GameBanshee Forums

Ask her what she meant?
Why didn't i think of that?
Oh yeah i did, but i am too much of a coward to ask her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yeah that is the reason.

Thanks Fable, i will ask her directly what is going on.
I hate being confused and not know what is going on.
Cool 3 going ons!

Originally posted by CM
Ask her what she meant?
Why didn't i think of that?
Oh yeah i did, but i am too much of a coward to ask her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yeah that is the reason.

Good solution, CM

I'm not American, but some things can be said about men and women that I think are valid in all cultures:

Much confusion and feeling that we don't understand the gender we don't belong to ourselves, is based on the gender roles. Most cultures have different gender roles for men and women, ie one set of attitudes, behaviours and personality traits that is accepted and expected for men, another set for women. These gender roles make many of us grow up with the belief that men and women differ in some fundamental way not only physically, but also psychologically. But most of these differences are rather superficial, they are learned just as we learn a lot of our behaviour from our family and surroundings, but they are superficial inasmuch as it's mostly the mode of expression that differs, not the actual feeling or thought befind the behaviour.

Sex is a very good example. According to the Western gender stereotypes, women are supposed to only want sex with men they love, whereas men are supposed to distinguish between lust and love. Also, if a women has many sexual partners, this is often looked at as something negative, much more negative than if a man has many partners. The result is that many women are afraid of expressing their sexual desires and show clear sexual interest in men.

Women are confusing to you CM, because you don't realise they are no more different from yourself than any given male. You only have to learn the content of the gender roles to understand why a girl like the one you've met, might express the same thought in a way that differs from your own.

Btw, I also hate not knowing or understanding what people want to communicate to me. I have the simple principle that one should say what one means, no more, no less. I used to have bery bad empathy and be really bad at picking up that sometimes, people want to say something but they don't dare or they don't know how to say it. I don't know how many times I've said to my boyfriends: "But if that was what you meant, why didn't you say so?"

The key is to start asking. It took me few years to realise that the best way to make confusing statements clear, is to ask people what they mean
Good luck

Only you CE can make this all clinically crystal clear!!
Thank you.
I guess i will ask her tomorrow when i see her tomorrow.

MUUAAHAHAHAHAHA

You see CE I told you he would fall for that.

Just ask her what she means. OHH god I cant belive he fell for that.

He he... All we need now is to get the cameraes in position.

Good luck indeed.

Does any one know how much 'Real Murders' pay for a top notch video?

Originally posted by C Elegans
According to the Western gender stereotypes, women are supposed to only want sex with men they love, whereas men are supposed to distinguish between lust and love.

But this really is true.

Men can have sex with anyone at all. And it doesn't have to "mean anything" to them. This is why men can cheat on their girlfriends/wives and say "But I really love YOU; I only had sex with her, it didn't mean anything, I don't understand the big deal." Men are generally excruciatingly shallow where sex is concerned. It is only a physical experience to them and means nothing more. What I mean by this is -- of course men can be in love with someone they have sex with; but they also see nothing wrong with having sex with someone they don't love at all. If a woman is hot and sexy etc. etc., that's good enough for them. No emotional attachment necessary. So there's no real connection between the love and the sex. Know what I mean?..."I love my wife but I really want to screw this gorgeous supermodel type."

So in reality, they don't associate sex with love at all.

Perhaps this has something to do with simple biology -- hormones as well as anatomical construction.

Granted -- many women are like this as well, but not on as large a scale.

*dons Mantle of Flame Resistance +97*

Originally posted by Der-draigen


But this really is true.

Men can have sex with anyone at all. And it doesn't have to "mean anything" to them. This is why men can cheat on their girlfriends/wives and say "But I really love YOU; I only had sex with her, it didn't mean anything, I don't understand the big deal."

Like this would fly. *Gets angry just thinking about it*

If the man expects the woman to be true, he should follow the same guidelines.

Here are a few standard rules CM.....a dictionary of terms so to speak.


1. "Fine"
This is the word women use at the end of any argument when they feel they are right but can't stand to hear you argue any longer. It means that you should shut up. (NEVER use "fine" to describe how she looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.)

2. "Five minutes"
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so women feel that it's an even trade.

3. "Nothing"
"Nothing" means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."

4. "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows)
This is NOT permission; it's a dare! If you mistake it for permission, the result will be the woman will get upset over "Nothing" and you'll have a "five-minute" discussion that will end with the word "Fine."

5. "Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows)
This is NOT permission, either. It means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

6. "Loud Sigh"
This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement. Very frequently misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are a complete idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing!."

7. "Soft Sigh"
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. It means she is momentarily content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe in the hope that the moment will last a bit longer.

8. "Oh"
This word -- followed by any statement - is trouble. Example: "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit.

She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least two days. ("Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie). Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead," sometimes followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them.

9. "That's Okay"
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding what the penalty will be for whatever you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead." Once she has had time to plan it out, you are in for some mighty big trouble.




10. "Please Do"
This is not a statement, it is an offer. The woman is giving you the chance to come up with an excuse for what you have done. In other words, a chance to get yourself into even more trouble. If you handle this correctly, you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."

11. "Thanks"
The woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for hidden meaning. Just say "you're welcome."

12. "Thanks A Lot"
"Thanks A Lot" is dramatically different from "Thanks." A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It is usually followed by the "Loud Sigh." This signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing".

Tom what exactly did i fall for?
Care to explain - i am confused at it is.

BS
Now that is good, i knew most of them already.
Fine is a universal thing, that means you are in deep **** and should apologise immediately.
But thanks for the head up.

Since we have a break in 2 weeks - as in the end of next week and after that i am in hungry for a week or 2.
I will wait till april.
Let her decide and worry and over think etc.

Originally posted by C Elegans

Much confusion and feeling that we don't understand the gender we don't belong to ourselves, is based on the gender roles. Most cultures have different gender roles for men and women, ie one set of attitudes, behaviours and personality traits that is accepted and expected for men, another set for women. These gender roles make many of us grow up with the belief that men and women differ in some fundamental way not only physically, but also psychologically. But most of these differences are rather superficial, they are learned just as we learn a lot of our behaviour from our family and surroundings, but they are superficial inasmuch as it's mostly the mode of expression that differs, not the actual feeling or thought befind the behaviour.

There's another board where I occasionally post which has an active conservative faction. Precisely this subject was discussed on a thread, recently, and one of these gentlemen was kind enough to condescend when I expressed views identical to yours, above. He wrote that if I'd ever taken college coursework in psychology, I'd understand the the brains of men and women are fundamentally different, and that they literally think differently about everything. When I asked him whether he wasn't perhaps confusing socially conditioned actions with mentally hardwired distinctions (the old nature vs nurture argument), he got close to flame level. The few examples he provided were small boys and girls acting differently in the sandbox, and the toys "they prefer."

I think some people hold almost irrationally to gender stereotyping as a reflection of biological fact because it bothers them to think they've been "conditioned" and are not the autonomous units in perfect, logical charge of all their decisions. How much more ego-stroking it is to think that you've made calm, reasonable choices over every opinion in your adult life--not to mention the bonus of being a member of the superior sex, whichever it happens to be. What's sad about this is the pain such extremes can cause to young adult males like CM, who have been repeatedly told that women are incomprehensible, illogical, etc. Then when sexual interest awakens, they're left with the dilemna of seeking contacts with people they've been conditioned to regard with suspicion at best, and an almost pathological fear at worst.

Of course, this works both ways. Many young men don't realize that the hesitancy of young women arises out of an identical situation. The latter have been led to believe that a man's personal interest in them derives only from sex. No wonder a young couple frequently has difficulty making any contact several personal levels. Instead of exploring the universe of each other (along with a healthy bit of sexual experimentation), they're each fending off a mythical beast in their heads!

Originally posted by fable

What's sad about this is the pain such extremes can cause to young adult males like CM, who have been repeatedly told that women are incomprehensible, illogical, etc. Then when sexual interest awakens, they're left with the dilemna of seeking contacts with people they've been conditioned to regard with suspicion at best, and fear at worst.

Hey hey, i may be taking this the wrong way, but i don't fear women.
But seriously i can not understand subtle hints.
You want to say something to me, be direct and honest.
I do the same all the time.
I don't understand this concept of playing games or leaving subtle hints when you like some one.

Frankly i wasn't thinking of asking this girl out, until these confusing statements.
I spent a little time with her and i decided it was a good idea.
But this has been in my head since monday.
What confuses me is the comments she makes.

Originally posted by CM
Tom what exactly did i fall for?
Care to explain - i am confused at it is.

er.. dont blame me.

Ask CE it was her idea - yah dats it.

Dont worry about it.

Seriously though. My advice is to take it easy and just hang out with her if she is so inclined. Let her make the first move and just play along - In the end you will discover her intentions. But most importantly just enjoy the whole thing - if you dont shes not the right one any way.

Remember, this is supposed to be fun. or nice or atleast not bad . well you should survive.

(Disclaimer: The writer has not necessarilly ever seen an actual real live woman)

Originally posted by CM
But seriously i can not understand subtle hints.
You want to say something to me, be direct and honest.
I do the same all the time.
I don't understand this concept of playing games or leaving subtle hints when you like some one.

Frankly i wasn't thinking of asking this girl out, until these confusing statements.
I spent a little time with her and i decided it was a good idea.
But this has been in my head since monday.
What confuses me is the comments she makes.

Again, you need to exercise same honesty you would like to see from her, and come right out and ask her what she means. I am the last person to give relationship advice, but it may be worth it to even go so far as to ask what exactly she thinks of you and where she would like the relationship to go. While you, at the same time, are honest with her about your feelings, etc.

I obviously don't know this girl, but my guess is that either one of two things could be happening:

1.) She is indeed playing games with you.

2.) She wants to take things slowly. This may be why her comments seem guarded and confusing to you.

Again -- you won't know either way till you actually *GASP!!* communicate with the girl. Trust me -- women can converse with men in an effective manner

@fable -- Good post, I liked what you said

Ohhhh headache!!!!
Too much too much!
Thanks to all, i will decide and see how i feel tomorrow.

Alright i got 2 things from different people.

Be direct and ask her.

Play along and see where it goes.

I guesss the choice is mine after all.

just say f*** it, i really doubt she's worth the effort.
there are 6 billion people in the world...it's easy to find a girl who won't act like that. soem guys like the games, and she is for them. if you don't lik the games, move on. i suggest an older woman, they tend to not play as many games as girls do.
that's why i started going for them...and never looked back.

@CM -- You could do it the simple way and go ahead and ask her out. Then depending on her response you might get a better idea of where she's at

Originally posted by fable
He wrote that if I'd ever taken college coursework in psychology, I'd understand the the brains of men and women are fundamentally different, and that they literally think differently about everything.

The brains of men and women are totally different? Wow, that's Nobel prize winning stuff - recommend this guy to write to Nature immediately, if he has performed brain studies that show men and women have totally different brains, or if he knows of such studies. No other brain researchers have ever found this, not at anatomical level nor functional level.

This guy has absolutely no idea what he is talking about. I makes me depressed to see that people actually believe gender sterotypes can be explained and excused with biological explanations. It's just a way of conserving those delusions

No there are differences biologically in the brain between men and women, there are differences in brain chemistry, agression levels, and many other things which might influence behavior. It is not all learned, it is a lot more complex than that saying men and women learn it all is not explaining it enough. Because it does not explain the why of why that behavior came about in the first place and why the behavior persists even today. The notion that men and women are equal is utter bull, no more accurately different but equal just in different ways. There have been many studies done between men and women, and yes there are differences, this does not mean that behavior is predordained just that it has a certain tendency to run along certain lines. Just like if you have a gene for alcoholism, it does not mean that you will become a alcoholic just that there is a higher chance for you to become one. Environmental factors are a very important part of that, but they are not the entire part of it, Biological factors do affect stereotypical thinking. It is a lot more complex than that. To say arbitrarily that it is all environmental or mostly environmental is not being accurate as it does not reflect the reality, the reality is that it is both biological and environmental, and somehow in the mix of those two things we get societal beliefs and stereotypes.

oh yeah!

Originally posted by VoodooDali
Women's Rules for Men

1. The FEMALE always makes the Rules.

2. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

3. No MALE can possibly know all the Rules.

4. If the FEMALE suspects the MALE knows all the Rules, she must immediately change some or all of them.

5. The FEMALE is never wrong.

6. If the FEMALE is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the MALE did or said wrong.

7. If Rule 6 applies, the MALE must apologize IMMEDIATELY for causing the misunderstanding.

8. The FEMALE may change her mind at any time.

9. The MALE must NEVER change his mind without the expressed written consent of the FEMALE.

10. The FEMALE has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The MALE must remain calm at all times,unless the FEMALE wants him to be angry or upset.

12. The FEMALE must under no circumstances let the MALE know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.

13. The MALE is expected to be a mind reader at all times.

14. The MALE who doesn't abide by the RULES can't take the heat, lacks backbone and is a wimp.

15. Any attempt to document the RULES could result in bodily harm.

16. If the FEMALE has PMS, all the RULES are null and void.

17. The FEMALE is ready when she is ready.

18. The MALE must be ready at all times.

I thought I was the only one that realized that.....you forgot to mention that they are godesses...or they think they are anyway....

CM,

I can honestly say that she may not be playing games...

That's what Nael seems to believe, but it may not be what she is intending.

I was very afraid of men/boys during highschool and the first year of college. I was afraid of rejection. It didn't possibly occur to me that certain men (who I thought were being awfully nice to me for reasons unknown) might have had crushes on me as I did on them, and just may not have had the courage to say it... What made it worse was that I tended to get crushes on the shy/nice boys. Not in a million years would they get up the nerve to talk to me in that way in highschool...

This changed of course when I stopped fearing rejection and realized how fun it was to *ahem* make the first move

But, she may, as has been pointed out, be fearful of rejection...

Or maybe as unsure of what is going on as you?

I don't want you to do anything you're not uncomfortable with... But, if the opportunity presents itself, and it seems a good time to you... You could always just say something simple and non threatening about the fact that she confuses you a bit, maybe throw in a compliment about how nice she is something about sometimes it seems she is more than just a friend? (don't look at her breasts at this point in time) .

Something simple and open ended

Viv

(don't look at her breasts at this point in time

So THAT is what I have been doing wrong!!!!