Elves and Halflings Unite! DOWN WITH HALF-ORCS!

Arcane · Post by **Arcane** » Sat May 25, 2002 1:50 am

well, time to end that big 'literary' (so to speak) discussion on elves and halfings. in reply to Ode's 'lets start a elves and halfings vs half-orcs' message, now i choose to compare the short, fat and hairy and the slim, graceful and hairless against the big, hairy and uncivilised....

ok so,

an elf and a halfing see a half-orc chieftain in the distance. the two are lightly armed, with a longbow, long sword and a short bow, short sword. the halforc is armed with a big axe and platemail.

the halfling hides in shadows while the elves turns the half-orc into a pincushion.

the half-orc rushes the elf and trips over the halfing, who blows his cover, falls, and stabs the half orc in the back.

the elf meanwhile shoots the orc in the head while the halfing makes off with his wallet.

the elf spends the rest of his lifetime hunting the halfing.

Ode to a Grasshopper · Sat May 25, 2002 1:57 am

Good up until a point

The elf, who is an archer, uses his HLA ability Tracking, and finds the halfling, who has a slower movement rate, and they divide the profits, and go in search of more half-orcs to taunt.

Archeron · Post by **Archeron** » Sat May 25, 2002 2:17 am

The bemused mage watching from a distance with 'wizard eye', casts 'meteor storm' and 'web' on the two little people- time for some fun

nba_brown · Post by **nba_brown** » Sat May 25, 2002 3:33 am

and the assasin stabs the mage in the back with a poisoned dagger. takes the mages stuff.

Cespenar · Post by **Cespenar** » Sat May 25, 2002 4:56 am

but the mages rabbit familiar pickpockets everything from the assassin while his back is turned, rabbit goes on to rule

CM · Post by CM » Sat May 25, 2002 5:29 am

Then the noble Anti-DF Paladin smiths the assassin, the evil mage and his evil bunny!

Ode to a Grasshopper · Sat May 25, 2002 8:30 am

The elf and the halfling, who had gone off in search of more half-orcs to taunt and hence had avoided both the wizard's spells, come back, and, feeling hungry, catch the rabbit (who got away from the anti-DF paladin with only a slight limp) and eat it for lunch.
@Viv-It's not the fluffy cute kind, my fluffy cute bunny eating days are over, just for you

. This rabbit was big and nasty and had bad breath

.

@Fas-the mage was already dead, how could you smite him?

@nba_brown-do you want a job? The Rolling Thunder needs a thief, and an assassin could be perfect. If you're interested look for the Rolling Thunder link in my sig.

Rattman · Post by **Rattman** » Sat May 25, 2002 10:37 am

this is hurting my head

The Z · Post by **The Z** » Sat May 25, 2002 3:11 pm

UserUnfriendly's BunBun comes along.....end of story

Phantom Lord · Post by **Phantom Lord** » Sat May 25, 2002 3:59 pm

But unfortunarely the slain half-orc's C/T cousin comes along and blows up the elf and the halfling with unholy smite while they're sleeping in order to digest the big bad bun. Bun Bun freezes in awe before Carsomyr gets stuck in his head, not with malicious intent, just thrown away becauses it radiates a ridiculous amount of lawfulness.

ThorinOakensfield · Post by **ThorinOakensfield** » Sat May 25, 2002 5:06 pm

The elf decides to attack all giddy and high, so the halfling promptly knocks his head off, eats it, and then throws its foot at the orc. The orc in total disgust of an elf leg, screams, pulls up his skirt and runs off.

Anyway the half orc would kick the elf's behind, if the halfling wasn't there to save him. Wimpy elves.

The Z · Post by **The Z** » Sat May 25, 2002 5:50 pm

And then there were dwarves....all berserkers carrying replica Crom Faeyr's in one hand, and Frostreavers in the other

Dwarves rock

Kassaras · Post by **Kassaras** » Sat May 25, 2002 6:27 pm

And then a strange gnome named Cletus appears and emits a vomiting spray on the Dwarves who are taken aback and can't believe the fact that some people still insist that dwarves and gnomes are somewhat related...

Archeron · Post by **Archeron** » Sat May 25, 2002 7:43 pm

The mage, who acted dead and had his valuable gear stolen by a bloody thief, has had time to recover sufficiently in the near by bushes.

The now enraged mage casts 'Gate' and 'Wail of the Banshee' to give those dwarves a run for their money before casting 'shadow door' to plot revenge on the Anti-Paladin who took his kills.

Ode to a Grasshopper · Sat May 25, 2002 10:39 pm

The elf teams up with Bun-Bun, who just happens to be an elf too in case you didn't know, and fires arrows at the half-orc cleric/thief, interrupting his spellcasting before he can finish either of his spells. This done, Bun-Bun kills the half-orc C/T in less than two rounds. Meanwhile the halfling steals the 2nd half-orc's wallet too.

@Thorin-The elves and the halfling are working together here, you know

. The half-orc woud never even get close to the elf, because the elf would turn him into a pincushion.

fable · Post by **fable** » Sun May 26, 2002 12:33 am

I'm moving this over the SYM (Speak Your Mind), since it's 1) nothing to do with BG2, 2) silly, and 3) more or less a continuation story. We have quite a few of all three over in SYM.

Ode to a Grasshopper · Sun May 26, 2002 12:37 am

I thought you would. At least this'll attract a few newcomers to our illustrious SYM halls.

Sorry Fable, it started out as borderline legit but turned a bit silly...Now that it's in SYM let the spam continue!

EDIT-can you make that "moved" icon appear in the BG2 forum so people know where this thread has gone to?

Archeron · Post by **Archeron** » Sun May 26, 2002 4:21 am

As its a quiet (a little too quiet) sunday night, the mage heads in the City looking for a drink and possibly (although unlikely) chat with other patrons.

Ode to a Grasshopper · Sun May 26, 2002 4:27 am

Suddenly a halfling steals his wallet and runs away.
I wouldn't hurt the halfling unless you want to risk having the wrath of Viv upon your shoulders.

Archeron · Post by **Archeron** » Sun May 26, 2002 4:35 am

The mage casts 'hold' on the little bugger and is about to deal out more punishment when a feeling of being watched comes over him.

After considering his options the mage retrieves his wallet and throws itching powder on the halfling beofre heading of in the direction of a noisy tavern.