The HBI - Heathen Bureau of Investigation

Ravager · Post by **Ravager** » Sat Jul 29, 2006 4:12 pm

Now, why am I glad not to be the accused this time?

Fiona · Post by **Fiona** » Sat Jul 29, 2006 7:08 pm

@ Lestat. I have presented information to the bureau for their consideration; and you have heard a summary of the defence. As a functionary of the bureau you will of course make your own judgement as to how best to take this forward. The matter is now out of my hands, and I leave it to you, as the sole representative of the bureau here present, to act in accord with your remit.

The only other comment I would like to make at this stage concerns part of the defence lawyer's submission:

Objection! This falls under the Doctor/Patient confidentality clause and no individual case has come into question. To protect the rights of our patients we cannot reveal such information.

Since the defence declines to open files which would clearly have a bearing on the case, the bureau may wish to consider other ways of settling the questions of fact which arise.....

Ravager · Post by **Ravager** » Sat Jul 29, 2006 7:13 pm

His 'remit' is as a trigger-happy torturer, not judge and jury...

slade · Post by **slade** » Sat Jul 29, 2006 7:16 pm

*dusts off folders* man...we havent had a case in months......I dont even think we solved most our cases either:laugh:

Fiona · Post by **Fiona** » Sat Jul 29, 2006 8:03 pm

*notes timely arrival of judge* There's handy

Ravager · Post by **Ravager** » Sat Jul 29, 2006 8:05 pm

Indeed it is. A judgement, Your Honour?

slade · Post by **slade** » Sat Jul 29, 2006 8:23 pm

[QUOTE=Ravager]Indeed it is. A judgement, Your Honour?

[/QUOTE]
uh...theres alot of accusing here and evidence....I need to gather my thoughts....um...a simply list of accusations with evidence would be nice

slade · Post by **slade** » Sat Jul 29, 2006 8:33 pm

I have read Fiona's report.....and I have concluded......that the HBI will take this to court, I would rule a judgement now but you two (rav, Nano) have no lawyer representing you so this would not be fair. I advise you to pick a very good lawyer.

@ Fiona, please prepare evidence of this "Defence of the Sensibilities Act 2005"....if not it could be dismissed in the case.

also prepare your evidence and any witness you may need for this case.

Damuna_Nova · Post by **Damuna_Nova** » Sun Jul 30, 2006 4:31 am

But guv', that Ravager guy, 'ee iz me law-err!

Lestat · Post by **Lestat** » Sun Jul 30, 2006 4:45 am

Can I start now?

I was thinking of sawing of hands & feet and replacing them with eyebolts to facilitate the attachment to various appliances.

Fiona · Post by **Fiona** » Sun Jul 30, 2006 5:56 am

Your Honour, as amicus curiae I present a copy of the relevant legislation.

It should be noted that I am not party to the proceedings and have merely collated the evidence so as to make a case that the bureau should undertake a full investigation of the situation. It is for the prosecutor's office to conduct such further enquiries as may be deemed necessary, ably assisted by Lestat. as is usual

Defence of the Sensibilities Act 2005

An act for the more effectual disarming of SYM; and for the more effectual securing the peace of the said SYM; and for restraining the use of the personalized Avatar; and for further indemnifying such persons as have acted in the defence of Buck Satan’s person and government, during the unnatural rebellion; and for indemnifying the judges and other officers of the Heathen Bureau of Investigation,; and for obliging the masters and teachers, and chaplains, tutors and governors of children or youth, to take the oaths to his Buck Satan, his heirs and successors, and to register the same.
Whereas by an act made in the first year of the reign of Buck Satan, of glorious memory, intituled, An act for the more effectual securing the peace of SYM, it was enacted, That from and after the first day of November, which was in the year of our Lord two thousand and one, it should not be lawful for any person or persons (except such persons as are therein mentioned and described) within the shire of SYM to have in his or their custody, use, or bear, broad sword or target, poignard, whinger, or durk, side pistol, gun, or other warlike weapon, otherwise than in the said act was directed, under certain penalties appointed by the said act; which act having by experience been found not sufficient to attain the ends therein proposed, be it enacted by the Buck Satan’s most excellent majesty, by and with the advice and consent of the lords spiritual and temporal (Fable and Xandax respectively), and Moderators, in this present parliament assembled, and by the authority of the same, that from and after the first day of August, two thousand and five no member, within that part of GameBanshee called SYM, shall on any pretence whatsoever, wear or put on the clothes commonly called GamingClothes (that is to say) the armour mage robes..scanty outfits designed to make the wearer appear more pneumatic, obfusc clothing designed to conceal the wearer, or any part whatsoever of what peculiarly belongs to the gaming garb; and that no partly-coloured plaid or stuff shall be used for great coats, or for upper coats; and if any such person shall presume, after the said first day of August, to wear or put on the aforesaid garments or any part of them, every such person so offending, being convicted thereof by the oath of one or more credible witness or witnesses before any court of justiciary, or any one or more justices of the peace for the shire or stewartry, or judge ordinary of the place where such offence shall be committed, shall suffer imprisonment, without bail, during the space of six months, and no longer; and being convicted for a second offence before a court of justiciary or at the circuits, shall be liable to be transported to any of his Majesty’s plantations beyond the seas, there to remain for a space of seven years
And whereas it is of great importance to prevent the rising generation being educated in disaffected or rebellious principles, and although sufficient provision is already made by law for the due regulation of the teachers in Game Banshee announcements threads and in stickies and walkthroughs, it is further necessary, that all of SYM should give evidence of their good affection to his Majesty’s person and government; be it therefore enacted by the authority aforesaid, That from and after the first day of August, in the year of our Lord two thousand and five, it shall not be lawful for any person in SYM to use or propagate any language other than English : and that in particular; notwithstanding the generality of that provision; it shall not be lawful for any Member to offend the lieges by sustained use of any facetious dialect not normally his own, such as that commonly called Cockney or Mockney except where a licence to do so is granted by his Majesty after the member having qualified himself, by taking the oaths appointed by law to be taken by persons in offices of publick trust in SYM and registered same; and every such licenced member shall be obliged, and is hereby required, to pray, or cause to be prayed for, in express words his Majesty, his heirs and successors, by name, and for all the royal family; and if any person shall, from and after the said first day of August, presume to use a proscribed dialect or without having first qualified himself, and caused the licence to be registered as above mentioned; being thereof lawfully convicted before any two officers of the HBI, or before any other judge competent of the place summarily, shall for the first offence, suffer imprisonment for the space of six months; and for the second, or any subsequent offence, being thereof lawfully convicted before the court of justiciary, or in any of the circuit courts, shall be adjudged to be transported, and accordingly shall be transported to some of his Majesty’s plantations for life; and in case any person adjudged to be so transported shall return into, or be found in SYM, then every such person shall suffer imprisonment for life or any such other punishment as the court shall impose

shana · Post by **shana** » Sun Jul 30, 2006 2:09 pm

Wow, Fiona!! Now we know what you do with your time when you are not drinking!!!! :laugh:

Fiona · Post by **Fiona** » Sun Jul 30, 2006 3:35 pm

[QUOTE=shana]Wow, Fiona!! Now we know what you do with your time when you are not drinking!!!! :laugh:

[/QUOTE]

It it well known I try to be helpful, drunk or sober :laugh:

Ravager · Post by **Ravager** » Mon Jul 31, 2006 5:35 am

Objection! One cannot simply write up an Act as they see fit and expect it to stand up in court! This is a mockery of the whole legal process. Laws are not written by the lawyers!

Obviously my esteemed colleague needs to be studying the basics of law once more...perhaps she should try here: http://www.explore.parliament.uk/parliament.aspx?id=4

@Slade, I am the lawyer.

ch85us2001 · Post by **ch85us2001** » Mon Jul 31, 2006 5:42 am

PROPOSAL:

Investigate the Closing of the "Spam Factory".

Alright. What I wanna do is investigate the closing of the SF! It was closed mercilessly, right under our noses!!!

I demand the perpatrators be found out and brought to justice!!! Drawn and Quartered!!! *Cheers from croud* Burned at the Stake!!!! *More cheers* Thrown in the tent of Burniong Manly Love!!! *Crickets*

Are you with me?????? Or are you against me???????????

Ravager · Post by **Ravager** » Mon Jul 31, 2006 5:44 am

[sing-song] Someone's suffering from amnes-ia![/sing-song]

Fiona · Post by **Fiona** » Mon Jul 31, 2006 11:23 am

er....Rav, what has UK parliamentary process got to do with GB? Or SYM? The Act is properly constituted law, duly passed according to the customs of the jurisdiction and now cited here for the court's guidance

Oh, and I think that you will find that even in the UK the laws are drafted by lawyers; and most of the MP's are likely lawyers too. Not that that is relevant, just a wee observation

Ravager · Post by **Ravager** » Mon Jul 31, 2006 12:51 pm

*shrugs* I don't see Buck officially endorsing your Act either...

Fiona · Post by **Fiona** » Mon Jul 31, 2006 3:40 pm

[quote="Phreddie]*posts again*[/quote]

[quote=Damuna Nova] Does the same[/quote"]

Brought to the prosecutor's attention.This cure is making them worse

Darzog · Post by **Darzog** » Mon Jul 31, 2006 3:47 pm

Shana if you read that closely you should realize that she wasn't doing that while she was "not drinking". And off-the-cuff legislation to support your current biases is an exact replica of the current legal system in both the US and UK (and her being druk just makes it that much more realistic, way to pay attention to the details Fiona!)

Chu, don't you think these guys have enough on their plate wading through Fiona's legal demonstrations? You can have your turn next.