Boys don't cry... NO SPAM please.

Maharlika · Post by **Maharlika** » Sat May 11, 2002 10:15 pm

My grandmother finally got her eternal rest last night (10pm bangkok time, 10am new york). I have already accepted her leaving us and there are no more tears left to cry...

... I was told that I'm not supposed to cry and that I must be strong... because I'm a man.

I wanted to protest against such a comment but I was too much in grief to even bother responding from such a statement.

Crying for me is nothing unmanly. I have to release what is inside of me.

The manly thing is to get that one last cry, accept whatever has happened and move on.

So, do you really think that "boys" don't cry?

crazymancometh · Post by **crazymancometh** » Sat May 11, 2002 10:57 pm

Sorry for your loss....Just because you cry does not make you lesser a man.I have lost loved ones and I have cried over them all . So if someone tells you you are not a man for crying then they havent never experienced the pain and suffering from losing someone close .

Ode to a Grasshopper · Sat May 11, 2002 11:33 pm

Once again, my condolences to you and your own.

I've had a few elderly relatives die in recent years, and I haven't cried for them, however that was because they either died at the end of a long, slow dehabilitating disease like my uncle's death from cancer and so release was both inevitable and a relief for them, or, in the case of my grandfather, because he was a proud old man and absolutely hated being stuck in an old, infirm 90 year old body, not because it would be 'unmanly' to cry. When my grandfather died three days after having a stroke I got the feeling, later confirmed by other family members who knew him better, that he would sooner have died peacefully surrounded by his family than live as an invalid, forever dependent upon someone else to do even the simplest things.
However, anyone who says you mustn't cry becuse it isn't "manly" is a fool. It's been scientifically proven that crying helps you deal with your grief, even if it hadn't it's still stupid to say something so natural as crying isn't 'appropriate' because of what is considered normal masculine behaviour.

Nippy · Post by **Nippy** » Sun May 12, 2002 4:41 am

My sentiments mirror everyone's here, my condolences to you and yours.

Crying is not umanly, crying proves that you cared for that person and that you felt something go when they passed away. My mother cried when our dog had to be put down, thats because he has been in the family for 16 years, I didn't cry, but I still felt terrible, he was one of my best friends and I loved him.

On the flipside, not crying doesn't make you callous. When my dog died, I went swimming and did a few fast lengths, that helped me deal with the grief, each person deals with things differently.

CM · Post by CM » Sun May 12, 2002 4:50 am

Everybody has already said what I wanted to say. I am sorry for your loss Mar.

Stilgar · Post by **Stilgar** » Sun May 12, 2002 7:21 am

My condolonces.
off cource you can cry, I did when my grandfather died,
nothing wrong about that.

Nightmare · Post by **Nightmare** » Sun May 12, 2002 8:08 am

My condolences, Maharlika.

frogus · Post by **frogus** » Sun May 12, 2002 8:48 am

I am sorry Maharlika. I don't know if anyone really believes that crying makes you a lesser man, but many would say so to get one better, and it seems a childish and innappropriate thing to say on occassion of a death. The manly thing to do is not to be crippled by your loss, however not acknowledging the loss is as cowardly a thing as can be done.

T'lainya · Post by **T'lainya** » Sun May 12, 2002 9:15 am

Mahar *hug* my sympathy to you and your family.
I'm not sure if my pov counts here being female, but I think it's acceptable for men to cry. Especially in the face of losing a loved one. It seems unhealthy to try to hold emotions back, it's not unmanly, it's part of being human.

fable · Post by **fable** » Sun May 12, 2002 9:52 am

@Mahar, condolences. I grieve with you.

IMO, the sexual divide, largely cultural and religious, which turns women into wimpy Suzy Homemakers and men into emotionless Conans are worse than useless; they're recipes for social disaster, familial discord and personal tragedy. You don't strike me as someone who abides by them in any case, and I salute you for that.

Bloodstalker · Post by **Bloodstalker** » Sun May 12, 2002 9:54 am

I am sorry for your loss Mar. But crying is nothing to be ashamed of at all. To my way of thinking, it is a release of grief. Anyone who tells you that a real man doesn't cry because of pride doesn't have any idea what a man is, they are dependant on other's perceptions of what makes a man. While it is true that everyone deals with grief in their own way, and some don't cry simply because that isn't the way they deal with it, if it is your way of dealing to cry, then do so. I have.

Mr Sleep · Post by **Mr Sleep** » Sun May 12, 2002 10:04 am

@Mar. My condolences, i am in a similar situation myself my Gran is currently in Hospital with a broken hip, she is lucky to be alive really since she falls over all the time. I also have a great aunt who is on her way out....I don't know what my reaction will be when they finally go, i might cry, i might just let it pass, however i react it is my emotion and no one elses and for someone to say i can or can't cry is completely out of line. How one copes with grief is personal, it isn't up for debate or ridicule.

So you cried, if that is your method, then good on you

KidD01 · Post by **KidD01** » Sun May 12, 2002 2:22 pm

@Mh : Sorry for your losses, matey. Most peeps already make their cometn on the subject, but it's all depends on yourself. If you feel crying can ease your loss, it's OK to cry. I was risen in a "mob" way

- it's the community arround me that shapes me than my parents, hence I never show my tears in front of many people in most cases

Again to cry or not to cry - it's all depends on yourself, not other people perception about "manly thingy"

Yshania · Post by **Yshania** » Sun May 12, 2002 2:42 pm

@Maharlika *hug* I am sorry

My opinion is, however you cope go with it, go for it. If you need to cry, then do so...there is nothing to be ashamed of as a man. I am a woman, and I do not cry easily. If you have this in you, then this is you and no-one has the right to tell you how you should express your grief...

@Sleepy *hug* I hope she is ok...

Mr Sleep · Post by **Mr Sleep** » Sun May 12, 2002 2:52 pm

Originally posted by Yshania
@Sleepy *hug* I hope she is ok...

She is 92 and i am amazed she has lived as long as she has, she was smoking until she was 50, she was a nurse during the war.... unfortunately her mind is going so i think it is only a matter of time, thanks for the concern

And sorry Mar for hijacking your thread with my maudilin

Azmodan · Post by **Azmodan** » Sun May 12, 2002 3:33 pm

My condolonces.
i would like to say something deep.. but everything have allready been said.

Maharlika · Post by **Maharlika** » Sun May 12, 2002 9:18 pm

Thanks, everyone...

... I feel much better already. Too bad, my grandmom didnt live long enough to celebrate her 74th birthday this 14th of May.

Anyway, I have deeply grieved and I must move on.

If there's one thing in this thread that really hit me was the concept of everyone having his/her own way in dealing with one's grief.

Originally posted by Ode to a Grasshopper
However, anyone who says you mustn't cry becuse it isn't "manly" is a fool.

You have just insulted someone dear to me!

But that's okay, at that moment I felt saying the same way too.

@Sleepy: No worries about the hijackthingy, I hope that in the end, the best thing shall happen to your loved ones.

Originally posted by frogus
The manly thing to do is not to be crippled by your loss, however not acknowledging the loss is as cowardly a thing as can be done.

Well said, frogus. I liked that last part of your sentence.

@fable: Thanks for your kind words. Hey, SYM has taught me a lot about debunking the concept of sexual divide.

Gruntboy · Post by **Gruntboy** » Mon May 13, 2002 2:56 am

Hey, Best Wishes Maharlika.

Even a big dumb scary Grunt like me has to cry.

I'd like to Echo Nippy's statement - sometimes it can be difficult to cry or grieve. That doesn't make you callous. It'll come eventually.

McBane · Post by **McBane** » Mon May 13, 2002 7:26 am

My condolences Mar.