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I'm feeling restless..........summer just started. So I shall proceed to scare you with the powers of my imagination.

You're walking along a red plastic bridge. It's raining meatballs and they're getting larger and larger as the storm gets worse. you slip on the tomato sauce that's been purposely spread across the bridge. Digital cameras with seventeen tiny arms and legs scurry over and tie you up with guitar strings. Fortunately for you, a giant fanged coffee mug leaps onto a passing cloud and snatches you up in its mighty jaws. You manage to lull it to sleep by making a series of beeps and clicks with your voice. Without a moment's hesitation, you boldly jump off the cloud and fall into a vat of cinnamon-flavored navy-blue paint. You manage to stay afloat by grabbing a nearby stuffed animal that looks like a bear version of the statue of liberty.

SUDDENLY

500,000 androids rise out of the liquid. They're wearing....wigs.....made.........of.....CHILI!!

To be continued.. (feel free to assist in the continuation.)

Suddenly the andriods form a conga line and shove you inbetween whitney huston and paris hilton! breaking to one side a figure rises up from you child hood nightmares....

Micheal Jackson!

Grabbing one of the meatballs from the ground you throw it but it turns into paper plane halfway across!

Backing into a corner you see only 5 ways out!....

Five ways seems like a whole lot, but you then notice 4 of the 5 ways out are blocked by those pesky chili (chili???) wig wearing androids. The last and final exit seems to be clear, but suddenly out of the meatball mist looms a very large, scary and extremely irritated looking....

.... Game Banshee moderator..
Except this particular sub species is covered with purple scales and has sprouted fluorescent orange tentacles.
In alarm, you throw an extra large tin of spam at the strange beast in the hopes of distracting the thing, and then, praying fervently, you dash toward the exit.

As in any overused cliche the door closes leaving you to dive and roll under it. Onto the teleporter. And back inside. Those other 4 ways are looking pretty good....

And you decide you always kind of liked chili anyways, so those chili wigged androids will present no problem to such an intrepid adventurer as yourself. In your bag of tricks that you always have handy, you whip out a bag of nacho chips to dispose of the chili and advance your way to those rather stupid looking androids. You put a little extra swagger in your step anyway, to disguise a little shakiness. Stupid looking or not, those androids could still whip your butt, so you....

:mischief: Cunningly, you mimic the voice of the android General.... telling them to take role call before they proceed to disassemble you. With 500,000 of them, you figure this will buy you time.

As you sneak out the back way, you can here the growing commotion:

"Aardvonk217?"
"...here"

"Aarrglefraaaaaaaaaastrroo127?"
<silence>
"Aarrglefraaaaaaaaaastrroo127?"
<muttering of androids>
"Has anyone seen Aarrglefraaaaaaaaaastrroo127?"
<silence>
<from the back> "I think he phoned in sick"...

You throw open the door and jump out. Too late, you realize that it's NO ORDINARY DOOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But a portal to...........

..a battle you cannot win! Obviously someone has mixed up the portals again. There sure are a lot of alien baddies over here. Fortunately Xen doesn't have much gravity, which gives you..

The baseball bat from WORMS! After sending several million andriods flying, you take a rest then wake up to.....

...the ugliest woman you've ever seen curled up next to you with a smile on her sleeping face. "Oh my god", you think, another frat party gone horribly wrong! :speech:

You sneak out the door quietly, only to find...

...that you are hurtling through cyberspace. Yes, another ruddy portal...

The main problem with this one is that the cyber is quickly left behind leaving you flating in the middle of SPACE!

Last breath gulped, you're left contemplating barely graspable current existential and astronomical theories and you start thinking multiple universes and string theory might have some credence when all of a sudden you see an ethernet cable floating through space towards you and you realize that's kind of "string-like", so you grab ahold of it, jam it into your left ear and voila, your back online 100baseT.

THEN

Pac-man comes and swallows you up, cable and all. You slide down a long yellow tube of light and are deposited at the foot of a Swedish girl in a blue dress. Her arms are a pair of wax candles. She looks angry and her arms burst into flame. Emitting a high-pitched shriek you throw a six ton tub of vaseline at the poor pyro. As the clearish slime engulfs the girl, you dash onto a passing ship. It's 7 inches long and it breaks in half when you board. Fortunately for you, the sea is a crinkly piece of blue foil, and you sustain only minor injuries. . .

..waar wel mee te leven valt. Plotseling merk je dat alles Nederlands is geworden! Alles is opeens kaas, klompen, wiet en tulpen. Toch niet hetzelfde multiversum? Wanhoop. Je besluit je wonden te negeren en..

Parceque tout le mondde peut lire et ecrire plusieurs langes.. you decide to bully the narrator into english so he/she/it can continue....

implants and projects

...Your number one implant in your cerebral cortex whirrs softely. Your head clears of the various european languages that had invaded that space. Implant number two in your left frontal lobe whispers a little phrase, 'the project. You look up: Moths are whirling around the light atop a steel pile, beside the concerete path, and the sense of being on the summer campus of some down-at-heel community college is earie. The right frontal lobe implant quiet until now starts a gentle upload, mapping your location in terms of longitude and latititude. The meatball mist and the chili 'droids have been annihilated, [thanks mainly to the nacho chips, NB: never leave home without them]. What is the project? You know that you need to move on...

...the Game Theory. But then one of your brain implants dutifully reminds you that you skipped that lecture and at present have no clue what the hell the game theory is and how it is supposed to help. You look up at the dancing moth again. Your natural instincts enhanced by the Artificial Intelligence powered up by nacho chips and chili make you stick out your tongue and catch a mouthful of them. Then you start dancing around the steel pole yourself as you used to do in the summer campus after a few drinks. Suddenly, the space around you warps and a big...

... serenity flows through your strained veins as you sink towards the bottom of the great green sea. Walruses swim in and out your ears, octopi swirl their long, soft limbs around yours, catfish spy your long descent from their salty, dark havens. And then, suddenly! ...

...very, very dry voice tells you that your lithium batteries are almost dead and you have 60 seconds and two options: make a final wish or swim up.
59, 58, 57... you frantically look around... 56, 55, 54... you grab something protruding off a nearby octopus... 53, 52, 51...