It was tied to the first monkey <- Answer (Highlight)
Why did the third monkey fall out the tree?
Peer Pressure <- Answer (Highlight)
Why did the sqiurrel fall out the tree?
It was doing a mmonkey impresion <- Answer (Highlight)
What is furry, green, has six legs, and if it fell out a tree onto you would kill you?
A snooker table *evil grin* <- Answer (Highlight)
Enjoy!
Mag:Don't remember much at all of last night do you? Me:put simply.... No Mag: From what I put together of your late night drunken ramblings? Vodka, 3 girls, and then we played tic-tac-toe and slapped each other around.
Ha, someone showed me this list, but it was longer, last week and I LOVED this one.
"You can do whatever you want to me." "Oh, so I can crate you and hide you in the warehouse at the end of Raiders?" "So funny, kiss me funny boy!" / *Sprays mace* " I know, I know, bad for the ozone"
"You can do whatever you want to me." "Oh, so I can crate you and hide you in the warehouse at the end of Raiders?" "So funny, kiss me funny boy!" / *Sprays mace* " I know, I know, bad for the ozone"
An old county doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.
It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child.
The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.
"Well, hit him again," the child said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!"
A young girl had been suffering from severe headaches and had tests run by her doctor. The doctor said, "I'm sorry miss, but you have a massive brain tumor."
The girl started crying and said to her mom, "I'm only 15 years old. I don't want to die."
The doctor said, "Well this is modern medicine. There is an experimental technique for a brain transplant, but it's expensive and not covered by insurance."
The girl's mother said, "Don't worry, dear. How much does it cost?"
The doctor replied, "Well, a male brain is $1,000,000 and the female brain is $25,000."
The mom said, "No problem. But why is the male brain more expensive then the female brain?" The doctor replied, "Because the female brain is USED!
"You can do whatever you want to me." "Oh, so I can crate you and hide you in the warehouse at the end of Raiders?" "So funny, kiss me funny boy!" / *Sprays mace* " I know, I know, bad for the ozone"
A man comes home from work to find nobody home, but odd noises coming from the bedroom. When he opens the bedroomdoor, he sees his neighbour screwing his wife.
"honey, what are you doing!" He screams out.
"See, I told you he was stupid."
If something can go wrong, it will go wrong
Always prepare for the worst
Never let experience guide you: every day is different
"You can do whatever you want to me." "Oh, so I can crate you and hide you in the warehouse at the end of Raiders?" "So funny, kiss me funny boy!" / *Sprays mace* " I know, I know, bad for the ozone"
An American man is traveling through Europe and gets a ride through (name city here) from a man. At the first traffic light the man accelerates and flies through the red light. When the american asks why he did this, the european answers "my brother always does this too". At the next traffic light, the american notices its red again and yes, the car accelerates once more, just missing the other traffic. With a pounding hart, he looks at the driver again. seriously, why do you drive through the red light?" "I told you, my brother does the same thing.
At the next traffic light, the passenger notices the light is green this time. Just as he takes a deep, relieved, breath, the driver hits the brakes. Hard.
"And what was that all about? Its green!" "Well yes, but my brother could be driving on the other road."
(writing just aint as good as telling)
If something can go wrong, it will go wrong
Always prepare for the worst
Never let experience guide you: every day is different
*laughs*@Athena. Um, if that's the case I could always write something else for you. I PM'd you too, what gives with not responding?
Oskatat, I have a family friend who actually DOES do that. He's color blind and a lot of times mixes them up.
"You can do whatever you want to me." "Oh, so I can crate you and hide you in the warehouse at the end of Raiders?" "So funny, kiss me funny boy!" / *Sprays mace* " I know, I know, bad for the ozone"
[QUOTE=Oskatat]How did (s)he get his/her driving license?[/QUOTE]
Honestly? He's legally blind, he's just memorized the eye tests and fooled the doctors/DMV. He can see, but can't read signs and spot the lights, the color blindness doesn't help. Everyone keeps trying to get him to stop driving, I think he did this past year. Not sure though, I haven't seen him since two years ago.
"You can do whatever you want to me." "Oh, so I can crate you and hide you in the warehouse at the end of Raiders?" "So funny, kiss me funny boy!" / *Sprays mace* " I know, I know, bad for the ozone"
A 'magician' is making a performance on a cruise ship. As one of his props, he's got a talking parrot.
Halfway his show, he makes a dazzling movement and suddenly has a bunch of flowers in his hand. The parrot says "up his sleeve, awk, up his sleeve."
The juggler ignores this and goes on with his performance. Near the end he makes a deck of cards disappear from his hands. "Awk, inner pocket, inner pocket, awk." the parrot says.
Now the juggler had enough and walks towards the parrot. Suddenly there's a crash. A large iceberg has rammed the boat and its sinking fast. The sole survivors are the juggler and the parrot, both on one piece of driftwood. They stare at each other for a long time. Finally the parrot speaks. "I give up, where did you leave the ship."
If something can go wrong, it will go wrong
Always prepare for the worst
Never let experience guide you: every day is different
Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers:
Illiterate? Write today for free help.
Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
Stock up and save. Limit: one.
Semi-Annual after Christmas Sale.
Year old teacher needed for pre-school.Experience preferred.
Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion.
Blue Cross and salary.
Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00
For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.
Great Dames for sale.
Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it.
Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
Get rid of aunts.
Zap does the job in 24 hours.
Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
For Rent: room hated apartment.
Man, honest. Will take anything.
Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.
Christmas taxable.
Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.
Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
Wanted. Widower with school age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
And now, the Superstore unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience. We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.
Enjoy!
