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Anyone take a close look at the weapon that "your wife" carries if you agreed to get married like i did? It is awesome. It does 1-10hp of damage, BUT it gets "critical hits" on a 17-20 roll!!! I think alot of people overlook that weapon. Once my "wife" died in battle, and i was rid of her, my barbarian has been using it and dishing out some serious CRITICAL hits since. Most weapons dont give you critical hits unless you roll a 19 or 20. Anyone using it like i am or did you all just toss it as junk??? Curious to hear from others.

Memoirs of a Murderer

Ahh My 'Wife'. And what a nagging battleaxe she was. My first wife, I like. I am stille married to her. She's a little immature but she's ok. Not a bad Druid now either [Melany - ex-Farmer's Daughter]. Then I thought, "Why not". I'll see if I can get myself another wife. Go the Mormons. And Polygamy. So I went and found Fruella.

Like a lot of things. Appearances can be deceiving. I went into the house in which Fruella lives and see this wholesome little figure of a female and thought, "Oh yeah. OK." Then I got hitched and I found out what she actually looked like. EW! She had been well and truly whacked with the huge end of the ugly stick.

But I got over that. So I checked her out in terms of skill and what weapons she wiedled. And quite honestly she wasn't too bad. Especially that Cleaver! So I kept her. From the word go she started nagging and whinging and I began to get irritated. Everytime I gave her a command she *****ed. In a high pitched, "What have you done for me lately'-type voice [Eddie Murphy - Raw].

I had forgotten to think why a father would be so keen to see his daughter married off to some stranger. The last thing a father would want is to see his little girl get married and move out. Now I know why. Noone wanted her. With good reason. And I got suckered. It was like getting drunk and meeting this drop dead gorgeous woman and getting married that night in Vegas. You wake up, hungover, with a dog-ugly thing sitting up next to you. Then she speaks and its like rusty cogs turning. And talk about *****y. Then the nagging starts.

Anyway, she started nagging and *****ing and that voice of hers began to slowly drive me nuts. I mean sure she packed a punch metaphorically speaking but by god, that voice. I just wanted it to end.

So I started thinking .. Now I now why, sometimes and in extreme cases people do away with their spouses. And seeing as there was no Divorce Court in Hommlet I was stuck. Imagine my glee then when, in the middle of combat with a Giant Gar I fould her to be lying bleeding, dying in the chill waters of Imeryds Run.

I paused, in the middle of a rather nasty combat, and pondered my next move. Deciding upon a course of action I resumed, checking on her every so often on her condition. Would you know it? She automatically stabilsed. Olde battleaxe she was.

So, after combat, I ordered Ladeshaar Sera'phina, my friend and part-time lover for some time [and also my best fighter] to accidently let slip of her Masterwork Greatsword in the general direction of my fallen wife. She was only too happy to oblige.

So, while the others were busy resting after that nasty fight, with a rather satisfactory sounding "chunck" I retired my nagging *****ing wife by proxy and was now free of her. Forever. I will never forget the satiisfaction I felt as she died. And no blood on my hands. And she, rest her nagging, *****ing soul, lies in her grave in the chilly waters of Imeryds Run.

No doubt haunting the place and swearing eternal damnation upon me and mine.

I, for one, will never return. That part of my life being gladly over.

Originally posted by curseman
Anyone take a close look at the weapon that "your wife" carries if you agreed to get married like i did? It is awesome. It does 1-10hp of damage, BUT it gets "critical hits" on a 17-20 roll!!! I think alot of people overlook that weapon. Once my "wife" died in battle, and i was rid of her, my barbarian has been using it and dishing out some serious CRITICAL hits since. Most weapons dont give you critical hits unless you roll a 19 or 20. Anyone using it like i am or did you all just toss it as junk??? Curious to hear from others.

Whats' really nasty is when you give your dual wield fighter two cleavers, watch those black puddings multiply!!

Thoghtscape...

You just made my day funnier...


UHAUAHUAHUAHUAHUAHUAHUAHUAHUAHUAH

Originally posted by curseman
It does 1-10hp of damage, BUT it gets "critical hits" on a 17-20 roll!!! I think alot of people overlook that weapon.

Best weapon in the game, aside from Fragarach and its lesser cousin. It also has a +1 enhancement, if I'm not mistaken. (At least it does in my current game. Haven't tried boosting it with Craft Magic Arms and Armor yet, though...)

It makes for some nice sneak attacks from my fighter/rogue...