Gratuitous blonde joke

Gwalchmai · Post by **Gwalchmai** » Mon Jul 23, 2001 6:12 pm

What is the definition of infinity?
Four blonds at a four-way stop.

What do you call a smart blond?
A Golden Retriever.

ThorinOakensfield · Post by **ThorinOakensfield** » Mon Jul 23, 2001 6:39 pm

Warning* Warning**
Stupid jokes

Blonde abortion
Q: Why did the blonde get an abortion?
A: Because she was afraid it wasn't her baby.

Q. Did you hear about the blond that broke her arm?
A. She was raking leaves when she fell out of the tree!

11 people were clinging precariously to a wildly swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcrop on Mount Everest. Ten were blonde, one was a brunette. As a group they decided that one of the party should let go. If that didn't happen the rope would break and everyone would perish.

For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered. Finally the brunette gave a truly touching speech saying she would sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others.
The blondes applauded.

*How do you confuse a blonde?
Put her in a round room and tell her to pee in a corner.

*How does the blonde confuse you?
She tells you she did pee in a corner.

Legend has it that there is a bar in New York where, in the Ladies Room, there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth, one is granted a wish. However, if one tells a lie, *POOF* you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again.

A redhead of questionable looks walks into the Ladies Room and stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world." *POOF* The mirror swallows her.

Next, a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says, "I think I think I'm the sexiest woman alive! *POOF* The mirror swallows her.

Then an absolutely gorgeous blond comes in and stands before the mirror and says, "I think..." *POOF*

Was that enough for everybody. I tried to keep this PG. There too many kids here, and you don't want them to be telling R blonde jokes to their parents, now do you?

GEorGE · Post by **GEorGE** » Mon Jul 23, 2001 6:40 pm

Aw heck, a couple of classic ones:

Why did the Blonde climb up to the roof?
Because she was told that "Drinks are on the house."

An absent-minded blonde walks on the street, her blouse unbuttone and her invitng breasts appearing. People turn their heads and look after the blonde. Then a policeinspector says that she probably shouldn't walk like this in the city. The blonde stops, looks at the policeman, looks at her open blouse and then screams: "OMG, I must've left my baby in the bus"

A blonde drives with her car and listens to the radio. Suddenly a voice comes from the radio: "You're listening to SKY radio."
Blonde gets all excited: "How do they know what I'm listening."

How does a blond get on top of a tree?
She plants a seed, sits on it, and waits for spring.

How does a blonde get off the tree?
She sits on leaf and waits for autumn.

Beldin · Post by **Beldin** » Wed Oct 23, 2002 3:38 am

LISTING FRENZY Pt.10 !!!

Blonde jokes anyone ?

Here's the : Blonde’s Medical Dictionary

Artery: Study of paintings
Bacteria: Backdoor to cafeteria
Bowel: Letter like A E I O or U
Cesarean section: District in Rome
Cat Scan: Searching for Kitty
Colic: Sheep Dog
Coma: Punctuation Mark
Congenital: Friendly
D & C: Where Washington is
Dilate: To live long
Enema: Not a Friend
Fester: Quicker
Genital: Non-Jewish
Labour Pain: Hurt at work
Outpatient: Person fainted
Post op: Letter Carrier
Rheumatic: Amorous
Secretion: Hiding something
Terminal Illness: Sick at Airport
Tibia: Country in North Africa
Urine: Opposite of “you’re out”
Varicose: Nearby
Vein: Conceited

No worries, I might find more ....

Beldin

KidD01 · Post by **KidD01** » Wed Oct 23, 2002 3:50 am

Two blondes decide to drive to Disneyland. They pack for the week, hop in their car, and head down the highway. A few hours later they see a sign that reads: "DISNEYLAND LEFT." So they turn around and go home.

Beldin · Post by **Beldin** » Wed Oct 23, 2002 3:53 am

LISTING FRENZY Pt. 12 !!!!

Things Blondes need to know before Marriage

1. How to answer a question without looking "Blonde"
2. You Too Can Cut the Grass
3. "My team lost and won't be in the Super Bowl"...How To Calm Your Man
4. How to Empty an ice tray
5. We don't want no ugly tie....we want money (or sex)
6. Understanding the male response to your coming home with shopping bags.
7. Parenting...it doesn't end with conception??? Damn
8. Get a Life too....Learn To Cook
9. How to not act like an ******* even if you know your right
10. Understanding your financial incompetance..or how not to let your wife have a credit card
11. Reasons to think about why you should be given flowers
12. How to keep your man awake during your favorite movie
13. How to freshen rooms after your man has relieved himself
14. Closing the garbage bag properly...(passing of Not overfilling the garbage bag is required for this course)
15. You can fall asleep without it..but why try when you can have
it to go to sleep!
16. The morning dilemma....If IT'S UP....GRAB IT AND USE IT!
17. The weekend and sports are synonyms..especially football and hockey
18. "Give me a break"...why do you think your excuses are so far fetched?
19. How to go shopping with your mate without letting her go into every store of the mall...
20. DON'T TOUCH THE REMOTE
21. "How that French Thing Works"
22. Can you give your mom a ride to HER home?
23. How to be young at heart....
24. How to not let your mate drive and get lost and arrive late
25. Female Bonding.....CAN I WATCH???
26. Honest..You don't look like Cindy Crawford when your naked
27. "Wearing a bra" It will really support you know...before you knock them on your knees
28. How to prevent your wife from going from store to store to find the best bargain
29. How to bring me my second beer faster when I'm watching my football game...
30. What do you mean "Its for LIFE???" I thought the minister said.."It's for the NIGHT"....

KidD01 · Post by **KidD01** » Wed Oct 23, 2002 5:52 am

Nighty Night Prayer

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep. One who's handsome, smart and strong, One who's hunky and macho. One who thinks before he speaks, When he promises to call, he won't wait weeks. I pray that he is gainfully employed, And when I spend his cash he won't be annoyed. One who pulls out my chair & opens my door, massages my back & begs to do more. Oh! Send me a man, who will make love to my mind, knows just what to say when I ask. "How big is my behind?" One who'll make love to my desires only, In the hall, the shower, the garden and kitchen! I pray that this man will love me to no end, And never attempts to hit on my best friend. And as I kneel and pray by my bed, I look at the Bone Head you sent me instead!!!
Amen

Beldin · Post by **Beldin** » Wed Oct 23, 2002 6:47 am

Blondes working on a house

Two blondes were working on a house. The one who was nailing
down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail
and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in. The other,
figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you
throwing those nails away?"

The first explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's
pointed toward me, I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If
it's pointed toward the house, then I nail it in!"

The second blonde got completely upset and yelled, "You moron!
The nails pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the
other side of the house!"