[QUOTE=Athena]Dear Santa Stalker,
Something about Christmas makes me wish it was Christmas never again. Could you please put a big
'X' on the whole shopping frenzy thing? (Intercom at said shopping place; "M'am, step AWAY from the shopping cart. You've been shopping for 16 hours, we're closing up now!"
) And could you please divert those reindeer from landing on my roof so it's not as noisy when they land?
Thanks Santa Stalker
-Na[/QUOTE]
Santa sympathises. The holiday sucks major. It takes time away from my busy schedule of boozing, wenching, and watching all day re-runs of '80's metal videos. Santa will deal with the shopping malls appropriatly. Vandalism is Santa;'s middle name.
RE the reindeer, I understand totally. Just leave your window open, and Santa will remember to slide into your bedroom instead. :mischief:
@Phreddie....didn't you already send Santa a letter?As to the request for elves, oompahloompas etc....Santa is contractually obligated to keep all elves in residence at the North Pole. This is to keep them safe from the molestations of people like Orlando Bloom, Leonardo Decaprio, and all those other pansy ass "male" actors running around getting all the roles in action movies and ruining films I would otherwise love to watch. The Oompas seem to be a fetish around here though for some reason, Santa will have to get back to you on that.
@Patrick.....A fine sounding name and a suitably drunken request. Santa will deliver all you ask for on the condition that Santa gets to taste test all the Guiness that comes out of the keg. Also, Santa thanks you for wishing Mrs. Claus well, and AC says hi back. Now someone spam this thread to cover that last line up.
@Grimar....unfortunatly, Rudolph is not what you think. Originally when contacted about the movie rights to his story, Hollywood rejected the idea that Rudolph was in actuallity a homicidal, schizoprenic wolverine with a large case of little man syndrome and a certain fondness for elven flesh. His nose isn't natuarally red btw, it's a product of his feeding habits. This also goes a long way towards explaining why Santa has to hoard the elves since they have a bothersom habit of dissappearing during stable duty.
However, Rudolph is feeling a bit burnt out, so we figure since no one else is crazy enough to ask for him, we'll send him to you for a bit of a vacation. We'll will not, however, be liable for any burial costs your family may accumulate as a result.
@Mag...the Turkey was a nice idea, but stashing a real live gobbler in that area of Dasher's anatomy.....well, let's just say it's been a long time since he's lived up to his name so well. As a result, Santa got 17 speeding tickets, one crualety to animals charge, and a chewing out from Mrs. Claus. Because the last one pleased me, you will get what you ask for. Santa will make sure to look into Athena's phone troubles personally when I arive with her gift. Try not to call until the following morning though.
