mzz wrote:
Jack: [looking around at the other vampires in the room]Uhh... why don't we, uh, step out back here.
You: I like it where I am. At least I'm out of that theatre.
Jack: Christ, it's stuffy in there, huh? This is much better.
Ok, Sir Twist, the above sequence of dialogue has no place. AT ALL! Even wesp himself said a couple post up that they sound misplaced. In truth idk why the lines were left over, but, as mzz said, it was most likely from a sequence in which you meet up with Jack
inside and then go
outside.
Obviously since we already start outside (note the line "they just plop ya OUT here like a naked baby in the woods") there is no "out back" to step out back into.
But yeah, sure, the last line
could be (if you wanted to view it in your own subjective way and take it upon yourself to speak for the writer/s and or the subconscious of a fictional character in which you've had no hand in creating AT ALL) "descriptive of Jack's mood. And it also shows that Jack doesn't like politics" but for that to happen, that line would have to have a place, and with out the sequence of you and Jack "stepping out back" it doesn't.
The last line, "Christ, it's stuffy in there, huh? This is much better.", could be placed after the character says "What happen in there?" and before Jack says "Don't worry, kiddio, you'll adjust. I'd love to explain it all but time's a-wastin'- you want some help or not?" and there it would still hold to your "descriptive of Jack's mood. And it also shows that Jack doesn't like politics" thing, which I'm not saying is a wrong assumption of Jack's persona I was just mad when I type the above paragraph
So my new sequence would go something like this:
Jack: "What a scene, man! Hoo-wee! Then they just plop ya out here like a naked baby in the woods. [chuckle]How 'bout that? Ah... look, kiddo, this is probably a lot for you to take in, so uh, why don't you let me show you the ropes. Whaddya say?"
PC: "What happen in there?"
Jack: "Christ, it's stuffy in there, huh? This is much better."
Jack: "Don't worry, kiddio, you'll adjust. I'd love to explain it all but time's a-wastin'- you want some help or not?"
PC: "Who are you?"
Jack: "I'm Jack. What's important is, I'm offering help. You make it back from Santa Monica with your hide and we'll trade life stories, m'kay? Till then, I got about... this much time. You in or out?"
PC: "Okay. I could use the help."
Jack: "Alright."
Jack: "Now, we ain't got much time, but I figure somebody should fill you in on the bare bone stuff at least, ya know. Could save your hide.
Jack: "You look wobbly; you even had a drink yet?"
raise your hand if you like this new dialogue sequence