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I have come to the end of me. There is no choice left. The sheer emptiness of the ending of the football season, valentines day, my receding hairline, my rising weight, the lack of any semblance of 80's metal bands, my broken guitar string, the high train conductor styl hats I have to wear to cover my aforementioned receding hairline, total lack of understanding of any current slang talk the teenagers use these days, soaring prices of ciggarrettes, the years of living in a dry county, the tiring miles I have been force to drive over the county line and back BECAUSE it's a dry county, the lack of respect shown to all of us who still wear leather jackets, the declining number of people who actually wear leather jackets, my broken shoelace, the fact that my slinky refuses to walk down stairs anymore, the abscence of any cool cartoons(except cow and chicken), the rising cost of *escorts*, and the fact that I still cannot find time to complete Icewind Dale has driven me to a desicion to retreat from such a cruel world.

therefore, I have decided to retire here, to my hermit's cabin on SYM.

Here I will pass the roll of years in quiet contemplation of past glory, both real and imagined, spitting out the window, coming up with all those "back in the day" quotes, drinking, throwing rocks at all the door to door salesmen, screaming incoherantly at all the little children that come within 25 feet of "my yard" confiscating balls that are accidently batted across my fence, watching the playboy channel, reading cracked magazine,growing a beard theat birds could nest in, and generally settling into the role of "Crazy old man Bloodstalker" as the children make up horror stroies of what would happen if one ventured into my house.

I have armed myself with a shotgun and a slingshot to keep away unwanted visitors. Dogs will patrol my yard, thus further increasing my isolation.

Here I shall await the return of the 80's that I loved so dearly, another Super Bowl trophy for the Washington Redskins, real cartoons, and the release of Neverwinter Nights. I will only venture forth to make beer runs and to run my tavern, and maybe flirt with any and all females here.

Remember me as I was....not as the screaming raving lunatic I am destined to become.

So who counts as unwanted visitors?

If a rock bounces off your head, you are unwanted.

looks out window and shakes his fists at no one in particular, while shouting various obscenities at them before breaking off in a coughing fit.

@BS...that is pure poetry

One of my great goals is to be that old woman in the neighborhood all the kids are afraid of and dare each other to go up and knock on the door. I am amassing various masks for that time.

Gives Bloodstalker a set of Magical Snapping Dentures

Originally posted by VoodooDali
One of my great goals is to be that old woman in the neighborhood all the kids are afraid of and dare each other to go up and knock on the door. I am amassing various masks for that time.

How do you know you're not already?

thank you for the gift, nut I better not wear them. last time I had my dentures in, I fell asleep in 'em and woke up the next morning with bite marks on my body and the dentures fastened securely to my big toe.

beside, I have gums so tough by now I can eat anything you can eat with your teeth.

Looks out door, let's loose with slingshot and topples the paper boy off his bike.

*mumble* damn kids...always riding past my house.

*Looks at the house frightened*

*Consideres if it's safe to go and knock on the door*

(finally gets enough courage)
*KNOCK KNOCK*

Opens the door, looks intently at his visitor.

"what do you want damn ya!"

Grabs his cane from behind the door and starts pounding Vic till he retreats.

Shakes his fist, fires a couple shots from his slingshot and slams the door shut, all the while screaming obscenities.

*This was the last stop on his mail route, the worst was the old hermit living on the hill. He dreaded knocking on that door, inching up closer and closer with the package, knock knock, He was off running before the old man's nimble slingshot could reach him.*

Maybe you should get a sign that reads "No Unauthorised Tresspassing" and post it on your fence.

Unknown to absymmalnature, the old man had laid a tripwire across the path from his door, since he is getting too damn old to chase these young whippersnappers.

Absymall falls over the tripwire and is horified to hear the sound of a gate opening, followed by the barking of the old mans pack of rottweillers.

The old man chuckles hysterically.

*whilst the old man is distracted by the dogs, his nurse swaps his angina pills for happy pills*

Ah the Hermit's life! Such bliss! Such joy! Solitude. Being able to walk around the house in you briefs. What could be finer?

But if you wanted to be a hermit, why did you build your cabin anywhere near a paperboy's route? Seems a little close to civilization to me...

@Gwally....who are you to question me? I need some kinda entertainment, and I have ta keep my aim up with my slingshot.

@Ysh....I like nurses.

opens the door, clad only in a pair of boxes and a robe hanging open to retrieve his morning paper. bruches the birds out of his beard, sticks his tounge out at the nosy people across the street, and wanderes back to his rocking chair by the window.

Nurse Ysh approaches the old man with hypodermic at the ready, and an evil glint in her eye

Fires his slingshot, knocking the needle from his confaunded nurses hand.

dadblame it woman, what are ya tryin' to do to me?

looks at Gwally again....hey I remember you, you spilt beer in me tavern once. launches a rock at Gwally, watching it bounce off his forehead

breaks into another coughing fit.

Nurse Ysh smiles to herself...so he wants to play huh? Turning her back she loads the blow pipe with a sleeping dart, turns quickly and fires...

Originally posted by VoodooDali
@BS...that is pure poetry

One of my great goals is to be that old woman in the neighborhood all the kids are afraid of and dare each other to go up and knock on the door. I am amassing various masks for that time.

Gives Bloodstalker a set of Magical Snapping Dentures

LMAO I've had that fantasy. I am presently accumulating a large collection of chestnuts and other arsenal, which will be hurled from my porch as I sit glowering down at intruders.

feels something stirring in his beard. Thought I cleaned all those blasted birds out.

Sees the dart laying harmlessly in his beard. takes it out and tosses it out the window, into a passing car. closes the widows as the screeching of tires sound out.

sticks his tounge out at the nurse and laughs madly.

Goes back to reading his Cracked Magazine.

**rolls up in a stocked liquor truck and waits**

**grabs Ysh's happy pills, downs a couple, and saves the rest deciding they're narcotic enough for crotchedy ole' man BS.**