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....your torch around your pack and see your FORTIFY LUCK potion! now everything is as rigged as a vegas casino in your favour, so....

... since the radiation from the over-all chaos has altered your potion of luck by a factor of an unutterable four-hundred-billion-digit number, you now get way too much luck for your own good. In fact, you get so lucky as to ...

..........find six quadrillion dollars in crisp tens and twenties. As you gleefully run with your sack of cash across a lush and bug-free meadow, you stumble and trip over your long-lost twin. There is crying and hugging and all that, and a band of magical native peoples comes over and carries you both on golden stretchers with satin canopies. They serve you deep red wine and sixteen platters of chicken tikka masala. At that moment, a strange fruit falls out of a tree and onto your lap. The natives start yelling and whooping. It turns out that this fruit has been sought for ten billlion years, and is ridiculously powerful. Curious adventurer that you are, you take a large bite of the fruit. It tastes disgusting and everything goes black. When you awaken, you and your twin are lying in a puddle of slime. The natives robbed you and took the fruit. By tasting the fruit, you have reversed everything! Your luck has been reversed....Your twin is now your EVIL TWIN! AAAAAUGH he attacks you with a large stick. Bewildered, you. . .

....grab a snake and fling it at him, freaking him out. Then, you grab a sub-machinegun lying nearby and mow your evil twin down. Then, you get up, grab a back-pack filled with necessary equipment from binoculars, medical supplies and food all the way to weapons. Armed to the teeth, you march out, seeking the natives who swindled you. Along the way.....

... you meet your twin! All the bad luck has made it statistically impossible for you to kill him for another two million decades, counting in tendays as per Forgotten-Realms custom ...

.....and you are forced to retreat while laying down some suppressive fire to slow him down. Almost running out of ammunition, you ran as fast as you can until you reach a large ravine. You used a grappling hook and shoot it towards an overhanging branch. You swing successfully unto the other side and you get to watch that evil twin keel over and fall into the ravine. Thanks to some dead bodies lying around, you loot them of their ammunition and supplies and move on to the objective. Then.....

... you get lucky! You have no idea how or why. Maybe you're dreaming, maybe you're dead, but lucky you are. How do you know? Well ...

...your pathological sensitivities suggest that this is a good time to check your e-mails, you reach for your i-book and log-in. 4 mails, you scan them and open the one from...

. . .your future self.


-- Hello. This is your future self. --

...Just kidding, this is Mommy...

....Your jaw drops in horror as you read your mother's e-mail. Your father has slipped on a kleenex and is in the hospital. As you sit there in shock, a floating gum wrapper flies out at you and hits you in the face. Peeling it from your right cheek, you see strange symbols all over the paper. With relief you see that they are words.

< The only cure for your father's injuries is a cup of ketchup and pork fibers >

You rush to the fridge and open it. Fortunately, you have ketchup. BUT NO PORK! The Black Hole! Without a moment's hesitation, you strap on your deflectoid megalithorgus tlagglerstrongdeglarsonackler exothermioidusgwakoid sneakers and set the dial to "over easy."

Hurtling through space and time once again, you realize you've forgotten your..........

.. lunch. Damn. But fortunatly you are subscribed to the "inter (and intra) cosmos lunch delivery service and so order several million dollars or food INCLUDING the pork fibers and charge it all to your evil twins credit card which you stole off him in the fire fight. About two seconds later your twin pops up, slightly miffed. WHY DID YOU CHARGE SEVERAL MILION DOLLARS OF FOOD TO MY CARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! . About now you could do with a large mech. With a "wait one moment dear brother" you step around him and climb into the one he got out of. Powering up the
TurboMegaUberSuperChargedOverPoweredUltimateChainDeathRayRailGunGalltingTripodMountedLaserSightedGyroStabilisedUltimateKillingBlasterDohicky MkIII Version 4.0.23.5 you realise......

... you don't know what the hell a TurboMegaUberSuperChargedOverPoweredUltimateChainD eathRayRailGunGalltingTripodMountedLaserSightedGyr oStabilisedUltimateKillingBlasterDohicky MkIII Version 4.0.23.5 is ...

....BUT! It has a sight and trigger! Time to unleash some pain on......

...the anti-TurboMegaUberSuperChargedOverPoweredUltimateChainD eathRayRailGun sissies. YES!!! COME GET SOME!!! After your multi-million dollar lunch delivered by the inter-galactic service this very moment, of course. To your dissapointment, you realize that while you were trapped in the crystal, inflation made your millions worthless, and now all you can get for your money is a can of spam. And you even don't have a can opener. And the mean-looking delivery guy is waiting for the tip. You decide to...

. . .point and say, "OMG What in the name of Megalorgus V is that!"

As the rather unintelligent delivery boy turns around, you grab your handy pink highlighter and draw a moustache on yourself.

"HEY! THERE'S THAT PERSON THAT WAS THINKING OF RUNNING OFF WITHOUT TIPPING YOU!" you yell in your evil twin's direction.

As the pair engages in a brutal fight that ends with your twin firing the TurboMegaUberSuperChargedOverPoweredUltimateChainD eathRayRailGunGalltingTripodMountedLaserSightedGyr oStabilisedUltimateKillingBlasterDohicky MkIII Version 4.0.23.5, you slip away unseen.. . .

...by everybody except one sissy who is wearing the Invisibility T-shirt...

... But your polarised glasses let you see him and firing the charge on the death dokicky you powered up several posts ago removes him from all planes of existance along with several city blocks and the delivery boy. With this major distraction you now are able to...

...focus on eating your lunch, you look around realising that your now vaporised evil twin had stolen your lunch. You get so angry that you....

... trip on yourself. This increases your anger even further, causing you to do the same once again, then a third time, and a fourth, and just about a fifth time, when both you and your now seemingly not so evil twin (who can`t be killed, remember) have enough of this exhibition of slapstick and burst out into hysterical laughter. Eons of warring have taken their toll on you, and as you begin to ease up your tense mind and body, the giggling increases until you`re way out of control. Your now more than ever evil twin, who is perhaps made of tougher material than yourself, collects his wits faster than you, however, and, before you`re able to react, pounces on the opportunity and ...