CE:s laboratory for brain disorder and degeneration

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Mon May 07, 2001 9:21 pm

Originally posted by craig:
Ready?(im scared will i become a duck billed platapus?)

Do not fear, if that happens I will cure you although I am not sure you (or anyone else) will notice the difference

I think you will be very handsome in a duck bill, btw

Scanning is ready Craig, please move on the table over there and fill out some personality forms and IQ tests.

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Mon May 07, 2001 9:31 pm

Good morning ladies and gentlemen and thank you very much for your encouraging comments.

I will now present my treatment of choice for our patient Waverly:

1. Restoration of tactile sense in Waverly'ss genitalia.
This can only be done by using a procedure known as "sensitation". Electric shocks are used to train his genital nerves to respond properly again. Treatment is long and painful, but should in the end be worth it since it will result in less gender confusion and decrease in Waverly's need of self mutilation as sexual stimulation.

2. The sadomasochistic personality traits can be treated with psychotherapy combined with brain electrotherapy. Since this is a long-term solution, I recommend that we all continue to flame Waverly frequently in order to help him keep the balance between evil and good. If we are nice and kind to him, he will immediately sink into depression and deep feelings of guilt, a condition that eventually may lead to severe self-punishment. Therefore, we must all participate in mocking, insulting and degrading Waverly.

3. In the case of Waverly's multiple personalities, we have a choice between surgery and pharmacological treatment. We can either let Darkpoet roam freely with the laser, or use neurotoxins to simply kill of random neurons in Waverly's brain. Since the treatments are equally efficient, the choice is merely a question of entertainment. An important question is what personality, if any, we should keep. Or perhaps Waverly is more entertaining as the complete freak he is?

4. Finally, an observation regarding another area than the brain. Dr Grunt reported that Waverly's rectal area is pathologically enlarged. (Actually, my rectal shock instrument completely disappeared and was ever to be found again although three of my lab assistant searched Waverly's bowels for over 2 hours.)

I recommend Waverly to perform daily exercise of his anal sphincter muscles, thereby solving his socially embarrassing problems with spontaneous fecal incontinence. Please note that I am not specialised in this area, so further suggestions might be added by dr Grunt.

Feel free to comment or add to my recommendations

And now, on to next exciting case: young Craig.

Weasel · Post by **Weasel** » Mon May 07, 2001 9:39 pm

Originally posted by C Elegans:
And now, on to next exciting case: young Craig.

This should be good

Craig · Post by **Craig** » Tue May 08, 2001 11:37 am

vixen · Post by **vixen** » Tue May 08, 2001 11:49 am

Although I think he's a great guy, can you please cure Craig's spelling, CE? After a hard days work (or not) and no eye-friendly monitor, my brain starts hurting whenever I see his msgs.

Waverly · Post by **Waverly** » Tue May 08, 2001 11:53 am

@CE: What is your electric bill like? Much of your treatment seems to involve electrocution..er..electroshock. This Doc detects some sadistic tendencies and voyeristic Waverly fantasies in doc CE

Craig · Post by **Craig** » Wed May 09, 2001 1:27 pm

When does this thing start?

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Wed May 09, 2001 9:50 pm

Sorry Craig, I've been a bit busy, but now I'm back.

I need to know a bit more about you, so please answer the following questions:

1. Describe your mother as a person.
2. Describe yourself as a person.
3. Would you rather have a romantic relationship with a girl/boy, a pokemon figure, a person in BG2, an animal or an object?
4. Would you rather eat a living frog or a piece of pig excrement? (You have to chew, no whole swallowing is allowed.)
5. What do you like and dislike with the SYM forum?
6. If you could be any famous person, dead or alive, who would you like to be?

[ 05-09-2001: Message edited by: C Elegans ]

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Wed May 09, 2001 10:02 pm

Originally posted by Waverly:
@CE: What is your electric bill like? Much of your treatment seems to involve electrocution..er..electroshock. This Doc detects some sadistic tendencies and voyeristic Waverly fantasies in doc CE

The cost for electricity is of course included in the patient's bill

Voyeristic, yes,

sadistic, oh no, I'm only doing it for the best of science (a serious note: How many times have we heard that? I think that's what dr Mengele said.)

Craig · Post by **Craig** » Thu May 10, 2001 8:47 am

Originally posted by C Elegans:
Sorry Craig, I've been a bit busy, but now I'm back.

I need to know a bit more about you, so please answer the following questions:

1. Describe your mother as a person.
2. Describe yourself as a person.
3. Would you rather have a romantic relationship with a girl/boy, a pokemon figure, a person in BG2, an animal or an object?
4. Would you rather eat a living frog or a piece of pig excrement? (You have to chew, no whole swallowing is allowed.)
5. What do you like and dislike with the SYM forum?
6. If you could be any famous person, dead or alive, who would you like to be?

[ 05-09-2001: Message edited by: C Elegans ]

1.my mum is a nice mum 'nuff sais
2.I don't want to judge my self
3.Girl
4.Living frog(accupuncture

)
5.I like the way you can express your self
i don't like how its clogged with spam
6.craig charles

Gruntboy · Post by **Gruntboy** » Thu May 10, 2001 8:52 am

Ms C, you're one sick puppy.

Weasel · Post by **Weasel** » Thu May 10, 2001 8:53 am

Originally posted by craig:
5.I like the way you can express your self
i don't like how its clogged with spam

SPAM

Darkpoet · Post by **Darkpoet** » Thu May 10, 2001 8:58 am

Alright Grunty, strap him to the table.

Craig · Post by **Craig** » Thu May 10, 2001 8:58 am

Spams ok but when you look on the page and a topic has 1 page then you gat a quick drink, refresh the page and it has 10

Gruntboy · Post by **Gruntboy** » Thu May 10, 2001 9:04 am

Craig is already undergoing massive corrective bone-altering surgery on my island. Tune in tomorrow to see if it was a success

Darkpoet · Post by **Darkpoet** » Thu May 10, 2001 9:08 am

You need something removed? I'm good with Cemtrex.

Gruntboy · Post by **Gruntboy** » Thu May 10, 2001 9:18 am

What do you think I replaced his bones with?

Heh, no, that's OK. I wouldn't do that to craig.

Darkpoet · Post by **Darkpoet** » Thu May 10, 2001 9:19 am

Um, animal bones?

fable · Post by **fable** » Thu May 10, 2001 9:20 am

Animal crackers?

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Thu May 10, 2001 9:25 am

Originally posted by Gruntboy:
Craig is already undergoing massive corrective bone-altering surgery on my island. Tune in tomorrow to see if it was a success

That's very good, dr Grunt. I have always believed in a holistic view of the human being. Also, studies show that treatment for any disease is more efficient if both soma and psyche is taken into account.