Death Test
You can expect to die on:
October 15, 2053
at the age of 70 years old.
On that date you will most likely die from:
Cancer (37%)
Alien Abduction (12%)
Homicide (7%)
Third Degree Burns (5%)
Drowning (5%)
Contagious Disease (5%)
Loneliness (5%)
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Gay Test
According to the Gay Test...
You are 72% GAY!
people less gay than you (74%)
people just as gay as you (2%)
people gayer than you (23%)
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Stress Test
You exhibit a stress percentage of
15%
which barely registers. Get a job.
Your Stress Test answers indicate that to reduce your stress level even further you should eliminate at least one of the following from your life immediately:
that nearby fire.
your significant other.
consciousness.
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Gender Test
It all adds up...
You are definitely a woman!
86%
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Slut Test
You are
46% slutty
which miraculously ties the worldwide average of 46%.
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B1tch Test
You are certifiably:
42% b1tch!
which is higher than the worldwide average 38%
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Greed Test
Greedy Animal! You are...
49% greedy!
In addition, we have determined that for a small bribe of 184 bucks, you'd spread a jar mayonnaise in your underwear and wear it for a month straight.
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@$$ Test
Hmmm... You scored a:
17 %
on the @$$ quiz, which is not enough for my full moon.
And here's my advice for you to achieve more @$$ in the future:
You didn't have enough confidence in your own @$$ Learn to work it more!
You're not adventurous enough! Get out there and explore. Sniff around or something.
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Wealth Test
Congratulations! Based on inflation, taxes, the anticipated world economy, melting icecaps, free love, the global yeast war of 2017, the Canadian depression of 2021, and your personal financial outlook, you can expect to be worth one million dollars at...
39 years old!
This is how you'll make (or lose) big bucks during your very eventful life.
2005: You set the world record for longest toenails, get sponsorship from Foot Locker.
2007: Coke habit out-of-control, switch to Sprite!!!
2014: Doctors discover that beer makes you richer.
2016: Your Gristle 'n' Gravy super-store wasn't the category-killer you thought it would be.
"Hi, I'm Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft, noted crap-monger, and star of TV's Melrose Place. I'm also a psychic. Anyway... I predict that your first million dollars will be made in 2019, in the following ways: "
$124,000 begging in the streets.
$305,000 through lucrative nerd-ism, like me, Bill Gates.
$364,000 working 9 to 5.
$207,000 odd-jobs for the Pope.
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Sex Test
Congrats! In your life, you'll have sex with
8 people!
And you'll first have sex at age 22,
in a foreign country.
The info on your 8 future sex partner(s):
8 of them will be female
0 of them will be male
And you will actually love 2 of them!
As you get older, your tastes will change drastically.
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Un-Telligence Test
"The subject shows an astounding level of intelligence, and her sense of observation is one of her best qualities. Considering this, she shows a lot of potential, but that's only part of the equation.
"Also, as much as we hate violence, an occasional mauling is one way to solve day-to-day problems like unpleasant coworkers or pesky door-to-door salesmen; she just isn't tough enough, sir, and she avoids any solution that involves violence.
"Finally, the subject displayed a healthy (better than most net freaks anyway) sense of humor, a down and dirty sense of morality, and a hot shot self-confidence. The balance of these three traits is important; high levels of confidence, medium levels of morality, and a good level of humor make for the strongest individuals."
Final Score: 58% Un-telligent
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Pregnancy Test
According to our analysis, you are not currently pregnant. During your life, you'll have:
39 children. ((
))
Here are some stats about your next one:
Sex: female
Birth weight: 9 lbs. 8 oz.
Length at birth: 8 inches
Chance of mangling birth-defect: 7%
Most likely defect: old-age
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Purity Test
You are 49% Pure!
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Personality Test
GURU
(Submissive Extrovert Abstract Feeler )
Like just 12% of the population you are a GURU (SEAF)--kind, knowing, giving. Like Buddha of old, you can be a persuasive speaker, and you use your creative talents to further the objectives of your heart instead of your mind. But be careful that your friends don't take advantage of your relaxed nature, that's what happened to Jesus.
Above all, you like going with the flow. And there is probably nothing in the world you haven't smoked. That's cool. Oh yeah, you like to talk a lot. That's cool, too. Whatever.
@.@ Those are strange tests. That pregnancy one really scared me.
According to these tests, I'm a mostly impure, slutty, b1tchy, greedy, stressless lesbian who will have sex with 8 women and get rich by the age of 39 and give birth to 39 kids.
:lookout:
