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Things an NPC wouldn't normally say: Oblivion Edition

This forum is to be used for all discussions pertaining to The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, its Knights of the Nine and Shivering Isles expansions, and any user-created or premium modules.
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MageRage
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Post by MageRage »

Bandit 1: Have you seen that new hero guy?
Bandit 2: Yeah he is a mage...
Bandit 1: What, how do you know?!?!?
Bandit 2: I just responded...

DarkBrotherHood mem 1: Hey.
DarkBrotherHood mem 2: Whats up?
DarkBrotherHood mem 1: I got a new assignment, got to kill two guys without being seen.
DarkBrotherHood mem 2: Alright.
DarkBrotherHood mem 1: Can you give me some advice?
DarkBrotherHood mem 2: No...
DarkBrotherHood mem 1: What your a rank above me?!??!?
DarkBrotherHood mem 2: Well don't look at me, I just sell stuff.
"MANNERS"
Because Waving At Someone Before They Die Is Just More Humiliating.
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Dagoth_shel
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Post by Dagoth_shel »

vio wrote:Emperor: These are voyages of the starship... wait, wrong script

Guard: I don't care that you killed the Daedra, closed the Evil Portals Of Low FPS, saved my wife, kids and pet rabbit or that you saved the world, you stole that bloody loaf of bread and made me chase you all over the damn map so you're going to pay the sodding fine or go to prison and that's final!

sign in shop: SHOPLIFTERS WILL BE PROSECUTED. PEOPLE WHO NAIVELY PICK ITEMS UP IN ORDER TO BRING THEM TO THE SHOPKEEPER TO PURCHASE SHALL BE HUNTED TILL DEATH

Fargoth: I was so popular that they put me in the sequel

Martin: being an illegitimate heir to the throne would've been so much better if I'd taken that job in Dragon Age instead

Mehrunes Dagon: for the last time I do NOT know Cthulhu!
:laugh::laugh::laugh:

Kudos!!
How many times do I have to tell you? If you kill me, you get a simple glove. If not, you get a rare and valuable item, Wraithguard. Oh, but my soul is worth quite the sum.
Wait here. No, not over there. Right here. Okay. Yes, I am the Grand Champion.
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Dagoth_shel
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Post by Dagoth_shel »

Any Orc: I am a polite and functioning member of society; My initial disposition to you is 100!

Ongar: I'm ready and raring to go! Grab your horse, let's go pilfer Castle Bruma!

Mysterious Dark Elf: Here, this is from a "friend". But I have no idea how you have any friends, Mr. Level-1-and-8040-Bounty.
How many times do I have to tell you? If you kill me, you get a simple glove. If not, you get a rare and valuable item, Wraithguard. Oh, but my soul is worth quite the sum.
Wait here. No, not over there. Right here. Okay. Yes, I am the Grand Champion.
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Belthan
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Post by Belthan »

Tamika: The grapes I need to make my critically acclaimed wine? Sure, help yourself. Ravage every last vine if you want. But touch my rake, and you're a dead man.

Maeva the Buxom: My husband's name is Bjalfi the Contemptible. He stole a family heirloom and ran off to find his fortune. By the way, what does "contemptible" mean?

Mankar Camoran: The so-called Divines are but Lorkhan's betrayers, and the Daedra are the true gods of the universe! How little you... oh, my apologies, Lord Sheogorath. For a minute I didn't recognize you in the new body.
Can the answer to this question be "No"?
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Fljotsdale
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Post by Fljotsdale »

Belthan wrote:
Mankar Camoran: The so-called Divines are but Lorkhan's betrayers, and the Daedra are the true gods of the universe! How little you... oh, my apologies, Lord Sheogorath. For a minute I didn't recognize you in the new body.
Nice! :laugh:
Leonard Cohen :http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8VwvO0e ... re=related
time for a change

"Dogs come when they're called. Cats take a message and get back to you."
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galraen
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Post by galraen »

Haskill: You just have to listen to this before you can come in.
[QUOTE=Darth Gavinius;1096098]Distrbution of games, is becoming a little like Democracy (all about money and control) - in the end choice is an illusion and you have to choose your lesser evil.

And everything is hidden in the fine print.[/QUOTE]
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vio
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Post by vio »

Lucien Lachance: Once you've brought me a Daedric Artifact I want you to go to Bruma and kill the guy in this drawing. While you're there teach the guards how to close Oblivion Gates and...
Player: hang on, I can't help but notice that you've been sending me to kill people living right next to Oblivion Gates, Daedra cultists and other things associated with the main questline lately
Lucien: yes well... ok this is embarrassing. Bethesda realised the most fun part of Oblivion was the Dark Brotherhood quests so we were told to sneak all the other stuff in with our missions so people might actually bother to do them
I don't care, I'm still free. You can't take the sky from me
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Cionaoith
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Post by Cionaoith »

Bandit: I admit it, you are better than I am.
Player: Then why are you smiling?
Bandit: Because I know something you don't know.
Player: And what is that?
Bandit: I am not left-handed.

Martin: Hello! My name is Martin Septim! You killed my father! Prepare to die!
Mehrunes Dagon: Stop saying that!
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Dagoth_shel
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Post by Dagoth_shel »

Player, after exploring Greenmead Cave, to a bandit: NO, I can ASSURE you I've fought mud-crabs more fearsome than you!
How many times do I have to tell you? If you kill me, you get a simple glove. If not, you get a rare and valuable item, Wraithguard. Oh, but my soul is worth quite the sum.
Wait here. No, not over there. Right here. Okay. Yes, I am the Grand Champion.
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Lord++Revan
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Post by Lord++Revan »

Daedra:You should not be here mortal,your blood is forfeit! Your fles is mine!
Hero:No that's not creepy or anything like that.


Hero:A giant rumare slaughterfish! I think I'll advance closer.
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