We all know how Blizzard takes sadistic pleasure in rebalancing, changing, removing, adding things that just make us question their sanity (or want to inflict pain on puppies).
So here's a thread with a little light hearted parody of the next Blizzard patch. Feel free to add your own adjustments that could be included in the next patch.
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Diablo 2: Lord of Destruction
1.12 Version Fix Patch
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Adjusted Hell Mode Monsters to do WTF - OMFG damage
Reduced chances of hireling survivability
Increased intelligence of monsters in hell mode
Decreased intelligence of hirelings
Added items that will never spawn
Increased stamina potion drops
version 1.12 "Damnit Patch"
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Deadalready
- Posts: 903
- Joined: Fri Nov 19, 2004 4:37 am
- Contact:
version 1.12 "Damnit Patch"
Warning: logic and sense is replaced by typos and errors after 11pm
Spoiler
, it has yet to return
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Siberys
- Posts: 6207
- Joined: Sat Apr 30, 2005 7:16 pm
- Location: I live in that one place with the thing
- Contact:
*Fixed bugs where you gain anything off of a quadriped.
*Deleted Synergies.
*Decreased Stash Size.
*Added Karaoke to most of the music.
*Added a new act. Cannot attack, cast spells, use skills, or items in this area. Filled it with the Respawning if Diablo and Mephisto, into Uber Styles.
*Deleted Secret Cow Level
*Made all weapons two handed until the character gains a strength of 175.
*Added in 300 Low Level Runewords
*Deleted Sockets in weapons.
*Deleted Synergies.
*Decreased Stash Size.
*Added Karaoke to most of the music.
*Added a new act. Cannot attack, cast spells, use skills, or items in this area. Filled it with the Respawning if Diablo and Mephisto, into Uber Styles.
*Deleted Secret Cow Level
*Made all weapons two handed until the character gains a strength of 175.
*Added in 300 Low Level Runewords
*Deleted Sockets in weapons.
Listen up maggots, Mr. Popo's 'bout to teach you the pecking order.
It goes you, the dirt, the worms inside of the dirt, Popo's stool, Kami, then Popo.
~Mr. Popo, Dragonball Z Abridged
It goes you, the dirt, the worms inside of the dirt, Popo's stool, Kami, then Popo.
~Mr. Popo, Dragonball Z Abridged
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Grimar
- Posts: 2011
- Joined: Fri Dec 03, 2004 2:03 pm
- Location: Norwegian stationed in the philippines
- Contact:
-made it so that when you use multishot etc with amazon, you will use as many arrows as you shoot.
-removed the bug which made auras affect all allies, instead of just you.
-the xp shrine is now removed.
-inventory space is decreased
-gold is a part of the inventory (as in diablo 1)
-removed the bug which made auras affect all allies, instead of just you.
-the xp shrine is now removed.
-inventory space is decreased
-gold is a part of the inventory (as in diablo 1)
I once had a little teaparty, this afternoon at three, twas was very small, three guests in all; I, myself, and me. myself ate up the sandwhiches, while i drank up the tea. twas also i that ate the pie,and passed the cake to me 
D2 Patch
- 68% of gold deposited in your stash is donated to people who ask for free stuff.
- Cow level is replaced by 33 uber diablo spawns right next to each other.
-Your items drop when you die... including your inventory (all of it)
-Added extreme hardXcore mode, if a monster inflicts any phys. dmg, automatic death, char deleted, NO RE. :/
- 68% of gold deposited in your stash is donated to people who ask for free stuff.
- Cow level is replaced by 33 uber diablo spawns right next to each other.
-Your items drop when you die... including your inventory (all of it)
-Added extreme hardXcore mode, if a monster inflicts any phys. dmg, automatic death, char deleted, NO RE. :/
"I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."- Albert Einstein
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Deadalready
- Posts: 903
- Joined: Fri Nov 19, 2004 4:37 am
- Contact:
*Added cube formula to transmute three high grade potions into 1 lower one.
*Fixed bug where carryinng a Zod rune in inventory caused one to stop finding runes.
*Removed experience loss in nightmare and hell.
*Fixed bug where carryinng a Zod rune in inventory caused one to stop finding runes.
*Removed experience loss in nightmare and hell.
Warning: logic and sense is replaced by typos and errors after 11pm
Spoiler
, it has yet to return