Hey all, how have you been? Good? Moving on, then.
The last two weeks were terrific for me, truly, but they also made my mind switch and turn into directions I have not yet travelled. That’s why I come here, to you knowledgeable and experienced bunch, for some decent advice, because I could really need some. My problem? Love and relationships of course, there’s little else I need help with *cough*.
Ahem, let me explain the situation
I met this girl, a truly wonderful girl, about two weeks ago. In the beginning I was barely interested in her, and she in me, because we differ so much in years. She’s sixteen, I’m twenty-one. That’s five years, a gap large enough to make us pay little attention to each other. However, as time passed, I noticed she became increasingly interested in me. In the beginning I made sure I kept her at arms distance. She is, after all, quite younger than me.
But that was in the beginning. Slowly but surely she started to shine and I couldn’t ignore her any longer. We spent almost an entire week together, with her coming closer and closer to me with each day, especially physically. Still, I kept reminding myself she’s quite younger than me, so whereas she searched for physical contact, I made little to no moves. A wise choice, or so I thought.
I haven’t seen her for two days now, but I miss her presence. We keep in touch, mobiles are a bliss, but I’m not sure if I should go any further. She’s a great girl, simply wonderful. First off, she’s incredible beautiful. A delicate morning flower, a perfect summer’s day sun. She shines, it’s that simple. Her joy, her enthusiasm, her innocence: they are unrivalled, it’s refreshing to experience. The energy she exudes is without question intoxicating. A mere smile of her can make dark emotions vanish into thin air. She’s delightful.
Even better, emotionally and physically she’s older than her age. Her mind is as sharp as mine, and we equal each other on the area of intelligence, though I’m obviously ahead when it comes to wisdom, maturity and experience. She’s a woman of principles, able to outclass most people I know in a discussion, and her humour is witty.
Yes, my friends, she’s great.
But she’s young. And perhaps a bit too young for me. Five years is a lot, especially now, and when one of my other friends would come home with someone five years younger, I would more than likely frown upon it. And perhaps that’s my biggest fear: being frowned upon. If I find it strange if a friend would do the same thing, how can I ask them to understand or even respect it?
I don’t know, and I’m at a loss.
It’s gnawing at me, and I can’t focus my attention on the freaking exams coming up. So here I am, standing at your door, hoping for a bit of council and advice. What would you do, were you in my shoes?
Sytze signing off, for now.
Age difference in a relationship.
Age difference in a relationship.
"Sometimes Dreams are wiser than waking"
I think I'll take a whack at this one. I have preferred younger girls for a while, for the simple reason that they tend to exhibit some of the things I prefer in women. Mostly because once a girl is grown, they are expected to be serious and drown out the part of them that is goofy, adorable and fun. So, some examples from my life of experiences with women who were "much" younger than I was:
Jenica is 19, and I'll be 23 in two months, I met her when she was 15 and I was 18-19, roughly. We had on and off times of happiness and misery. It's been a back and forth thing of being together and being happy, and then being apart and hating each other. I was the older, wiser, comforting male figure. Oddly enough, she was more experienced sexually than I was, which made me forgo my normal distance I would put in a relationship on a physical level with a girl much younger than me. I was the person she came to for everything for a while. She still comes to me when in need, although I think I ended that a few weeks ago.
Cassie, was 15 when I met her, and and I was 18. We didn't so much date, as become terribly good friends and fall deeply in love. Why? I pushed her away. She was in a horrible family situation where she was being abused, and although very beautiful and intelligent, she was deeply emotional scarred. She knew not what "love" was, in any form, until she met me. This scared her, and she knew not how to deal with it. She ran away from home, and I thought I had lost her, but she kept in contact with me for a while. Then, she dissapeared. Then I got a message on a phone call I had missed a year later saying she needed me, and loved me and wished she had never left and was sorry she had been afraid of what she felt. I tried finding her, and a short while later, her cousin contacted me and told me to stop bothering her family as Cassie was dead, and promptly hung up.
I allowed her to go away because she needed time to find herself, to find out what she wanted, and who she was, and now...now I regret that. She needed guidance, not space, as she was woefully unprepared to take care of herself.
Johanna, well Johanna was more of a fling than anything. That ended badly, and I doubt this would be the case with your situation, but I'll toss it in as, well, I thought I cared for her in my excitement for a pretty girl.
Kristyn, was 14 when we met, just about to turn 15. She was, and I have to stress was a very smart girl. We were friends for a while, and then when she turned 16, she informed me she had a huge crush on me, and wanted me for herself after an argument we had regarding my discussing a potential love interest. This threw me for a loop, as for nearly 1 year and half I had a thing for this young lady who had become my best friend. It turned out, she wasn't as mature as I thought she was, and given that I was a virgin at that point still, and we were dating, and she came to me sobbing and saying we were having a baby, I kind of lost my head. We don't talk any longer, and haven't for some time. :laugh:
Given those situations, and a few more... I'd have to say, communication is key. You will need to be very, very open with each other, as she is still growing, and you are an adult. Also, it will try your patience. Once you become that special someone in a romantic way in the life of someone who is still technically a child, no matter how mature they seem...they aren't done growing yet. She is still young, and needs to go through the bad choices, and good ones, which will give her the wisdom she needs to be an adult. You have that, and many, many people won't take "this is how things are" type talks as being good enough. Chances are, this girl will push you in ways you haven't known by doing things to test your limits by testing hers.
Also, take things slow, in a number of ways. I would highly suggest putting the physical stuff on hold in an effort to stress getting to know each other. I have been with younger, and older women, and each type of age difference will teach you things about yourself, and other people. It could be a good experience for you, regardless of how things work out in the sense of learning. However, if you think you truly care for her, just, talk. A lot, about everything you can think of. Trust and communication are the key things in any relationship, but especially one like this. You may end up becoming her major role model if you start a relationship until she is grown. Or, you may become a hassle to her because you are holder and she may feel tied down and not like that.
Also, don't be paranoid, but keep on the alert for signs that the girl may have trouble at home with her father. I have noticed that many girls with problems with their father seek an older man to replace that male role model figure. You may be a more attractive replacement father figure for her, who she may use as a stepping stone to woman-hood.
Regardless of how it turns out, good luck. Despite all of my bad endings with younger girls, they taught me much about myself, and they were quite fun at times.
Jenica is 19, and I'll be 23 in two months, I met her when she was 15 and I was 18-19, roughly. We had on and off times of happiness and misery. It's been a back and forth thing of being together and being happy, and then being apart and hating each other. I was the older, wiser, comforting male figure. Oddly enough, she was more experienced sexually than I was, which made me forgo my normal distance I would put in a relationship on a physical level with a girl much younger than me. I was the person she came to for everything for a while. She still comes to me when in need, although I think I ended that a few weeks ago.
Cassie, was 15 when I met her, and and I was 18. We didn't so much date, as become terribly good friends and fall deeply in love. Why? I pushed her away. She was in a horrible family situation where she was being abused, and although very beautiful and intelligent, she was deeply emotional scarred. She knew not what "love" was, in any form, until she met me. This scared her, and she knew not how to deal with it. She ran away from home, and I thought I had lost her, but she kept in contact with me for a while. Then, she dissapeared. Then I got a message on a phone call I had missed a year later saying she needed me, and loved me and wished she had never left and was sorry she had been afraid of what she felt. I tried finding her, and a short while later, her cousin contacted me and told me to stop bothering her family as Cassie was dead, and promptly hung up.
I allowed her to go away because she needed time to find herself, to find out what she wanted, and who she was, and now...now I regret that. She needed guidance, not space, as she was woefully unprepared to take care of herself.
Johanna, well Johanna was more of a fling than anything. That ended badly, and I doubt this would be the case with your situation, but I'll toss it in as, well, I thought I cared for her in my excitement for a pretty girl.
Kristyn, was 14 when we met, just about to turn 15. She was, and I have to stress was a very smart girl. We were friends for a while, and then when she turned 16, she informed me she had a huge crush on me, and wanted me for herself after an argument we had regarding my discussing a potential love interest. This threw me for a loop, as for nearly 1 year and half I had a thing for this young lady who had become my best friend. It turned out, she wasn't as mature as I thought she was, and given that I was a virgin at that point still, and we were dating, and she came to me sobbing and saying we were having a baby, I kind of lost my head.
We don't talk any longer, and haven't for some time. :laugh: Given those situations, and a few more... I'd have to say, communication is key. You will need to be very, very open with each other, as she is still growing, and you are an adult. Also, it will try your patience. Once you become that special someone in a romantic way in the life of someone who is still technically a child, no matter how mature they seem...they aren't done growing yet. She is still young, and needs to go through the bad choices, and good ones, which will give her the wisdom she needs to be an adult. You have that, and many, many people won't take "this is how things are" type talks as being good enough. Chances are, this girl will push you in ways you haven't known by doing things to test your limits by testing hers.
Also, take things slow, in a number of ways. I would highly suggest putting the physical stuff on hold in an effort to stress getting to know each other. I have been with younger, and older women, and each type of age difference will teach you things about yourself, and other people. It could be a good experience for you, regardless of how things work out in the sense of learning. However, if you think you truly care for her, just, talk. A lot, about everything you can think of. Trust and communication are the key things in any relationship, but especially one like this. You may end up becoming her major role model if you start a relationship until she is grown. Or, you may become a hassle to her because you are holder and she may feel tied down and not like that.
Also, don't be paranoid, but keep on the alert for signs that the girl may have trouble at home with her father. I have noticed that many girls with problems with their father seek an older man to replace that male role model figure. You may be a more attractive replacement father figure for her, who she may use as a stepping stone to woman-hood.
Regardless of how it turns out, good luck. Despite all of my bad endings with younger girls, they taught me much about myself, and they were quite fun at times.
"You can do whatever you want to me."
"Oh, so I can crate you and hide you in the warehouse at the end of Raiders?"
"So funny, kiss me funny boy!" / *Sprays mace* " I know, I know, bad for the ozone"
"Oh, so I can crate you and hide you in the warehouse at the end of Raiders?"
"So funny, kiss me funny boy!" / *Sprays mace* " I know, I know, bad for the ozone"
Since you are young to me, I think this is better than a golden oppurtunity for you if the situation allows it. Looking back I wish my love life was a lot healther and stronger in those time sin my life. I love younger girls a lot to make up for it. Hopefully I will find a younger firl too, though at least by our standards over the are of 18. Good Luck Sytze
Screamming!!!!!!!!!!!!
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dragon wench
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It's a bit difficult for me to know how to reply to this. My instinct is to say that if all the right ingredients are there, then go for it.
But, as you say, five years at this point can make a huge difference. If she were 20 and you were 25, it wouldn't be as much of an issue, if at all. Indeed, a five year age difference, once people are older, is really not very much.
From my own experience, when I was 18, I dated somebody who was 25. He was a nice guy, but he was looking to settle down. I was very definitely not at that stage. So, my advice is to make sure she never feels pressured into anything.
When I was quite a lot older I was in a relationship with a person nearly 10 years older than me, and it really did not matter. So much, I think, depends on where each person is at in terms of life experience and such.
I think, though, that this sort of question is very much a cultural one. In many places you wouldn't be worrying about what people think. But, in North America and Europe age difference in relationships tends to be far more of a concern.
But, as you say, five years at this point can make a huge difference. If she were 20 and you were 25, it wouldn't be as much of an issue, if at all. Indeed, a five year age difference, once people are older, is really not very much.
From my own experience, when I was 18, I dated somebody who was 25. He was a nice guy, but he was looking to settle down. I was very definitely not at that stage. So, my advice is to make sure she never feels pressured into anything.
When I was quite a lot older I was in a relationship with a person nearly 10 years older than me, and it really did not matter. So much, I think, depends on where each person is at in terms of life experience and such.
I think, though, that this sort of question is very much a cultural one. In many places you wouldn't be worrying about what people think. But, in North America and Europe age difference in relationships tends to be far more of a concern.
Spoiler
testingtest12
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Sytze, I think you should draw on your own experience to answer your question. If you were 16 and you wanted to be involved with a 21-year-old, what would you do?
It sounds to me like you're letting fear hold you back because you don't know what's going to happen. Who does? If you fail to act now, you might regret it later.
If you and she like each other, you might as well see where things go. Who knows how long it will last? Who knows what will happen? There's only one way to find out. As long as you conduct yourself like a gentlemen, I don't think you'll have any regrets. I say go for it.
Disclosure: I started a three-year relationship with a 19-year-old college student when I was a 16-year-old high school student. I wouldn't have gotten involved with him if he had treated me like a child. It was great while it lasted, and all things considered, I think it was a positive experience. Later, I became involved with a 21-year-old college student when I was 29, and it has been a very good relationship.
It sounds to me like you're letting fear hold you back because you don't know what's going to happen. Who does? If you fail to act now, you might regret it later.
If you and she like each other, you might as well see where things go. Who knows how long it will last? Who knows what will happen? There's only one way to find out. As long as you conduct yourself like a gentlemen, I don't think you'll have any regrets. I say go for it.
Disclosure: I started a three-year relationship with a 19-year-old college student when I was a 16-year-old high school student. I wouldn't have gotten involved with him if he had treated me like a child. It was great while it lasted, and all things considered, I think it was a positive experience. Later, I became involved with a 21-year-old college student when I was 29, and it has been a very good relationship.
I find that, as you get older, age differences matter less.
I went out with someone who was 27 and I was 18 for two and a half years.
I went out with someone who was 27 and I was 18 for two and a half years.
peace love and music wasn't made with a fist yall!
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I dont mean to be a jerk, but I think that you have to find out if she can handle it, not what problems you might have. You should really meet her parents (awkward, I know ), because as a teenager she's going to need their support more than yours. I think foregoing sex would be a very good idea until a while after you are both comfortable with the idea.
Hope I didn't come off as an ass hole or anything... good luck!
), because as a teenager she's going to need their support more than yours. I think foregoing sex would be a very good idea until a while after you are both comfortable with the idea.Hope I didn't come off as an ass hole or anything... good luck!
i'm breakin through i'm bending spoons i'm keepin flowers in full bloom i'm lookin for answers from the great beyond
Sytze, just some general advice: Keep it legal.
In the states, sexual relations between anyone who is between sixteen and eighteen, and someone four or more years older than them is illegal. (If shes sixteen then you cant be older than twenty one) I doubt you would get caught by the police, but if theirs a bad break up (IF, not when) while shes a minor, she, or more probably her parents, might go to the police as the ultimate break up shot to the cajones. Just keep it legal, go to your local library do some research, or better yet, go to google.
In the states, sexual relations between anyone who is between sixteen and eighteen, and someone four or more years older than them is illegal. (If shes sixteen then you cant be older than twenty one) I doubt you would get caught by the police, but if theirs a bad break up (IF, not when) while shes a minor, she, or more probably her parents, might go to the police as the ultimate break up shot to the cajones. Just keep it legal, go to your local library do some research, or better yet, go to google.
If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.
Voltaire
[QUOTE=Xandax]Color me purple and call me barney.[/QUOTE]
Voltaire
[QUOTE=Xandax]Color me purple and call me barney.[/QUOTE]
Lasher has a point. Regardless of the whole legal or illegal business. Treat it as a normal relationship until you reach a point it doesn't work, then fix it by talking it out and comprimising. So, in that respect, get to know her family as you get to know her. Show her you want her for her. That's important, and if she knows it, and you show you aren't hiding anything, her family will realize it to.
The problem with this is, most young people don't know what they want truly until they are in their early twenties, sometimes older than that. Getting to know what she wants now, is likely to be null and void a year from now. She very likely may end up a completely different person by the time she is your age. Keep that in mind when you make the decision of whether or not to get closer to her. Discuss that with her too.
As I said before, discuss everything. The more time you spend talking, the more you will get to know each other and find out whether or not it is worth your time, either of you. I've been through enough failed relationships to know that some of them failed because once we found out we were wonderful together with talking, and listening, and cuddling, we went straight off to sex. Lots, and lots of sex. We killed the discussion, and just spending time with each other, and it suffocated our relationship. We didn't grow together. That's something you should most definately keep in mind, especially with a pretty, young, energetic girl.
The problem with this is, most young people don't know what they want truly until they are in their early twenties, sometimes older than that. Getting to know what she wants now, is likely to be null and void a year from now. She very likely may end up a completely different person by the time she is your age. Keep that in mind when you make the decision of whether or not to get closer to her. Discuss that with her too.
As I said before, discuss everything. The more time you spend talking, the more you will get to know each other and find out whether or not it is worth your time, either of you. I've been through enough failed relationships to know that some of them failed because once we found out we were wonderful together with talking, and listening, and cuddling, we went straight off to sex. Lots, and lots of sex. We killed the discussion, and just spending time with each other, and it suffocated our relationship. We didn't grow together. That's something you should most definately keep in mind, especially with a pretty, young, energetic girl.
"You can do whatever you want to me."
"Oh, so I can crate you and hide you in the warehouse at the end of Raiders?"
"So funny, kiss me funny boy!" / *Sprays mace* " I know, I know, bad for the ozone"
"Oh, so I can crate you and hide you in the warehouse at the end of Raiders?"
"So funny, kiss me funny boy!" / *Sprays mace* " I know, I know, bad for the ozone"
In my opinion, you could spoil the romance if you MADE it awkward by talking about it and worrying about it too much.
At some point, you will need her parents' consent (not necessarily their approval), but I think it's premature to ask them for permission to ask their daughter on a date. I think you should go out on a date and see how it goes. If it looks like there's going to be a serious relationship, then you should make sure her parents are not going to interfere with it. When I was 16, I didn't want my parents interfering with my dates or my relationships. And I have to stress that I wouldn't have gotten involved with anyone who treated me like a child. At 16, I was a lot more sensible and a lot less vulnerable than a lot of older people I know, so I don't think age makes much difference when it comes to those particular issues. Some of the biggest fools I know are parents.
Of course, a 16-year-old doesn't know much about relationships or the world in general, but that's all the more reason for a 16-year-old to get involved with someone who's mature and sensible and knows how to treat her right instead of another 16-year-old. (I mean no offense to any 16-year-olds who might be reading this.)
At some point, you will need her parents' consent (not necessarily their approval), but I think it's premature to ask them for permission to ask their daughter on a date. I think you should go out on a date and see how it goes. If it looks like there's going to be a serious relationship, then you should make sure her parents are not going to interfere with it. When I was 16, I didn't want my parents interfering with my dates or my relationships. And I have to stress that I wouldn't have gotten involved with anyone who treated me like a child. At 16, I was a lot more sensible and a lot less vulnerable than a lot of older people I know, so I don't think age makes much difference when it comes to those particular issues. Some of the biggest fools I know are parents.
Of course, a 16-year-old doesn't know much about relationships or the world in general, but that's all the more reason for a 16-year-old to get involved with someone who's mature and sensible and knows how to treat her right instead of another 16-year-old. (I mean no offense to any 16-year-olds who might be reading this.)
*nods* I definately should have stressed the majority of my advice should be used for later on in the relationship if it gets to be serious. Once you get past the fun and exciting fling type deal between you two, and step to the point where you feel it should become something which isn't just fun and temporary, that age difference will effect a great deal. Until then, *shrugs* there isn't a whole lot of differences involved.
"You can do whatever you want to me."
"Oh, so I can crate you and hide you in the warehouse at the end of Raiders?"
"So funny, kiss me funny boy!" / *Sprays mace* " I know, I know, bad for the ozone"
"Oh, so I can crate you and hide you in the warehouse at the end of Raiders?"
"So funny, kiss me funny boy!" / *Sprays mace* " I know, I know, bad for the ozone"
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fable
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[QUOTE=Phreddie]Sytze, just some general advice: Keep it legal.
In the states, sexual relations between anyone who is between sixteen and eighteen, and someone four or more years older than them is illegal. [/QUOTE]
Not so: it depends on the state. For example, it's 16 in Florida if the partner is under 30, and it's 16 in Georgia if the partner is under 24. In Washington state, sex is legal with someone who is 16 or 17 provided you're not more than 4 years, 11 months older than they are...and so it goes. The variety is bewildering. But it's 16 for any sexual relations in Alabama, Connecticut, Arkansas, and Alaska, regardless of the age of the older partner.
In the states, sexual relations between anyone who is between sixteen and eighteen, and someone four or more years older than them is illegal. [/QUOTE]
Not so: it depends on the state. For example, it's 16 in Florida if the partner is under 30, and it's 16 in Georgia if the partner is under 24. In Washington state, sex is legal with someone who is 16 or 17 provided you're not more than 4 years, 11 months older than they are...and so it goes. The variety is bewildering. But it's 16 for any sexual relations in Alabama, Connecticut, Arkansas, and Alaska, regardless of the age of the older partner.
To the Righteous belong the fruits of violent victory. The rest of us will have to settle for warm friends, warm lovers, and a wink from a quietly supportive universe.
[QUOTE=fable]The variety is bewildering. But it's 16 for any sexual relations in Alabama, Connecticut, Arkansas, and Alaska, regardless of the age of the older partner.[/QUOTE]
Not just "any sexual relations". In Alabama, for example, the age of consent only applies to heterosexual relations; homosexual relations are illegal, regardless of age, I think. The same applies in Texas, except the age of consent between a male and a female is 17. But in Texas, such laws are rarely enforced; the police mostly target potential "predators" and areas that are subject to curfews.
The age of consent in the Netherlands is 16 for girls and 12 for boys, but I don't know if a five-year difference in age makes any difference. However, it is illegal to pay someone under the age of 18 for sex.
Not just "any sexual relations". In Alabama, for example, the age of consent only applies to heterosexual relations; homosexual relations are illegal, regardless of age, I think. The same applies in Texas, except the age of consent between a male and a female is 17. But in Texas, such laws are rarely enforced; the police mostly target potential "predators" and areas that are subject to curfews.
The age of consent in the Netherlands is 16 for girls and 12 for boys, but I don't know if a five-year difference in age makes any difference. However, it is illegal to pay someone under the age of 18 for sex.
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fable
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[QUOTE=VonDondu]The age of consent in the Netherlands is 16 for girls and 12 for boys, but I don't know if a five-year difference in age makes any difference. However, it is illegal to pay someone under the age of 18 for sex.[/QUOTE]
See? You have federal regulations regarding it, but in the US, every state makes its own law. Yet the neo-cons would have the world believe the US has a far more restrictive federal government than other "democracies," despite the fact that they have no problems with forcing teachers to include Christian prayers and the teaching of creationism in high school curricula. It would seem their ideas of restrictive practices are very selective.
By the way, in some US states having sex with someone legally considered underage is considered statutory rape, even if the girl is willing--even if the girl was soliciting. It has an enormous mandatory penalty (obviously, if convicted) attached, and achieved some notoriety early in the 20th century when these laws were first being enforced. Underage women who were engaging in sex were called by the slang term "San Quentin Quail" because of the number of men who ended up in the notorious San Quentin Pennitentiary as a result of statutory rape convictions.
See? You have federal regulations regarding it, but in the US, every state makes its own law. Yet the neo-cons would have the world believe the US has a far more restrictive federal government than other "democracies," despite the fact that they have no problems with forcing teachers to include Christian prayers and the teaching of creationism in high school curricula. It would seem their ideas of restrictive practices are very selective.
By the way, in some US states having sex with someone legally considered underage is considered statutory rape, even if the girl is willing--even if the girl was soliciting. It has an enormous mandatory penalty (obviously, if convicted) attached, and achieved some notoriety early in the 20th century when these laws were first being enforced. Underage women who were engaging in sex were called by the slang term "San Quentin Quail" because of the number of men who ended up in the notorious San Quentin Pennitentiary as a result of statutory rape convictions.
To the Righteous belong the fruits of violent victory. The rest of us will have to settle for warm friends, warm lovers, and a wink from a quietly supportive universe.
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Luis Antonio
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Sytze, I think you shall follow your heart if you like her. Sides, she likes you. Also, I'm now dating a 19 years old girl. We have a 5 years gap, just like you. Of course, she's not underage, but I keep thinking the same. She's younger than my sister (one year almost exactly). But, in fact, I ignore that fact. Your girl is 16, if you keep with her for only 2 years (if you like her you will) she'll be 19 and the problem is solved Also, I would not lose an opportunity to love, to like and to have company. So, if it was my choice I'd be her boyfriend, but I'd take slowly in the beggining just to learn what would happen after a longer period.
Also, I would not lose an opportunity to love, to like and to have company. So, if it was my choice I'd be her boyfriend, but I'd take slowly in the beggining just to learn what would happen after a longer period.Flesh to stone ain't permanent, it seems.
Styze i am going to give you the religious conservative response to your situation. Its pretty simple.
Go for it.
Physical age is not a matter. Maturity, your level of comfort and your relationship (ie how well you "get" each other etc) is what is important.
You have no legal issue with the girl.
You have no social issues or marriage issues right now.
You have no economic issues, she is in school, living with her parents so you don't have to support her.
You don't have any cultural issues or barriers that i can take note of.
Logically it is fine.
I however will put in a word of caution. What is your aim in this? I know two weeks is an early time to consider aims but here is how it plays out in my head.
You are 21 she is 16. 5 years down the road you are 26 and she is 21. In another 5 years you are 31 and she is 26. Basically 10 years down the road would you two be anywhere near the matter of marriage. If you guys stay together for 10 years that is great. Its amazing i would be happy for the two of you. But more likely than not you won't stay together that long. My point with this above BS is that this can never be a serious committed relationship for a long period with this girl.
Teenagers girls included change over time - just like you are not the same person when you were at 16. So be ready for her changing not complete personalities but changing and frankly she may not be the same person you had such a great time with after 2 years or even 2 months.
To simplify:
Don't hold any long term or even serious expectations for anything long term. 1 year is long term in my eyes.
Expect her to change mentally and psychological a great deal over the next couple of months or years.
Do this for fun.
If you like her go for it. Care not what the world thinks. After all this world still thinks, inter-racial relationships are to be frowned upon. Go figure.
If you both are happy that is what matters. However I must point out ahead of time that any thing "long term" will be impossible. Personally don't think you should even think of time in this relationship. Go with the flow.
My advice/opinion: Go for it. Hold no expectations beyond your personal chemistry.
Go for it.
Physical age is not a matter. Maturity, your level of comfort and your relationship (ie how well you "get" each other etc) is what is important.
You have no legal issue with the girl.
You have no social issues or marriage issues right now.
You have no economic issues, she is in school, living with her parents so you don't have to support her.
You don't have any cultural issues or barriers that i can take note of.
Logically it is fine.
I however will put in a word of caution. What is your aim in this? I know two weeks is an early time to consider aims but here is how it plays out in my head.
You are 21 she is 16. 5 years down the road you are 26 and she is 21. In another 5 years you are 31 and she is 26. Basically 10 years down the road would you two be anywhere near the matter of marriage. If you guys stay together for 10 years that is great. Its amazing i would be happy for the two of you. But more likely than not you won't stay together that long. My point with this above BS is that this can never be a serious committed relationship for a long period with this girl.
Teenagers girls included change over time - just like you are not the same person when you were at 16. So be ready for her changing not complete personalities but changing and frankly she may not be the same person you had such a great time with after 2 years or even 2 months.
To simplify:
Don't hold any long term or even serious expectations for anything long term. 1 year is long term in my eyes.
Expect her to change mentally and psychological a great deal over the next couple of months or years.
Do this for fun.
If you like her go for it. Care not what the world thinks. After all this world still thinks, inter-racial relationships are to be frowned upon. Go figure.
If you both are happy that is what matters. However I must point out ahead of time that any thing "long term" will be impossible. Personally don't think you should even think of time in this relationship. Go with the flow.
My advice/opinion: Go for it. Hold no expectations beyond your personal chemistry.
For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun? - Khalil Gibran
"We shall fight on the beaches. We shall fight on the landing grounds. We shall fight in the fields, and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills. We shall never surrender!" - Winston Churchill
"We shall fight on the beaches. We shall fight on the landing grounds. We shall fight in the fields, and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills. We shall never surrender!" - Winston Churchill
[QUOTE=fable]See? You have federal regulations regarding it, but in the US, every state makes its own law. Yet the neo-cons would have the world believe the US has a far more restrictive federal government than other "democracies," despite the fact that they have no problems with forcing teachers to include Christian prayers and the teaching of creationism in high school curricula. It would seem their ideas of restrictive practices are very selective.
By the way, in some US states having sex with someone legally considered underage is considered statutory rape, even if the girl is willing--even if the girl was soliciting. It has an enormous mandatory penalty (obviously, if convicted) attached, and achieved some notoriety early in the 20th century when these laws were first being enforced. Underage women who were engaging in sex were called by the slang term "San Quentin Quail" because of the number of men who ended up in the notorious San Quentin Pennitentiary as a result of statutory rape convictions.[/QUOTE]
I was describing the laws here in North Carolina, as far as I knew it was a federal law, because Im pretty sure that statutory(sp?) rape is a federal offense, logic lead me to believe that the statute, was a federal one.
Also Fable, as far as I know, no teachers teach creationism, I have been through Biology, WOrld History, and Im past the point of studying the bible in World Lit. this year, all teach how history says, not how the different groups advocate. The big debate is that parents who advocate INtelligent Design dont want their children learning about evolution, (of course why they want their kids to be ignorant of the oposing sides argument beats me) so they want to change curriculum for public schools, while Darwinists (for lack of a better term) want to keep curriculum based on what science tells us.
But this is another thread...
By the way, in some US states having sex with someone legally considered underage is considered statutory rape, even if the girl is willing--even if the girl was soliciting. It has an enormous mandatory penalty (obviously, if convicted) attached, and achieved some notoriety early in the 20th century when these laws were first being enforced. Underage women who were engaging in sex were called by the slang term "San Quentin Quail" because of the number of men who ended up in the notorious San Quentin Pennitentiary as a result of statutory rape convictions.[/QUOTE]
I was describing the laws here in North Carolina, as far as I knew it was a federal law, because Im pretty sure that statutory(sp?) rape is a federal offense, logic lead me to believe that the statute, was a federal one.
Also Fable, as far as I know, no teachers teach creationism, I have been through Biology, WOrld History, and Im past the point of studying the bible in World Lit. this year, all teach how history says, not how the different groups advocate. The big debate is that parents who advocate INtelligent Design dont want their children learning about evolution, (of course why they want their kids to be ignorant of the oposing sides argument beats me) so they want to change curriculum for public schools, while Darwinists (for lack of a better term) want to keep curriculum based on what science tells us.
But this is another thread...
If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.
Voltaire
[QUOTE=Xandax]Color me purple and call me barney.[/QUOTE]
Voltaire
[QUOTE=Xandax]Color me purple and call me barney.[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Brynn]What? :laugh: I thought you were going to say she's 8 years older or something. Hell, 5 years is not a problem at all, if the girl is younger.[/QUOTE]
I wouldn't go so far as that. I know I sure have changed a lot from the time I was 18 until now, let alone 16. The growth of her personality and goals in the next two years alone may make her an entirely different person.
I wouldn't go so far as that. I know I sure have changed a lot from the time I was 18 until now, let alone 16. The growth of her personality and goals in the next two years alone may make her an entirely different person.
"You can do whatever you want to me."
"Oh, so I can crate you and hide you in the warehouse at the end of Raiders?"
"So funny, kiss me funny boy!" / *Sprays mace* " I know, I know, bad for the ozone"
"Oh, so I can crate you and hide you in the warehouse at the end of Raiders?"
"So funny, kiss me funny boy!" / *Sprays mace* " I know, I know, bad for the ozone"
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Luis Antonio
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[QUOTE=Magrus]I wouldn't go so far as that. I know I sure have changed a lot from the time I was 18 until now, let alone 16. The growth of her personality and goals in the next two years alone may make her an entirely different person.[/QUOTE]
Or not. Maybe the changes will be minor, and if he's with her, he'll notice. Its inevitable even at the 90 years old, as my grandma used to say.
Or not. Maybe the changes will be minor, and if he's with her, he'll notice. Its inevitable even at the 90 years old, as my grandma used to say.
Flesh to stone ain't permanent, it seems.