In Search of the Holy Spam

[ik911]

While the armored knight was disappearing, Fiona faded in. He grabbed his amulet. It was glowing purple.

He expected an explanation. Some unimportant character should now be appearing, just like in any adventurous movie, to summarize or explain a certain item or situation.

The Priest reappeared.

"Oh, man, that really sucks! They sent you again to explain to me what this amulet does?" Icarus said.

"Indeed. Let's get it over with."

"Okay." Icarus replied.

"The Amulet shows you who is present in spirit."

"Oh, so that's why it's so empty in here!"

"Exactly", confirmed the anonymous Priest

"What a useless piece of crap", Icarus said while observing the glowing amulet. But "...ece of crap" did not reach the Priest, for he had disappeared again.

He quickly ran over to where Fiona had appeared while she was still there and pinched her arm to see if she was solid or just an illusion. The returned slap in his face was the painful evidence of her solidness.

"Look, Fiona, I know this might be weird, but I have no clue what I'm supposed to do now. Do you happen to know my role in this already absurd story?"

[Fiona]

Fiona considered Ik’s question. What role…….? Warriors and priests were already identified and there were several candidates for clown. Ravager was the eminence grise…what else was there? A half remembered bit of advice came back to her. When you have eliminated the impossible whatever is left, however unlikely, must be the truth. So what did she know about Ik? He was cantankerous and he wasn't a team player. He was scathing. Difficult. Moody. Fiona gasped as it came to her

“Ik, you appear to be the love interest” she said. She wondered who the female lead might be, and looked around the room curiously. DW was present, so it couldn’t be her. Where were the rest of the SYM women? It had to be one of them

[ik911]

[QUOTE=Fiona]“Ik, you appear to be the love interest” she said. [/QUOTE]"I feel flattered, Fiona", Icarus replied, "but I have the feeling we should be gathering some kind of party to go on a quest or something... After that, we can do whatever you want."

Icarus suddenly got a flashback. It was summer and he went outside. Kids were playing and he joined them. They were playing hide and seek. It was fun. Then, he realized this was not the time for that flashback and snapped back to the present time.

[dragon wench]

Staring around her at the assembled (and distinctly motley) crowd, DW blinked. She did not just blink once, but in fact she blinked several times.
However, no amount of blinking seemed to dispel the illusion before her. That either meant it was real, or she was still affected by the alcohol. There was a good cure for this, one that would also help to determine if her seemingly skewed portal into reality was indeed strangely warped. Well.. at least, it would help to clarify if it was more warped than usual.

With some determination she went into the back room and reached into the icebox. When she returned to the pub's main room, several chilled tins of Sweet Pokari nestled in her arms. The elixir, originating from a shadowy recipe brewed somewhere in Asia, had the extraordinary power to completely eliminate any alcohol-induced effects upon one's person.

DW passed a tin to Fiona, and then proceeded to gulp the contents of a tin down her own parched throat.
Instantly, her blurred vision cleared, her dizziness dissipated, and her light-headedness vanished....
She breathed a sigh of relief, expecting to see the Tap and Tea restored to its "normal" self. Alas... the crew of oddly-attired Symians still gathered about the tables. All wore faintly expectant and puzzled expressions, and none gave any indication of leaving.

She closed her eyes, hoping against hope that when she opened them....
But no..
However, something did happen. A sudden surge of energy rippled through her entire being, and she was gripped by the certain knowledge that she was able to weave magical currents to perform her bidding in any way she pleased.

DW felt faintly confused, but also, distinctly self-confident. She stretched her hands experimentally, and much as she expected, a crackle of octarine blue sparks (of course it was blue, magical energy is *always* blue* ) danced lightly about her fingers.
Grinning, she paused....
Then she turned towards Ik, a faintly wicked smile playing about her expression.
Within moments, Ik's ears grew into elongated points, and small tufts of hair sprouted energetically from his nose.....

[ik911]

While looking at Fiona, another character faded in real quick. It was DW. Her hands seemed radio-active, but before he could warn her, he got an itch inside his nose and his ears pushed against his cap.

He sighed and began waiting for that Priest that always comes to explain stuff.

Apparently, the old man was busy somewhere else. DW's hands were still glowing. "Dragonwench. It seems like there's something wrong with your hands. They're glowing. I have an amulet, but mine glow purple." -it is the color of magical items- he heard a voice say inside his head. It was very handy that all those trivialities always came to him so easy. "Purple is the color of magical items", he continued. He felt very smart.

"I am on a quest to find the female lead. Will you join me?", he asked both DW and Fiona.

[dragon wench]

DW looked in horror at her handiwork... Ik had been transformed into something that appeared to be an exceptionally hairy elf. With some difficulty she suppressed the giggle that was threatening to escape, and tried to address Ik's question with the gravity he clearly felt it deserved.

"Um... what female lead?" DW answered, distinctly puzzled.

Without waiting for Ik to reply, she said, "Look, we'd be happy to help you, but we are also on a quest.. to find a boar, a bunny.. and a goat. If we are able to find them peace and harmony will be restored to SYM. Perhaps you'd like to join us, and maybe your female lead will show up somewhere along the way."

[Ravager]

A couple of hours after being sent out, the Raven, Lenore, had returned as silently as his first arrival. A beak was to be heard a-tapping at the window and Ravager obliged opening the window whereupon the black bird flew in a circle around the room perching on the edge of an old disused chair.
"Well? What did you learn?"
"They gather at the Tea and Tap."
"Well, yes. Of course they do. It is all they seem to do these days!"
The raven offered no reply.
"What do they speak of and what occurs?"
The raven described his meeting with the Canadian and Scotswoman, "They didn't suspect of my involvement in this?"
Lenore caawed a negative.
"Good. Did anything else happen?"
"A skeletal monkey with a scythe chased after me."
"What?! Odd...Wait, that sounds vaguely familiar."
Consulting his notes, Ravager looked for clues regarding the enigmatic scyther "No...No...that's not it. Aah! Icarus!" Turning the book around in his hands so the bird could see the picture on the page, he asked "This is who you saw?"
The raven c0cked its head and nodded...if a bird can truly nod.
"Well, it would seem the only thing tht I can do, is investigate these eventsa for myself..."
"And my task is done" said the Raven.
"What?" Ravager absently replied.
"I have been here only to advance the plot." And with that the Raven flew out the window.
"Plot? What...PLOT?!" Ravager called after the bird. Expectedly the bird did not reply and was soon out of sight.
He sighed, there was nothing for it. Gathering needed supplies and some of his notes, Ravager left his comfy home, knowing full-well that his return may be a while yet.

After another couple of hours he could see the establisment that had devoted so much time of SYM of late. Time to see what was really at stake...

[Hill-Shatar]

This pub had obviously allowed manty characters into the inn since Hill fell asleep in his corner. He awoke when he felt Fiona's eyes on him, or more presicely, on his pant covered legs, as if there was something revealing there.

Looking around, he noticed the Kender take hold of one of DW's mugs for safe keeping and walked over towards Hill. Spreading his fingers with magical blue abilities (he knew that Ik was only a dabbler) he sent a shock across Maharlika's rump, making him think it would be a good idea to annoy someone else.

Most disturbingly, there was a creature that resembled a gully dwarf bathed in blue light standing in front of a decidedly powerful lady. Thinking best not to interupt them, he went to sit besides the other woman, a silent and strong type. She seemed smart. Perhaps she knew how we were going to find one goat in the millions from the herds that wander aimlessly through SYM.

[ch85us2001]

Chu stood gallantly in his gleaming ebony armor, his left arm crossing his lean, muscular body to rest on the hilt of the CSL, sheathed on his shapely right hip. Tony stood at his side, smelling strongly of Alchohol. A various assortment of others stood in front of him. In a brave and noble voice he called, "Ye, ye who call yourselves SYMians!!!! Who will stand beside me to find the boar?????????????????? Who will venture into the dangerous and kinky SF store room????????????????????????????????? Who will weild there mighty whips, swords, cod, and Hoopaks against the evil styrofoam?????????????? Who will fight and die beside me, in honor, if neccessary?????????? Who, amongst you will be brave and valiant enough to find the mighty boar, and save the Holy Spam?????????? . . . "

[ik911]

[QUOTE=dragon wench]"Um... what female lead?" DW answered, distinctly puzzled.

Without waiting for Ik to reply, she said, "Look, we'd be happy to help you, but we are also on a quest.. to find a boar, a bunny.. and a goat. If we are able to find them peace and harmony will be restored to SYM. Perhaps you'd like to join us, and maybe your female lead will show up somewhere along the way."[/QUOTE]
"Now, I know you expect me to say I will go with you guys to find those animals, because it's always like that in any story. But I'm not going to be the supportive, unconditionally faithfull helper again." He thought about it for a second. "Okay, I'll be the supportive uncondionally faithfull helper. Let's find those animals and -if we're lucky- the female lead." He took his scythe, which he put against the wall 4 posts earlier and, while more people started fading in again, he said to dragonwench: "We need to find more partymembers. Let's make a list of what we got and what we need." He fetched a pen and a paper from the darkness of one of the wrinkles in his robe.

"We got:
A shapechanging wench
A scything mystery"
He looked at Fiona. "What are you, honey?"

[Fiona]

Fiona accepted the elixer DW offered. She eyed it dubiously. A sobriety potion? What would anybody make one of those for? Asian? Well maybe they had different priorities. "You want me to drink this?" At DW's nod Fiona nobly decided to wait until DW tried it first.

Minutes later DW was transformed. She was apparently sober but her sense of responsibility appeared to be impaired. Fiona watched as she transformed the male lead. "That's a good trick" Inspired, Fiona drank the elixer. £20 worth of scotch was as though it had never been. " I hope my relatives never find out I did that" she thought. "It's probably a criminal offence in Scotland."

Ik was looking at her expectantly. He had asked her something. She reviewed the conversation in her head. "What are you, honey?" What kind of question was that?

Fiona thought hard. Ik wanted to know more about her than she was willing to reveal. It did not escape her notice that he had said very little about himself. " A scything mystery" indeed. Now she couldn't be a mystery because you can't have two of those. What to do, what to do?

"Oh, I know" she thought."Tell lies. That'll work" Fiona brightened. Turning to Ik, she announced herself as a bard. She kept her fingers crossed behind her back and hoped her limericks would be enough to busk her through

[Phreddie]

Phreddie flys in through an open window toting a case of Gland Cream to restock the larders of this fine.... establishment, clumsy hooves being no match for the round knob on the door, Phreddie asked for help "baa baaa baba baaaaaaaaaaa!" The bartender took a few shots of sme green liquid then sprayed Phreddie with febreeze, the flying golden goat fell to the floor, the gland cream tubs breaking open and cascading upon the unsuspecting patrons, so much for this months shipment, Phreddie grabbed the bottle of febreeze and took off for the under-the-table compartment he had reserved the night before, when climbing in he fell through the floor to a few ancient tunnels below, grabbing his febreeze he climbed back out and snuck into the liquor cabinet for a quick nap...

[Lasher]

Lasher was making small talk with the tavern's patrons when he smelt and then saw a flying hooved beast came flying through the window. For a moment, he thought he saw the goat of his dreams, and the more he thought about it, the more certain he became. He dashed over to the spot and found some ancient tunnels, and he could hear a clopping of hooves receding into the darkness. He ran to the bar and demanded a map of the tunnels, and ran back to the tables to rouse the posse.

[Ravager]

After finding the nearby vicinity empty, Ravager entering the imposing establishment, ready for the chaos that frequented the place. Of course, flying goats is the norm around here...Ravager mentally rolled his eyes. This place was a living cliche. He had one of those love-hate relationships with cliches.
So, what was happening now? A ecletic mix of patrons and of course beverages was to be expected and was indeed found within the T&T.
Grabbing a drink, he considered his next move and wondered if anyone would approach.
Of course, at least for now, he was in a human form. Dressed in dark clothing and with a sword at his hip. There was no need to frighten the regulars unduly, after all...

[ch85us2001]

Chu walked up and slapped Ravager on the back. Chu casually remarked, "Hey, Ive figured out your cliche!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Muh?" muttered Rav.
"You're the long haired pretty boy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Maybe I am."
"Doesnt the long haired pretty boy always turn on the party after destroying the Psuedo villian??????????" Chu Quiped
Ravager quickly retorted, "Thats just a cliche, who puts stock in cliches?
"Well, Donald Trump is pretty cliche."
"True, but my names Bob, not Don!"
"Good point" Chu admitted. " Do you want to go on an adventure????" . . .

[Ravager]

Who was this simian babbling on behind him? After glancing in his direction, recognition was not far behind. Chu, he thought contempously. From what he had noted, his 'zaniness' had won him fans, though Drag Racing hadn't seemed to increase in popularity just yet. He supposed that was still a work in progress...
Chu was still standing there expectedly. Obviously, he had determination. Mentally replaying what Chu had said...or at least the highlights...and swivelling in his chair to face Chu, he continued his dumb act. It wouldn't do to have anyone let on, after all....
"Huh? An adventure? Where to?"
With a quick glance around, he noted no-one else seemed to be taking any notice of their converstion. That was probably for the best, though being near Chu and remaining inconspicious were truly opposites...

[Phreddie]

Awaking from a several hour nap, Phreddie was in trouble, the Liquor cabinet would not open from the inside, atleast not with out the help of an opposable thumb, however Phreddie's human form would not fit in the liquor cabinet due to most of the space being taken up by liquor, so transformation was not an option, flying to the top of the cavernous cabinet Phreddie began chewing and ramming the hinges in an attempt to break down the door, try as he might, the cabinet would not budge, after 20 minutes of going at it vigourously in the cabinet led Phreddie to collapse on the floor in exhaustion. Hitting the floor with the force the flying golden goat did, he forced open a hidden trap door leading to the same tunnels, sewers most likely, that he had encountered before, hearing the footsteps of an aproaching some one, or something, Phreddie decided to fly away as fast as he could in the opposite direction(dropping his bottle of febreeze to the floor as he flew), taking left after right, right after left, down after up, and straight after roundabout, eventually surfacing in a moonlight pasture on the edge of a forest, There in the pasture was the most glorious and beautiful Brown Cow that e'er walked the earth. As the Brown Cow aproached me with a quizzical expression upon her Face, I hailed the Brown Cow "How now, Brown Cow?...."

[Aegis]

Aegis took a quick glance at DW, and her uselessly flashy light show of a hand, and recoiled a step or two. He had had one too many past experiances with such aurora's, since which he has never knocked the habit of braying at the oddest of moments, or struting around as though he were a Rooster. He tightened his right hand slightly, and felt something squishy slip between his fingers, and onto the table. "Odd..." he mused, more to himself then the distracted members of the table. "Looks like the brain of a goldfish. Meh."

He shrugged and turned towards Hill, who had yet to really acknowledge the fact he was clearly visible in the slightly darker then room level shadows, and that he was wearing an oddly bright, pink barbie like dress. With a roll of his eyes, he sauntered towards the fellow Canuck, and SYMian historian, stopping only once to look down because of the odd notion that his sandals of protection could possible be untied, forgetting completely the fact that sandals did not use laces, but were rather efficient, and spartan, forms of footwear made for ease and comfort, not utility.

Upon reaching the SYMian historian, he sideled against the wall, just out of the sparse shadows. "One" was all Aegis said, assuming, possibly naively, that Hill would understand. Logic was not one of the Sage's selling features. In fact, he often found it to be the most challenging hurdle in any discussion he partook in. The strong desire to simply refer to the 'cause' rule of debate, without the hassle of fitting all the pieces together, or forming some coherant sentence. In fact, much his wisdom could easily be regarded as prophetic and profound, if only for the fact people merely assumed it to be, but failed to understand it. The guiding principle behind Aegis v. Logic was that if it worked for most popular religions, he could definitly spin it in his favour as well.

Someone, in the vast distance of logic and understanding, a small braincell within Hill popped upon hearing the vague, enigmatic comment by his compatriote. The simple statement had proven to be far too elusive for the thoughtwaves of any person other than Aegis, and had quickly caused the destruction of the particular part of Hill's brain that recalled what exactly the scent of dandilion and lavander cohabitating in a green pasture on a mild spring day was like. Hill would only discover this fact sometime later, and more than likely at a hopelessly crucial juncture in his life upon which the knowledge of such a smell would cause in the survival of his home and vehicle from a particularly nasty genetic experiment in botony. But that is all digression.

[ch85us2001]

Chu walked up behind Aegis, seeking his help.
Softly Aegis muttered "One."
Chu placed a hand lightly on his shoulder, "Fourty-Two."
Aegis gasped, "You know?!"
Chu confidently stated, "Fourty-Two is the answer to all things. Now, my brother, will you swing your great Cod along side my Sword????????" . . . . . .

[Hill-Shatar]

Sitting there staring slightly surprised at Aegis' montone extollment of one, he watched as disapointment flashed across the young man's face, who then decided to remove himself from the corner area to where he could see more of what was happening on the other side of the bar. He was hoping to put the image he had seen out of his mind.

Aegis had, of course, been slightly sweaty trying to hold on to a struggling cod in his hands while Hill had been observing (for some strange reason, pink) in his labcoat the other members of the pub who had been discussing with great surprise the happenings of the day, now seemingly more interested in the results of Aegis reigning in his floppy fish.

Coming towards him, toga still wide open, little had Aegis known that he was trying to put anything that would make him think of the horrid moment he saw Aegis bounding towards him (one of the reasons he was momentarily stunned), too overzealous for Hill to think too much about. Trying to put a book in between himself and Aegis, he had failed in totally blocking out the imagry that came to mind whenever he saw the sandalled feet prancing from side to side. Finally, to Hill's great dismay (and a little disgust, as his labcoat/cloak had been clean this morning) he sidled up to him (with Hill trying to dig a hole into the wall to escape) and in apparent ignorance to the panick of Hill said calmly the word which Hill was only now remembering over the fear of the original encounter.

Now the young man was wondering towards the man at the table, still trying to hit it off on the woman who looked like she was about to wrap his (OOC: I am quite sure it is not her legs, Chu) legs around him like a christmas bow, and they began to swing about there 'swords' (Some fish and a CSL, whatever that was) with each other. Surprised at this display in public, Hill thought it best to sit down with his back beside the wall to the beauty and owner of the bar.