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...are hallucinating again. Or perhaps the Spanish paprika Anthony sprinkled you with is, in fact, not Spanish but...

. . . Lithuanian. Evil twin or not, you can't resist those gorgeous, intelligent eyes. . .

...or whatever passes for gorgeous and intelligent in the bathroom mirror...

. . . you realize that you're in love..... with your reflection ......

...you say, "Hello, handsome" and touch the mirror inappropriately. Your reflection replies, "Keep your dirty paws off me you perv". That makes you REALLY mad. You say, "I'll @#$ show you @#$ how to @#$ me like @#$". You reflection says, "Oh yeah?" and you punch your reflection right in the teeth. The mirror breaks... Your reflection goes to pieces...

What in tarnations did I stumble in on?

.. you turn aroudn and start gibbering to the small part of your brain that woke up to find itself here.

"ok mate we had this quest hing and all it involved my brother and the androids but herre was defeated and now he's out for revenge"

any way another part of brain pipes up

" dude your hand is shredded cos of the glass"

and here you were thinking that some time you rreally should go and find your evil twin....

you shake your head to clear it... not a good idea. You wobble even more precariously on the bar stool. Sheesh, that was some powerful paprika. You reach out to the bar to steady yourself. Hey, your hand is fine not shredded, cool. Reflected in the mirror on the back wall of the bar you notice that Anthony Hopkins is still sitting beside you. Hmm...so, the whole bathroom mirror scenario was paprika induced. And so, here you are, smashed out of your tiny mind, with none other that your evil twin seated beside you. "Hey bro'", you say [admiring the steadiness of your voice]...

...but your evil twin looks scary. Meaning, REALLY CREEPY. Actually, your evil family member looks totally, completely, entirely spine-chilling and blood-curdling. Maybe ‘cause he’s wearing a hot-pink T-shirt with "REAL MEN WEAR PINK" written on it?..

. . . He flashes you an insane smile and falls backward off his barstool. Uh oh. He's blind drunk. Evil or not, he IS family. You grab his legs and drag him slowly out the back door into the dark alleyway. Hmm... what now? If he wakes up, you're dead...but Hannibal Lecter is still lurking somewhere. Surely he will kidnap your twin and hold him hostage in the hopes of luring you into the cookpot. Why, that trash bin looks pretty roomy!

After securing your twin to the inside of the bin with a coil of rope, you use an old newspaper to wipe the crusty ketchup and mustard from your fingers.

"Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!"

A large dark THING lands on your face. Oh no... NOOOOOOOOO!!! It's..........................................................................

.....a Vampire bat and its sucking your blood. Frantically, you try to swipe it off you but it's stuck very firmly on to you. After an hour of struggling, you found a combat knife and stabbed it to death. You faint seconds later due to blood loss. Upon regaining consciousness....

...you are still in the alleyway. The trash bin where your evil twin was has been opened and the evil twin has escaped trash bin (or was he freed? hmm... this gives reason for speculation. NO, now is not the time). Getting on your feet the world is suddenly purple and yellow...

...as your super specs fall onto your nose. you quickly look around with them on to see.....

..."oh no", you gasp...the super specs have revealed another dimension to this alleyway. It is a in fact a tiny rip in the space-time-continuum... For the first time [since the bar room incident with Anthony/Hannibal] you are truly scared. This tiny rip [in the s-t-c] means that your evil twin, whom you had known since your first day in this weird and wonderful world [and any other worlds that you might be able to remember], as Skippy, your name being Skooter [ ]... it meant that the 'Skipster' was now back in your mainframe space-time-continuum. This was big time bad...You skoot :laugh: over to the rip, oh yes there is that slimey shimmer of the portal. OK here we go...

...you scoot into the portal thinking about... well, nothing in particular. Too bad you forgot what Master Sirloin tried to teach you way back before he went senile. He told you to throw a cat or an old girlfriend into a portal first, to test its safety. Now it is too late... The portal is a devious trap! It leads to...

...The world of the teletubblies! What's worse you wonder? Being reduced to the inteligence of a 5 year old, or, these cute kids characters walking towards you with scowls and axes?...

... the pressure plate of the second biggest mouse trap you've ever seen. Any movement will set it off so you decide that you...

... should check out the operating instructions (there is a yellow sticker):

"XXXL Mousetrap Serial No. 693-029775420ksdjh-0004. Energy efficient. WARNING: automatic shut off if your mouse weight is more than 100 kg."

Aha! If you lure enough teletubbies on the pressure plate, the door will open and you will escape! And the teletubbies with axes will be trapped (instead of you)! Brilliant!!!
Hmm... how many teletubbies would you need?

You quickly calculate:

"There are 3 tubbies on the left and 2 on the right... 2+3=6

Each weigh 5 kg. Together that will make 6x5=40 kg.

You weigh 50 kg. 50+40=100. Genius!!!"

heh heh heh... Little beasties... Now, let'em in...

using your fuzzy maths you figure.

They are 10-20 M apart. you have 2 seconds, there are 6 of them.

So 20 x 6 = 100.

100 / 2 = 50Mps.

About 0.16 x the speed of sound.

it's doable.

You watch the teletubbies penetrating the mousetrap... heh heh… freedom is at hand… now they are on the pressure plate...

Hmm, strange, how come the door won't open? You calculations were impeccable… This is totally paranormal! You feel you might be on the verge of an enormous parascientific discovery (unless the mousetrap was made in Taiwan). You have no time to ponder over this phenomenon now (maybe later, if you survive the encounter) because the mousetrap is overrun by the axe-brandishing teletubbies. You draw the Giant Bone and prepare to fight to the last breath..

But wait, they are rushing past you… What the?... You turn around and behold teletubbies hacking and slashing at a big chunk of cheese…