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I have to get a "code book" from someone at the South Wall(Balmora). I tried to talk to her about it and she told me (more or less) to bit it. How do I get this book after all?

In general - if I have to try and convince an NPC to do something (like join my guild) and she/he doesn't like me that much - what do I do then?

Bribe her until her disposition is around 90 or better, then ask for the book. You'll need a decent speechcraft skill for this to work. You also can try casting a Charm spell on her. This works for any NPC.

It's been discussed round and round here.
You have 3 choices:
- make her like you enough to give the book (never would work if you already are in the Thieves Guild, the question about your loyalities will be all you get);
- kill her for book (you'll rather never been accepted in the guild if you already haven't been the member);
-pick her pocket ( hard enough, altogether possible)
The 4th choice is to leave her alone and try do enough in other FG chapters to raise without this quest, altogether it isn't what the topic is about (have seen mentioned something like if you're raised a rank or two in the FG, you may ignore the question about code book and just ask for new orders; never tried myself, though)

I've never joined the Thieves' Guild - so I never had to worry about the "loyalty" problem. If you're a Thieves' Guild member, you can try using the frenzy spell on her to get her to attack you and maybe avoid repercussions that way.

-Warning: this might be spoilerish for beginners-

Since I'm in both the Fighters Guild and the Thieves' Guild I skipped this quest. I am not going to kill a fellow thief, especially not to help the corrupt members of the Fighter's Guild help the Comonna Tong! If you talk to the old leader of the Fighter's Guild in Gnisis, he will advise you not to steal the codebook. In general, he will tell you which Fighter's Guild missions are honourable and which are not. You can easily skip a Fighters Guild mission, it won't block your progress.

I waited until my sneak and security were at max, and stole the book. Next time I´ll either do it first before joining Thieves Guild, or do enough quests for Thieves to get the Bitter Cup, and avoid this quest.

Originally posted by MordorMan
-Warning: this might be spoilerish for beginners-

....
he will advise you not to steal the codebook. ...

Actually he's telling you it's all ok if you're not going to kill her. Really he's suggesting to buy the book in one or another way ("she is a pushover" or something like) being not aware you're also in TG.