GameBanshee Forums

In chemistry, a kid puts up his hand and says:
"I always thought that the periodic table was for young women"
(oookkk that was pretty bad )

@Moleman
The teddy bear joke.....all I can say to the lady is....ouch...that's gotta burn

The continents joke...LOL!

@Eerhardt
LMAO

@Baldursgatefan
20 types you meet in a men's room.... (I guess I'm sneaky )

Speaking of jokes here's my favourite pathetic joke I can think of:
"I got a crummy joke.....I sat on a cookie"

I can't think of anything funny...ARRRGH!

@Locke: kiitti! Ehkäpä viivyn tällä kertaa pidempään.

---
Sairaanhoitaja pesi sienellä koomassa olevaa naista. Kun hän
pyyhkäisi sienellä naisen intiimiä aluetta, nainen osoitti pieniä
elonmerkkejä. Paikalle kutsuttiin aviomies, jolle selvitettiin, että
ehkäpä pieni suuseksisessio saattaisi herättää naisen.
Tohtori ja hoitaja jäivät sermin taakse odottamaan ja mies ryhtyi
touhuun.
Hetken kuluttua naisen kaikki elintoiminnot loppuivat.
Tohtori ja hoitaja ryntäsivät paikalle.
Mies veti housuja jalkaansa ja sanoi: "Taisi tukehtua."

---

And now back to English... sorry folks, just one joke in Finnish, won't happen again.

Originally posted by Vicsun
Here are the Five Laws of Stupidity:

"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups"

Originally posted by Morlock
"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups"

Hmmm, May Day. The only day I can't get breakfast from McDonalds.

eehhehhee aika hyvä

man that horse joke was excellent BG Fan ROFLMAO

Originally posted by Tamerlane


Hmmm, May Day. The only day I can't get breakfast from McDonalds.

Hey! A lot of my friends protested at May Day.

Hungry Jacks is better anyway.

Its all down to personal taste. But when you've waken up early to take a trip to the city. And developed a large appetite along the way.

The last thing you need is a group of hippies annoying you. No offence meant to your friends, just call me a conformist.

Okay, you foul conformist you.

And if you want to know (and even if you don't ), the best fast food I have tasted in Perth is from a small pizza place in Midland. It's called Centrepoint Pizza, and the pizza there is really good.

You know you've been playing too much Starcraft, when

. . . the idea of having to much gas does not embarrass you anymore.

. . . your car breaks down you call for and SCV rather than a tow truck.

. . . you walk on the ground and constantly stay alert for burrowed creatures.

. . . the TV news calls for a nuclear strike and you immediately grab your rifle, go out the door, and search for a cloaked
soldier.

. . . all your buddies go into a narrow pass and you fear their pathing algorithms will fail, causing them to go all over the place.

. . . you go to the pet store and ask if they have any zerglings to keep those pesky neighbors out of your yard.

. . . you fear that the person sitting next to you may break out into broodlings at any moment.

. . . any of your eletronic equipment fails and assume there is a ghost nearby.

. . . you wish you had probes and drones to do all your work for you.

. . . you hear an aircraft overhead but don't see it, you assume it is cloaked.

. . . your boy/girlfriend asks why you two haven't had a make out session in over three months.

. . . you go to the store and the only title you see on gaming boxes is Brood Wars.

. . . you have created your own Starcraft expansion pack.

. . . your at a party and you refuse to drink any beer because no one thought to bring Terran beer.

. . . you run out of money you have this urge to go collect crystals.

. . . your child is given a Protoss name.

. . . you enter the military the first thing you ask at boot camp is when do you get a powersuit. Will it have propane?

. . . you believe the government is controlled by something called 'the overmind.'

. . . there are bunkers and missile turrents surrounding your house, you feel a lot safer.

. . . there is a traffic jam, you have this urge to go into siege mode and destroy everything in your way.

. . . you wonder why construction workers just don't simply teleport in a new building.

. . . you equipt your 4-wheeler with spider mines and use them for deer hunting.

. . . you ask for a Vulture Hover Bike for Christmas or your birthday.

. . . you always use the Protoss greeting 'En Taro Adun.'

. . . you expect every taxi cab driver to be a hot looking chic, chewing bubble gum, and using a dropship as the main transportation. Wooh wee!

. . . you order in SCVs for your construction company.

. . . you constantly look out the airplane window for scourges.

. . . you can resite every units speech, all building orders, and the resources needed for each building and unit by heart.

. . . you start using personal cloaking technology for deer hunting.

. . . you get all your stuff done at work and go to your boss to say, "Make use of me."

. . . all your jokes are Starcraft related.

. . . you go to the gas station and ask if they serve vespene.

. . . you tell your girlfriend (yeah right, like a real Starcraft player has a girlfriend) that she should go for the popular "Queen of Blades" look. - Fire-Rebell (POL)

. . . your pretty sure that the green stuff on the food in the fridge isn't mold, but it's a zerg hatchery that must be destroyed before it reaches the freezer...lest all be lost. - Fire-Rebell (POL)

. . . you start fights with the neighborhood bully even though you know you can't win, but in the back of your mind you plan on disconnecting as soon as things get ugly. - Fire-Rebell (POL)

. . . your sure that the overmind sees through the eyes of your grandmother using the queen parasites. - Fire-Rebell (POL)

. . . your in the process of building your own goliath, in your garage. - Fire-Rebell (POL)

. . . you keep trying to convince your parents that they should add on a nuclear silo in the backyard. - Fire-Rebell (POL)

. . . your in an area that a friend knows better, you ask him for a whole tactical readout, and where you might expand.
- Fire-Rebell (POL)

. . . you constantly wonder why the zerg don't have any fur . . . - Fire-Rebell (POL)

. . . someone tells you to do something you yell "For Aiur!" - Fire-Rebell (POL)

. . . your pretty sure that the star wars light saber was copied from the protoss. - Fire-Rebell (POL)

. . . you realize that the only thing cooler than a loyal K9 sleeping on your bed, is a loyal hydralisk sleeping on your bed, possibly eating your brother, or at least spitting on him. - Fire-Rebell (POL)

. . . the last time someone used a laser pointer at the movies, you ran out of the building screaming, "NUKE NUKE NUKE!!!"- Fire-Rebell (POL)

. . . you walk down the street, see a man-hole and immediately assume it's a burrowed defiler waiting to plague you.
- Phantom(PoL)

. . . you start to actually think multilisks aren't really that ugly. - Phantom(PoL)

. . . you grow tired of people always rushing and make signs to ward off rushers. - Phantom(PoL)

. . . your geography teacher wishes you would stop putting blue crystal patches on the maps in his class. - Phantom(PoL)

. . . you can't help but wonder if the portrait of the battlecruiser general was modeled after your foreign Uncle Boris.
- Phantom(PoL)

. . . you ask the school nurse if she is nerves about her role in the upcoming Brood Wars expansion. - Phantom(PoL)

. . . you get a flat on your bike and wish you would have tagged a SCV along to fix it as you rode. - Phantom(PoL)

. . . you now refer to farms as supply depots. - Phantom(PoL)

. . . you burn your aunts venus fly trap swearing it was a mutation of the swarm. - Phantom(PoL)

. . . you wonder if Sadam Hussien's real name is Mengsk. - Phantom(PoL)

. . . you begin to think that if you only had a decent squad of marines you could clense your city of crime. - Phantom(PoL)

. . . you only play games in groups of 8 at the most. - Phantom(PoL)

. . . you convince your little brother that he would be the coolest kid in school if he used the new phrase "Noth Vagala" as the high templar do. - Phantom(PoL)

. . . you post messages on every SC forum for 365 days a year (including leap year) until SC 2 gets out.
. . . you create an entire volcabulary of the Protoss language.

. . . you wear a dual sertified military flashflight on your shoulder.

. . . you know the in's and out's of the 8mm C-14 "Impaler" Guass Rifle: the effective firing range, maximum velocity, greatest amount of impact, different shell types, can take apart and put it together blind folded in two minutes, what to do when it jams, understand the full technicality of how Gauss's Law makes the rifle work, how to make a homemade version in emergencies, and how to activate the secret auto destruct in case a zerg swallows it whole.

. . . you give up battle axes and swords in favor of the 25mm C-10 Canister Rifle.

. . . you get a loan to build your own Starcraft store.

. . . you wished you had a nydus canal connected from the house to the store, so you can be the first to get Brood Wars.

. . . you create your own mutated version of a spore colony to get rid of those pesky bugs in the summer and spring time.

. . . you believe that when you get injured in combat, you'll raise back as a dragoon.

. . . you see the preacher on Sunday church waving his hands, you fear he may be casting the hallucination spell.

. . . your computerless neighbor asks you why is Starcraft the only game he gets to see while visiting.

. . . you take two geeks and pound them into each other, hoping to create an archon. - Esper~Crusader~

. . . you get a tatoo saying: TA sucks, SC rules. - Esper~Crusader~

. . . you wish you had an ar****e tank to go into the city and impress the girls. - Esper~Crusader~

. . . before a 100 meter dash, you shout at your opponents,"Silly, you didn't research speed upgrade! I will so much as
beat you!" - Esper~Crusader~

. . . you have taped your CD drive so no one can get your SC CD out, not even you. - Esper~Crusader~

. . . you bought all three SC boxes to have the three designs. - Esper~Crusader~

. . . you hack your way into battle.net and ameliore it. - Esper~Crusader~

. . . you go at an accident and see someone surviving by miracle, you say,"Not another invincible drone. Hehehe, I'll cast
spawn broodling on him. I hope they get 1.04 soon." - Esper~Crusader~

. . . you go to the zoo and want to see the ultralisk show. - Esper~Crusader~

TEN REASONS ANAKIN SKYWALKER WENT TO THE DARK SIDE

10. Generous Dark Lords of the Sith pension plan
9. Sick and tired of mentor Obi-Wan Kenobi reciting lines from "Bridge Over the River Kwai"
8. To escape cruel taunting over dorky name
7. To impress the babes
6. Kicked in head by bantha
5. Misunderstood name, thought the "Dirk Side" was fan club for pretty-boy actor Dirk Benedict
4. Charmed by Emporer Palpatine's seductive after-shave
3. Wanted to use the Force to prop up Chrysler stock
2. Owed money to Jabba the Hutt, could refinance debt through the Empire
1. Wanted cool voice like James Earl Jones

This one is for you, HLD

FUN THINGS TO DO ON TATOOINE
10. Bantha racing
9. Racing landspeeders to the Dairy Queen and back
8. Oil baths (droids only)
7. Taunting Jawas
6. Find-the-charred-remains-of-your-foster-parents
5. Sweatin' to the Oldies...and, for that matter, to the current hits, too
4. Checking out the wretched hives of scum and villainy in Mos Eisley
3. Bulls-eyeing whomp-rats in your T-16
2. Fishing for Boba Fett's helmet in the Sarlacc pit
1. Pin-the-tail-on-Glowin'-Ben

TOP TEN WAYS ALL MOVIES WOULD BE BETTER IF PATTERNED AFTER STAR WARS

10. First James Bond movie would have been Grand Moff No
9. Police Academy movies retitled Jedi Academy
8. Due to union rules, a Wookie would have to be standing in the background of all outdoor scenes
7. During Hollywood premieres, midget actors in Ewok costumes would skip up and down the aisles, handing out Raisinets and malted milk balls
6. Van Damme would be eated by a giant space slug
5. Imagine the drama, when, at the end of Gone With The Wind, Scarlett and Rhett discover they are actually brother and sister!
4. Star Trek II would have featured exciting lines like: "Kiiiiiiiirk! I am your father!"
3. During entire eight years of his presidency, Reagan would have worn bright orange X-Wing pilot's outfit and helmet
2. In first Batman film, Jack Nicholson would have delivered best Joker lines in fluent Huttese
1. Lethal Weapon films would have starred Mel Gibson and Billy Dee Williams

my favorite out of those "funniest jokes" list out from that england study:

I hope I die in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming like all of his passengers.

Another from that study:

"A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.
"He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: 'Wow that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man.'
"The man then replies: 'Yeah, well, we were married 35 years."'

another:

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”




so, a donkey, a priest, a rabbi, an aggie, and a duck walk into a bar...the bartenders says, "what is this some kind of joke??"

a giraffe walks into a bar and says, "HEY!!! the High Balls are on me!"

Re: Following in the footsteps of Star Wars humor

Originally posted by mental_nomad
43.) You discover that your greatest enemy is, in fact, your father, who also happens to be your brother...

That whole list was hilarious, but this has to be my favourite...

I like those ones too nael...the grandfather is priceless

Laugh yourself on these !

The things Darth Vader do in his spare time

10) Making prank "heavy breathing" phone calls
9) Sneaking up behind Star Destroyer crew members, covering their eyes, and demanding "Guess who?"
8) Practicing throwing Palpatine doll down pits
7) Genealogy
6) Using the force to learn to juggle
5) Mortal Kombat 5436
4) Using mind-reading ability to win at Battleship
3) Late nights with a pain droid
2) Sending anonymous love-notes to Mon Mothma
1) Checking Imperial Deli to see if they've named a sandwich after him yet

Couldn't find the thread...

...but the story was RL and it has something to do with Toilet Walls...

Yo, bro': this what you been looking for ? I remember; that was some pretty weird stuff, dude .

Here's one I thought was pretty funny:

A married couple, with husband driving, is travelling down the interstate doing 55 miles per hour. His wife looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years, but I want a divorce." The husband says nothing, but slowly increases speed to 60 miles per hour. She then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a better lover than you." Again, the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as his anger increases. She says, "I want the house." Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 m.p.h. She says, "I want the kids, too." The husband just keeps driving faster and faster—now he's up to 80 m.p.h. She says, "I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards, too." The husband slowly starts to veer toward the large concrete support of a bridge overpass, as she says, "Is there anything you want?" The husband says, "No, I've got everything I need." She asks, "What's that?" The husband replies just before they hit the mass of concrete at 90 m.p.h., "I've got the airbag."