BIG stressor

sparky_kat · Post by **sparky_kat** » Tue Feb 12, 2008 5:24 pm

I have been pacing the floor all day, pulling at my hair, and grinding my teeth badly (which i never do). Every time the phone rings, i feel like crying if i see a certain number or a number i don't recognise...

Has anyone here ever had to file a missing persons report on a family member?? My dad is now missing. He went to visit his best friend that lives about 3-4 hours away as a last trip before he faced possible jail time.

He was supposed to be back by last night. nobody has heard from him since yesterday morning, and that was his friend as he (the friend) was leaving the house for work.

My father at first, when the talk of jail time came up about his DUI.... he was telling us (his family) that he was just going to kill himself, that he refused to go back to jail. He had done 2yrs about 5 yrs ago for the same thing, a DUI. After getting MUCH flack and talks from us, he then started saying that instead he was just going to run away and hide. One night a few months back, i had a very long talk with my dad about how his words and actions were hurtful and how they were making us all feel. we talked about alot of other stuff too regarding the possible jail time. I was relieved when it seemed like he was finally accepting the fact of incarceration and was going to be accepting his possible punishment.

Now i dont know... ANYTHING could be going on with my dad, he killed himself, he ran away, or he got in a wreck and is down the side of a cliff somewhere. Its really frustrating trying to figure out whats going on, and to top it all off, in 7 days is the 4th anniversary of his dads death, which he took really hard.

My other grandpa filed a missing persons report, but if he wrecked off the road... i live along the west coast and some of our roads have some pretty big drop offs, and if someone were to go over the edge, it could take days or weeks, and thats if we knew a round about area where it could have happened. but there is 100-200 miles to cover, and at least half that is the mountainous roads (the other is main freeway roads).

now, this is going to sound really bad, but i was talking to my sister earlier... and i was thinking that i wished that he were just hurt in a wreck somewhere. but it would be better than him killing himself... and he would be in alot less trouble with the law than if he tried to run.

sorry, i just need to get a little off my chest and see if anyone else has been in any similar situation and how they dealt with it.

please keep fingers crossed for my fathers (Alive) return.

Maharlika · Post by **Maharlika** » Tue Feb 12, 2008 6:02 pm

Hope things will turn out just fine.

Be strong but stay cool.

I know that it's easier said than done. Let's just hope for the best.

Loki[D.d.G] · Post by **Loki[D.d.G]** » Tue Feb 12, 2008 6:32 pm

Best wishes with your predicament. Hopefully everything will turn out fine.

*Fingers crossed*

fable · Post by **fable** » Tue Feb 12, 2008 6:32 pm

I can't say this often enough: find someone you can confide in that you know is wise, whom you know cares, and whom you can trust. And let it out.

Good luck with the rest. We'll be pulling for you.

Ode to a Grasshopper · Tue Feb 12, 2008 6:54 pm

*hug*

dragon wench · Post by **dragon wench** » Tue Feb 12, 2008 7:08 pm

I'm so sorry Sparky Kat...

Try to hang in there.. I know it is difficult to focus on anything else.. but maybe do something that gives you pleasure.. spend some time with your son if you can. Or perhaps see if you can distract yourself with a game of some kind.
I'd also suggest a long, hot shower or bath, but you probably want to stay near the phone..

Is there anyone who can be with you right now?

sparky_kat · Post by **sparky_kat** » Tue Feb 12, 2008 10:22 pm

thanks for the support guys, i appreciate it. *big hugs*

my sister is with me now, and we were both over at my grandmas earlier to help keep her calm. My grandma has been having an all day breakdown with this happening.

I know i will be ok, its just hard because all you can think is the worst due to the fact he hasnt contacted anyone. also the fact that he gave me a large sum of money to hold for him "just in case" the night before he left for his trip. It's just the not knowing in general.

*sighs*

but please keep your fingers crossed, and if you are a prying kind, a prayer would be nice too

Claudius · Post by **Claudius** » Tue Feb 12, 2008 10:45 pm

I know you don't know me sparky kat but I am hoping and praying for you. I was touched by your distress at this time and I know its hard but keep hanging in there to the core of your heart and just let all the thoughts in your head come and go freely. I am asking all the buddhas and bodhisattvas to send blessings to you and your father! (that means I am thinking of you!)

sparky_kat · Post by **sparky_kat** » Tue Feb 12, 2008 11:17 pm

thank you claudius. all my family is hoping for the best case scenario possible.

sparky_kat · Post by **sparky_kat** » Thu Feb 14, 2008 2:24 am

well, still no word about my dad, don't know if he is alive, dead, or hurt. my aunt called back the police to extend the missing persons report into the next state, Washington. many think he would try to get into Canada to make his way into Alaska, but he doesn't have a passport, so thats not happening.

Now, as i had known that it was going to happen, my grandma is now at the hospital in the NCU after having a nervous breakdown due to all this. they have to keep a close monitor on her heart and breathing due to her asthma.

more and more now, especially after today, i am just getting angry. angry at what he is putting the family through... this could kill my grandma... his own mother. she cant handle stress at all. even my, mom who cant stand my dad and calls him not so nice names, is a bit worried about all this.

its going to be very, very rough road ahead.

edit: sorry for not editing my prior post, not thinking straight tonight

galraen · Post by **galraen** » Thu Feb 14, 2008 7:44 am

I haven't commented before Sparky-kat, because I didn't know what to say, but I've been keeping an eye on the thread and hoping things turn out well for you.

Try to keep a lid on the anger though, I can't believe that anyone would put their family through the torture you're all going through deliberately, I certainly couldn't. I have however had the experience of getting angry at someone for putting me through hell, and have cursed them etc., only to find things were out of their control and I had feelings of remorse and self recrimination for ages, I still do when I think about it.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

sparky_kat · Post by **sparky_kat** » Thu Feb 14, 2008 1:58 pm

thank you for your comment galraen, im really not all that angry, more just frustrated.

and unfortunately.... yes, my dad would intentionally do this to us, he has always been very adimate about hating the prospect of going back to prison and has never let go of his anger and depression from the last time he was put in jail.

i guess i should mention, that my father is an alcoholic who doesn't think he has a drinking problem. even after two years of sobriety from being in jail before, he has never thought he had a problem. he went back to drinking twice as much as before he had been in. he is also depressed and complains about being lonely.

he has his moments when he would give the shirt off his back for you, but in an instant he can go back to his selfish, self-pitying ways. lord knows i love my dad dearly, but there are days i just want to smack some rational thinking into his head.

galraen · Post by **galraen** » Thu Feb 14, 2008 5:25 pm

I had figured the alcaholic part to be honest Sparky-kat, I don't think anyone would get him/herslf lumbered with another jail term for DUI unless that was the case, and I suspect the first stint was a result of multiple DUI offences.

Unfortunately until an alcaholic can look him/herself in the mirror and say 'I am an alcaholic' and mean it rehab isn't going to work. Hopefully if your father comes through this the realisation will finally come to him, and he can get himself back on track. We can hope so anyway.

dragon wench · Post by **dragon wench** » Thu Feb 14, 2008 5:49 pm

Sparky Kat,
I wondered about your father being an alcoholic.. That's not an easy thing to deal with.. My heart goes out to you..
Somebody on the other side of my family is an alcoholic and I have seen the impacts she has had on those around her. She alternates between emotionally abusive behaviour and continually wallowing in self-pity. We've all tried to help her.. but when somebody doesn't want to help themselves, there's so very little you can do, and you feel so damned helpless.
So.. I know very well what you are dealing with...

I continue to hope for you that this will have a best-case resolution.. *hug*

sparky_kat · Post by **sparky_kat** » Fri Feb 15, 2008 3:21 pm

another update..... they found my dads car up the river by our local falls, my grandpa is currently going up there with the spare keys to the car.

my grandma got to come home from the hospital today... but with this latest find, i fear she might be back in soon.

the cops are currently doing a search of the area to try and determine if he is still in the area, or got picked up by somebody.

my mind is racing so fast right now.

Coot · Post by **Coot** » Fri Feb 15, 2008 4:06 pm

Sparky, I don't have any words that will help or cheer you up. I hope you and your family get some answers really soon. Hang in there!

sparky_kat · Post by **sparky_kat** » Fri Feb 15, 2008 6:48 pm

the worst confirmed

i just want to thank you all for your support. you all have very kind hearts.

my heart is broken now, part in anguish, part in anger.

They found my father, he is gone...... they say it looks like he had jumped from the falls.

apparently his depression was more severe than we thought it to be, and that he was fighting demons much bigger that we could have ever imagined. i wish there would have been an indicator of how bad it truly was. maybe then we could have been able to figure out a way to help him.

thank you again guys, i know some of us don't know each other very well, but you guys make me feel like we all have been friends for a long time. my little family on the internet.

just in case your wondering, i am doing alright considering the circumstances, i might not be on for a few days. but i will post when i come back to let you guys know how I'm doing later.

*HUGS everyone* i appreciate all of you.

galraen · Post by **galraen** » Fri Feb 15, 2008 6:59 pm

When I saw that you'd posted just now, I feared for the worst and hoped for the best, sadly it was the former. I feel for you Sparky-kat, and know from experience no words are adequate. Stay strong lass, and keep in touch on the forum, if you need someone to 'chat' with, there'll always be someone here.

Scayde · Post by **Scayde** » Fri Feb 15, 2008 7:40 pm

I am so sorry to hear of this. I know there are no words to comfort you just now, but it seems the love and prayers of many people are with you. My own biological father is an alcoholic and tho I have been estranged from him for over thirty years, my heart would break if I learned he had suffered a fate like this. I pray for an Angel to comfort and guide you at your time of loss.

*HUG*

Claudius · Post by **Claudius** » Fri Feb 15, 2008 8:08 pm

sorry for your loss sparky kat. I think in some strange way we have known each other for a long time here on gamebanshee. Have faith that the power of your heart: the strength, purity, steadfastness, courage, goodness, warmth can endure; thats how hearts are built. Be sure to use your support network even if they can't understand everything that you are going through they can understand that they want to help you.