Girl Help !!!

Ideal Maxima · Post by **Ideal Maxima** » Sun Oct 03, 2004 12:06 pm

[QUOTE=dark_raven]in other words, just tell her the truth, you love and wish that she goes out with you. but only do this if you think that it wouldn't mess up your friendship if she refuses.[/QUOTE]

But, how am I supposed to find out if her knowing that I like her doesn't mess up our friendship... We've been ACTUAL friends for about 2 or 3 days now

Aegis · Post by **Aegis** » Sun Oct 03, 2004 12:16 pm

Well, if you must ask her out. Do so, but, and this is a big but, don't gush your soul out to her. That would just put a heavy weight onto her, and might make her feel obligated to go out with you for a bit, even if she doesn't feel the same way.

Take it slow, and take it easy. Approach her, ask if she wants to catch a flick or something, or even just hang out, but the last thing you want to do is approach her, and declare you're eternal undying love. That should be saved for after you two have been going out, and you're in hot water and need a save.

Malta Soron · Post by **Malta Soron** » Sun Oct 03, 2004 12:44 pm

[QUOTE=Darc_Elv_Nyte]( i figure i'm pretty ugly... well i sure aint the best looking guy that's for sure)[/QUOTE]

As long as you don't look like this, there's hope.

giles337 · Post by **giles337** » Sun Oct 03, 2004 12:55 pm

lol... i was expecting a horned being

Wolfguard · Post by **Wolfguard** » Sun Oct 03, 2004 1:45 pm

Here`s my advice and you probably won`t like or agree with it. First:

i figure i'm pretty ugly... well i sure aint the best looking guy that's for sure

EDIT: oh yeah i'm working on it but i'm a bit portly well i hope i'm not portly much longer... i run 15 minutes, do 35 push-ups rite afterward, then 25 sit-ups, and lastly 100 jumping jax... i do this about 4 days a week and i dont eat any snacks...

^ That says it all. You don`t feel enough confidence in yourself. That one of the things girls like in guys. I think you need to work on that and focus on improving yourself for YOU for some time before you decide to ask any chick out.

things to make a girl like u without forcing her...

Oxymoron. To "make" someone do or feel something is to "force" them or to "force" the issue. Don`t focus on what you want the other person to think about you; focus on how you feel about yourself and/or the other person.

How can I make her understand that I have interest in her?

Again, you can`t "make her" or anyone else do or have an interest in anything they don`t "want" to. Key word - WANT.

how am I supposed to find out if her knowing that I like her doesn't mess up our friendship...We've been ACTUAL friends for about 2 or 3 days now

Don`t focus on finding out, because girls aren`t comfortable about being upfront or pressured about stuff like that. If you`re friends, then you spend time with her, right? So then you and her and other friends (yes, a group) should hang out someplace like the movies or the mall or have a BBQ or something NON-INTIMATE. As time goes on (yes, relationships take time as does TRUE love), you can ask her to go places when it`s just you and her.

Anyhow, girls, sex, love...it`s all highly overrated.

frogus23 · Post by **frogus23** » Sun Oct 03, 2004 2:27 pm

Being pretty isn't something girls find nearly as important as boys, IMO. A boy will put up with any ammount of **** from a girl with the right figure, the bedroom eyes rah rah rah, but a girl will somehow put up with the spottiest, fattest and hairiest creature if he makes her feel good with his company....

Am I wrong??

As for how can you make a girl like you - I think that if you are still friends, practically nothing is too much. If you want to do everything you can for her, do absolutely everything... but NOT the things which she'll have to pay back! Don't buy her expensive jewellery and flowers etc which have so much bull**** romantic expectation tied up in them...but DO mend her fence for her, offer to help her with anything, and make it clear that you don't want anything in return.

The simplest lesson to ever learn is that it is nicer to give than to receive - and if you love someone you can give and give to them until they love you back, or if they never do.

dragon wench · Post by **dragon wench** » Sun Oct 03, 2004 4:42 pm

Being pretty isn't something girls find nearly as important as boys, IMO. A boy will put up with any ammount of **** from a girl with the right figure, the bedroom eyes rah rah rah, but a girl will somehow put up with the spottiest, fattest and hairiest creature if he makes her feel good with his company....

Am I wrong??

Interesting question... I believe this tends to be more individual-specific than gender-specific, but I haven't done a great deal of research into it either

Personally, I am usually more attracted to what is inside a person, I think that the interior ultimately defines the exterior. However, that does not mean I'm indifferent to appearance, nor does it mean that some physical attributes don't appeal to me as much others. For example, I have *never* been drawn to extremely well-muscled men, and for some reason blond has usually somewhat repelled me as well. Don't ask, because I don't understand it either

Galuf the Dwarf · Post by **Galuf the Dwarf** » Sun Oct 03, 2004 9:40 pm

Wolfguard also raise MANY EXCELLENT POINTS. Romance CAN be considered overrated in many cases, but that's not to say that it is pointless in the end.

Like he said, self-image says alot to people, whether it's men to women or the other way around. Believe me, I'm a victim of this lesson.

I might post a pic of myself, but I'm almost thinking it might be overkill. Besides, I still have to learn to how bring an image into a computer from a digital camera or such.

Bloodstalker · Post by **Bloodstalker** » Sun Oct 03, 2004 10:22 pm

Ugly, good looking, they don't exist IMO except on an individual basis. Some people are attracted to certain physical characteristics, some others. Look at who your friends date for an example. I know some of my friends have just went wild over someone I didn't find particularly attractive, and I've gone for girls my friends didn't find attractive.

Bottom line, in my experience, whatever you look like, some people are gonna think you are attractive, some won't. Don't ever not talk to someone just because you think you don't measure up to some idea of attractivness you have formed in your own mind when you don't even know if the person you are talking to thinks the same way you do or not. For all you know, you could be the ideal type of person that she has in mind physically. Then again, maybe not. But either way, if you get hung up on it and come off as down on yourself or not thinking you have a shot (which you will come off as is you really do think that way), you won't have a shot most of the time. Nobody, male or female, really wants to be with someone with that mind set. Simply because everybody has enough security issues for themselves without having to deal with anyone elses.

Just remember, think with confidence, and you'll come across as confident, just try not to pass all the way into ****y

CM · Post by CM » Mon Oct 04, 2004 3:59 am

A point to ponder: Why do guys always need girl help when girls never need any help....seems that women are naturally manipulative and vile

fable · Post by **fable** » Mon Oct 04, 2004 6:07 am

[QUOTE=CM]A point to ponder: Why do guys always need girl help when girls never need any help....seems that women are naturally manipulative and vile

[/QUOTE]

@Fas, you are a cynical COMMer.

In many societies, the young, inexperienced male was expected to make all the social moves. The female was to be wooed, but not to do the wooing. As a result, romantic complexities were much greater for the male. There have been several studies done of the pressure on adoloscent males that resulted from this, and I could try and find titles for you, if you'd like.

In more recent years and in more urban areas, there's evidence this is changing. Girls are now actively taking an equal control of the dating/socializing process as boys. The result is more girls seeking the same kind of romantic advice that used to be exclusively the provenance of boys.

CM · Post by CM » Mon Oct 04, 2004 6:13 am

Cynical COMMer? Ah I see you know my character really well

I would love to get a link or even title to those studies if they are freely available. But I do agree with the male being pressured to make the "moves". My society is one hell of a complex situation to put it delicately. You grow up being told to stay away from women. Then you are expected to marry one and live a healthy and fulfilling marriage. An extremely stupid way to work things in my opinion.

Of course there is the added hypocracsy that guys are expected to get girls. Every mother/father wants their son to have a girlfriend or two but will never consider the girl for marriage because she doesnt have the right moral attitude as she is dating. Anyway this off topic rant is for no real purpose other than to mention my frustrations.

As for these girls that go after boys, if anybody comes across one of them and doesnt feel like dealing with her give me a shout

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Mon Oct 04, 2004 7:24 am

[QUOTE=frogus23]<snip>but a girl will somehow put up with the spottiest, fattest and hairiest creature if he makes her feel good with his company....

Am I wrong??[/QUOTE]

Yes dear, you are completely wrong

When I was a teen, both I and my female friends rated looks as the most important feature in a boy. None of us would have dreamed of dating a guy who were spotty and fat. My male friends though, were not at all as picky with looks as I and my female friends were.

However, when you select for looks, you quickly start to notice that for some guys, that's the only quality they've got. So after the first couple of hormone-raging years, most of us tended to select both for looks, personality and intelligence. Obviously, that decreased the sample size significantly

Many years later (I am now 34), I still care about looks but not in the way I used to as a teen. It is certainly not the primary selection feature, but it is not unimportant either. I am sorry to sound superficial, but I wouldn't go to bed with a fat and spotty guy today either. He might become my best friend, but I simply wouldn't be physically attracted to him.

@Fas: Contrary to you I am not brought up in the neolithic era

so even though I could be your mother, it was always girls and boys alike who went after each other. We spend hours and hours talking about how to deal with boys and girls, but since I always had many friends of both genders, it didn't take me long to figure out that the issues were exactly the same. If you want girls that go after you, visit Scandinavia - although they may loose interest when they realise you aren't dropping your pants before marriage

frogus23 · Post by **frogus23** » Mon Oct 04, 2004 4:36 pm

There has to be one...

well that said, I'm not fussy

Weasel · Post by **Weasel** » Mon Oct 04, 2004 5:15 pm

[QUOTE=CM].seems that women are naturally manipulative and vile

[/QUOTE]

It's a failure to COMMunicate.

I plan to remedy this and be as manipulative and vile as well.

Bloodstalker · Post by **Bloodstalker** » Mon Oct 04, 2004 10:31 pm

[QUOTE=Weasel]It's a failure to COMMunicate.

I plan to remedy this and be as manipulative and vile as well.

[/QUOTE]

Weasels getting a sex change?!?!?!?!?!?!

CM · Post by CM » Tue Oct 05, 2004 1:35 am

[QUOTE=C Elegans]@Fas: Contrary to you I am not brought up in the neolithic era

so even though I could be your mother, it was always girls and boys alike who went after each other. We spend hours and hours talking about how to deal with boys and girls, but since I always had many friends of both genders, it didn't take me long to figure out that the issues were exactly the same. If you want girls that go after you, visit Scandinavia - although they may loose interest when they realise you aren't dropping your pants before marriage

[/QUOTE]

Dropping my pants is not an issue. I am more than willing to do that, but what comes afterwards is chancy. I am still thinking if a lightening bolt up my butt is worth sex.

I have friends of both genders in Switzerland and I have changed greatly over the past 3 to 5 years. I am far more liberal but there is still something which causes me not to discuss such matters infront of a female. Atleast of my own age group. So is that an invite to Sweden. If all the girls are beautiful and will date a fat ugly Islamic fundementalist, how soon can you help me find an apartment?

Magrus · Post by **Magrus** » Tue Oct 05, 2004 3:08 am

First of all, back to the original topic, second, what was it you WANTED out of your desired relationship with said girl? Getting advice from people isn't going to work all that well without correctly informing them of a clear goal and such. Giving your desired result might give you far more clearer, more refined results from the people who respond. Describing her personality and what you know about her may help too, as everyone is an individual and such, it's hard to say how to proceed besides generalities and stereotypes. Generally people your age tend to be quite focused on the opinions of your peers, I'm not saying you, or she would be that way, but that has been my experience, and that of my whole family, and friends and such. On top of that, with her being rejected by the guy she wanted, she is most likely hurt, and I know when I've been hurt, or I'm depressed I want nothing to do with anyone. Some people are like me, others become angry and resentful, still others crave attention/comfort. Do you happen to know whether she would even want the company of a friend while she's upset, or if you trying to be around her would simply irritate her when she wants space?

If she wants comfort, let her know you will be there for her. Offer to be available to talk about how she's feeling, be there for her if she needs a shoulder to cry on or to be held, or offer to do something with her. Going to a park to hang out, or going for a walk, or just something together as a friend. It's been my experience most females like guys that show consistancy in their lives without boring them. Being able to keep up a conversation with a girl thats interesting, and having a good sense of humor tends to go a long way from my experience, whether in friendships or a relationship.

But first, figure out what it is YOU want as a goal between the two of you. Then, figure out a way to keep that to yourself, and comfort her as a friend. Think things through and let her get herself back together emotionally before you share how you feel for her. And when you do, I'd highly suggest doing so with confidence, anything you do around her, make sure you comfortable with it, and comfortable with yourself. Just like everyone says animals smell fear and attack because of it, humanity has a tendency to ignore, or belittle those who lack confidence in themselves and show it.

Ideal Maxima · Post by **Ideal Maxima** » Tue Oct 05, 2004 2:41 pm

guys, i didnt say she was sad from being dumped, she's still just her normal self she really didnt give a **** about being dumped

anyway she over herd another friend of mine sayin that i like her... and i realized it too... so then i spoke aloud,"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT I DON'T LIKE JESSICA(the girl)" then she just turned away like nothing hapened... and another time i had a friend of mine (she's a girl) to ask Jess if she likes me... SHE SAID NO!

but then again my other friend and Jess don't know eachother very well... maybe she'd tell one of her closer friends...anyway...

more information about her...

Name: Jessica
Sex: (I hope I get it have some with her... I mean) Female
Nationality: Chinese
Age: 12
Hair Color: Black/Brown (...she's dyed her hair so many times... I'VE LOST COUNT!)
Personality: she's one of those popular girls... and she's... loud and doesn't care what anybody else thinks of her.

more info on me... if you wanna know
Name: Safwan
Sex: (I'd like to have some with Jessica... I mean) Male
Nationality: Bengali (i'm from bangladesh... if any of u have ever herd of it)
Age: 12
Hair Color: Black
Personality: one of those smart boys... nerd if you will... i'm fat...(142 pounds) ... i'm nice to most pretty girls(like Jess)... especially if they use the death defying,"PLEEEEEEEEEEASE"

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Tue Oct 05, 2004 4:09 pm

@Darc_Elv, are you sure she's fine with you posting her full name and everything on the internet? If I were you I would remove her (and my own) last name, you never know who reads these forums...

Regarding her overhearing you said to another friend that you like her - I think it was a mistake of you to make up for that by loudly saying you don't like her. Regardless of whether Jessica likes you or not, her interest may vanish or never develop if she is convinced that you do not like her. Better to keep her in ambiguity, or, if she's not at all sad that the other guy rejected her, then you can just tell her that you like her a bit.

So you're from Bangladesh? I've never been there, I'd like to visit some day.

PS: I'd really much nicer to talk to you know when you write better English!

[QUOTE=CM]I am still thinking if a lightening bolt up my butt is worth sex.

I have friends of both genders in Switzerland and I have changed greatly over the past 3 to 5 years. I am far more liberal but there is still something which causes me not to discuss such matters infront of a female. Atleast of my own age group. So is that an invite to Sweden. If all the girls are beautiful and will date a fat ugly Islamic fundementalist, how soon can you help me find an apartment?

[/QUOTE]

Good to hear you are now more liberal. Frankly I can't see why I would be of great concern to your god whether you have sex or not before marriage. Anyway, if you are prepared to drop the pants and use the contents, I'll let you rent our cellar room

Fat is not a big problems, most Swedish guys your age are also fat. They are not Islamic fundamentalists though, so skip the preaching

A funny true story for Fas about devouted muslims and Scandinavian girls that is totally off topic, sorry for that Darc Elv:

I know a guy from Tunisa whose brother is a very devouted and conservative muslim (which people aren't usually in Tunisa). This brother got a job at a restaurant in Denmark, so he moved there. Soon, his boss took a liking in him and offered him a permanent job. However, the boss also had a young beautiful daughter who also took a liking in the Tunisian guy. Like most Scandinavian women, she flirted quite extrovert with him. In the evenings after work she would cuddle up beside him in the bar, try to make him drink alcohol, etc. As the weeks went by, her skirts became shorter and shorter and her decolletage deeper and deeper. The Tunisian guy liked her and also felt physically attracted to her, but he was firm is his decision not to have sex before marriage.

Her courting of him got more and more intense. She started to come up to his room in the evenings, for long intimate chats. Often she would hug and kiss him goodnight when leaving. He got more and more disturbed by the situation. Then, after about 7 months, he awoke in the middle of the night by somebody knocking at the door. He got up and opened the door, and she was standing outside, stark naked, and fell into his arms. Now, this guy must have been very deeply religious, because he let her in, put a blanket around her and asked her to sit down. Then he explained to her that he liked her very much and found her very attractive, but that he, because of his religion, couldn't have sex with a woman before marriage. The Danish girl was very understanding, she cried and apologised for her behaviour and said that she loved him and asked him to marry her. So some months later they did. This was almost 15 years ago and they are still married, living in Denmark, with 2 children.

Cute, isn't it?