Posted: Mon Feb 14, 2005 5:29 pm
Case File 679905 *DECLASSIFIED*
Subject: Bloodstalkers Equine Seduction
Certain members have resorted to debasing the impeccable chracter of Lord Stalker by insinuating he seduced a donkey named Cordelia. This is a half-truth. Luckily, records exist that will bear out the entire sordid tale. Portions of transcripts from the night in question are attached:
DW: Oh my God, there he is!
AC: What? Where?
DW: Right there! Next to the punch bowl.
AC: Isn't he gorgeous?
*girlish sighs*
DW: If only he'd notice me.
AC: Hey, I got first dibs sister.
DW: Like he hasn't been all over you already. You're just too stubborn to take what you want.
AC: There just has to be a way....wait, this is a costume party, do you think maybe?
DW: Is this something you learned from your date with Weasel?
AC: You kidding me? That was nothing, just a mix-up. I'd never steal Mom's man.
DW: Well, it does have possabilities....but what costume....
AC: I hear he's from the south. OMG, and his accent...
*Girlish giggles*
DW: I have the perfect idea!!
*Conversation fast forwarded to a local costume shop.*
DW: Yes, I'm quite sure. That's the one.
AC: I don't know, I was kinda thinking something seperate, and a little sexier...
DW: Sexier? All southern men have this fantasy.
AC: You sure about that?
DW: Right here, in this book. 1001 ways to trap that hick of your dreams.
AC: He is dreamy, isn't he?
*Girlish sighs*
*Fast forward to back at the party*
AC: No fair! You get the good end!
DW: I bought the costume!
AC: But you'll get all the action! I wanna be the ass.
DW: I'm the ass. We'll switch off. That make you happy?
AC:*pouty voice* No, but I'll deal with it. But this seam, it's not closing properly. It's ruin the fantasy.
DW: Duct tape it. That always works.
AC: Fine. Whatever, but you better be right about the switching. What if we don't have time? What if the encounter is over and I'm still stuck in front?
DW: No way. Just watch how he moves. He has stamina, I can tell.
AC: My God, look at those rippling muscles. Do you think he's noticed us yet?
DW: I don't know. Oh, he's coming this way !!! Quick, bray or something!!
AC: Hurry, shake the tail feather!
DW: We don't have one. We're a donkey, remember?
AC: I told you we should have played Chase the Chicken instead.
DW: I'm swishing the tail!! He's looking at us!!
AC: Hurry, lead him to the stable. It'll complete the fantasy! He'll be ours forever.
DW: Damn. I can't see anything anymore. The tail's stuck.
AC: What does it matter? We got BS's attention. Just move.
*BS watches in amusementas AC and DW stagger off in a duct taped donkey costume*
Ned: Think they still got that bull in the stable?
BS: Don't know. What do you think they're up to anyway?
Ned: DW's depraved. Your guess is as good as mine.
BS: Didn't you say you were gonna introduce me to a young lady?
NED: Yep. Cordelia. She should be around here somewhere.
*Transcript ends here. However, rumor has it the bull was still in the stable suffering from depression. All eyewitness accounts claim he made a stunning recovery during the night*
Subject: Bloodstalkers Equine Seduction
Certain members have resorted to debasing the impeccable chracter of Lord Stalker by insinuating he seduced a donkey named Cordelia. This is a half-truth. Luckily, records exist that will bear out the entire sordid tale. Portions of transcripts from the night in question are attached:
DW: Oh my God, there he is!
AC: What? Where?
DW: Right there! Next to the punch bowl.
AC: Isn't he gorgeous?
*girlish sighs*
DW: If only he'd notice me.
AC: Hey, I got first dibs sister.
DW: Like he hasn't been all over you already. You're just too stubborn to take what you want.
AC: There just has to be a way....wait, this is a costume party, do you think maybe?
DW: Is this something you learned from your date with Weasel?
AC: You kidding me? That was nothing, just a mix-up. I'd never steal Mom's man.
DW: Well, it does have possabilities....but what costume....
AC: I hear he's from the south. OMG, and his accent...
*Girlish giggles*
DW: I have the perfect idea!!
*Conversation fast forwarded to a local costume shop.*
DW: Yes, I'm quite sure. That's the one.
AC: I don't know, I was kinda thinking something seperate, and a little sexier...
DW: Sexier? All southern men have this fantasy.
AC: You sure about that?
DW: Right here, in this book. 1001 ways to trap that hick of your dreams.
AC: He is dreamy, isn't he?
*Girlish sighs*
*Fast forward to back at the party*
AC: No fair! You get the good end!
DW: I bought the costume!
AC: But you'll get all the action! I wanna be the ass.
DW: I'm the ass. We'll switch off. That make you happy?
AC:*pouty voice* No, but I'll deal with it. But this seam, it's not closing properly. It's ruin the fantasy.
DW: Duct tape it. That always works.
AC: Fine. Whatever, but you better be right about the switching. What if we don't have time? What if the encounter is over and I'm still stuck in front?
DW: No way. Just watch how he moves. He has stamina, I can tell.
AC: My God, look at those rippling muscles. Do you think he's noticed us yet?
DW: I don't know. Oh, he's coming this way !!! Quick, bray or something!!
AC: Hurry, shake the tail feather!
DW: We don't have one. We're a donkey, remember?
AC: I told you we should have played Chase the Chicken instead.
DW: I'm swishing the tail!! He's looking at us!!
AC: Hurry, lead him to the stable. It'll complete the fantasy! He'll be ours forever.
DW: Damn. I can't see anything anymore. The tail's stuck.
AC: What does it matter? We got BS's attention. Just move.
*BS watches in amusementas AC and DW stagger off in a duct taped donkey costume*
Ned: Think they still got that bull in the stable?
BS: Don't know. What do you think they're up to anyway?
Ned: DW's depraved. Your guess is as good as mine.
BS: Didn't you say you were gonna introduce me to a young lady?
NED: Yep. Cordelia. She should be around here somewhere.
*Transcript ends here. However, rumor has it the bull was still in the stable suffering from depression. All eyewitness accounts claim he made a stunning recovery during the night*
