Top 10 reasons for nuclear cleansing of USA

Aegis · Post by **Aegis** » Mon Apr 08, 2002 8:24 am

1. Montana and the Dakotas aren't even cool enough to function as subsidiary prairie provinces.
2. If not, soon the joint corporation of Coca-Cola-Disney-Nike-Microsoft will reign supreme. And we all know that that's OUR job.

3. Their president lies to get himself out of trouble. Our Prime Minister, on the other hand, uses clever psychobabble: "That which was done is what was will be for when things happen for what not I did."

4. Tornadoes, floods, earthquakes, hurricanes...

5. The Grammies.

6. They killed "Kids in the Hall" like Yoko killed the Beatles.

7. Revenge for stolen ideas such as Trivial Pursuit, the V Chip, and Donald Sutherland.

8. Their distasteful preoccupation with guns, drugs, and talk-tv is probably contagious.

9. Everywhere you look -- Americans.

10. We already promised Cuba.

1. Animated .gifs of waving flags. Stop. Please stop.

2. Angel graphics. Especially those with roses. Especially those.

3. Web pages that begin with "now I don't believe in censorship...but join my campaign to get rid of (insertobjectionableitemhere)"

4. Web authors who misspell the names of other countries - not that it matters in their minds, of course. Obviously an American is never going to need the correct spelling of 'Luxembourg'.

5. Web poetry. Oh god. Please stop. Especially poetry that begins with a tribute to freedom and ends with an eagle soaring.

6. If we see that dancing baby ONE MORE TIME.....

7. People who put their ICQ number in Great Big Fonts so that anyone who is at all interested in animated angels can dial them up right quick!

8. If we see that dripping blood animated line ONE MORE TIME...

9. Those who insist on crediting where they got every single piece of dumb clip art or stupid font they found. Nobody cares. Just take it. FOR GODSAKE JUST TAKE IT AND SHUT UP.

10. Sites peppered with "quotes" from such intellects as Jewel, Paula Cole or Trent Reznor. Wow. How alternative you are! Buddy doesn't have anything interesting to say himself eh...

Kameleon · Post by **Kameleon** » Mon Apr 08, 2002 8:28 am

11. You'd probably get half of Canada as well in the fallout

Ode to a Grasshopper · Mon Apr 08, 2002 8:42 am

12: Virtually every single guest who has ever appeared on Jerry Springer lives in America.

13: The immediate cessation of Britney Spears's film career.

Nippy · Post by **Nippy** » Mon Apr 08, 2002 8:57 am

Originally posted by Ode to a Grasshopper
12: Virtually every single guest who has ever appeared on Jerry Springer lives in America.

13: The immediate cessation of Britney Spears's film career.

Oh! Embarrasingly, Springer once did a show with British guests!

frogus · Post by **frogus** » Mon Apr 08, 2002 9:11 am

Sites peppered with "quotes" from such intellects as Jewel,

I'm pretty sure sleep used to have a Jewel quote in his sig...not that I'm trying to cause trouble...

EDIT and am I the only one who thinks this thread may be a tiny little bit racist?....

HighLordDave · Post by **HighLordDave** » Mon Apr 08, 2002 9:19 am

I think life in the igloo may have finally driven Aegis over the edge. Too much exposure to permafrost and all that.

He's also forgotten all of the valuable contributions Canada has made to the world, namely the twoonie (also known as "One American Dollar"), You Can't Do That On Television and William Shatner.

Gruntboy · Post by **Gruntboy** » Mon Apr 08, 2002 9:30 am

Yes. Canada deserves a couple of MIRV's on every small village just for Celine Dion, Jim Carrey and Bryan Adams.

We're gonna make the rubble bounce.

You gonna burn in hell Aegis.

Gruntboy · Post by **Gruntboy** » Mon Apr 08, 2002 9:32 am

Originally posted by Kameleon
11. You'd probably get half of Canada as well in the fallout

Considering 90% of the Canadian population is massed along the American border..... they're all screwed.

The remaining 10% are sure to die from Gonorrhoea.

VoodooDali · Post by **VoodooDali** » Mon Apr 08, 2002 9:45 am

Originally posted by frogus
I'm pretty sure sleep used to have a Jewel quote in his sig...not that I'm trying to cause trouble...

He did? ROFL.

I was gonna post what I thought he would have quoted from her, but after looking at someone's Jewel Poetry fan page, complete with background pictures of angels, I think I'm gonna puke! Her poetry makes Rod McKuen look like a genius.

Bloodstalker · Post by **Bloodstalker** » Mon Apr 08, 2002 9:49 am

What does she think she is......Jim Morrison?

tahes out a book of matches and heads for Aegis's igloo.

Kameleon · Post by **Kameleon** » Mon Apr 08, 2002 9:57 am

Oh dear Aegis - I don't think this thread is going in the direction you intended...

I'm coming with a flamethrower now...Just look for the guy with a large tank of paraffin on his back

Gruntboy · Post by **Gruntboy** » Mon Apr 08, 2002 10:04 am

Originally posted by Kameleon
I'm coming with a flamethrower now...Just look for the guy with a large tank of puffins on his back

Oooh! You're in for it Aegis.

Scary!

As it happens, I'm having a sale on flamethrowers. Buy one, get a trip to Aegis' Igloo free.

Kameleon · Post by **Kameleon** » Mon Apr 08, 2002 10:10 am

Originally posted by Gruntboy
As it happens, I'm having a sale on flamethrowers. Buy one, get a trip to Aegis' Igloo free.

LMAO @puffins - and can I have one of the flamethrowers from Fallout? Does anyone remember the wonderfully OTT death animation where the victim, covered in flames, staggers around burning before collapsing in a pile of ash? Classic. Perhaps Weasel has a gif of it I could use as my avatar...

And Fallout is ever-so-appropriate, don't you think?

Oh god that was a bad joke

frogus · Post by **frogus** » Mon Apr 08, 2002 10:25 am

And Fallout is ever-so-appropriate, don't you think? Oh god that was a bad joke

just lucky you put bugger-loads of smileys afterwards so noone noticed!

Nightmare · Post by **Nightmare** » Mon Apr 08, 2002 1:38 pm

*quietly minds his own business, so they don't come to his igloo...*

Aragorn Returns · Post by **Aragorn Returns** » Mon Apr 08, 2002 5:47 pm

i find it interesting that aegis has not commented since his original post. so what are the top ten reasons of nuking canada? i can't think of a single one, probably because canada hasn't done a single thing since it was created.

Weasel · Post by **Weasel** » Mon Apr 08, 2002 6:01 pm

Originally posted by Aragorn Returns
i find it interesting that aegis has not commented since his original post. so what are the top ten reasons of nuking canada? i can't think of a single one, probably because canada hasn't done a single thing since it was created.

But (pause) that (pause) can't (pause) be (pause) true. (pause with serious look)

(The number one reason...William Shatner...hit the button Gruntie)

Ode to a Grasshopper · Tue Apr 09, 2002 12:28 am

I liked You Can't Do That On Television. Of course, I was only 5 at the time I saw it

. To a 5 year old, pouring a bucket of green slime all over peoples heads is the pinnacle of humor okay I'll shut up now please don't flame me please please please...

That said, Celine Dion makes a great selling point for the "Lets nuke Canada" plan.

Sailor Saturn · Post by **Sailor Saturn** » Tue Apr 09, 2002 12:54 am

Originally posted by Gaxx_Firkraag
*quietly minds his own business, so they don't come to his igloo...*

*after observing Gaxx_Firkraag's actions, decides that is a good idea and slips off to her throne room on Saturn before someone decides to flood Arizona since she likes Jewel, Willian Shatner, Celine Dion, and other things that may or may not have been mentioned yet but are currently best left unmentioned...*

Kameleon · Post by **Kameleon** » Tue Apr 09, 2002 2:51 am

Originally posted by Sailor Saturn

*after observing Gaxx_Firkraag's actions, decides that is a good idea and slips off to her throne room on Saturn before someone decides to flood Arizona since she likes Jewel, Willian Shatner, Celine Dion, and other things that may or may not have been mentioned yet but are currently best left unmentioned...*

*after observing Sailor Saturn's actions, remembers from science class that Saturn would float in a bucket of water, if you could find a big enough bucket, and after failing to find said bucket, proffers the planet to the giant competitors in a game of Intergalactic Water Polo* and watches avidly*

*= ™, ® & © The Waverly Corporation of North America 1999.