Pre-marital Sex - right or wrong?

Georgi · Post by **Georgi** » Fri Aug 31, 2001 7:59 am

LOL@Veh

Give me the Truth.
You Can't handle the truth.
(some movie)

Actually it's "You want answers?"
"I think I'm entitled to them"
"You want answers?"
"I want the truth!"
"You can't handle the truth!"
-A Few Good Men

EMINEM · Post by **EMINEM** » Fri Aug 31, 2001 8:14 am

Originally posted by Georgi:
LOL@Veh

Actually it's "You want answers?"
"I think I'm entitled to them"
"You want answers?"
"I want the truth!"
"You can't handle the truth!"
-A Few Good Men

Oh I loved that movie! Cliche-ridden though it was, the acting was superb, and Jack Nicholson simply ruled!

The rest of the dialogue goes somthing like this (my dorm mates memorized the final scene and performed it in front of our drama professor, who thought we were a bunch of fruitcakes):

Kaffee: I want the truth!

Jessop: You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has walls and those wall have to be guarded by men with guns! Who's gonna do it? You?! You lieutenant Whineberg? No, have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago and you curse the Marine Corps... and my existence while grotesque and incomprehenible to you saves lives! You don't wanna know the truth because deep down you want me on that wall, you need me on that wall! We use words like honor, code, and loyalty - we use them as the backbone in a life spent defending something worthwhile. You use them as a punchline! I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of security I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it! I would rather you just said "Thank you" and go on your way. otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon, and stand post! Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to!

Kaffee: Did you order the code red?!

Jessop: I did what I had to!

Kaffee: DID YOU ORDER THE CODE RED?!?!

Jessop: YOUR GOD-DAMN RIGHT I DID!!!

EMINEM · Post by **EMINEM** » Fri Aug 31, 2001 8:25 am

Originally posted by Georgi:
I think it depends on your views on marriage - if you view it as a sacred union, then you might be more anti-pre-marital sex. A modern couple can live together and raise a family without ever wanting or needing to get married, and there's nothing wrong with that.

I'll agree with you there, Georgi. I think that if a person views marriage as a sacred union whose chief end is the creation of a secure family, one is more likely to embrace a life of abstinence.

Georgi · Post by **Georgi** » Fri Aug 31, 2001 8:45 am

Originally posted by Vehemence:
Much like a hamburger and fries, coca-cola would be the marriage

Hmmm, on closer examination I'm not all that sure about this analogy... I mean, if you just have the hamburger and fries, you'd probably end up pretty thirsty... You need the coca-cola to wash it all down with. Marriage is the tomato ketchup... not really necessary, but it can be nice to have

Vehemence · Post by **Vehemence** » Fri Aug 31, 2001 8:54 am

Originally posted by Georgi:
Hmmm, on closer examination I'm not all that sure about this analogy... I mean, if you just have the hamburger and fries, you'd probably end up pretty thirsty... You need the coca-cola to wash it all down with. Marriage is the tomato ketchup... not really necessary, but it can be nice to have

Ok, so perhaps the hamburger is the love, and sex is the coke with of course, the ketchup being the marriage

THE JAKER · Post by **THE JAKER** » Fri Aug 31, 2001 10:10 am

I'm goint to try to put down what I think about this topic really quick - it's something I feel strongly about.

I'm not in favor of promiscuity, but I believe that people should have sex before they get married. I say this because I know a lot of marriages are breaking up, but I think that if you get married you should try to make it work. I don't think there's any way of making it work if you're not happy and you and your spouse don't get along, and this means in a house as well as in bed.

So I think people should live together and have sex before they get married. My ex girlfriend who I used to live with says that if people live together, they'll never get married, but I say better to not get married then to get divorced after 3 or 4 years.

I think you should be married if you have kids, and if you have kids you owe it to them to stay together and give them a decent childhood. I've known too many kids with divorced parents. Once the kid turns 25, then get divorced if you must (it seems like no-one stays together anymore).

Anyway as far as sex before marriage goes, my experience is this - there are some people that you love, and you think are wonderful, but for whatever reason sex does not work out good with them. Better to find out before you're married.

Nippy · Post by **Nippy** » Fri Aug 31, 2001 10:29 am

Originally posted by Gruntboy:
And some people like puffins.

And people like Tom take it any way they can get it. They don't care if the chickens *are* married.

@ Grunty, that was a 5/5 Flame!

LOL

A Few Good Men is a good film.

I think sex before marriage is bound to occur. Lust, peer pressure, embarrasment at Virginity for some people and so on. Also it is the social climate at the moment. One night stands appear very often nowadays... (Gods I sound old...

)

dragon wench · Post by **dragon wench** » Fri Aug 31, 2001 10:30 am

I don't think there's any way of making it work if you're not happy and you and your spouse don't get along, and this means in a house as well as in bed.
********************************************

I couldn't agree more. Sex is one of the most important elements in a relationship, if you are not sexually compatable there can be significant problems and much unhapiness.

And to add to the other part of this discussion, IMHO sex and love are not the same thing. there are some people with whom you simply have sex, others whom you love. When the twain meet......then there is a certain magic. However, the one does not necessitate the other.

nael · Post by **nael** » Fri Aug 31, 2001 12:05 pm

chris rock said it best...whatever you're into, your partner has to be into it also. if she's born again, you better be born again too. if she's a crackhead, you gotta be a crackhead. if you're born again and she's not, you'll never last...now two crackheads...they'll stay together forever.

it's true for sex as well, which is why premarital sex can be pretty important. to find out what you like and someone who likes it as much as you. there are 6 billion people out there...there's no reason to settle for anything in a relationship

Gwalchmai · Post by **Gwalchmai** » Fri Aug 31, 2001 12:25 pm

It might depend on what sex is defined as. Are we just talking "all the way" or do "first", "second", and "third base" count? Does sleeping with another person count, or does the removal of clothing have to be involved? Maybe smooching by itself should be considered sex, or maybe only if the tongue is involved? Where do you draw the line?

Rob-hin · Post by **Rob-hin** » Fri Aug 31, 2001 12:28 pm

As long as they are old enough it's all ok.
(not like with Jerry Springer "I'm 12 and my boyfriend...ect."

Yshania · Post by **Yshania** » Fri Aug 31, 2001 12:49 pm

Personally I believe you should be able to explore all possible areas to your relationship before committing for life.

I have seen my father marry 5 (!!!) times, and my mother twice. For me it will only ever be once (I hope!)

I courted my d/h for a year before moving in together. We have been together for 9 years now, married for 15 months.

We already had two children, and were on our second mortgage (one at a time

) before we married, so by then the occasion was academic. (It was only money that slowed things up - the commitment was there)

I know that 'academic' sounds horrible, it wasn't - it was a fairytale day, even if our little page boy and bridesmaid had chicken pox

It is just that to all our family and friends we were already an institution.

Way before the time we wed, it was inevitable. He wanted it, as did his mum (his only other family apart from me and the kids) but I would have been happy carrying on as we were...but any excuse for a party

(Sorry I am not the romantic one of our relationship

)

That said, I am fortunate to believe that had we lived apart etc etc, before marrying - I would still be happy with outcome

EMINEM · Post by **EMINEM** » Fri Aug 31, 2001 1:10 pm

Originally posted by Gwalchmai:
It might depend on what sex is defined as. Are we just talking "all the way" or do "first", "second", and "third base" count? Does sleeping with another person count, or does the removal of clothing have to be involved? Maybe smooching by itself should be considered sex, or maybe only if the tongue is involved? Where do you draw the line?

Ha ha ha ha ha!

You sound just like Clinton!

LOL!!

Oh my gosh

LOL!!
LOL!!
LOL!!

THE JAKER · Post by **THE JAKER** » Fri Aug 31, 2001 1:28 pm

Originally posted by nael:
whatever you're into, your partner has to be into it also. if she's born again, you better be born again too. if she's a crackhead, you gotta be a crackhead. if you're born again and she's not, you'll never last...
important to find out what you like and someone who likes it as much as you

I couldn't agree more...if sex is not important to you, you can find someone who is not into sex and you'll both be happy, but woe to the man or woman who has a hearty sex drive and marries someone who can take it or leave it!

@Yshania, that's a very sweet story.

Rob-hin · Post by **Rob-hin** » Fri Aug 31, 2001 1:36 pm

Originally posted by THE JAKER:
I couldn't agree more...if sex is not important to you, you can find someone who is not into sex and you'll both be happy, but woe to the man or woman who has a hearty sex drive and marries someone who can take it or leave it!

@Yshania, that's a very sweet story.

Everybody is into sex, I've never heard enybody say: bwaa, sex, pff, not for me. I don't like it.

Yshania · Post by **Yshania** » Fri Aug 31, 2001 1:41 pm

@Rob-hin - I remember my father saying to me once 'There is sex and there is making love. There is a difference.'

I know it is simple, but it is so true...

Rob-hin · Post by **Rob-hin** » Fri Aug 31, 2001 1:45 pm

Your right, now all I need to do is find a girl to "give some loving"

THE JAKER · Post by **THE JAKER** » Fri Aug 31, 2001 1:51 pm

Well, as a prev. post pointed out, not everyone defines "Sex" the same way, so one person saying "I like sex" maybe completely different from someone else saying "I like sex".

(and you can edit my post to read:

posted by J AKER
I like sex

all you want because its true. But the thing is, people ARE different and sometimes incompatible. My ex, for instance used to like to fight, then have sex. But after I fight with someone, I'm mad and don't want to make up...

Sailor Saturn · Post by **Sailor Saturn** » Fri Aug 31, 2001 2:40 pm

*is not going to directly comment on whether premarital sex is right or wrong, but does having something to say that has somewhat to do with other parts of the discussion that's going on*

So you don't have to get out the dictionary:
Agape-Greek, basically means "unconditional love"
Eros-Greek, basically means "physical(sexual) love"

I think Robert A. Heinlein explained best the difference between love, sex, and marriage, though I don't remember if it was in Time Enough For Love or I Will Fear No Evil. The main character stated that marriage is not about eros. Eros is readily available just about anywhere. If you want to experience eros badly enough, it can be done someway, somehow, somewhere. Thus, it is ridiculous to get into a "contract" that legally bonds you financially with your spouse, among other things, just to experience eros. Marriage is about agape. You marry someone because you love them and want to spend your entire life with them. Agape is what continues to keep a couple(or group?) together long after eros is impossible. Agape is the cake. Eros is the icing on the cake. A cake does not require the icing in order to be good, but the icing can make it "better."

The word marriage means to take two(or more) materials and merge them into one material. i.e., a copper/lead alloy is a marriage of copper and lead. *doesn't know if that is done with copper and lead, merely picked out two metals for an example* A marriage between two(or more?) humans means that they are becoming one. Obviously they are not becoming one physical being. This is a figurative speaking of their "spiritual beings."

Yshania · Post by **Yshania** » Fri Aug 31, 2001 2:52 pm

@SS - I like your similie. Whether it is a legal or emotional bonding the same applies...