*quickly sets up a torture vendor booth*
Hurry, hurry, hurry, step right up! Torture packages for sale! Some jerk buggin ya? Feel like infesting Fas with the fleas from a thousand camels? Well have I got the ticket just for you!
Over here we have a marvel of or-i-ental engineering...the one and only Chi-nese water torture! For just $29.99 (
price does not include tax, tag, title, and disposal fees) you get this shiny metal bucket with a tiny hole poked in the bottom, perfect for dripping water on the forehead of your favorite creep! But that's not all folks! No sirree bob, I've thrown in ripstop nylon restraints to hold that sucker still while the dripping water drives him nuts! What a bargain! Act now while supplies last, this is a beaut!
Are you feeling special tonight? Got someone special in mind? Well have I got a bargain for you!

Straight from the silver screen and TV land comes the one...the only...
"Holy birthday cake Batman, it's a vat of acid!"
That's right, the very same vat of acid the Joker used to try and kill off Batman and Robin in the original 1960's TV series! For $199.99 (
price does not include rental fees, environmental permits, and hush-money) you get:
One very funky vat fit for holding 500 gallons of hydrochloric acid
Enough hyrdochloric acid to eat a hole from here to China
20 feet of hemp rope, perfect for suspending your victim over the vat by the ankles
A year's supply of Eureka! bubble gum (just something I threw in there to sweeten the deal, hehe)
One standard Acme issue candle, perfect for slowly burning through the hemp rope
And as an added bonus, I'll throw in some really cheesy suspense soundtrack music you can play in the background while your victim says their prayers!
So..what are ya waiting for? Act now!
