C Elegans' couch

Chanak · Post by **Chanak** » Thu Jun 13, 2002 9:01 pm

@CE:

Oh, this is purely ideal work, I don't charge anything...you just need to sign your name at the dotted line of this paper...

takes off glasses to read contract

It all seems to be fine, really. I just have one question, though. What's this part about Gwally, oranges, and catsuits? I seem to be having a hard time focusing my eyes on that part...

And this pen...it seems to have run out of ink!

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Thu Jun 13, 2002 9:05 pm

@Mental Nomad: See above in my reply to Chanak. Treatment is free - you just need to sign this little paper....and perhaps bring a chicken next time....

posted by Word
Ive got "women' problems. I like this girl alot but she wants me to go out with her friend who I like but only as a friend. Oh what should i do?

Dear Word, problems with the gender in focus for one's romantic and sexual interest, is an eternal source of problems, torment and frustrations

We humans are lucky to have something to preoccupy our little boring minds with.

My advice in this situation, is as follows:

1. Try to get both the girls, simply suggest a nice threesome in your jacuzzi if you have one. Don't forget oil and latex string-underwear.

2. If 1 feels to dramatic, my advice is simple - you should not date a girl you not really interested in more than as a friend, only to come closer to the girl you really fancy. It is unfair to all people involved, esp the girl you are not interested in.
You should tell the girl you like that your are not interested in her friend beyond friendship. If you dare, you could tell her straight on that you'd be much more interested in dating her. If you don't dare to reveal this yet, just make some suggestions that you may be interested in somebody else and see if it picks here curisity.

fable · Post by **fable** » Thu Jun 13, 2002 9:06 pm

Originally posted by C Elegans
You are very ill, my friend. This feeling of being a what you call "moderator" in this fantasy land "Gamebanshee", is a serious sign of unhealth. Your images of moving conversations between rooms, is even more bizarre. You do realise your mind is playing a trick with you, do you? None of this corresponds even slightly to events and phenomena that can be observed in reality.

At what point, Doctor, would you say that reality leaves off, and fantasy begins? Surely one so privileged and wise as you, gifted with special insight into all humankind, would have the answers.

I think you are suffering from a stress-induced megalomania. You have a problem with accepting that your power as a futile human being is limited. You unconsciously wish for eternal life and unlimited power. You need to take some time off, perhaps go away....why not to Novaja Semlja.

Now, there's a thought. It would certainly be quiet, and there's no way I could expect to have any power over that environment. Do you really think it presents the possibility of a--dare I hope--cure, Doctor? Or should I undertake any other form of treatment, in addition?

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Thu Jun 13, 2002 9:33 pm

Originally posted by Chanak
It all seems to be fine, really. I just have one question, though. What's this part about Gwally, oranges, and catsuits? I seem to be having a hard time focusing my eyes on that part...

And this pen...it seems to have run out of ink!

Don't worry about the oranges and Gwally, it will most likely not concern you directly anyway. Tries to smile her most devastating smile Here, take this other pen, it's one of those modern magic pens that never runs out of ink...

posted by fable
At what point, Doctor, would you say that reality leaves off, and fantasy begins? Surely one so privileged and wise as you, gifted with special insight into all humankind, would have the answers.

That is really more of a philosophical question, perhaps you'd like a referral to Tom? If not, you will be subject to my personal definition which is quite simple in terms of my patients: It is real if I say so. It is a delusion or hallucination if I say it is.

Now, there's a thought. It would certainly be quiet, and there's no way I could expect to have any power over that environment. Do you really think it presents the possibility of a--dare I hope--cure, Doctor? Or should I undertake any other form of treatment, in addition?

Since the radiation from uncovered plutonium is still extremely high, I would think no other treatment is needed. Radiation is natural and has been known for a long time that it can induce dramatic changes in the human mind. You might want to bring a lead suit in order not to overdose.

Chanak · Post by **Chanak** » Thu Jun 13, 2002 9:52 pm

Don't worry about the oranges and Gwally, it will most likely not concern you directly anyway. Tries to smile her most devastating smile Here, take this other pen, it's one of those modern magic pens that never runs out of ink...

Silly me, worrying like that.

Sure, ok, I'll sign!

takes pen and signs "Mr. Sleep, esq., Moderator, Super-Being extraordinnaire" on the dotted line.

He won't know until it's too late...heh heh

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Thu Jun 13, 2002 9:59 pm

@Chanak: Lovely - Looks at the signature What? I thought aliases were prohibited by Buck...well, the Mods certainly knows how to get around the rules...or is this a case of multiple personality? Hm....doesn't matter, as long as another soul is contracted

The doc needs to catch some sleep now, in order to view all clients with a fresh and sharp gaze...Good night, the practise is open again tomorrow.

frogus · Post by **frogus** » Fri Jun 14, 2002 12:23 am

Why is there always something...instead of nothing?

Ode to a Grasshopper · Fri Jun 14, 2002 12:31 am

Originally posted by C Elegans
All phobias must be treated with so called exposure, which means the client must learn not to avoid the feared stimuli, but instead get used to them and realise they do not pose as large a threat as it may feel like.

Now that you mention it, I have a deep-seated fear of pretty female neuropsychologists in obscenely skimpy gold party dresses.
Think you can help, Doc?

EDIT-Oh yes, and I'm afraid of hugs. Terrified, even.

Weasel · Post by **Weasel** » Fri Jun 14, 2002 1:40 am

Re: Re: Re: C Elegans' couch

Originally posted by C Elegans

Hello mr Weasel,

So you are telling me you actually acted like a "normal person" would? I'm not sure whether this is true improvement or a sign of increasing insanity you are trying to repress.

Looking forward to hear more about your misfortunes. I do however think taking out the termostat and beating it is a fairly understandable, albeit irrational, response.

Thanks Doc. These medical terms are way over my head...but I believe I get the meaning. I'm headed to a nice vacation in a padded room?

Astafas · Post by **Astafas** » Fri Jun 14, 2002 2:41 am

Is the practise open yet? I have this strange problem...

First, I cannot sleep at nights. However, I sleep very well during the day if it's only dark enough.

Second, I just can't stand sunlight anymore. It hurts everywhere. So I keep to the shadows.

Third, I'm rather pale. A consequence of to little sun maybe? The skin feels quite cold to the touch, as well.

Fourth, I've grown fangs. There is no other way to put it, they are clear to see to everyone.

Fifth, I find food and drink I used to love revolting. My hunger is greater than ever, though.

Can you help me, Doctor?

Ode to a Grasshopper · Fri Jun 14, 2002 2:54 am

Here's another one for you, Doc. My personal sense of time has slowed down quite dramatically. My eyes have gone red, I'm getting the strange sensation of melting into my chair, I'm suddenly very hungry and my mouth has gone very dry. I'm calling everyone man, man. I feel very relaxed and at peace with the world, and am suddenly getting all these deep insights into life in general. I'm also having short-term memory problems.
Whatever could the problem be?

Mr Sleep · Post by **Mr Sleep** » Fri Jun 14, 2002 5:39 am

Originally posted by Dr Elegans
An itch you can never scratch? You must learn to tolerate frustration, see this as a learning opportunity.

Oh i can scratch it alright, it just burns a little that is all

Originally posted by Dr Elegans
6, 6 times a week is good

I was referring to inches

Originally posted by Dr Elegans
Like all true psychologists, I must reply with "it depends". By foot, it should take no more than two weeks, allowing for a few pubnights on the way.

I was thinking more like an evening, but then i didn't account for pubs...hmmm...you might be right, i really aught to start now

Nothing much, since it's Friday tomorrow it might spare you the energy consuming search for party drugs - sleep deprivation commonly induces euphoria and hallucinations. (Might take up to a week though).

Well i went to bed and slept, i have no energy anyway and i am not hallucinating, see kids what happens when you don't pay attention to the advice of Dr Elegans, in future take heed of her special brand of care and you will go far... well only in your own mind

Mr Sleep · Post by **Mr Sleep** » Fri Jun 14, 2002 5:40 am

Originally posted by Astafas
Can you help me, Doctor?

I can help you with that one, you have become a truly exceptional lawyer

Kameleon · Post by **Kameleon** » Fri Jun 14, 2002 5:42 am

Originally posted by Mr Sleep
I can help you with that one, you have become a truly exceptional lawyer

ROFLMFAO

So, so true

EDIT - Must...defend...Rolling Thunder person...mustn't laugh...argh!
Sleepy, that's a very naughty thing to say. Now go to your room!

Astafas · Post by **Astafas** » Fri Jun 14, 2002 6:33 am

Originally posted by Mr Sleep

I can help you with that one, you have become a truly exceptional lawyer

LMAO! However, I was after the cure. I'm hoping for a prescription that includes lots of lovely girls, champagne (for the lovely girls, of course) and then maybe a bite or two.

Astafas · Post by **Astafas** » Fri Jun 14, 2002 6:39 am

Originally posted by Kameleon
EDIT - Must...defend...Rolling Thunder person...mustn't laugh...argh!
Sleepy, that's a very naughty thing to say. Now go to your room!

Never mind Kammy. Sleepy is still trying to get even for the Wing of Wizardry incident.

Kameleon · Post by **Kameleon** » Fri Jun 14, 2002 6:54 am

Tee hee hee...wing

Frankly, you deserve everything he gives you, you ruthless mocker

Mr Sleep · Post by **Mr Sleep** » Fri Jun 14, 2002 7:11 am

Originally posted by Astafas
LMAO! However, I was after the cure. I'm hoping for a prescription that includes lots of lovely girls, champagne (for the lovely girls, of course) and then maybe a bite or two.

I think all heterosexual men look for that cure

Originally posted by Astafas
Never mind Kammy. Sleepy is still trying to get even for the Wing of Wizardry incident.

That is going to follow me around, at least i didn't say the Wang of Wizadry

Yshania · Post by **Yshania** » Fri Jun 14, 2002 7:29 am

LMAO!!!

this is hysterical - nice one CE!

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Fri Jun 14, 2002 8:54 am

Dear clients, I am now back, at your service.

Originally posted by frogus
Why is there always something...instead of nothing?

This is also a philosophical, ontological question, which should be referred to Tom. For self-help, I recommend reading Heidegger, Being and Time, and Sartre, Being and Nothingness.

posted by Ode
Now that you mention it, I have a deep-seated fear of pretty female neuropsychologists in obscenely skimpy gold party dresses.
Think you can help, Doc?

EDIT-Oh yes, and I'm afraid of hugs. Terrified, even.

A phobia must be evaluated according to the degree of suffering and disturbance is induces in the clients everyday life. The aversive stimuli for you, female neuropsychologists in gold dresses, is a highly unusual phenomena, and it is very unliekly that you will ever have to confront this aversive stimuli. Therefore, it should not cause you any harm or unpleasant experiences and I find no treatment necessary.

Your fear of hugs on the other hand, is more socially disabling, and I think a one session hugging-therapy is indicated. A one session phobia treatment usually lasts for a few hours, where the client is exposed to the aversive stimuli. If necessary, I may call in assistants to help me out here - I think my colleague doc Waverly would be most apt.