Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: A waste of time!
Originally posted by fable
What was it that sent your relationship into a tailspin, @CE? Something within the marriage, itself?
The short answer is: my job.
The long answer is: Over time, our values and wishes regarding our relationships changed, and my ex (who was 8 years older than I) became increasingly focused on our common home, family life and getting children, whereas I rapidly got progressively entangled in my studying and later, my research. When I started at the lab where I work now, I was still a student - actually I studied double full time, psychology and neuroscience, when I took the job. That of course meant early mornings and very, very late nights...I was busy 15-16 h a day, 7 days a week. My ex obviously, at a subconscious level, expected my priorities to change when we married. I carefully explained to him before that nothing would change because we married, and he said he fully accepted and understood that (which I think he believed himself at the time) but as soon as we got married, it seemed to trigger a kit full of conventional and traditional expectations of how a marriage should be. Quite obviouly I didn't fulfill his expectations, so conflicts arouse constantly as my highest priority was my job, not our relationship as he wished.
Relationships are essential for the human being, and it's a very important part of life - but to me, it's not the most important and this my ex could (quite understandably I think) never accept. He waited for me to change, most of my men has waited for me to change...and when I don't, and they get dissappointed and angry and feel used and let down...
*shows Thantor the door*