999 Ways to get fired

dragon wench · Post by **dragon wench** » Tue Jul 08, 2003 7:10 pm

It's been a while since we had one of these threads so I thought it might be a good time

1. Rearrange the keys on your boss' keyboard to read "Lose Weight"

2. Groan loudly in your cubicle, then deny it. Repeat on a daily basis.

3. When asked to do something, reply, "Do you want fries with that?"

4. Drink directly from the water cooler nozzle

5. Use the word "mastication" in a presentation

6. Make 25 copies of a dirty message and randomly mix them into a paper tray

7. To signal the end of a conversation clamp your ears and grimace

8. Obliviously hum to yourself during meetings

9. Take someone's stapler, and leave a photocopy of it in its place

Zelgadis · Post by **Zelgadis** » Tue Jul 08, 2003 7:33 pm

10. Make every day 'casual friday'.
11. Cut a hole in your cubical wall to make it easier to sneak in and out.
12. Bring your kids to work, and keep them in your bosses office so they don't annoy your coworkers
13. Steal a cubical wall, and put it on top of your cubical, then move your computer on top. Sit up there and lord it over your coworkers.

dragon wench · Post by **dragon wench** » Tue Jul 08, 2003 7:35 pm

14. Repeatedly blitz everyone in the office with email spam and claim that the devil made you do it.

Zelgadis · Post by **Zelgadis** » Tue Jul 08, 2003 7:37 pm

15. Burn incense in your cubicle, and walk around lecturing everyone about feng shui

Maharlika · Post by **Maharlika** » Tue Jul 08, 2003 7:45 pm

16.

...tell him that his daughter is a cutie and ask him if she's available.

dragon wench · Post by **dragon wench** » Tue Jul 08, 2003 7:46 pm

17. On pay day proclaim loudly and frequently that you are getting set to stake out a street corner in order to solicit spare change from passers by.

Mr Flibble · Post by **Mr Flibble** » Tue Jul 08, 2003 8:15 pm

18. Put the "windows blue screen of death" screensaver on your bosses computer.

Someone actually did this to our sales manager a few months back. It was very funny when it went off

Chanak · Post by **Chanak** » Tue Jul 08, 2003 8:30 pm

19. Begin biting fellow employees randomly.

20. Show up for work wearing your undergarments *outside* of your outer garments.

21. Instigate office-wide rubber band wars that wreak havoc upon employee productivity levels.

22. Up the ante by shooting paper clips from said rubber bands. Bloodshed shall follow.

The Z · Post by **The Z** » Tue Jul 08, 2003 9:08 pm

23. Create a mosh pit with the other workers

Chanak · Post by **Chanak** » Tue Jul 08, 2003 9:14 pm

24. Jam out to Liberace in the mosh pit.

25. Collect DNA samples from everyone you work with.

26. Start bringing your lunch to work in a "Planet of the Apes" lunchbox.

fable · Post by **fable** » Tue Jul 08, 2003 9:35 pm

27. Tape an antenna to your head and ask people to turn off their computers because of interference.

28. Leave a box of used kitty litter on your boss' desk.

29. Shave your head, don a robe, and attempt to take up a daily collection for the Hare Krishnas.

dragon wench · Post by **dragon wench** » Tue Jul 08, 2003 9:36 pm

ROFL!

30. scrape material from the door mat into a petri dish and cultivate it on your desk. When it has sprouted a nice coating of fur tell everybody they have no idea where they've been walking

The Z · Post by **The Z** » Tue Jul 08, 2003 9:44 pm

31. Food fight

dragon wench · Post by **dragon wench** » Tue Jul 08, 2003 9:50 pm

32. Purchase a Whoopee Cushion and bounce up and down upon it with gusto. Every time it emits the predictable sound joyfully exclaim, "Oooh la la, Celeste Arome!"

Aegis · Post by **Aegis** » Tue Jul 08, 2003 10:41 pm

33. Remove all the walls of your cubicle, desk, and chairs, and replace the furniture with plush cushions and a small slab of slate, all the while muttering about 'them' being out to get you.

Maharlika · Post by **Maharlika** » Wed Jul 09, 2003 1:08 am

fable will appreciate this...

34. tack posters/pics of Shatner and his Trekkie crew... oh, yeah, dont forget tj hooker...

35. tell him right off that you know better than he does (most especially if it's the truth

)

Chanak · Post by **Chanak** » Wed Jul 09, 2003 3:59 am

Originally posted by dragon wench
32. Purchase a Whoopee Cushion and bounce up and down upon it with gusto. Every time it emits the predictable sound joyfully exclaim, "Oooh la la, Celeste Arome!"

ROTFLMFAO!

36. Keep careful track of religious holidays during each month. Strategically plan conversions just in time to celebrate every major religion's holidays, thus racking up time off.

37. Go to the copier room, cleaning out the restrooms of all toilet paper along the way. Barricade yourself in said room. Turn off the lights, sit on the floor, and tear toilet paper into tiny pieces while mumbling nonsensically to yourself. Rock back and forth while doing this for added effect.

38. Wipe boogers on your supervisor's desk while he/she is talking to you.

speedball · Post by **speedball** » Wed Jul 09, 2003 8:41 am

39. Break wind loudly while talking to him in his office. When he says something, deny it was you, saying "he who smelt it, delt it."

KidD01 · Post by **KidD01** » Wed Jul 09, 2003 10:01 am

40. Associate every term from RPG world into working terms then use it frequently, especially in crucial meetings.

41. Try to answer everything in rhyme. The most effective way is in Haiku rather than just rhyming

42. Four words : Alcohol during office hours.

Chanak · Post by **Chanak** » Wed Jul 09, 2003 1:26 pm

43. Sell voodoo dolls of the boss from your cubicle.

44. In the middle of a crucial meeting with clients and brass present, be sure to suddenly announce your pressing need loudly to everyone in the room. "Oh God, I think I have diarrhea!"

45. Go to work naked.