You know you are over somebody when...
Posted: Wed Sep 21, 2005 7:37 pm
On the weekend a friend of mine was over staying with us. Since we live in different cities, getting together always means an overnight visit. She is presently in a fairly complicated situation, and over the course of several hours and a couple of bottles of wine, we ended up composing a list... 
Most points are less than serious, some are more so (I'll leave it to you to determine which is which ):
You know you are over somebody when....
1. The sound of their name does not:
(a) send you on a murderous rampage
(b) induce a flood of tears
(c) cause you to reach for that stiletto tucked in your belt
2. You no longer repeatedly phone up the authorities insisting that the said person be either committed or jailed.
3. The phrase "DNA testing," does not automatically send you scurrying to the nearest medical facility.
4. You successfully resist the urge to call their house posing as a nurse from the local STD clinic...while their new significant other is at home.
5. You refrain from spending your Friday nights calling every pizza joint in their area at 10 minute intervals, thus arranging for pizzas to be delivered to their doorstep throughout the evening.
6. In the dark hours of the night, you are able to think of the person purely as a friend, and be at peace with that.
7. You spend time with the person and laugh just because of the sheer pleasure of being (note: laugh *with* them, not 'at them')
8. You no longer fantasize about their public humiliation.
9. You stop researching legal cases involving "justifiable homicide."
10. You actually remember they still have breath resembling a dragon's the morning after the night before.
11. You start enjoying all of that extra space in your bed.
12. They no longer have to threaten you with restraining orders because of that telescope you had trained on their bedroom window
13. You successfully make it through Valentine's Day with your faculties intact...
14. Those happy couples foolish enough to cross your path on Valentine's Day survive with all limbs intact.
15. You finally refrain from putting up posters of his/her photo with the words "Wanted: Dead or Alive," near all local gang hangouts and crime syndicates.
16. You can sincerely say you have no regrets about the relationship and that you would do it again, knowing all you do now
17. Chopping wood ceases to be your favourite past time.
18. You enjoy spending time with them and can exchange a parting hug without hurt or fear.
19. You can listen to music you associate with that person and smile.
20. You stop feeding your dog raw steak wrapped in your former lover's old sock.
21. You have quit trying to sneak into their yard in an attempt to feed their dog chocolate-flavoured Exlax.
Feel free to add
Most points are less than serious, some are more so (I'll leave it to you to determine which is which
):You know you are over somebody when....
1. The sound of their name does not:
(a) send you on a murderous rampage
(b) induce a flood of tears
(c) cause you to reach for that stiletto tucked in your belt
2. You no longer repeatedly phone up the authorities insisting that the said person be either committed or jailed.
3. The phrase "DNA testing," does not automatically send you scurrying to the nearest medical facility.
4. You successfully resist the urge to call their house posing as a nurse from the local STD clinic...while their new significant other is at home.
5. You refrain from spending your Friday nights calling every pizza joint in their area at 10 minute intervals, thus arranging for pizzas to be delivered to their doorstep throughout the evening.
6. In the dark hours of the night, you are able to think of the person purely as a friend, and be at peace with that.
7. You spend time with the person and laugh just because of the sheer pleasure of being (note: laugh *with* them, not 'at them')
8. You no longer fantasize about their public humiliation.
9. You stop researching legal cases involving "justifiable homicide."
10. You actually remember they still have breath resembling a dragon's the morning after the night before.
11. You start enjoying all of that extra space in your bed.
12. They no longer have to threaten you with restraining orders because of that telescope you had trained on their bedroom window
13. You successfully make it through Valentine's Day with your faculties intact...
14. Those happy couples foolish enough to cross your path on Valentine's Day survive with all limbs intact.
15. You finally refrain from putting up posters of his/her photo with the words "Wanted: Dead or Alive," near all local gang hangouts and crime syndicates.
16. You can sincerely say you have no regrets about the relationship and that you would do it again, knowing all you do now
17. Chopping wood ceases to be your favourite past time.
18. You enjoy spending time with them and can exchange a parting hug without hurt or fear.
19. You can listen to music you associate with that person and smile.
20. You stop feeding your dog raw steak wrapped in your former lover's old sock.
21. You have quit trying to sneak into their yard in an attempt to feed their dog chocolate-flavoured Exlax.
Feel free to add