many medical experts that extra-marital abstinence is without a doubt the best way to avoid these diseases.
6. Sexual promiscuity is even bad for the health of our civilization. One study of more than eighty societies ranging in development from ancient to primitive to more modern revealed an unvarying correlation between the degree of sexual restraints and the rate of social progress. Cultures that were more sexually permissive displayed less cultural energy, creativity, intellectual development and individualism, and a slower general cultural ascent . Why, then, do we-as individuals and as a society-trade our energy, creativity, and intellectual development for momentary sexual pleasure? Because we have believed a lie.
7. Premarital sex is hardly an expression of freedom. Young people who become sexually active in response to peer pressure to be sophisticated and independent are actually becoming victims of current public opinion. No one is really free who engages in any activity in order to impress the majority.
8. (BTW, outside a Biblical worldview absent of faith and trust in God, I think this last point will be difficult to understand) Scripture is clear that sexual intercourse outside the bonds of marriage is sin. Even if we had no other evidence, God's word makes it clear that intercourse outside of marriage is not only outside our best interests, but it is also wrong. God gave these rules NOT because he is a spoil-sport. Quite the contrary. Because God created us and because he loves us more than we can ever know, he has told us how to have the best, most satisfying sexual experiences: in marriage. Premarital abstinence and marital faithfulness is not a denial of an individual’s rights or pleasures. It is rather choosing to experience sex in the healthiest, happiest context.
I can't see why your question has to be answered first. Logically, there could be rights and wrongs, or advantages and disadvantages, both in premarital and in marital sex.
A few comments regarding the supposed research:
1) Premarital means "before marriage". Therefor, you could very well be of the age of 30 and still have premarital sex. Marital means "in marriage". Therefor, depending on national legislation and various religious beliefs, you can be relatively young and still have marital sex. You say a correlation was found between
early sexual experience and dissatisfaction in marriages, unhappiness with the level of sexual intimacy, and a prevalence of low self-esteem. Don't you think the problem rather lies in
bad sexual experience, regardless of the moment in life? Early sexual experience implies sexual experience. All experience is either good or bad (well, maybe one could argue for neutral experience...). So by having early sexual experience you necessarily expose yourself for the risk of bad sexual experience. But the same goes for having sexual experience at a later stage in life. Should we recommend everyone to stop having sex?
2) You say that sex is an art that is learned best in the safe environment of marriage. What makes a 20 year long marriage safer than a 20 year long partnership? You say that in healthy marriages, sex takes its natural place beside the intellectual, emotional and practical aspects of life and that married couples spend less time in bed than they do in conversation, in problem solving, and in emotional communion. Is this not also the case in healthy partnerships outside the bonds of marriage? You say that the "lie" that premarital sex prepares you for marriage denies the fact that sexual happiness grows only through years of intimate relationship and that the height of sexual pleasure, according to psychologists, usually comes after ten to twenty years of marriage. Do you really think you have to be married to have an intimate relationship? The difference in sexual pleasure has to depend on whether the fact that you're married turns you on or not. Since this is the personal preferences of the psychologists in question or the people partipating in their research, I find it hard to object.
3) This has to be the very personal opinion of the journalist and hardly the result of a research. I agree that, for myself at least, good sex requires trust. His suggestion as to where to find trust is once again a personal opinion, though.
4) You say that researchers found that sexually active teenagers are more likely to be prone to alcohol abuse and illegal drugs, and are more likely to have trouble in school. They reported that sexually active girls were more likely to be depressed, have low self esteem, feel lonely or attempt suicide. Could it possibly be that teenagers prone to alcohol abuse and illegal drugs and who have trouble in school are more likely to have sexual activity? Just like they are more likely to be depressed, have low self esteem, feel lonely and attempt suicide? Or should this research result be understood as that all these problems started because of sexual activity? No alcohol or illegal drugs were involved in the first sexual activity? These teenagers were all in good mental health, had a high self esteem, had lots of friends (and therefor never felt lonely), wouldn't ever dream of suicide and then, suddenly, they fell into the horrors of sexual activity after which everything in their life fell apart?
5) Use a condom.
6) You believe two persons in a partnership outside the bonds of marriage have sex with everyone who's willing? You believe no married person ever is unfaithful?
7) Marital sex isn't an expression of freedom either. Or do you think so?
8) As you said, this point is hard to understand for someone outside the Biblical worldview. Thus I will not comment the validity of the argument.
