Artemis Entreri? Unfortunately, Salvatore beat me to the draw.
I think I neglected this thread for too long. Here is another heroic tale:
Filimon’s Tale
Gender: Male
Race: Gnome
Class: Gadgeteer
…With a deafening noise the gnomish flyer scraped the rugged surface of the mountain side, lurched sideway, and plunged into a narrow crevice, sliding deeper and deeper into the darkness. The rough walls slowed its wild descent enough to lessen the impact when the small aircraft finally hit the bottom and fell apart. A disheveled gnome tumbled out of the wreckage, staggered a few steps and collapsed on the jugged rocks…
After waking up in a dark cavern, the gnome found himself unable to recall his own name or the preceding events. Still dazed and confused, he felt in his numerous pockets for clues to his identity. The search yielded a sizable wrench, a handful of bolts and screws, a bat droppings-operated Torch/Lockpick TurboCombo™ and a crumpled but still legible Denizen ID bearing the name of one Filimon Cloppfizzle of Dingy Downs. Relieved that at least he was not going to drag out a wretched existence as a Nameless One, Filimon proceeded to examine the crash site. Memories kept trickling back into his mind as he sorted through the debris. Some were pleasant, like a memory of the rapturous Oooohs and Aaaahs from a gaggle of comely gnomish girls watching him saunter toward the sporty flyer. Then he recalled that he took his Dad’s flyer without permission. That gave him pause.
Filimon knew that he had to find his way out as soon as possible. Still he lingered… The young gnome was suddenly overwhelmed by a strange, unsettling sensation of being somehow incomplete. Rigorous testing confirmed that all his body parts were intact and functional. Was he drained of whatever meager amount of mana he might have possessed? Was he stripped of his mortality while he was lying prostrate? Before Filimon could distress himself even further, he remembered. The Z-box, a marvelous blend of Illusion and cutting edge Gnomish Hi-Tech, a wondrous item created by legendary artificer Kvass the Frothy himself, was gone without a trace. Along with Zap-a-Zit, Filimon’s favorite game of all time.
Crashing his Dad’s flyer in the Underdark was shocking; losing the Z-box was unfathomable.
Certainly, the loss of mortality would’ve been less aggravating.
Filimon found faint footprints on the dusty floor. Robbers, no doubt. Fuming with indignation, he resolved to follow the trail. After several hours he came up to a small grotto hidden behind overgrown mushrooms. The grotto served as a dwelling to a shriveled hermit who claimed ignorance of the worldly affairs but was willing to refresh his memory if the gnome… just one time… Confronted with Filimon’s wrench instead, the presumptuous grotto-dweller promptly recollected a small party of grey dwarves passing his mushrooms recently. Filimon delicately bonked the hermit on the wizened head, to ensure full cooperation, and as a result, not only was he provided with valuable intelligence about the Duergar Compound lying just south of the grotto, but the hermit volunteered to personally escort him. Filimon declined the offer, applied his wrench once more, and departed in the southerly direction.
Direct assault on the heavily guarded Duergar Compound’s iron gates was an impossible feat for a gnome but the hermit mentioned a crack in the remote stone wall. The worthy recluse was in the habit of sneaking through the crack into the grey dwarves’ well-stocked pantry.
Upon successful penetration of the dwarven fortress, Filimon went on scouting, deftly avoiding an occasional patrol. The Compound was a multilevel structure with a labyrinth of tunnels and corridors leading to the living quarters above and the mines and forges below. On the main level, the tunnels converged at a spacious cavern apparently served as a Feast Hall. In one of the nearby tunnels Filimon discovered two armed to the teeth sentries pacing in front of a padlocked door. Must be the Treasury where his stolen Z-box was deposited. He climbed up a high, narrow ledge. His perch allowed him an unobstructed view of the Hall and the tunnel with the guarded door.
After a long day of mining and working their forges the duergars predictably flocked into the Feast Hall to unwind. Having downed his first dozen mugs, one of the grey dwarves hopped up onto a grimy table and started a merry song,
“A wee pot o‘barley pop…” followed by
“A bony lass is a pain in the…” , with the whole crew enthusiastically joining in. The carousal went on until some hotshots started to trade punches, perhaps for the love of athletic competition. Their mead-sodden brethren eagerly took sides and a general scuffle ensued. Concealed on his ledge, Filimon was observing with admiration the spectacular parabolic trajectories of the knocked-out teeth and even made an attempt to estimate the terminal velocity of a dwarven tooth in a potential field.
The duergars guarding the entrance to the Treasury watched the fistfight yearningly. Finally, unable to resist the temptation any longer, they abandoned their post and joined the fray. Filimon, hardly believing his luck, slithered his way down and stealthily walked to the padlocked door.
The gnome picked the lock with practiced ease that could put even the most accomplished burglar to shame, and warily entered the dark chamber. He lit his torch and almost dropped it with a stifled cry as many eerie lights suddenly shone all around him – his own torchlight reflected in several wall-mounted mirrors. In addition, the room appeared befogged by swirling yellowish smoke seeping through the nostrils of a loathsome-looking stone gargoyle tucked in between a massive ironbound chest and a tall wooden cabinet. Smaller chests and boxes were piled along the walls.
Having recovered from the initial shock, Filimon approached the cabinet, eyeing the smoking gargoyle askance. The cabinet was chock-full of books and scrolls of political nature. The gnome browsed through the dusty tomes with genuine interest –
Chieftain’s ABCs…
Grimoire of Statecraft: Carrot and Stick…
Design Ideas for Modern Torture Chambers…
Rabble-Rousing Speeches, volume XVIII…
A small scrap of parchment slipped out of one of the books and Filimon picked it up. The fragment was covered with finely drawn lines and ovals:
0101 1001 0010 0011
At first glance, the puzzle did not make any sense, yet it felt vaguely familiar. A faint memory stirred in the back of Filimon’s mind but failed to surface. He sighed, pocketed the scribble and turned his attention to the ironbound chest.
Surprisingly, it had a keypad lock:
1 2 3 4 5
6 7 8 9 0
He did not know the passcode. Then it occurred to him that the lines and ovals drawn on the parchment might have been the passcode he was looking for. He hastened to test his theory and punched the zeroes and ones, to the same disappointing effect. Something was amiss.
From the corner of his eye he thought he saw the gargoyle move. Alarmed, he looked at the statue. The gargoyle was glaring back, its sharp teeth bared. The billowing smoke took on a nasty greenish heu and Filimon started feeling sick from the poisonous vapors. He hurriedly stuffed the gargoyle’s nose, ears and mouth with all the bolts and screws he could find in his pockets. The creature hissed and stretched out a clawed hand. Filimon hurled weighty
Chieftain’s ABCs towards the menacing beast and made a beeline for the door.
By that time the Feast Hall battle was over. Some of the battered combatants were clinging obliviously to a barrel of ale and singing with heartfelt emotion,
“Me ain’t got no elbow room in me forsaken stony tomb” while the others were contentedly snoring on the floor. Filimon retired to the storeroom to ponder his predicament.
Then he heard some scraping sounds. Somebody was squeezing through the crack! The startled gnome hid himself behind a crate and watched a group of intrepid adventurers materialize in front of him...
In Baldur Gate III, you can expect a surprise party at any moment.