The Strangest

Avane · Post by **Avane** » Sat Jun 02, 2007 1:59 pm

... There is no fear, it is your limbic brain the one that melds the circuitry of the enteric nervous system into that reptilian part of your brain which shrugs off that momentary emotion it is a quiver, not understood.
Shutting your eyes against the cryptozoic, pre-cambrian sub-aquatic scene before you you once again listen . The implant in your left frontal lobe 'speaks' again. The project . A numerological upload fills your interior visual screen, the numbers are beginning to make sense filling a weirdly shaped space within your alternate sphere, you think 'Aaha' just as...

Naffnuff · Post by **Naffnuff** » Sat Jun 02, 2007 2:04 pm

... you wake up, only to discover that the octopus' arm is really your own pillow. You look around at the disgusting mess you have caused, decide breakfast is off, and go to the bathroom to clean up. But as you stand there in the shower, thinking it was all just a dream, ...

Lady Dragonfly · Post by **Lady Dragonfly** » Sat Jun 02, 2007 2:11 pm

...you realize that the back-up emergency battery implanted in your bladder started firing up. Propelled by the hydraulic force you quickly swam upwards thinking about "the project". If only you could remember...

Naffnuff · Post by **Naffnuff** » Sat Jun 02, 2007 2:15 pm

... how to swim. You remember that lullaby your mother used to sing, decide that as absolutely nothing to do with this, panic, take in water, capsize, drown, go to heaven, where ...

Lady Dragonfly · Post by **Lady Dragonfly** » Sat Jun 02, 2007 2:28 pm

...an angel in uniform tells you that you still have to work on your project. Booted out you have nowhere to go. The only option is to fly so you fly. Down. Your free fall from grace is suddenly interrupted by...

AmpaSand · Post by **AmpaSand** » Sat Jun 02, 2007 2:37 pm

...one very hard cloud. Well it's more of a flying megalith in a cloud than anything else. You approach the Druid dude thats sitting at one end, only to hear "You must be the new dude they sent to help witht the project!"....

Naffnuff · Post by **Naffnuff** » Sat Jun 02, 2007 2:38 pm

... when a hail of meteors, conjured by an all-powerful wizard lord standing on top of one of the moons of Abeir-Toril, hits you. This wretched wizard has gathered all the world's power at the tip of his finger, but as a result, has no incentive to do anything. Roaring with frustration, he slings his fireballs, only to ...

Lady Dragonfly · Post by **Lady Dragonfly** » Sat Jun 02, 2007 2:44 pm

...hit the druid. You realize your only chance to learn about the project has been vaporized and the negative emotions overwhelm your limbic system. You decide to...

Naffnuff · Post by **Naffnuff** » Sat Jun 02, 2007 2:51 pm

.. become the druid. By reiterating every little detail in the life of this celestial druid, God rest his soul, you hope to resuscitate, if not the poor man himself, then at least some of that infinite wisdom that once were able to grasp such a divine concept as the project. As you begin the laborious process ...

kathycf · Post by **kathycf** » Sat Jun 02, 2007 3:28 pm

...you suddenly remember you hate labor, in addition to despising anything remotely resembling a laborious process. You think to yourself "What wouldn't I do for a cup of [insert favorite beverage name here]? That would be so good right now!". Suddenly, before your eyes appears a ....

Lady Dragonfly · Post by **Lady Dragonfly** » Sat Jun 02, 2007 3:31 pm

...a vision of the project. You start your labor by accumulating the druidic vapor but you realize that the infinite wisdom is inherently incompatible with spam and your mainframe is about to shut down. You desperately try to expel the druidic gas before it can corrupt your core and...

Naffnuff · Post by **Naffnuff** » Sat Jun 02, 2007 5:10 pm

... discover, to your utmost horror, that it is much too late and that the mainframe has already initiated its malign algorithm of wild mutation. Spam now surrounds you in every direction, you are incessantly smitten by its vapidity, insufferably tormented by its fathomless futility. Then it strikes you, as a young man/woman/thing is struck when he/she/it is for the first time struck with the full force of virgin spam: "This is the project, to free this forum from spam, once and for all!" But just as you are about to press the big button, effecting a full low-level format of your entire nervous system ...

Lady Dragonfly · Post by **Lady Dragonfly** » Sat Jun 02, 2007 8:20 pm

...you see the light in the end of the tunnel. You know that the battle is lost before it started because the last time you checked there was no tunnels in the megalith. The malicious virus is spamming in your brain: SPAM IS INVINCIBLE SPAM IS INVINCIBLE SPAM... With the last effort you execute REBOOT and your shoes turn into...

AmpaSand · Post by **AmpaSand** » Sun Jun 03, 2007 12:27 am

......Grolf! The amazing SPAMEATING pig! Now with the spam purged you are able to easily decapitate the biggest, ugliest, sweatiest, grossest flying [insert item of clothing here] you have ever seen as it decends you decide to.....

Naffnuff · Post by **Naffnuff** » Sun Jun 03, 2007 6:11 am

... to ... well, you have no idea; for the next thing you know, you are trapped inside a great ice crystal. "So this is what Superman's North Pole abode really looks like!", you think to yourself, but no!, this is an entirely different campaign setting! Then you realize that your body is now that of a full-grown man/woman/she-man, and that, from the smell of your clothes, you must have been asleep inside that crystal for millennia! But before you have even time to consider your escape, you feel a hieratically booming voice repercussing on your intestinal organs. And lo! A priestly figure, composed of three polygons altogether, arises from the depths. He speaks again, and this time your ears are adjusted to his awesome voice: "You have been chosen to rescue our beloved princess, most splendidly drawn by four polygons, who has been savagely carried away by the two-dimensional sprites of evil, to their lair in the dark castle of Pong!" And while you think to yourself, "Is this what the future will bring?", ...

Lady Dragonfly · Post by **Lady Dragonfly** » Sun Jun 03, 2007 12:08 pm

...is this the future my Mommy planned for me? To spend the eternity inside a crystalline mental institution, tormented by priestly polygons while beloved princesses are gone with the wind on a daily basis? Good riddance, by the way, because beloved princesses are even worse than priestly polygons. You recall your first beloved princess and shudder with disgust. Your involuntary vibration transfers to the crystal and BOOM! It explodes. The crystal shards try to dominate your inner ear with promises of power and riches but you know better. You mount the spam-eating pig and...

Naffnuff · Post by **Naffnuff** » Sun Jun 03, 2007 12:18 pm

... charge that humbug mumbo jumbo cleric son of a turtle with full speed! It turns out however, that the post-historic priest is, just as you should have expected, only an illusion, and as you fall through an eternity of abysmal emptiness ...

Lady Dragonfly · Post by **Lady Dragonfly** » Sun Jun 03, 2007 12:28 pm

...of mind. The pig disintegrates and ionizes and you feel your best nucleus is bombarded with pork neutrons. That triggers the apocalypses and apotheosis inside your mainframe but...

Naffnuff · Post by **Naffnuff** » Sun Jun 03, 2007 12:40 pm

... no but, it really does ...

Lady Dragonfly · Post by **Lady Dragonfly** » Sun Jun 03, 2007 3:45 pm

...IT DOES! --- you experience your first (ever) rational thought. But you are trained not to think but trust your gut feeling. At the last millisecond you pull the plug and all pork gushes out and disappears in the Black Hole. The megalith starts melting and you know that you have only 0,000000000000000001 chance to survive. At the desperate moments like that you always shine...