SYM's "Heartbreak Hotel"

Aegis · Post by **Aegis** » Sat Jun 08, 2002 9:41 pm

Originally posted by Obsidian
Or shes scared of letting someone into her life, or shes afraid of risking the frienship you 2 have developed.

Well, these are the reasons she's offered me so far. But, one can only handle (I don't want to lose you as a friend" so often before it begins to sting.

Georgi · Post by **Georgi** » Sat Jun 08, 2002 9:58 pm

@Aegis bear in mind that "I don't want to lose you as a friend" can sometimes be a convenient substitute for "Sorry, but I'm just not interested in having that kind of a relationship."

The advantage is that it doesn't sound quite as harsh, the disadvantage is that it can sound a bit ambiguous, especially to an emotionally biased mind. Now, we can't comment on what her motives really are, but the one thing you know for sure is that she said no, and that's not ambiguous. So deal with it, and move on... otherwise you're just going to torture yourself, and maybe upset her as well.

*big hug*

Nightmare · Post by **Nightmare** » Sat Jun 08, 2002 11:32 pm

@Aegis, I agree with Obsidian, just do whatever you feel like. Just bear in mind: your friendship already seems strained by your feelings. So if she "just wants to be friends," it might not work out so that you are in fact friends.

Also, if you decide to ask her, remember that the worst she can say is "no". In my past (although limited) experiences, it was worse worrying about what you though they might say, then when they actually said it. If she says no, that will probably help you get over her. If she says yes, then its happy sailing.

Georgi · Post by **Georgi** » Sat Jun 08, 2002 11:37 pm

Originally posted by Gaxx_Firkraag
Also, if you decide to ask her, remember that the worst she can say is "no". In my past (although limited) experiences, it was worse worrying about what you though they might say, then when they actually said it. If she says no, that will probably help you get over her. If she says yes, then its happy sailing.

I thought she already said no, and that was the problem...

Nightmare · Post by **Nightmare** » Sun Jun 09, 2002 7:47 am

Yes, but I think that our good friend Aegis was going to ask her again. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Maharlika · Post by **Maharlika** » Sun Jun 09, 2002 11:00 am

The bottomline is crystal clear to me...

... Aegis is very much into deep with this girl, she said no, and our friend is having a hard time to let go.

To let go is easily said than done.

One good thing though is that you cannot accuse the girl of leading Aegis on if he continues his pursuit.

I tend to agree with Obsidian since it is Aegis alone who knows her.

But don't forget what Chanak has said: when one is too close, one tends not to see the whole picture.

Whatever happens Aegis (with Cait or no), I firmly believe that YOUR TIME WILL COME.

Believe me, it will happen.

Chanak · Post by **Chanak** » Sun Jun 09, 2002 3:17 pm

Buddha was on to something when he described the human condition: suffering. I don't think that's all we have to face (or expect) in life, but when it comes - it stinks.

Whatever happens Aegis (with Cait or no), I firmly believe that YOUR TIME WILL COME.

This is true, and quite often, it will swoop down from out of the blue.

I'd worry more about conquering myself than conquering another - probably not a very popular prospect to most, I'm sure. It's more difficult to do, and requires more courage. I'd let her be, give her some space, and grow stronger as life goes on. I take her initial reaction as the true one. I don't believe that anything good would come out of pursuing it further. Something temporarily satisfying, perhaps - but a disaster in the end.

I wish this thread didn't depress me so much.

Bloodstalker · Post by **Bloodstalker** » Sun Jun 09, 2002 3:25 pm

This experiance, though, has only added to my overall perception of life, and people in general. That it sucks...

The only thing I can say is that yes, a lot of things do suck. But looking back, I see that a lot of the things that I thought sucked the worst were really the points in my life that contributed most to me becoming who I am. We can only gain strenghth through adversity. Even when I couldn't see any good in what happened, and never actually was aware of any good coming from it, once you get past a certain point, you can start to see how things can make yu a more complete person.

I know it all sounds stupid and distant, but believe me, it winds up true more often than not.

Obsidian · Post by **Obsidian** » Sun Jun 09, 2002 3:37 pm

The advice given most freely when working towards a relationship are

give it time
give up
the worst she can say is no.
Persistance pays off.

a) Give it time. Wise counsel, time is the best counselor and feelings have a funny habit of appearing and reappering. As do other pretty young women

b) Give up. Bad, bad bad advice. Good, good, good advice. Depends on the situation and the ppl involved. Love conquers all. Love takes 2.

c) The worst she can say is no. Sounds good, but is BS. (Not bloodstalker, the other BS) The worst she can say is much worse than no. The worst she can do is say maybe. I was strung along for 3 MONTHS by one of my g/fs who didnt know what she wanted, and that hurt a lot more than a straight up no.

d) Persistance Pays off. Works for me. Can also serve to alienate yourself from her in an almost stalker like way... not a good thing.

These 4 are common advice that I've heard, and been through. What little wisdom I have is yours. Best of luck good buddy.

Chanak · Post by **Chanak** » Sun Jun 09, 2002 3:39 pm

Have fun, Bloodstalker!

@Bloodstalker:

Hope you have a good vacation! I'm due one myself, any time now (4 years, for me).

Even when I couldn't see any good in what happened, and never actually was aware of any good coming from it, once you get past a certain point, you can start to see how things can make yu a more complete person.

Excellent way of putting it.

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Sun Jun 09, 2002 4:34 pm

Originally posted by Aegis
Sigh... Let it go seems to be the popular answer... What bothers me the most is that it's probably the right answer....

This experiance, though, has only added to my overall perception of life, and people in general. That it sucks...

Life sucks a lot - sometimes. People also suck a lot - sometimes. But not always, although it feels that way sometimes.

My life sucked big time when I was your age, I was only happy when I was alone in the mountains or travelling around to unknown places.

If you feel unsure about Cait's answer, I really think discussing it again with her, open and honest, is the best thing to do. It's more difficult to overcome an vague situation where you are not entirely convinced, than it is to face the harder but shorter pain of a certain "no". I really think you should talk it through with her and explain that you didn't fully understand her the first time around (if that was the case). I also think you should ask her to be completely honest, explain to her that this is better for you so she doesn't give half-hearted anwers out of fear she would hurt you (like in Georgi's example, I know how common this is.)
Ideally, there should be no possibilities left, you should know the feelings and motivations behind her choice whatever her choice is. If you are good friends, I think you can achive this.

Of course I agree with Obsidian and others who think you should do just as you feel, of course you should, none of here knows the situation as well as you do. I however just wish to offer some general advice.

posted by Obsidian
hehehe, the likely hood of them agreeing with me seeing someone else is very, very slim. So far I think weasel (astonishinly) has come closest to the actual solution.

My real question is would it be possible to do it without them knowing??

I'm sure it's possible, it's more a question of your personal moral. You should ask yourself whether you think lying and fooling the girl is a good way to start a loving relationship. If you think this is OK, then you must also consider whether you would think it was OK that the girl did the same to you. Would it be OK if she dated other guys withour your knowing? When you ask her everyday questions like what she did yesterday or who she went to the movie's with, she will tell you lies?

It's your choice man, but personally, I would hate to start any relationships - friendship or love - with lies and cheating each other.

Aegis · Post by **Aegis** » Sun Jun 09, 2002 5:58 pm

@Obsidian: My advice on your situation, think hard about which girl you feel closer too. Don't go as far as to create a comparitive list, but think of which one you think you might have more fun being with, and which might offer the more deep relationship

@CE: You never cease to amaze me luv

I was hoping to talk to her yesterday, when I was up in the city, visiting my mom, but she ended up having other plans with some other friends, so we never ended up getting together. I'd have no problems being friends with her, as that is better then nothing, but as you said, having someone just flat out say no, is a lot better then not being sure.

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Thu Jun 13, 2002 3:10 pm

@Aegis: I hope you will soon get another opportunity to speak to her.

I amaze you? Why?

Aegis · Post by **Aegis** » Thu Jun 13, 2002 3:34 pm

Originally posted by C Elegans
@Aegis: I hope you will soon get another opportunity to speak to her.

I amaze you? Why?

Let's see. Because I don't feel quite so charming at the moment, I'll just say it bluntly. Your so well rounded in your advice.

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Thu Jun 13, 2002 3:41 pm

And that amaze you? I am deeply hurt!

j/k of course.

Thanks

Aegis · Post by **Aegis** » Thu Jun 13, 2002 4:23 pm

Originally posted by C Elegans
And that amaze you? I am deeply hurt!

j/k of course. Thanks

anytime, Luv.

Shadow Sandrock · Post by **Shadow Sandrock** » Fri Jun 14, 2002 6:29 am

Dude, a hotel for the lovelorn? I'm in. Me wants a girlfriend =P I'm having no luck IRL, so this'll have to do ~_~

I'm a umm... guy and I umm... have no job, no car, and no life... and I like to umm... coexist with my psyche.

*quickly fills out a 3746598792375 page application and watches the wind take it* I don't have much good luck, either ¬_¬

KidD01 · Post by **KidD01** » Fri Jun 14, 2002 11:27 am

SYM Heartbreak Hotel

Well since KidD's baby left him
He found a place to dwell
It's down at GameBanshee drive
SYM Heartbreak Hotel............

Aegis · Post by **Aegis** » Fri Jun 14, 2002 12:37 pm

Well, hope is gone, my spirit crushed, and my will to do anything depleted. She lead me on, and used me...

Now, if you excuse me, I have some major things to rethink in my life.

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Fri Jun 14, 2002 12:50 pm

@Aegis:

*many hugs* If there's anything I can do, just give me a note.