GameBanshee Forums

I have a question for the guys on this forum. How old were you when you first started having an interest in girls?

I'm thinking I must have been a bit oblivious or something, but my son, who is just shy of 12, has started to view girls in a different light..This has started to happen over the last few months, and while I figured we would at some point get hit with various girls calling... I don't think we'd anticipated it would be quite *this* soon! :speech:
I suspect he'll be getting his own phone, or phoneline, sometime soon...

At present he's very attracted to two different girls, and they are all friends. The girls were over visiting for most of yesterday, and it was fascinating to observe them interact. On the one hand, they still wrestle and grab at one another with the guileless abandon of children, but on the other, they are all on the cusp of puberty. All three were an obvious churning cauldron of hormones.

Am I being clueless? I just don't remember having any interest at all in boys when I was 12. Not like that anyway; I was "Tomboy," and I played soccer with boys, I found them more fun to hang out with than girls. But that is where it stopped.

*sigh* I think I was hoping for at least another year of grace before this happened

Hmm well I have always liked girls as far as I remeber but my first girlfriend was when I was 12 or 13. But I remember chilling with girls and stuff in grade one.

Same age I guess. I did kiss a girl when I seven or eight, but that was more a prestige kind of thing. I remember it did grant me access to all new kinds of birthday parties. I must have been a rather suave kid.

I wonder what becomes a major factor first, sexual awareness or sexual identity.

I remember that for me it was something like 14 or 15...
Though can't remember what my age was when I was first time dating...

I assume by interest you mean sexual charged interest? I think probably about the same age as well. maybe a year later or so. I think a reason why many people might believe it is supposed to happen later is that young boys usually have quite some problem to attract the same kind of interest from girls, atleast I as well as my firends had. Girls the same age are often more mature, and therefor prefer boys a bit older.

I think around 12 is when boys start noticing girls physically.

Theres huge variance around that though.

A good part of it is mimicry I think though.

my first bj was when I was thirteen. that boy is probably getting head. I'm 21 now and kids are faster now than when I was their age....soo, you know.

diggitydan wrote:my first bj was when I was thirteen. that boy is probably getting head. I'm 21 now and kids are faster now than when I was their age....soo, you know.

Ooookay... Little too much information there... I'm 18 and I don't know of ANY of my peers who were sexually active at that age...

In answer to the question, I think it depends enormously on how the parents and the peers of the individual child influence them.

@diggitydan,
an interesting post for your first visit to Game Banshee.

I don't want to sound discouraging, but at that age I had a friend who was already smoking, drinking and stealing the kind of movies and magazines made for adults only. (If I remember well, he was already doing that at 8. And at 25, he was stealing cars, but that is another story.)

At that age, I was not doing these things (in fact I never smoked or stole anything in my entire life), but I remember some friends and I had our rooms covered with Samantha Fox posters. So we were pretty aware of the ladies' attributes and enjoyed them.

You may hope for another year of grace, but it might not be a bad thing if you consider I also had another friend who's only interest at that age was sports and action figurines. And that friend, is less mature today, at 31, than I was at 17.

Of course, I know everyone is different and I am only giving these examples as what they are, examples. I don't believe the fact that one guy drinks at such a young age or the fact that one still acts like a teen at 31 is directly influenced by the way they perceived girls in their youth. I just wanted to point out that your son's behaviour is very normal and that it is the right time to educate him so he does not learn how to deal with girls on the Internet.

Although it is not really related to the thread, I feel bad for making my friend look like an evil guy and want to amend myself because I think he deserves better. Although I show him more often as an example of what not to do, I could also show him as an example of a person who decided one day that he could not go on like this forever, got back to school, got a decent job and is about to have a little baby I am sure he is going to take care of.

Greg. wrote: In answer to the question, I think it depends enormously on how the parents and the peers of the individual child influence them.

I suspect that would make some sense, if anything we have probably encouraged him by always being extremely open about issues like this.
Hmm...
Actually, I'm not at worried about it, I'm just curious, simply because it's taken me slightly by surprise, is all.

I had a boyfriend when I was 6 years old, and it was truly a romantic experience.

My boyfriend says he has been interested in girls since he first became conscious, and he had his first girlfriend when he was 4. They kissed in the treehouse and planned to get married and, from his account, they acted pretty much like the 12-year-olds I've seen on dates. When he was 5, she moved away, so he tried to romance another 5-year-old, but he wasn't able to see her very often because she didn't live right next door (unlike his first girlfriend). On the first day of school, he kissed all the girls in his class at recess before the teacher put a stop to it. I'd say there must have been a genuine interest there.

I don't plan on having any tiny Trickies running around anytime soon (if at all), but I've always wondered what the best way would be to introduce younglings to the internet. Porn can't be more than a few clicks away from any website, and installing browser protection will only encourage them to find out how to bypass it. You know kids, they're supposed to be handier than us with stuff like that. And like diggitydan said, kids are getting quicker all the time.

I don't mean to make you sleep uneasy or anything Dragon Wench, but since you're the real thing I wondered what you parental thoughts on teh intarwebs are.

dragon wench wrote:Actually, I'm not at worried about it, I'm just curious, simply because it's taken me slightly by surprise, is all.

I have not seen many parents who were not surprised to see how fast their children grow. I am sure it was not the first time he took you a little by surprise and I am sure this won't be the last.

This shows you are aware of what he is living and it is a sign you care about him.

I'm not a gent, but I'm a shrink and I've studied my fair share of developmental psychology/physiology and from this, as well as anecdotal evidence, I can definitely say it's completely normal to develop an romantic and sexually loaded interest in girls at age 11.

Some kids develop an interest much earlier and then this interest stays until it is fully developed when puberty arrives. Other kids may have an interest early on, that goes away for a while (often in the so called "latency" period, ie approximately 6-10 years old) and returns in a different, more adult shape during puberty. Some kids don't have any romantic/sexual interest at all until they reach puberty, but this is actually less common.

[quote="Dragon Wench]
I just don't remember having any interest at all in boys when I was 12. Not like that anyway; I was "]

Heh, for me it was the opposite: hanging around with the boys at age 10-11 was perfect - especially playing football or hockey or other physical games since that meant an opportunity for physical contact Tackles could easily end up in the corner of the field and falling on each other was always very interesting

ok I'm going to be honest this is my first "forum" thingy. I'm not like into this type of activity posting my thoughts online I just thought I would be honest to a mother of a child whom is growing up in a world full of self indulgence and societal pressure towards being an aesthetically empowered individual. To make myself clear: I had no intention of freaking people out I just want to let this lady know that playful "wrestling" could mean more. I mean, honestly, I'm not goin to lie. And if this is an "open thoughts" forum I would hope the moderators were chill with me telling it how it is. As far as the gaming aspect and revereance towards these forums I don't know jack. I just breakdance. I bought this game out of curiosity (first morrowind and now oblivion). I dont know if that's any inclination as to my mindset or personality but whatever. Take it or leave it. As far as this lady asking how it really is? well let me tell ya, things are changing.....fast. It depends on what type of personality your son has, hobbies, mindset, etc etc etc. anyhow. peace out. I'm just gonna keep it chill I guess, didn't mean to offend anyone.

I had a 'response' to girls physically at a very young age say with dad's playboys (stolen) but I was somewhat ignorant of what was happening.

Like others have said I was psychologically interested in various girls and had crushes with emotions (though different in texture from 20s 30s etc) at elementary school age.

I think there is a big physical change at about 12 and the hormones kick in but at least for me I didn't have the confidence or determination or even warm-heartedness (frankly) to get involved romantically.

So short answer is yeah puberty happens but theirs a lot more to a person...

claudius

Hmm, well lets see. My first kiss was in the front seat of a bus ride to school when I was in 1st, no...2nd grade. My smooth self threw the adorable little redhead that pounced on me and gave me a slip of the tongue into the bus window. I thought I was being attacked. I had no real interest, I was 7 maybe? I DID however show interest in 4th grade, as that was the first time I hit on a girl. It was a vastly unpleasant experience, and the girl provided me with my fear of knee-high boots that day. She was 8 at the time, and damn near to fully developed. Aside from about 3 feet of added height, she doesn't look much different today than 14 years ago. That, and being taken in by a varsity cheerleader when I was 5 and hearing her conversations for 20 minutes every morning before school probably had a lot to do with my interest so early.

I must note however, after that, I never really bothered with going after girls until I was 16. To be more specific, I never bothered with girls until one went after me and she was persistant enough to make me think it might be worth the time and effort to add new stress to my already far beyond hectic life. I am, and have never been considered a "normal boy" though. Most of the guys in my school were trying to get girls when I was 13 or so. It's a prestige thing, you see older guys doing it, and you want to do it to be cool. That, and the girls start to develop and act differently, not to mention dress differently. I never attempted to fit in, so the only time I dated in school was as a means to prove guys were being idiots. Which was a completely immature and idiotic thing of me to do in and of itself I must add.

I feel obliged to add also that you may want to talk to your son and discuss with him the pro's and con's on dating while young and in school. It's a good learning experience, however...the effects of the opposite sex on a teens mind and school experience can be staggering. He will need to be aware of how to balance his time and all if he does start dating. I feel obliged to add that I didn't listen to any advice given to me when that first pretty girl was all over me and tried using me for money. I got screwed over, and learned my lesson the hard way. If your son doesn't listen, *shrugs* chances are he will learn a valuable lesson from it eventually.

@ diggitydan, Just because a person finds themself attracted to a member of the opposite sex, or happens to be dating one, doesn't mean they're sexually active. Hell, I dated 5 girls at once in high school. I didn't bother with sex until after I graduated though.

@ DW, One other thing I forgot to add. I don't think you'll have to worry about the sex thing for at least a few years. From my experiences, it's the girls that end up having sex young more often than boys. I have known far more girls to have ended up becoming sexually active between the ages of 12-15 than boys who started between the ages of 14-16. Even if he does start dating soon, you probably have a good 3-4 years before worrying about that in all seriousness. Still, it wouldn't hurt to discuss it with him, as you never know. Some people develop young, like my old friend at 8 years old.

@DW,

So many different variables at play (no pun intended) and many have been brought up. But going back to the idea of external influences, I too think his school and your neighborhood will have a lot of effect.

In my case I grew up in a neighborhood where the only other kids my age were girls. So my playmates and nearby close friends were girls. But they weren't "girlfriends". Thinking back I believe the first girl I had an interest in (my first crush I suppose), was a girl named Susan who sat next to me in my fifth grade class. I was 11 at the time. I most definitely did things to impress "her" and wanted her to like me. So I think that would qualify as "having an interest" . But with my neighborhood girl "friends" I never did that. We liked each other and got along well but I never tried to impress them.

Well, my first more or less sexual experience in that "Oh my, there's a difference between guys and girls, let's explore" way took place when I was between six and eight, however, I believe that I noticed girls as more than "just a girl" somewhere around fifth or sixth grade... so I was about your son's age. Relationships, for most people, aren't really that special. I haven't gone through many myself, but I remember that in middle school a relationship was just holding hands and a peck on the cheek... although I do recall one incident that involved oral sex... but that was an exception. Probably just a rumor. People I know started to have sexual activities somewhere around eighth grade and throughout high school it gets worse, again, for some. While many of my classmates have sex and what not and so forth, drugs, alcohol, whatever you can think of, there are a good potion of people that have yet to experience their first kiss. Relationship wise... it's best not to interfere unless you feel that there is something terribly wrong. After the first heartbreak one should gain more understanding n what to do and what not to do. When my first relationship ended, I was a wreck for a few weeks and then decided that I loved my computer more. I'm still in that stage.