In Search of the Holy Spam

[slade]

As Slades riding out to meet the others on their journey, his hawk Kirara returns to him. He had remembered that he had sent here to find Athena so that he ma ymeet up with her soon.She flies over him and then slade extends his arm for her to land. Kirara lands and then starts to squawk......"I cant understand spanish Kirara I told you that" says Slade. Kirara then drops a piece of herb that it had on its talon. Slade observes it and smells it...this only grows near the Golden Ash Shrine....so I am to meet her there then.The hawk nods. "ok then Im off...Kirara you keep watch above" Slade then sets off at full speed on his horse to the shrine, hoping that Athena is well and well make it there safely. He hopes that the others will be fine and hope to meet them soon.

[Athena]

Sunrise at the Shrine Part 1

Athena promptly rode up to the Golden Ashes Shrine that day at sunrise.

[Luis Antonio]

"Give me back my robes..." he said "or at least a shirt"

Memorable words. But not epic words yet. There he is, familiar bound to ik. That could be worst. But now DW and Fiona knew of his existance. He was drawing the thoughts on his mind, remembering their potential, and among whipping torture sessions and using nice skirts after being hugged almost to the point of breaking his bones, he decided that maybe it'd be better if he kept quiet, lurking on their ideas for a while, as a good familiar must do. Because, in fact, he was bound to ik. At least it was not Fas, he thought.

"I'm quite good at meditating"

Hate was present in his words.

"Now, give me my robes, aye? Dont look into my penguin, I know its small, but its mine" and he looked at Fiona "you stop blushing. And you, DW, look to the other side. Master, can you help me out and give me my robes?"

"Yes, Luis, but you would look nicer on skirts I guess"

Luis, once a priest, now looking nicer on skirts.

"As you wish, master" he said between his teeth. But his thoughts were elsewhere. He wanted to break free, to revive the glory days of the godling wars, even though that thing brought him to this foul condition, being ik's servant.

[dragon wench]

The sight of the partly unclothed Luis begging for his robes while picking feathers from himself was nearly too much. DW was barely able to restrain herself from casting a spell that had the unfortunate effect of coating its victim in an extremely sticky and viscous variety of honey.

However, she realized that although such an act could be entertaining, it would only slow the group down. Further, Fiona's oil had already achieved a similar effect.
She also considered the prospect of an invisible familiar travelling with them, and she did not like it at all.

"No, I don't think we will give you back your robe, at least not for the moment. But, I do have a spare with me, luckily for you, it is not *too* feminine."

With that, she tossed a brightly patterned deep purple and emerald robe over to Luis. The mage did, in fact, have a very subtly-toned robe in shades of brown, grey, green and black; however, she decided it would be best for the party if Luis could not fade easily into the landscape.

While Ik attended to his familiar, Fiona and DW wondered what to do with the leprechaun.

"I can't have him riding with me, my horse would not tolerate it." The stallion, as if to prove DW's point, bucked slightly and gave a skittish neigh.

"Maybe if I played at the right pace he would just follow us," said Fiona thoughtfully.

"Are you sure you want to play without cease while riding? There might still be another way. I have a few silk scarves. With the leprechaun's permission we could gently tie him so he doesn't move so much, and then place him somewhere safe."

Fiona considered the options, and DW's thoughts drifted to the odd events string of they had witnessed since the raven's appearance.

[Bloodstalker]

Bloodstalker staggered back in horror from the telescope. It was simply inconceivable that the quest was of the nature that it seemed to be. What in blazes were these people thinking?

"Spam!" He managined to squeak out after several attempts at speech had only resulted in sputtering gibberish. "Who's stupid idea was that?"

His Lurker Attendant (Hereafter known as Booger) raced to his masters side, propping him up before he caused himself to fall in a most unregal way. He suceeded only in being knocked aside as BS stormed from the observation tower into the Divination room.

Striding purposly towards the wall, he whipped off the cloth covering and began to speak.

"Mirror Mirror, on the.."

"Bloody Hell man, spit it out already"

BS stared dumbstruck (Not at all unheard of actually) at the offending object that had dared to speak so to him. the same object that was also impatient in addition to rude it would seem after several seconds passed by.

"You going to stand there and gawk all day man, or are you gonna come out with it?"

Regaining his composure, BS stepped answered in a bit of a snit. "I was until you interupted me. Now be quiet. Ahem. Mirror Mirror, on.."

"Dammit, whats with all this rhyming nonsense? Are you daft or something?."

"You're a mirror." BS answered as if that would explain it all.

The mirror sighed. " Oh, so that's it is it? I'm a mirror so of course we have to rhyme. 's not like an inanimate object can understand anything unless it's put to it like it's a damned kindergarter. You and your kind, you're all the same. Just because you've got gender distinction, hair loss and a bloody pulse makes you think you're all superior.."

"I wasn't trying.."

'That;s the point now innit? You're not trying, just reciting the same old worn stereotypes without thought to how degrading it is. You've gone and hurt my feelings you have. Wanker."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know. I'll just ask the question"

"I wish you would. This is getting tedious."

Fine then, what happens is the Holy Spam is found again?"

BS waited for a couple minutes as the mirror stayed silent. Finally he could stand no more so he sat. After several more moments he finally spoke again.

"What now?"

"You have to make the question rhyme or I can't answer it" the mirror informed him.

"Then what the Hell was all that about earlier?" BS exploded, rising to his feet yet again.

"It's about principle. The rules I have to function by may be demeaning, but you could at least make an effort to bypass them. It's all about respect. I should have the right to be spoken to like a person and not some object."

"But, you are an object."

"true, but you don;t have to say it. It's all about rights and.."

"Enough!" BS roared." Mirror Mirror on the wall, If Spam is found what shall befall?"

"The return of Weasel." The mirror replied, and BS could have sworn it was smirking. He had no time to ponder such a thing however, as the full magnitude of the revelation hit him. No, he would never let this happen. The horror was unthinkable.

Tearing from the room on a dea run towards the Pit of Unlikely Yet Mildy Challenging Monsters that housed his pets, he knew only that the time had come to stop this fool idea before something unthinkable happened. He didn;t know what, since it was unthinkable, but he was pretty sure it would be bad.

As BS left the room, Booger turned to the Mirror.

"So, will Weasel really return in they find the Holy Spam?"

"Who the Hell knows?" The mirror shrugged. "It's just fun to see him all worked up and all."

Booger couldn't reply, in awe as he was over having just witnessed a mirror shrug.

[Fiona]

Fiona had to admit she was partly responsible, but this group was so indecisive it might as well be a bunch of social workers trying to decide where to have lunch. It just wouldn’t do. She looked around. Luis was now clothed in a very fetching robe. The leprechaun was the only remaining problem………

Fiona picked up a rock and hit the leprechaun smartly over the head. Oran Mor collapsed unconscious and she tied him up with some fetching scarves DW happened to have to hand. (Fiona had to admit these fashion conscious women had a point. She never had things like that when she needed them).

“Right, it’s time we made a move”. Fiona was about to throw the leprechaun over her saddle when she realised there was yet another snag. Luis didn’t have a mount. Damn. That would slow them down. She looked around in frustration, but nothing came to mind. She explained the difficulty to her companions, gloomily.

DW surprised her by pointing out that he had kept up with them so far. This was self-evidently true and Fiona felt a bit stupid at missing this rather obvious point. “You’re right, DW. Lets head for the Church” She secured Oran Mor to her saddle, picked up the discarded mitre and mounted Harrap. Just as she was urging him forward, Luis stood right in front of the horse. “What now?” Fiona wasn’t usually quite so testy, but she had lost her pillow and she was upset about that. She had had high hopes of DW, misplaced as it turned out.

“We need to go to the Pancake Emporium right away” said Luis, with an ingratiating smile. “We’ll miss the rodents if we don’t”. “Rubbish. I don’t believe any part of that story. We’re going to the Church right now”. Ignoring his further protests, and trusting the others would follow, Fiona set out down the path towards the Church. She did not look back

[ik911]

The decision to go was finally made, to Icarus' relief. The leprechaun was dealt with, Luis was mostly ignored; the extended party was on it's way again.

Then again, was it really extended? The leprechaun was unconscious and Luis was with them all along, and he had no right to speak. Democratically seen, nothing changed in the troupe's hierarchy or structure as no new voters were added.

It didn't really matter. He arranged in his mind what was important now.

The dancing spell on the leprechaun was probably the most important. They had to find out why he had it on him and even who had done it, even though the leprechaun said the abbot had done so, as the semi-dwarf wasn't to be trusted.

Then there was the pancake emporium that they had to reach within three days, but that was likely just a bunch of crap, because Luis had been unmasked and could possibly be up to no good and it was he who wanted them to go there.

Were they still being followed? Icarus looked back. No, not anymore, it seemed. He hadn't not worried for nothing as there was nothing to be worried about. This sentence he had to read at least nine times before he was sure it was correct. And even then he wasn't sure.

Oh, and there was the love interest thing. He smiled. He almost forgot the very reason for coming along.

As night creeped in, the church was in sight, lying on the side of a mountain.

His scythe was a comfortable ride in terms of stability as opposed to the constant shaking of horses, but after several hours it forced him to reposition more and more often, as scythes are often not made for long-distance traveling.

[Aegis]

Aegis lay on his back, in the middle of a field. The sky had since darkened where he was in the realm, and he found himself gazing up into the murky blackness. Around him, the grass seemed to recoil from the smell eminating from the Sage. He held a very sullen look. That, or drunk. It was always a task to tell the difference on the Sage, but regardless, the distinct scent of Tequila coiled off his body.

He was drunk. There was no denying that. Drunk enough that if he were to make an attempt to stand on his hind legs (or what he assumed was his hind legs), he would more than likely becoming intimately embraced with the large round thing he found himself fastened on by the pesky Gravity theory. He was, however, not quite drunk enough that he could forget the hair-raising, and surreal experiance of visiting his former mentor, Big Chief Vehemence. Something inside of his brain made a small zapping noise. Aegis would later discover the sound to have come from tiny, single-celled organisms living in his brain, that some pompous science fiction writer would claim were the source behind being all-powerful, eliminating a rather peculiar looking brain cell.

The things Vehemence had told him, about the proficy of Weasel and his apostles, Omar and Ubik. The grand insignificance of Guns'n'Cookies. And the final offer of tea and purple pills. Of all, Aegis had unanimously agreed with himself that the pills were by far the most frightening thing he had heard that visit.

There was one other thing Vehemence had said, and did so as the Sage left the Tipi: Goody.

What could it mean? Perhaps he refered to the fable archives of 'Goody' which had long since vanished from the face of the realms. Perhaps it was a clue. Perhaps there was more to the crusade than simply finding the three elements of the Spam...

He had to tell someone, but who!

It came to instantly. He would speak to the only one who would understand his polite incoherancy: Dragon Wench! He had to find Dragon Wench!

He sprang to his feet, his crimson Toga appearing a blur, and took a quick step, but failed, metting an unexpected resistance. He looked forward. A large, grass covered wall seemed to have appeared from nowhere to block his way. No matter, he thought to himself, he would simply go around.

Hmm, he thought as he came face to face with another grass covered wall. Foiled again. For some reason, he though of aluminiun being caught by a steam roller. He looked off to where he was previously standing, but saw no sign of the wall. Hmm, he thought, it would appear the wall was intentionally blocking his path. Best just to wait it out.

To any who might be unfortunate enough to have been witnessing the experiance the Sage was going through, they might have wondered why he had fallen down so quickly after standing up, or why it appeared that he was attempting to outsmart the ground and move around it. But the notion would quickly pass in turn of more captivating material, such as the strange armoire that seem to be drifting past. No matter...

[dragon wench]

The sun was beginning to fall low and a fine mist had started to settle over the plains and hills they were travelling through. Lavender hues were splashed across the sky and the trilling of nightingales could be heard in the distance.

DW, her thoughts turned inwards, rode and admired the gradually setting sun.

An ominous growl to her left interrupted DW's contemplation and excessive tack towards the poetic. With a jerk, she reached for her spell components, and murmured the incantation for "Fireball." It was only at the last moment, that she realised the growl did not come from some threatening foe, but rather, appeared to emanate from Fiona. Swiftly redirecting the thrust of her magic, she managed to throw the fireball several metres away from the group. Though barely... A yelp from Icarus, and a slight trail of smoke, suggested that his excessively long nose hairs no longer presented a problem.

"What the... are you mad?"

"Sorry," muttered DW, her face approximating the same shade of crimson as her robe.

Fiona, always one to seize on an opportunity, immediately saw the advantage to this turn of events.
"Look, you set fire to that pile of brush, it will make the perfect campfire!"

Ik, still irritated at having nearly become that night's barbecue special, barked, "What the Devil do we need a campfire for?"

"I'm hungry, I say we stop a bit and prepare something to eat." Pointing to a faint silhouette upon the horizon, Fiona continued, "Besides, I think we are close to the Church anyway, we don't know what awaits us, and we would do well to eat first."

She also wanted to say "drink," but that reminded her of her unpleasant state of sobriety. Thus, she contented herself with considering the possibilities for their evening repast.

[Fiona]

It hadn’t been easy persuading the party to stop to eat. You’d think gamers would know the importance of this, but no. Between poetry and romantic speculation her companions had lost any practical sense they might have started out with. Fiona was a little worried about DW, too. She hadn’t expected her to be so trigger happy. Bah, people with that kind of power should have some self discipline. It’s all fun and games till someone loses an eye. Or in this case, nose hairs.

The brush fire had been started beside a small stream. A small copse stood to one side and the grass was lush and starred with small wild flowers. All very pleasant but she could wish it didn’t distract DW so much. The mage appeared to be composing haikus. That wouldn’t get them any dinner. Icarus was no better. He was attending to his scythe sores behind a nearby bush and it looked like he would be busy for some time.

Luis had not said anything for ages. He seemed to be brooding on his situation. Fiona wondered if he was not happy being bound to Icarus, but she gradually saw there was more to it than that. Luis seemed to be …..well… furrier than he had been. This was a bit surprising. The more she looked at him the more he looked….feline. There was no doubt about it, now. As the minutes passed Luis’ ears gradually shifted and became more pointed. His hands were developing claws and he was growing fur in a very attractive mackerel tabby stripe. Luis was turning into a cat. Well that was handy. Fiona did not know how far the transformation would go and how long Luis would be able to communicate. He could do so for now, however.

“Luis, be a lamb and go and catch us some fish, would you” Luis startled but he did as he was bid.

Fiona walked off to the trees to find wood for the fire. The brush would not burn long without fuel. Well, actually, that should be true, but in fact the flames did not seem be consuming the brush. The fact that they were green might have something to do with this, but Fiona didn’t know much about it. It was probably due to how it was started. At least she hoped it was. She would ask about it once dinner was under way. And she would find out about Luis' transformation then too. First things first, as her granny always said.

[slade]

slade arrives at the Shrine and sees Athena on her horse
"I got your message Athena and came as soon as I could" Slade has noticed that she looked exausted and he also noticed some marks on her neck.
"have you ran into trouble my dear?"Slade was curious to know what had happen to her.

[Athena]

Sunrise at the Shrine Part 2

"Slade, my party at the Dark Flames Tent was sabotaged! When I try to do magical things all that comes out are these damned sparks. I'm hexed! I was attacked by goblins, there is a price on my head, and I'm constantly on guard!" Athena exclaimed
"Why in CE's name were you dancing with those devils?"Slade inquired as they rode around the shrines and up to a big tomb.
"In a place so obscure, such souls menagerie. I'm not in the business of trading sea salt, don't you know." Athena goofed.
Slade asked, "Why have we met here?"
Athena circled Figure around the enterance waiting for the opener.
"I'll be needing a grand sword if we are giong to get further than here." The sunlight peered through the coupala on the tomb, Athena and Slade felt the ground shifting beneath them. The horses hotstepped and skittered to balance themselves, and the ground began to receed in a ramp down into the tomb.
"We have one hour before the sunlight closes this enterance and we are stuck here until sunrise tomorrow, let's be swift, shall we?" They trotted their horses down into the catacombs.

[ch85us2001]

Chu woke up with a snort. Their were leaves stuck in his flowing hair.
He stretched his back, and felt a shooting pain.
"Oh, yeah, the goblin attack." Chu moaned.
He decided to investigate his surroundings. He seemed to be Okay, other than some stiffness. Off to his side, by maybe about twenty feet, was Tony, fast asleep. They were in a sunny grove, with a dark shape above them.
Chu recognized that shape.
He shook Tony.
"Hey brother, we've arrived at Mag's house" . . .

[dragon wench]

It did not take long for Luis to return with some fish. Everyone eyed them appreciatively, and rumbles from stomachs other than Fiona's could be heard about the crackling fire.

Ik calling to Luis that he required his help with something, moved to wander off.

"Oi!" exclaimed Fiona. "Just where do you think you two are going, you don't think that your gender excludes you from meal preparation, do you?"

Hastily, Ik replied. "No, not at all, normally I'd even be offering to make it, but I need to deal with a small personal matter regarding my nose hairs. What's left are singed, and they are horribly itchy. Besides, they are also coated in fine charcoal..."

The two women nodded. After all, the prospect of charcoaled nose hairs as a seasoning for fish did not sound very appealing.

After the commotion of the day, Fiona wished once more that she could appreciate a wee dram of Scotch. But alas, the sobriety potion was still firmly in effect, she could feel its clarity of mind imbuing her entire being. She grimaced in disgust, but it did trigger an idea...perhaps a solution to a problem she'd had for some time. Clearly, potions could be very powerful.. and this might just aid her in other ways.

Cautious, she approached DW.

"About that sobriety potion...you are a mage, right?"

"If you are asking about an antidote to the sobriety potion, that
is impossible for me, unfortunately. The recipe itself is a highly
guarded secret, and its antidote is equally well-guarded."

"Well, actually.. it was about something else. You do know how
to brew potions, don't you?" You are mage, any mage worth their salt
is supposed to know that craft."

DW, somewhat ruffled, replied, "Of course I know how to brew potions!
What type of potion do you need?" The mage considered the various
possibilities. Most people came asking for love potions, but Fiona did
not seem the type.

Fiona looked uneasy and dropped her voice to a whisper.
"Well, it seems the young men of SYM have this idea I want to whip
them, generally punish them and engage in other forms of unpleasant
behaviour. Is there any kind of potion that discourages this sort of
silliness?"

DW's brow furrowed as she thought... Then, a decidedly evil glint
crept into her eyes.

"I think I know of just the thing... and it so happens I have the
ingredients in my saddle bags. We can brew it as dinner is cooking.."

Fiona grinned happily, but then she paused. She did not know the mage
well, but she knew her well enough to have an inkling of her mind
worked. She had not missed the evil smile either.

"Erm... what does this potion do exactly?"

DW winked. "Why! It does exactly what you need it to do."

Fiona looked at DW, her expression firm.
"Hey, annoying as those young men can be, I don't want to turn them
into frogs or something."

DW laughed. "Why not? We could get somebody like Hill or BS to kiss
them so they turn back."

Frustrated, Fiona glared at DW.
"Look, I'm being serious, what does the potion do?"

Still snickering, DW finally relented.
"The potion is called 'male repellent' and literally stops them from
having any sort of illicit thought about women. It's similar to a
barking collar."

Looking hopeful, Fiona enquired, "But does it work? And how do I know
anything resembling a collar won't worsen the situation?"

The same evil expression returned to DW's eyes.

"Oh, it works. You might say that the threat of being reduced to a
shadow of himself is enough to make any male mind his P's and Q's."

Fiona went slightly pale. "You don't mean...."

"Yes, I do mean.... Ever heard of Pinocchio? Well this works in
reverse. Every time a male so much as thinks about whips, chains, or
other impurities... certain significant appendages shrink by
approximately half an inch."

By this time the fire's roaring blaze had been replaced by gentle flames and hot, glowing embers. Fiona placed the fish upon a makeshift rack for grilling, while DW stirred several mysterious ingredients into a small (travel-sized) cauldron. After a few minutes wisps of magenta, green and crimson smoke drifted upwards and formed a circle above the cooking fire. Smiling wickedly, DW proclaimed her brew "done."

"There is enough here for a week's worth of dosage. You should probably take one now, just to be on the safe side."

Fiona sniffed the foul-smelling liquid cautiously. "I'm still not sure..."

"Don't worry, I know an antidote.. but of course my preparing it will be entirely dependent on how truly repentant any victims of shrinkage are."

Feeling somewhat reassured, Fiona downed the brew with a grimace.

It was at that moment that Oran Mor emerged from his coma. He danced over to Fiona with considerable affection, hoping (amongst other things) that she'd consent to playing for him.

A sudden squeal from the leprechaun drew DW's attention.
He was wailing uncontrollably and gazing downwards, aghast.

"I'm already short enough," he sobbed. "Did you have to make me..well parts of me... shorter still?"

Fiona raised an eyebrow at DW. "Well your potion apparently works."

[Ravager]

[QUOTE=dj_venom]Freeing Rav, he was about to leave, when he realised, a troll head could come in handy. With a quick use of his diamond bladed saw, he had gained the head, which he slipped into his side pocket. Then scurried off with Rav, needing to plan the rescue.[/QUOTE]

Brushing himself off, Ravager thanked the Aussie for rescuing him. Becoming a snack for trolls was not the most desirable of fates...even if owing something to Venom was the result.
"I suppose you want to risk your skin to rescue the priest and goat? What makes you think we could all get out unscathed? And why do you even want to rescue them?"

[Aegis]

After a lengthy nap, as well as a rather heated debate with what appeared to have been a flying peanut-butter sandwich, Aegis had finally managed to get on his way, still wiping bits of the thick, sticky sandwich paste from his sleeve in the process. He was now a man on a mission, he had to find Dragon Wench so he could impart the dire news Big Chief Vehemence had told him. He also knew that she, and perhaps Fiona or Luis, would be the only ones capable enough to recognize the danger. The only issue, though, was that Dragon Wench and her party were travelling in the opposite direction of where he had rested. He needed a swifter way of travelling.

As he darted along the worn path, trees and bushes zipping past in a blur of green, he felt he was making decent time. As he ran, though, something ahead caught his eye. It was shiny, and metal looking, and was peaking out from the bottom of a rather tiny looking shrub. This sort of sight deserved attention.

He slowed his pace, and stopped at the shrub, stooping low to examine the object. Upon closer inspection, it appeared to be part of something much larger, much more grandioise. The Sage carefull parted the solitary shrub. What he saw was more than he expected, and was quite fortuitous. A large, shiny, triangular shape loomed in front of him. Upon thinking about it, he wondered why he had failed to miss the giant metal triangle, and why the bush had been capable of hiding such an object. He quickly shrugged it off. No matter, he thought to himself.

He examined the structure before him carefully, running his hand over the cool metal. Something about this object was familar. He walked the perimetre, his hand never leaving the surface. As he turned one of the three corners, the origins of the object became blatantly clear. About as blatant as the large, pink letter that had been crudely spray painted onto the side of the object that read:

"The High Tyrant of Weasel land would like to thank you for your generous contribution to his cause. By contribution, he means unwillingly given spacecraft. Suck it!"

The passage was followed by an even more crudely drawn stick figure of a man grabbing his crotch, and sticking his tongue, while wearing what Aegis could only assume was a Cher wig.

He had found the lost Flying Triangle of Alienbob!

[Fiona]

Fiona was impressed. DW might have all the common sense of an exceedingly rare shrew, but this esoteric knowledge lark definitely had an upside. With her little problem solved she turned her attention to dinner. The lack of vegetables might bother some but she was Scottish. Scottish people don’t eat vegetation much, so it was no loss.

While she dished out the fish Oran Mor quietly edged away to the other side of the fire to dance, looking at her with distaste and making spaniel eyes at DW. Fiona laughed quietly. He wouldn’t get very far with that, she thought.

Ik and Luis came back just as the fish was served on the flat stones she had found. All settled to eat and her mind turned to the various other problems they now had. One good thing, Ik was looking a lot better since DW’s wildly irresponsible fireball had serendipitously got rid of the nose hair. Though she did not know if the effect would be permanent.

Luis had been spectacularly successful at fishing. She supposed his natural enthusiasm was augmented by his feline tastes and hunting ability. Still he did seem to losing his humanity steadily and this was probably a bad thing. She’d better try to find out what this was all about while she still could.

“Luis”. He ignored her. Luis was sitting very still. He was obviously trying to ignore a small flying insect which hovered near his face. As Fiona watched, Luis lost the battle for self control and swiped at the fly. He missed and after a few moments he looked pointedly away from it and licked his ….paw. This was bad.

Fiona stood in front of Luis to get his attention. Although she succeeded she had no idea how long this would last. “Luis, don’t bother telling me how you got this way. Tell me what you need” she said quickly. Luis said something that sounded like pancamiou. After several attempts she worked out he was saying pancakes. At least she thought that was it, although she knew she could be projecting the word on account of his previous eagerness to go to Fable’s.

“Ik, what do you think he said?” He was, after all, Ik’s familiar. Ik should know something about it. “What do we do about this?”. Luis was now completely absorbed in watching his insect. They’d get no more out of him. Every now and then he pounced. He wasn’t very good at this but sooner or later he’d catch it and eat it.

Ik gazed fondly at Luis. “Tis his other form” he did not quite explain. Fiona looked blank. “Familiars are usually in animal shape. This is his” Luis purred and rubbed his chin against Icarus face, with every appearance of pleasure. Luckily this had the effect of bringing the somewhat fey Icarus to an appreciation of the problem. He and Luis might very well adore each other, but it was no part of their personae to make that public. “He needs pancakes”, Icarus said quickly.

“Well that’s unfortunate”, said Fiona, impatiently. “We haven’t got any pancakes. Will anything else do?”
Icarus thought for a few moments. “Anything with flour and sugar in it should help, though it won’t make him fully human”, he said.

Fiona fetched the shortbread from her saddle bag. It was bad enough getting a cat to take a tablet. She sincerely hoped Luis would cooperate, but it didn’t look as if he would. She offered it to him and he turned a disdainful back. “Oh well. Help me you two. Fiona started to stuff Luis in to the empty pillowcase. At the cost of a few scratches she secured his limbs with the cloth and held on tight. At length DW and Ik managed to force the shortbread into his mouth and hold it closed for a long time so he would swallow.

Then they waited.

[dj_venom]

"Well, you see, it's not so much that I want to rescue them, that I want to thwart the trolls. These trolls once picked on me when I was a kid, and called me fat, so this is my chance for revenge." Reaching into his shoe, Venom pulled out a briefcase, and placed it on the ground. After matching the eye scan, it opened, revealing a number of items. Venom pulled out a few smoke grenades, two uzis, a pump action shotgun for Rav, and a banana... just in case. "Take this," said Venom, chucking the gun to Rav.

After launching the smoke grenades, they went in for the kill. Flying through the air, Venom fired the uzis, almost parallel with the ground. Tucking into a roll, he leapt up and freed his two companions. Suddenly it went silent, and turning around, Venom saw why. There in front of him was the chief, and boy was he huge. Trying to fire, he realised the guns were empty. There was only one option left. Pulling out the banana, Venom hurled it with all his strength. It connected, and knocked the beast over. Seizing his chance, the group fled into the night, and were away and safe.

[dragon wench]

Busying herself with the packing up that needed to be done after their meal, DW continued to eye Luis. It did indeed appear that slowly, but surely, he was acquiring greater semblance to his humanoid form.

When, at last, Luis' transformation was complete he once more had two legs and considerably less fur. However, he still possessed an attractively striped tail, while tabby markings adorned his face. And... were those.. whiskers?
At least, though, he was no longer swatting at flies or looking hopefully to Ik for his ration of catnip. Further, judging by the low murmurs between he and Ik, it seemed Luis had also regained his ability for human speech.

Something was bothering DW, however. Something seemed.... different..
It finally dawned on her that Oran Mor was no longer dancing a rapid, dizzying jig. Certainly, he was still dancing, but he had slowed his pace dramatically. Indeed, he was, in slow motion, hopping from one foot to the other. He reminded her, irresistibly, of a small boy in urgent need of a toilet. This was...odd, and she pointed it out to her companions.

"You know...." said Fiona, "Come to think of it, he has been slowed down like that since his ...er.. reduction in stature..."

"Strange..." muttered DW, "Do you suppose the effects of the potion might have somehow interfered with the abbot's curse?"

Fiona nodded sagely. "It would be just the sort of thing the Church would do."

DW raised an eyebrow. Apparently this abbot was even more sadistic than she had first believed.

Still, other matters, such as finally arriving at the Church, occupied her attention. So, she focused upon cleaning dinner utensils and her cauldron, before putting them away.

Oran Mor, realising that his doleful spaniel eyes had had no effect whatsoever, pouted. He was in a petulant mood. First he had been cursed to dance by the mad abbot, then this party of adventurers had alternately played music for him, beat him over the head, and reduced his already small stature. He wanted revenge... and given his small size, and general lack of power, the easiest way for him to obtain revenge was to steal whatever might be handy.

In perfect stealth mode he crept to DW's saddlebags and removed the mysterious gemstone he had seen the mage examining earlier. Delighted with his prize, the leprechaun disappeared behind a nearby bush and gazed in rapture at the sparkling pretty. It proved, however, highly unfortunate for the owner of the gemstone (which is to say a certain male mage) that Oran Mor's brief euphoria did not last. Extremely unhappy, and still holding the gemstone... he loosed the drawstring of his trousers and gazed mournfully down at what remained of his special leprechaun "wand."

In horror, the said mage, watching the scene unfold from afar, groaned very loudly. Loudly enough, in fact, for Oran Mor to hear. Hoping against hope that somebody..somewhere... might actually care... Oran Mor proceeded to tell his sad tale to the disembodied voice. That the voice had no accompanying physical presence did not deter the unhappy leprechaun. On and on he wailed...

It was only at the sudden sound of clattering hoofbeats that Oran Mor realised the group was departing. He stuffed the gemstone into his pants and followed along behind. The party's rapid pace soon resulted in their arrival at the Church of Guinness itself.

Foreboding (and positively Gothic) towers greeted their apprehensive stares, and the faint sound of organ music could be heard coming from somewhere deep within the imposing edifice....

[ik911]

Icarus shivered at the chilling sigh of the church. It seemed the organ was playing along with the sluggish, scary stone facade. As if it wasn't enough, a choir began chanting their church-typical hymns, their many voices multiplied by bouncing off the large solid walls several times before reaching the outside world where the group stood, absorbing the impressions.

Collectively, the group decided to get off their transportations and through the church-doors. They were now in the entryhall. There were two doors to each side and a larger one in front of them. Icarus looked at the doorknob and ordered Luis to open it slowly and dramatically. As Luis did so, the loudness increased more and more.

When the door was half open, the loudness became unbearable for Icarus' big ears. "CLOSE IT!!" He screamed at Luis, but his familiar could not hear him. Icarus jumped forward and threw himself against the door. The loudness became acceptable again. "That choir is out of control!" he said with his eyes wide open while rubbing his painful shoulder.

Fiona removed her hands from her ears. "Do you know those plays where a couple of youngsters come upon a really scary place and you're watching the play and you say: 'Don't go in there, stupid youngsters: it'll get you killed', but they don't listen and go in there anyhow and most of them get killed?"
DW and Icarus nodded. Luis gazed.
Fiona continued: "Well, this is exactly such a situation. I think we should leave right now."

They got up their horses and scythe and started to move away. Just as they got off the church-property, the music stopped.

Icarus looked over his shoulder and saw some lights go on behind some of the scary windows.

"Wait, guys. This is odd. I think we should investigate."