Worst Break up ever!

Obsidian · Post by **Obsidian** » Fri May 29, 2009 11:24 pm

So, today I drove an hour and a half to pick up my girlfriend where she was completing some requirements for first year medicine. She spent two weeks there.

From the moment I picked her up from her aunt and uncles I knew something was wrong...

but anyways, I put all of her stuff from two weeks in this town into my car, bicycle, clothes etc. 10 minutes into the drive, I raised the question I already knew the answer too.

Longest car ride ever.

Anyways, I dropped her stuff off at her house, helped her carry into the house, said my good byes and left without crying too much.

Over two years together, half of that living in the same home. Two weeks away from me and it all fell apart.

I know this is part of a long procession of heart break stories on the internet, I just felt it was particularly worthy of FMylife status.

So now I sit with my loyal kitty and a good bottle of scotch.

On a related note, I sold my house for a HUGE profit which tastes like dust to me.

Xandax · Post by **Xandax** » Fri May 29, 2009 11:31 pm

Sorry to hear that Obs.

Obsidian · Post by **Obsidian** » Sat May 30, 2009 12:02 am

I query the benefit of writing this on an internet forum to strangers...

well, not really strangers, people who I've tangentially known for 8 years through their online avatars.

Regardless, thank you and at the very least it makes me feel somewhat better.

Xandax · Post by **Xandax** » Sat May 30, 2009 12:07 am

Who say there need to be other benefit then to vent?
And an Internet forum of (relative) strangers, is perfect for that.

fable · Post by **fable** » Sat May 30, 2009 7:15 am

What a mess. Sorry to hear this, Obsidian.

What happened in the two weeks apart that led to the rest? Did she meet somebody, or just rethink how things were going?

Maharlika · Post by **Maharlika** » Sat May 30, 2009 9:38 am

Whatever the reason was, COMMrade...

...we're still here for ya if you want ears to listen. I can just imagine what you're going through right now.

dragon wench · Post by **dragon wench** » Sat May 30, 2009 9:39 am

Ouch Obsidian... I'm very sorry to hear that.

I think that relationships are probably the most complicated and difficult part of one's life..
I hope you are managing to do things you enjoy, and that you are taking care of yourself.

As far as expressing yourself like this on the internet, don't worry about it... sometimes it is a helpful form of release, and I'm pretty sure we all empathise with you.

penguin_king · Post by **penguin_king** » Sat May 30, 2009 2:33 pm

damn man... that sucks...seems like even all powerful moderators have a soft spot somewhere eh?

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Sun May 31, 2009 1:37 am

Sorry to hear that, Obsidian

SYM's listening ears are here if you need us.

Obsidian · Post by **Obsidian** » Sun May 31, 2009 4:34 pm

Thanks everyone, there is therapeutic value in a forum like this, particularly in finding the words to describe what happened.

To answer fable, I'm not sure what happened in those two weeks.

She was always the one who was more concerned about time apart than I was. Part of the story that is missing is that I am moving away for a permanent position in a new job and she was in med school in our hometown, so she couldn't follow me out for at least another two years.

When we spoke about the breakup, her main compliant was that the relationship felt like a habit rather than a romance.

Arguably after more than two years together things were habitually, but isn't that a natural phase of real relationships?

Either way, I am coping fairly well. My friends have been great and my family has been very supportive.

As have you all, thanks.

@Penguin King, these all powerful moderators have known me an awfully long time.

fable · Post by **fable** » Sun May 31, 2009 6:36 pm

Obsidian wrote:When we spoke about the breakup, her main compliant was that the relationship felt like a habit rather than a romance.

Hell of a thing to say to a person you're breaking up with. If that was all it was, she could have opted to discuss this, as in saying, "I feel like our relationship is falling into a habit. Can we talk about it?" instead of tossing away something good.

Arguably after more than two years together things were habitually, but isn't that a natural phase of real relationships?

It's how special you both make it, to reflect how special it is to you. My wife and I dated for 2 years, lived together for 3, and have been married for 18. Arguably there's habit in there, somewhere, but we still keep things fresh, somewhat unpredictable, and try as well as we can to listen to one another. Passion, respect, helping, and friendship. When we're not accidentally driving one another crazy, of course. What a bad habit, that.

So she must mean habit in the sense of extreme predictability. Which may well be a matter of her expectations, or what she was led to think things were going to be like--perhaps by friends, or television, or romance novels.

Obsidian · Post by **Obsidian** » Sun May 31, 2009 10:11 pm

fable wrote: So she must mean habit in the sense of extreme predictability. Which may well be a matter of her expectations, or what she was led to think things were going to be like--perhaps by friends, or television, or romance novels.

Quite possibly, I was the first real relationship she was in and perhaps she had unreal expectations about it. The 'honeymoon phase' is, in my opinion, very real and when that ends its about the strength of the relationship, as fable has pointed out.

Either way I'm moving on and will be leaving for a new city in just a few months.

Crenshinibon · Post by **Crenshinibon** » Sun May 31, 2009 11:07 pm

Now, unfortunately I don't know you as well as the other members here, but I can understand where you're coming from. Long distance relationships are a tricky double sided thing. They give you less to talk about, more to worry about and maybe even give you and your partner some manner of awkwardness, but on the plus side, they make the two appreciate each other so much more.

When my current girlfriend and I started college (previously having been together for four months and being used to seeing each other every single day for almost the entire day) it was very difficult for the two of us. As time went on we did get in fights and we didn't know enough about our lives to hold up a decent conversation. The webcam-dates and movie watching only helped so much. Almost two years later (approaching two and a half of our relationship) we're hardly phased by this distance. I do come visit (through the Amtrak) her once a semester (although her college is two hours away from me, my car (which leaks oil) might not be able to handle it).

Judging by my experience alone, I think it's not just how well you handle the situation, but I guess how well you can communicate with your partner. Both of us used to spend time thinking of different online activities we could do together. You can't just let the whole distance thing slide by and wait it out. I've learned that lesson early as I saw many people that dated through high school fall apart during their first year of college.

I am sorry for what happened, though I can't help but wonder why she would throw something like that at you. Personally, I don't think that's a very good basis in terminating a relationship. At the least she could have stated her concern and the two of you could have worked together, as talking is absolutely invaluable to a successful and happy union.

sparky_kat · Post by **sparky_kat** » Sun May 31, 2009 11:53 pm

sorry to hear that story hun. i know how it can hurt..... i have actually been in that same type of situation myself. all i can give, is that you need time for yourself, and some good friends surrounding you. its good to move on..... but still take some time to heal for your own sanity.

Claudius · Post by **Claudius** » Mon Jun 01, 2009 3:43 am

Change is never ending in life. This could actually be a good thing in time. That being said one of the hardest things about life is to lose someone and its good to honor that feeling. The good thing is that sadness comes and goes and sometimes you feel happy when you miss somebody in a bittersweet way.

Anyhow do your best at handling it. Exercise. Talking to family. Whatever works (Edit: kitty's and scotch could be a good idea

both in moderation). And if you find that you are really not handling it properly it can even help to talk to someone professional, I do.