I consider everyone on this board and the other boards my friends..
Edited because my temper got to me again...
Yes I am crazy
[This message has been edited by Weasel (edited 02-04-2001).]
The Ultimate poll: Chrisys object of desire
I tried my best...but this is just making me madder by the minute.Originally posted by Chrissy:
Weasel: I think the comment was meant more for me and Drakron Weasel. You did your best to keep this peaceful.
"Vile and evil, yes. But, That's Weasel" From BS's book, MD 20/20: Fine Wines of Rocky Flop.
@ Weasel: will go back and restate in lighter terms. But I maintain that if someone was sniping w/o giving the other party any chance to defend...my statement remains sound advice. Didn't mean to make you blood boil.
@Chrissy: You could, of course, do the writing you say you have been neglecting
@Chrissy: You could, of course, do the writing you say you have been neglecting
Then darkness took me, and I strayed out of thought and time
Waverly: And that is a good idea too... Only I hate having to type stuff I've written first... But I still have some checking of the plot to do... There's a few timelines that may be incorrect.
(
oh the world would be a much better place if I could just breathe through my nose... I think I caught a damn cold last night when riding back.)
Hmm, does all this coaching mean you want a reference in the book WHEN I'm gonna get it published
(
oh the world would be a much better place if I could just breathe through my nose... I think I caught a damn cold last night when riding back.)Hmm, does all this coaching mean you want a reference in the book WHEN I'm gonna get it published
I know your trying to help...but I have completly loss my temper with this whole mess and I will stike out any where....I wish this whole mess would go away.Originally posted by Waverly:
@ Weasel: will go back and restate in lighter terms. But I maintain that if someone was sniping w/o giving the other party any chance to defend...my statement remains sound advice. Didn't mean to make you blood boil.
@Chrissy: You could, of course, do the writing you say you have been neglecting
I would just go...but the spammer in me won't let me.
Now see I have typed this and cooled down lets just don't bring it back up please
"Vile and evil, yes. But, That's Weasel" From BS's book, MD 20/20: Fine Wines of Rocky Flop.
@Chrissy: Well do some outlining, jot down ideas...well you are the writer you know what to do I want to be the antagonist in your book- the evil Waverly Oh, and a portion of the royalties.:d
@Weasel: Sorry again, I thought not singling someone out was most fair, but then everyone thought I was yelling at them personally. Screw it...with some good spamming we can make this page disapear in no time.
I want to be the antagonist in your book- the evil Waverly Oh, and a portion of the royalties.:d@Weasel: Sorry again, I thought not singling someone out was most fair, but then everyone thought I was yelling at them personally. Screw it...with some good spamming we can make this page disapear in no time.
Then darkness took me, and I strayed out of thought and time
I don't think so you evil greedy bastard!
Hmm, this one is almost finished, but I'll try and create an evil character in the sequel that lives up to your highset standards... (one of the less evil of the evil fiends right?)
Anybody ever wondered about the likeness in the words friend and fiend? (weird language English... never mind)
I'm going off to bed, say: sweet dreams Chrissy...
I guess I'll be seeing both of you back here tomorrow... since we're all addicts...
Hmm, this one is almost finished, but I'll try and create an evil character in the sequel that lives up to your highset standards...
(one of the less evil of the evil fiends right?)Anybody ever wondered about the likeness in the words friend and fiend? (weird language English... never mind
)I'm going off to bed, say: sweet dreams Chrissy...
I guess I'll be seeing both of you back here tomorrow... since we're all addicts...
Well it seems Bill the engineer died and went to Heaven. When Bill reached the pearly gates, St. Peter stopped him.
St. Peter: Name, please.
Bill: I'm Bill the Engineer.
St. Peter: Say, I don't see your name here! You must be in the wrong place.
So Bill was sent to the other place. Being an engineer, Bill soon became dissatisfied with the general level of comfort in Hell. He started tinkering and soon he had several creature comforts installed - indoor plumbing, central air conditioning, satellite TV. Hell was becoming quite a livable place.
So at next week's status meeting, Satan had a lot to report to God.
God: So, Beelazebub - how are things going down there?
Satan: Well, actually quite well. We've got this new guy, Bill. He's an engineer and he's pretty handy. We've made quite a few improvements this week.
God: An engineer! You're not supposed to have any of those guys. There must have been a mix up. You've got to send him upstairs!
Satan: Well, I don't think so. I'm getting used to having him around. Hell is a better place with him in it.
God: You'd better turn him over to me or I'll sue!
Satan: *laughing* Yeah RIGHT! Where are you going to get a lawyer up there!!!!!
------------------
"Boo says Weasel is the best"
St. Peter: Name, please.
Bill: I'm Bill the Engineer.
St. Peter: Say, I don't see your name here! You must be in the wrong place.
So Bill was sent to the other place. Being an engineer, Bill soon became dissatisfied with the general level of comfort in Hell. He started tinkering and soon he had several creature comforts installed - indoor plumbing, central air conditioning, satellite TV. Hell was becoming quite a livable place.
So at next week's status meeting, Satan had a lot to report to God.
God: So, Beelazebub - how are things going down there?
Satan: Well, actually quite well. We've got this new guy, Bill. He's an engineer and he's pretty handy. We've made quite a few improvements this week.
God: An engineer! You're not supposed to have any of those guys. There must have been a mix up. You've got to send him upstairs!
Satan: Well, I don't think so. I'm getting used to having him around. Hell is a better place with him in it.
God: You'd better turn him over to me or I'll sue!
Satan: *laughing* Yeah RIGHT! Where are you going to get a lawyer up there!!!!!
------------------
"Boo says Weasel is the best"
"Vile and evil, yes. But, That's Weasel" From BS's book, MD 20/20: Fine Wines of Rocky Flop.
Waverly: Mr. funnypants. (hon if I could controle my dreams... anyway, I'm really going now.)
I just figured you could use all the help you can get with spamming this page away since it's not very far along.
I haven't seen any demented stories today... except for my own... I will be expecting at least one tomorrow. Weasel, you haven't told one yet... *taps foot on floor* Your turn...
nighty night boys.
anyway, I'm really going now.)I just figured you could use all the help you can get with spamming this page away since it's not very far along.
I haven't seen any demented stories today... except for my own... I will be expecting at least one tomorrow. Weasel, you haven't told one yet... *taps foot on floor* Your turn...
nighty night boys.
Two engineering student were walking to their next class. One engineer was toting his shiny new bicycle along with him.
Eng1: Hey man! That's a groovy bike. Where did you get it?
Eng2: Well, it's a funny story. I was walking across campus late one evening when this beautiful blonde coed rode up and stopped in front of me. She hopped of the bike, took off all her clothes, laid down on the ground and said, "Take whatever you want, gorgeous!"
Eng1: Good choice. Her clothes would have never fit you!
------------------
"Boo says Weasel is the best"
Eng1: Hey man! That's a groovy bike. Where did you get it?
Eng2: Well, it's a funny story. I was walking across campus late one evening when this beautiful blonde coed rode up and stopped in front of me. She hopped of the bike, took off all her clothes, laid down on the ground and said, "Take whatever you want, gorgeous!"
Eng1: Good choice. Her clothes would have never fit you!
------------------
"Boo says Weasel is the best"
"Vile and evil, yes. But, That's Weasel" From BS's book, MD 20/20: Fine Wines of Rocky Flop.
Story not in my words:
The consultant urologist is demonstrating urine sampling to a class of students. As each sample is passed to him, he dips a finger in the bottle, raises his hand to his mouth and licks it. the standard tests follow and after each one he mutters "Hmm, thought so, too high/low a sugar level", etc.
The students were then invited to follow his example, which they duly did, including the finger dipping and licking.
At the end of the class, the consultant addressed the students. "While I cannot fault you on your general techniques", he said, "I would recommend that you pay more attention to observation". He continued, "If you had been more alert, you would have realised that, when I dipped my finger in the sample prior to testing it, I then licked a different digit - class dismissed".
The consultant urologist is demonstrating urine sampling to a class of students. As each sample is passed to him, he dips a finger in the bottle, raises his hand to his mouth and licks it. the standard tests follow and after each one he mutters "Hmm, thought so, too high/low a sugar level", etc.
The students were then invited to follow his example, which they duly did, including the finger dipping and licking.
At the end of the class, the consultant addressed the students. "While I cannot fault you on your general techniques", he said, "I would recommend that you pay more attention to observation". He continued, "If you had been more alert, you would have realised that, when I dipped my finger in the sample prior to testing it, I then licked a different digit - class dismissed".
Then darkness took me, and I strayed out of thought and time
Some years ago, the famous San Diego Zoo opened a second, larger branch called the San Diego Wild Animal Park.The Park is built around an enormous open-field enclosure where the animals roam free. To see the animals, visitors ride on a monorail called the Wgasa Bush Line which circles the enclosure. Here's the true story of how the Wgasa Bush Line got its name.
They wanted to give the monorail a jazzy, African sounding name. So they sent out a memo to a bunch of zoo staffers saying, "What shall we call the monorail at the Wild Animal Park?" One of the memos came back with "WGASA" written on the bottom. The planners loved it and the rest is history. What the planners didn't know was that the zoo staffer had not intended to suggest a name. He was using an acronym which was popular at the time. It stood for "Who Gives A Sh!t Anyhow?"
They wanted to give the monorail a jazzy, African sounding name. So they sent out a memo to a bunch of zoo staffers saying, "What shall we call the monorail at the Wild Animal Park?" One of the memos came back with "WGASA" written on the bottom. The planners loved it and the rest is history. What the planners didn't know was that the zoo staffer had not intended to suggest a name. He was using an acronym which was popular at the time. It stood for "Who Gives A Sh!t Anyhow?"
Then darkness took me, and I strayed out of thought and time
Buck never e-mailed me back..but Minerva said after i delete all of them her sped up..so I guess for now I will leave them out.
Microsoft update
Dear Tech Support:
Recently I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the
new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software,
severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and jewelry applications that
operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon
was included in the product brochure.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as
DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new,
undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, SaturdayFootball 5.0, Golf
2.4 and ClutterEverywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and
invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging
14.1or HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but
this all purpose utility is of only limited effectiveness. Can you help,
please!!
Sincerely, Pamela
Dear Pamela:
This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is mostly due
to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to
Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT
package.
However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its
creator to run as few applications as possible.
Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because
Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating files within your
system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is
gained.
It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the
system, once installed. Any new program files can only be installed once
per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are
common, and a normal part of Husband 1.0.
In desperation to play some of their "old time" favorite applications, or
to get new applications to work, some women have tried to install
Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However, these women end up with more
problems than encountered with Husband 1.0.
Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support." You will
notice that this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled with
HeartBreak 1.3. I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the
quirks of this strange and illogical system.
Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the
entire section regarding General Partnership Faults [GPFs]. This is a
wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company
as an integral part of the operating system.
Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems,
regardless of root cause. To activate this great feature enter the command
"C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME".
Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command.
Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and
Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.
TECH TIP!
Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional and
more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a C:\ I APOLOGIZE
command before the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also
cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet, to Beer > 6.0.
Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create FatBelly
files and SnoringLoudly wave files that are very hard to delete. Save
yourself some trouble by following this tech tip!
Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all
GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all
the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran. Husband 1.0 is a great program, but
it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally
recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in
conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 running
smoothly.
After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will
find many valuable embedded features such as FixBrokenThings 2.1,
Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6.
A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances, install
MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported application, and will cause > selective
shutdown of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4
and Hunting 5.2 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled.
I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband
1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming years.
We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!
Tech Support
------------------
"Boo says Weasel is the best"
Microsoft update
Dear Tech Support:
Recently I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the
new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software,
severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and jewelry applications that
operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon
was included in the product brochure.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as
DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new,
undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, SaturdayFootball 5.0, Golf
2.4 and ClutterEverywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and
invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging
14.1or HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but
this all purpose utility is of only limited effectiveness. Can you help,
please!!
Sincerely, Pamela
Dear Pamela:
This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is mostly due
to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to
Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT
package.
However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its
creator to run as few applications as possible.
Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because
Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating files within your
system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is
gained.
It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the
system, once installed. Any new program files can only be installed once
per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are
common, and a normal part of Husband 1.0.
In desperation to play some of their "old time" favorite applications, or
to get new applications to work, some women have tried to install
Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However, these women end up with more
problems than encountered with Husband 1.0.
Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support." You will
notice that this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled with
HeartBreak 1.3. I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the
quirks of this strange and illogical system.
Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the
entire section regarding General Partnership Faults [GPFs]. This is a
wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company
as an integral part of the operating system.
Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems,
regardless of root cause. To activate this great feature enter the command
"C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME".
Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command.
Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and
Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.
TECH TIP!
Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional and
more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a C:\ I APOLOGIZE
command before the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also
cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet, to Beer > 6.0.
Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create FatBelly
files and SnoringLoudly wave files that are very hard to delete. Save
yourself some trouble by following this tech tip!
Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all
GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all
the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran. Husband 1.0 is a great program, but
it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally
recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in
conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 running
smoothly.
After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will
find many valuable embedded features such as FixBrokenThings 2.1,
Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6.
A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances, install
MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported application, and will cause > selective
shutdown of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4
and Hunting 5.2 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled.
I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband
1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming years.
We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!
Tech Support
------------------
"Boo says Weasel is the best"
"Vile and evil, yes. But, That's Weasel" From BS's book, MD 20/20: Fine Wines of Rocky Flop.
And 1 more for good measure..
(Possible flames for this one)
On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded:
2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Polish men and 1 Polish woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 American men and 1 American woman
2 Australian men and 1 Australian woman
2 New Zealand men and 1 New Zealand woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
One month later, the following things have occurred:
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
The two French men and the French woman are living happily together having loads of sex.
The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman.
The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
The Polish men took a long look at the endless ocean and one look at the Polish woman and they started swimming.
The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide, while the American woman keeps on bitching about her body being her own, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything that they can do, about the necessity of fulfilment, the equal division of household chores, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her much nicer and how her relationship with her mother is improving. But at least the taxes here are low and it is not raining.
The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are waiting for instructions.
The two Australian men beat each other senseless fighting over the Australian woman, who is checking out all the other men, after calling them both 'bloody wankers".
Both New Zealand men are searching the island for sheep.
The Irish began by dividing the island into North and South and setting up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut whiskey, but they are satisfied in that at least the English aren't getting any.
------------------
"Boo says Weasel is the best"
(Possible flames for this one)
On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded:
2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Polish men and 1 Polish woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 American men and 1 American woman
2 Australian men and 1 Australian woman
2 New Zealand men and 1 New Zealand woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
One month later, the following things have occurred:
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
The two French men and the French woman are living happily together having loads of sex.
The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman.
The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
The Polish men took a long look at the endless ocean and one look at the Polish woman and they started swimming.
The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide, while the American woman keeps on bitching about her body being her own, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything that they can do, about the necessity of fulfilment, the equal division of household chores, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her much nicer and how her relationship with her mother is improving. But at least the taxes here are low and it is not raining.
The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are waiting for instructions.
The two Australian men beat each other senseless fighting over the Australian woman, who is checking out all the other men, after calling them both 'bloody wankers".
Both New Zealand men are searching the island for sheep.
The Irish began by dividing the island into North and South and setting up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut whiskey, but they are satisfied in that at least the English aren't getting any.
------------------
"Boo says Weasel is the best"
"Vile and evil, yes. But, That's Weasel" From BS's book, MD 20/20: Fine Wines of Rocky Flop.