Your Favourite Jokes

T'lainya · Post by **T'lainya** » Mon Mar 25, 2002 8:59 am

Originally posted by C Elegans

This is of course a question of whether we think Astafas evil is spread in his entire system, or localized to the brain. Also, I'm not sure whether he's more entertaining to you with or without brain But I do think I only need his neocortex, and that won't make any difference to you since he lack higher functions anyway

Hmmm *thinks for a while*Unfortunately CE I think he'd be more entertaing with a brain

Evil isn't much fun if it's not accompianied by intelligence

although there's something to be said for obedience too j/k

T'lainya · Post by **T'lainya** » Mon Mar 25, 2002 9:01 am

Originally posted by Astafas

I've got a feeling I don't get the respect due a highly intelligent and entirely evil supposed vampire...

Of course we respect you Asty

Hopes the flattery won't dilute the evil streak

Astafas · Post by **Astafas** » Mon Mar 25, 2002 10:39 am

Originally posted by T'lainya

Hmmm *thinks for a while*Unfortunately CE I think he'd be more entertaing with a brain Evil isn't much fun if it's not accompianied by intelligence although there's something to be said for obedience too j/k

Gonna meet CE again this week. Let's hope for both our sakes there will be something left of me to... how shall I put it... work with?

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Mon Mar 25, 2002 12:15 pm

Originally posted by T'lainya

Hmmm *thinks for a while*Unfortunately CE I think he'd be more entertaing with a brain Evil isn't much fun if it's not accompianied by intelligence although there's something to be said for obedience too j/k

I actually don't think the difference will be noticeble, and as for his intelligence, I can guarantee that removal of the frontal and temporal cortex will not make any difference other than a possible increase in intelligence

If you want him more obedient I can give him an implant so that you will able to remote control his body.

posted by Astafas

Gonna meet CE again this week. Let's hope for both our sakes there will be something left of me to... how shall I put it... work with?

Don't mind the scalpel, Astafas

T'lainya · Post by **T'lainya** » Mon Mar 25, 2002 3:36 pm

Originally posted by Astafas

Gonna meet CE again this week. Let's hope for both our sakes there will be something left of me to... how shall I put it... work with?

I'm sure she'll leave something to work with

I hope

T'lainya · Post by **T'lainya** » Mon Mar 25, 2002 3:44 pm

Originally posted by C Elegans
I actually don't think the difference will be noticeble, and as for his intelligence, I can guarantee that removal of the frontal and temporal cortex will not make any difference other than a possible increase in intelligence If you want him more obedient I can give him an implant so that you will able to remote control his body.

And no lessening of the evil or vampiric tendencies?

really?? That has...possibilities

Astafas · Post by **Astafas** » Mon Mar 25, 2002 3:56 pm

Originally posted by C Elegans

Don't mind the scalpel, Astafas

At the first sign of a scalpel I'll transform into a bat and fly away. You could of course try to put the implant in my food... I mean in my blood... I mean in someones else's blood... which I'll later drink... as usual, that is... *damn, this vampire stuff is hard to remember!*

T'lainya · Post by **T'lainya** » Mon Mar 25, 2002 3:58 pm

Originally posted by Astafas

At the first sign of a scalpel I'll transform into a bat and fly away. You could of course try to put the implant in my food... I mean in my blood... I mean in someones else's blood... which I'll later drink... as usual, that is... *damn, this vampire stuff is hard to remember!*

LOL Are you sure CE hasn't started her experiments??

Astafas · Post by **Astafas** » Mon Mar 25, 2002 4:05 pm

Originally posted by T'lainya

LOL Are you sure CE hasn't started her experiments??

Well, I don't know... Has she? Wait, she has, hasn't she!? And this is your way of telling me of it!!

T'lainya · Post by **T'lainya** » Mon Mar 25, 2002 4:18 pm

Originally posted by Astafas

Well, I don't know... Has she? Wait, she has, hasn't she!? And this is your way of telling me of it!!

oops

Just forget I said that

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Tue Mar 26, 2002 5:54 am

Originally posted by T'lainya

And no lessening of the evil or vampiric tendencies?
really?? That has...possibilities

No lessening of evil and vampiric tendencies, they are deeply buried in his subcortical regions

I have now removed his frontal and temporal lobes, that's why he's suffering from a little temporary confusion and slight memory problems, but he 'll recover in a day or two. If yo wish an implant, I'd fix that too - it won't change his personality, but you can make him dance whenever you wish

Astafas · Post by **Astafas** » Tue Mar 26, 2002 6:37 am

Originally posted by C Elegans

No lessening of evil and vampiric tendencies, they are deeply buried in his subcortical regions I have now removed his frontal and temporal lobes, that's why he's suffering from a little temporary confusion and slight memory problems, but he 'll recover in a day or two. If yo wish an implant, I'd fix that too - it won't change his personality, but you can make him dance whenever you wish

Oh no! It will cost me a fortune to have all that junk removed at the snobby Clinique Vampirique de Londre. Dinner will be on you CE! Or... why not... she does look very tasty, after all...

yes, dinner will be you!!! That ought to scare them both into obediance!

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Tue Mar 26, 2002 7:11 am

Originally posted by Astafas
Oh no! It will cost me a fortune to have all that junk removed at the snobby Clinique Vampirique de Londre. Dinner will be on you CE! Or... why not... she does look very tasty, after all... yes, dinner will be you!!! That ought to scare them both into obediance!

LOL

Well, you're a laywer so you can afford treatment at the Clinique Vampirique. Hey, I'm not at all tasty, just think of all the chemicals I've absorbed at the lab...T', help! Use the remote control before something bad happens here! Or I will be forced to defend myself with the laser scalpel

Beldin · Post by **Beldin** » Tue Mar 26, 2002 8:08 am

Now for something completely different...

Viruses:
Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple
Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years. Then executes and just
lies.
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus : Terminates and stays resident. It'll be
back.
AT&T virus : Every three minutes it tells you what great service you
are getting.
The MCI virus : Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying
too much for the AT&T virus.
Bill Clinton virus: This virus mutates from region to region and
we're not exactly sure what it does.
Bill Clinton virus: Promises to give equal time to all processes: 50%
to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich
ones.
Bill Clinton virus: Displays only marijuana leaf bit-map files for
Windows background.
Bill Clinton virus: Protests your computer's involvement in other
computer's affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for 15
years.
Congressional Virus: Overdraws your computer.
Congressional Virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically
with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the
problem.
Al Gore virus: Causes your computer to be unable to recognize George
Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and Abraham Lincoln.
Al Gore virus: Turns your computer off to save Earth's energy
resources right after displaying message instructing you to go hug a tree.
Al Gore virus: Causes your screen saver to dance like a hideous
macarana.
Bob Dole virus: Affects Word for Windows so you are unable to type
complete sentences.
Dan Quayle virus: Prevents your system from spawning any child
processes without joining into a binary network.
Dan Quayle virus: Simplye addse ane ee toe everye worde youe typee.
David Duke virus: Makes your screen go completely white.
Elvis virus: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self
destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across
rural America.
Federal bureaucrat virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of
little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which claim
to be the most important part of the computer.
Freudian virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own
motherboard.
Gallup virus: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent
of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin
of error).
George Bush virus: Doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of it
until November.
Government economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic
software says everything is fine.
Jerry Brown virus: Blanks your screen and begins flashing an 800
number.
Madonna virus: If your computer gets this virus, lock up your dog!
Mario Cuomo virus: It would be a harmful virus, but thank God it
refuses to run.
Michael Jackson virus: Hard to identify because it is constantly
altering its appearance. This virus won't harm your PC, but it will trash
your car.
New World Order virus: probably harmless, but it makes a lot of
people really mad just thinking about it.
Nike virus: Just Does It!
Ollie North virus: Turns your printer into a document shredder.
Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB,
and then slowly expands back to 200MB.
Pat Buchanan virus: Shifts all your output to the extreme right of
your screen.
Paul Revere virus : This revolutionary virus does not horse around.
It warns you of impending hard disk attack---once if by LAN, twice if by
C:.
Paul Tsongas virus: Pops up on December 25 and says, "I'm not Santa
Claus."
PBS virus: Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money.
Politically correct virus : Never calls itself a "virus", but instead
refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism".
Richard Nixon virus: Also known as the "Tricky **** Virus", you can
wipe it out but it always makes a comeback.
Right To Life virus : Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of
how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first
see a counselor about possible alternatives.
Pro-Abortion virus: Only displays A)bort A)bort A)bort.
Ross Perot virus: Activates every component in your system, just
before the whole thing quits.
Ted Kennedy virus: Crashes your computer but denies it ever happened.
Ted Turner virus: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
Texas virus: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
UK Parliament virus: splits the screen into two with a message in
each half blaming other side for the state of the system.
Warren Commission virus: Won't allow you to open your files for 75
years.

Mr Sleep · Post by **Mr Sleep** » Tue Mar 26, 2002 8:13 am

Re: Now for something completely different...

Originally posted by Beldin
Freudian virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.

Wouldn't it be the Oedipus Virus?

T'lainya · Post by **T'lainya** » Tue Mar 26, 2002 12:20 pm

Hmm I think she operated on the wtong lobe

Originally posted by Astafas

Oh no! It will cost me a fortune to have all that junk removed at the snobby Clinique Vampirique de Londre. Dinner will be on you CE! Or... why not... she does look very tasty, after all... yes, dinner will be you!!! That ought to scare them both into obediance!

Oh my! Why remove it Asty? It was only a minor experiment

Little does he know I don't scare easily and I'm never obedient

T'lainya · Post by **T'lainya** » Tue Mar 26, 2002 12:24 pm

I'm glad you implanted this

Originally posted by C Elegans

LOL Well, you're a laywer so you can afford treatment at the Clinique Vampirique. Hey, I'm not at all tasty, just think of all the chemicals I've absorbed at the lab...T', help! Use the remote control before something bad happens here! Or I will be forced to defend myself with the laser scalpel

She's right, all those preservatives and anesthetics

Not the laser scalpel! Quickly turns dial Oh Asty

Maybe we could work out an alternate plan. I'm sure we have a few spare "dinners" around here.

Mr.Waesel · Post by **Mr.Waesel** » Wed Mar 27, 2002 5:48 am

@ Beldin: LOL

Tamerlane · Post by **Tamerlane** » Wed Mar 27, 2002 6:34 am

Re: Now for something completely different...

Originally posted by Beldin
New World Order virus: probably harmless, but it makes a lot of
people really mad just thinking about it.

This one is gold.

@ Beldin. You got a lot spare time on your hands, don't you.

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Wed Mar 27, 2002 6:47 am

Re: I'm glad you implanted this

@Beldin: LOL

Originally posted by T'lainya

She's right, all those preservatives and anesthetics Not the laser scalpel! Quickly turns dial Oh Asty Maybe we could work out an alternate plan. I'm sure we have a few spare "dinners" around here.

Thanks T'

I have now dissected Astafas frontal cortex, and did not find any EVIL-1A receptors, so he should stay his evil, charming self

Now, I'm off to make some nice colour staining of the cortex slices for the autoradiography - then I plan to keep it a jar at my office as a decoration

Should he become difficult to handle, or if he just bores you, there is an emergency device in-built in the implant - just press the red button on the remote control, and Astafas will be barbeque