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I have been struck by the desire to write a book so plz post what you think about this.

The great Toliet Paper Caper

The day dawned with a bang. The whole town of Devonsfield, Ohio had been teeped

,and i mean everysquare inch of it was covered with toliet paper. The Town

newspapers debated for days on what to do about the mess and eventually a town-wide

work day was established to clean up this horrible mess.It was the worst mess the town

had found itself in, in about 36 years since the the Case of the Watermelon Burgler

Then eventually all the hubbabb settled around Jeremey J Jones, the town troublemaker.

HE had been guilty of such crimes

as shaving the mayor's dog and clogging up public restrooms by this time he claimed he was

innocent. Of course he wasent believed by anyone and there begins the quest of Jeremy J Jones

to clear his name in the case of The Great Town Toliet Papering.


Chapter 1.

"Where is that boy!" thought Mrs. Jones. "Honestly he got himself into enough trouble with that

ridiculous idea to toliet paper the entire town and now he's going to skip out of community service."

"Jeremey get down here this instant!" Her voice echoed throughout there old victorian house.

A muscular fair haired boy slid down the brown stair railing. "Here i am mother."

"Hurry up or you'll be late for you first day of work, i hear Officer Mendelson dosent look kindly

upon late juvinele deliquents" They hurried out towards there monstorous suburban. The first flowers

of spring were just blooming and it was a gorgeous day but unfortunantly for nathan he will have to spend

3 hours of it cleaning up toliet paper and doing other community service projects.


Chapter 2: IN which Jeremey learns the value of good hard work

They pulled up at the old police station. It's walls still covered with enough toliet paper to make it

look like snow. This had been one of jeremey's first and foremost targets and he had a sense that he was

going to be spending alot of time here. A black clad figure appeared suddenly out of the toliet paper and

walked menacingly towards the car. " U-oh" thought jeremey to himself, The old timers gone off the deep end

again. "Hello OFficer Mendelson" said his mother "I hope the day has gone well?" "Quite well thank you " said

the thick mustached face of Officer Andrew Mendelson. "I hope Jeremey is ready to learn the value of hard work"

glared the officer. Jeremey got out of the car with a sigh, the police officers and him didnt get along that well.

He walked towards the line of toliet paper with voractiy. "Pull a little toliet paper, sweep up a little and the

two hours will pass by in no time at all" He grinned smugly, this was going to be a walk in the park. "HOld on there

young man" barked the officer, "Your first assignment is cleaning out the toliets, head on in to officer Bill and he

will direct you to the cleaning supplies." Jeremey suddenly felt like he had a great weight on his shoulders. IN his life,

there was not one thing that jeremey hated more than cleaning out toliets. He loathed it and it drove his mother crazy.

So this is what happens when my friends say there doing comminity service. HE passed through the toliet paper and headed

on into the Police Station.


Chapter 3: IN which Jeremey discovers that he was set up

He looked around with a groan. The Police station bathroom was the biggest that he had ever seen. "That's right," sang

Officer Bill, "This whole room and one on the other side of the building before you can leave and go home today."

"That's cruel and unusuasl punishment." said Jeremey. "What are you gonna do?, call the police." laughed OFficer Bill.

Jeremey watched as he walked out and headed straight towards the vending machines. "Fa, excuse for a police officer"

said Jeremey. Oh well, might as well get to work. Jeremey got out the cleaning materials and started scrubbing away diligently

at the toliet. "Its not fair" he thought to himself grumpliy. "I didnt even do anything except help protect my friend and im stuck doing

this" Jeremey began to think back to the day it all happened. IT was the day before the great tolietpapering. Jermey was on his way to

meet his friend Erick who had told Jeremey to meet him at the old warehouse on 6th street at 10 o'clock. Jeremey sped up his pace, he

was late again and he knew how much erick hated it when he was late. HE sped through downtown, narrowly avoiding the cars and skating

by early morning risers coming out of Starbucks with there coffie. "There's the barn" he breathed in relief as he skated into the complex.

"ERICK, IM HERE" yelled Jeremey at the top of his lungs. "Shhhhhh, keep it down would ya." wispered Erick. "I got something i want to show

you man." HE moved back towards a metal door and started to turn the knob, with a creak the door cracked opend don its rusty old squeaky

hinges.A mountain of toliet paper was stacked inside the room. Jeremy's mouth dropped open, "What the heck is this man?"

"This my friend, is the beginning of the greatest prank that will ever be pulled on this town." "I am going to toliet paper every house

in the town in one night and no one is going to see me." he exclaimed with such excitment that he startef frothing at the mouth.

"So why did you want to show me this thought." said Jeremy. "You know that i went clean from this three months ago after the Dairy

Queen incident.


Chapter 4: In which the Heist is Revealed

"Jeremy i know you. I know that if you could you would be out there doing your very best to work up some well deserved trouble in this

dull town." said Erick. "I wanted to ask you if you wanted to join me for one last glory run to remember the old days.

Because you want to write this as a book and really want comments, this could be the place for it, but just in future, there is also a 'Fan Fiction' forum where you can post your works .

On the topic... well I'm not sure what you have written is supposed to be. If that is the chapter in full, it's extremely short. If it's notes to be later fleshed out, then it's not really good note form.

Others might think differently, but I can't really write much until I find out what it is you have written is supposed to be, and what you want the comments to relate to.

@LordGothren: Writing a book is quite different from for instance speaking with your friends or posting at an internet forum, and to be enjoyable and interesting for the reader, a book requires another type of structure and language than the spoken language. My advise to you is that you try reading some books you like and study carefully how they are structured and how the language is used. Some points to consider are how is the story introduced? how is gaps in time dealt with? how is communication between the characters described? How is the environment described? etc.

To comment briefly on the piece of text you have posted here, I can see two major flaws that you must work on:

1. Style. You cannot write like you talk. You must strive for a better language, not repeating the same words as often, not using as many unnecessary expressions that belongs to the spoken language and vary sentence structure.

2. Drop the dialogue. Most of your text consists of trivial dialogue between people. You write what they say, like lines in a play. Instead of "Hello OFficer Mendelson" said his mother "I hope the day has gone well?" "Quite well thank you " said the thick mustached face of Officer Andrew Mendelson" you could write "After briefly greeting mrs Jones, Mendelson turned to the young man/Jeremy and...blahblah".

I cannot comment on the content since I don't know what story you want to tell, but if it is important for the story that the town has been wrapped in toilet paper, you should try to create some tension in the introduction.

Good luck!

LordGothren,

Writing a book is a lot of work and will take you quite awhile. Be prepared to stick with it, and don't give up. I have to second CE's comment on the structure of the writing. You need to bone up on your grammar and use conversation / speech more sparingly.

Regarding the actual content without knowing how you want the book to unfold I can't comment on how it's going so far. But I can point a few things out:

unfortunantly for nathan he will have to spend 3 hours of it cleaning up toliet paper

1. In chapter one Jeremey and his mother are in the house getting ready to leave. But at the end you use the name nathan, should that be Jeremey?

This had been one of jeremey's first and foremost targets and he had a sense that he was going to be spending alot of time here.

2. This sentence made me believe that Jeremey actually did the prank (if you meant that Jeremey had targetted the Police Station for other pranks be more explicit of when he targetted it).

Jeremey got out the cleaning materials and started scrubbing away diligently at the toliet.

3. You seem to be changing Jeremey's personality too much. Earlier you make out that he is irresponsible and naughty, but 10 seconds after someone he hates makes him clean out toilets and he's working diligently? If he really is going to learn a lesson it needs to take longer to happen, and you have to see subtle signs of change before anyone would recognize a difference.

My last comment is that something like this would be very difficult to do unobserved. First, everyone would have to be asleep; no one on the roads, no one watching TV to hear the TP happening to their own house, no dogs barking, etc. Second, places like ATMs, gas stations, police stations, fire departments, jewelery stores and malls have security cameras of their buildings and parking lots. Papering the whole town without a single person or camera noticing you seems very unlikely, so you need to have a good explanation for how they got around this (something as simple as a power outage wouldn't work since that would just get all the city electricians out on the town fixing power stations). Just make sure that however this person accomplished the act isn't too farfetched.

Good luck.

I really don't mean to sound harsh, but I think it's terrible.

For one, it's incredibly juenile, and would likely only be a seller among the immature, so it would be hard to get published; secondly, poorly constructed, you need to think things oer before you write, sketch out a personality for characters, think up a brief past so writing is easier later on; lastly, it's terribly unrealistic, you may need to downsize it a bit.

I'e just looked at the other points and I'e realised that we're all saying pretty much the same thing. Heh.

Its a total masterpiece!

Ingenious yet with a child-like flair and simply simplified. the role of tp and tape is absolutely BRILLIANT

[QUOTE=Talius]Its a total masterpiece!

Ingenious yet with a child-like flair and simply simplified. the role of tp and tape is absolutely BRILLIANT[/QUOTE]

[/sarcasm]?