C Elegans' couch

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Fri Jun 14, 2002 9:02 am

Re: Re: Re: Re: C Elegans' couch

Originally posted by Weasel
Thanks Doc. These medical terms are way over my head...but I believe I get the meaning. I'm headed to a nice vacation in a padded room?

Yes, you understand me correctly

You need an intensive individual therapy session. Here is a prescription for a one week soft-cell vacation, full board including breakfast, lunch, three course dinner and a choice of wines and liquers. Snacks are served in the afternoon and evening. You will have access to TV, computer with internet access and DVD. Straitjackets and handcuffs available. Other personal wishes can be arranged at request.

Ode to a Grasshopper · Fri Jun 14, 2002 9:07 am

Originally posted by C Elegans
A phobia must be evaluated according to the degree of suffering and disturbance is induces in the clients everyday life. The aversive stimuli for you, female neuropsychologists in gold dresses, is a highly unusual phenomena, and it is very unliekly that you will ever have to confront this aversive stimuli. Therefore, it should not cause you any harm or unpleasant experiences and I find no treatment necessary.

Your fear of hugs on the other hand, is more socially disabling, and I think a one session hugging-therapy is indicated. A one session phobia treatment usually lasts for a few hours, where the client is exposed to the aversive stimuli. If necessary, I may call in assistants to help me out here - I think my colleague doc Waverly would be most apt.

In that case I'm not paying for that part of the therapy until you post the photo in question.

Scary though the thought of being hugged by Doc Waverly is, it doesn't have me shaking with fear the way that the thought of being hugged by you, for instance, does.

I suggest we deal with this phobia of mine at the highest level.
*Forces himself to tentatively *hug*@CE*
Phew that was tough. Honest it was.

Gwalchmai · Post by **Gwalchmai** » Fri Jun 14, 2002 9:13 am

Originally posted by C Elegans
He has? Oh, I thought he was just in love...

Hmmm. Seems I have problems that go beyond mere counceling...

*hides from Thantor*

Gwalchmai · Post by **Gwalchmai** » Fri Jun 14, 2002 9:20 am

Originally posted by Ode to a Grasshopper
Here's another one for you, Doc. My personal sense of time has slowed down quite dramatically. My eyes have gone red, I'm getting the strange sensation of melting into my chair, I'm suddenly very hungry and my mouth has gone very dry. I'm calling everyone man, man. I feel very relaxed and at peace with the world, and am suddenly getting all these deep insights into life in general. I'm also having short-term memory problems.
Whatever could the problem be?

You are apparently working in the same company I am. When did you move to the states?

Ode to a Grasshopper · Fri Jun 14, 2002 9:26 am

Originally posted by Gwalchmai
You are apparently working in the same company I am. When did you move to the states?

I never knew you manufactured hemp clothing!

Astafas · Post by **Astafas** » Fri Jun 14, 2002 9:33 am

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: C Elegans' couch

Originally posted by C Elegans
You need an intensive individual therapy session.

Oh, me too, me too! Maybe you could round up all your single girlfriends already tonight? I could get the champagne and we'd have a great session at my place. And I promise to bite all who ask nicely at least once. What do you say?

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Fri Jun 14, 2002 10:31 am

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: C Elegans' couch

Originally posted by Astafas
Oh, me too, me too! Maybe you could round up all your single girlfriends already tonight? I could get the champagne and we'd have a great session at my place. And I promise to bite all who ask nicely at least once. What do you say?

Dear Astafas, what suits one client does not necessarily suit another. Treatment must be individually choosen, and Weasel's treatment may even be contrainduced for your problems.

First, I cannot sleep at nights. However, I sleep very well during the day if it's only dark enough.

Second, I just can't stand sunlight anymore. It hurts everywhere. So I keep to the shadows.

Third, I'm rather pale. A consequence of to little sun maybe? The skin feels quite cold to the touch, as well.

Fourth, I've grown fangs. There is no other way to put it, they are clear to see to everyone.

Fifth, I find food and drink I used to love revolting. My hunger is greater than ever, though.

Can you help me, Doctor?

At first glance, the symptoms you list actually do resemble a farily well-known condition...but a since correct diagnosos is the foundation for succesful treatment, we need to carry out a few tests.

There is a restaurant in the south part of the city, that is called "Garlic". I suggest we locate your next session there. I will also bring silver utensils for our dinner. Until then, there is a simple test you can perform at home: look yourself in the mirror, and notify me what you see.

The fangs are more a cosmetic problem, if you do not like them, I can refer you to a very good dental surgeon. More problematic is your difficulties with food intake. Try to think out what type of food and beverage you feel inclined to. Try too think of blood banks for instance, does this thought induce some special feeling?

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Fri Jun 14, 2002 10:47 am

Originally posted by Mr Sleep
Oh i can scratch it alright, it just burns a little that is all

Then we can exclude the Blade Runner-syndrome, you are clearly not a replicant.

I was referring to inches

6 is a good number, for times a week as well as inches. I do however think that as a man, you should be satisfied and comfortable with having erhm - any inches at all. We recently had a case here in Sweden with a man who got his inches cut off. The perpertrators disappeared with the inches, so he cannot get in back surgically. And remember, women care not so much about inches as about technichal merit.

I was thinking more like an evening, but then i didn't account for pubs...hmmm...you might be right, i really aught to start now

Pub nights must be includes, as well as nightly stay over at pretty ladies houses...Time for awaking in ditches and regaining orientation, clothes and finding your way must also be allowed.

Well i went to bed and slept, i have no energy anyway and i am not hallucinating, see kids what happens when you don't pay attention to the advice of Dr Elegans, in future take heed of her special brand of care and you will go far... well only in your own mind [/b]

Exactly. Sleep deprivation is the key to cool hallicunations, out of body experiences and generally distorted perceptions of reality. Ecstacy, LSD, mescaline and psilocybin mushrooms are for kids, sleep deprivation is for those who wants to try the heavy party stuff

Mr Sleep · Post by **Mr Sleep** » Fri Jun 14, 2002 12:25 pm

Originally posted by C Elegans
Then we can exclude the Blade Runner-syndrome, you are clearly not a replicant

Well that is a relief, i was finding little paper sculptures around everywhere and was generally only eating noddles

Originally posted by C Elegans
6 is a good number, for times a week as well as inches. I do however think that as a man, you should be satisfied and comfortable with having erhm - any inches at all. We recently had a case here in Sweden with a man who got his inches cut off. The perpertrators disappeared with the inches, so he cannot get in back surgically. And remember, women care not so much about inches as about technichal merit.

There was a famous case of that many years ago, in this country as well, a tricky situation to say the least

I always heard that girth effected things more than a little

Exactly. Sleep deprivation is the key to cool hallicunations, out of body experiences and generally distorted perceptions of reality. Ecstacy, LSD, mescaline and psilocybin mushrooms are for kids, sleep deprivation is for those who wants to try the heavy party stuff

Did i tell you the story about pink elephants?

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Fri Jun 14, 2002 12:30 pm

Originally posted by Yshania
LMAO!!! this is hysterical - nice one CE!

Thank you Ysh, you are most welcome here anytime

You may wish to try out my latest invention, the cage-couch. It is a very comfortable couch in velvet, with silk pillows and a high fence around it. It was originally aimed for physically violent clients, but as well as protecting the outside from a potentially aggressive person inside, it can be used to protect the person inside from - ehrm - unwanted visitors. Just lock the cage door from the inside, and you will be safe from all sorts of physical harassment caused by my less stable clients with impulse control problems.

posted by Ode
Here's another one for you, Doc. My personal sense of time has slowed down quite dramatically. My eyes have gone red, I'm getting the strange sensation of melting into my chair, I'm suddenly very hungry and my mouth has gone very dry. I'm calling everyone man, man. I feel very relaxed and at peace with the world, and am suddenly getting all these deep insights into life in general. I'm also having short-term memory problems.
Whatever could the problem be?

This one is easy, Ode, you are simply suffering from understimulation. Simply put, your brain is going soft. Isolation is contrainduced. You need more girls, more parties and less computers. You also need physical exercise to sharpen up your system, and this is best achieved in combination with the girls and the parties.

Scary though the thought of being hugged by Doc Waverly is, it doesn't have me shaking with fear the way that the thought of being hugged by you, for instance, does. I suggest we deal with this phobia of mine at the highest level.
*Forces himself to tentatively *hug*@CE*
Phew that was tough. Honest it was.

My measurements of your heart rate, blood pressure and skin conductance, suggests your body does not react in consistency with a fear response while hugging me. This means you are now cured, so we can exclude also this part of your treatment. Are you sure you don't wish an appointment with doc Waverly?

Astafas · Post by **Astafas** » Fri Jun 14, 2002 5:28 pm

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: C Elegans' couch

Originally posted by C Elegans
At first glance, the symptoms you list actually do resemble a farily well-known condition...but a since correct diagnosos is the foundation for succesful treatment, we need to carry out a few tests.

There is a restaurant in the south part of the city, that is called "Garlic". I suggest we locate your next session there. I will also bring silver utensils for our dinner. Until then, there is a simple test you can perform at home: look yourself in the mirror, and notify me what you see.

The fangs are more a cosmetic problem, if you do not like them, I can refer you to a very good dental surgeon. More problematic is your difficulties with food intake. Try to think out what type of food and beverage you feel inclined to. Try too think of blood banks for instance, does this thought induce some special feeling?

I see. I will try to answer your questions as accurately as possible.

Was supposed to meet a couple of friends late one night at this "Garlic". I entered the place and suddenly couldn't breath! I'm ashamed to say I ran straight home to the coff... I mean the bed!

I've never really grasped the concept of mirrors. People keep staring into them for hours, while the only thing you see is the wall behind you. What's the point?

I've already asked about my fangs at a private hospital a friend of mine recommended, the Clinique Vampirique de Londre. They said the fangs were perfectly normal and even complemeted me for them.

Blood banks? What an odd thing to think about! Well, I've tried but I grew so hungry I couldn't continue. So now I'm going to coff... to bed, that is!

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Fri Jun 14, 2002 8:22 pm

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: C Elegans' couch

Originally posted by Astafas
I see. I will try to answer your questions as accurately as possible.

Was supposed to meet a couple of friends late one night at this "Garlic". I entered the place and suddenly couldn't breath! I'm ashamed to say I ran straight home to the coff... I mean the bed!

I've never really grasped the concept of mirrors. People keep staring into them for hours, while the only thing you see is the wall behind you. What's the point?

I've already asked about my fangs at a private hospital a friend of mine recommended, the Clinique Vampirique de Londre. They said the fangs were perfectly normal and even complemeted me for them.

Blood banks? What an odd thing to think about! Well, I've tried but I grew so hungry I couldn't continue. So now I'm going to coff... to bed, that is!

Hm...I think we can now be fairly sure about the nature of your condition. How shall I put it? Eh, you know, people are different. Some people fit society's norms for how a "normal person" should be. Others deviate in different ways, more or less. A person might be blind or deaf or have one leg instead of two, and society might view this as a disability, but this does not reduce the human value...eh, I mean the value, of this person...or creature. Although society would define your condition as a kind of disease, you will still be able to live a full life....I mean, having a full existence, and remember, your condition is not dangerous or lethal - on the contrary, actually.

It is however important that you learn how to handle this condition, and you should know it is contagious. Just like has been discussed regarding the lesbian couple deliberatly choosing to make their child deaf by choosing a deaf sperm donator, I think a person should be able to choose by themselves whether they wish to have a condition that soceity in general views as a disability or disease, and that may cause certain problems for the person...therefore I wish you to practice "safe feeding", since your condition is contagious blood transmitted. Kissing and nibbling is fine, though, just be careful with your nice fangs if you decide to keep them.

Talking about food, blood may sound like an unusual source of nutrition, but it actually provides yo with excellent proteins and minerals. Now, to minimise the risk of you transmitting your condition by mistake because you are hungry and malnourished, you should make sure you have a constant supply of fresh blood. This can easily be aquired by using the blood the blood-banks don't need, because it's just thrown away anyway. I happen to work very close to our country's largest blood bank... I could reveal to you how to get an unlimited food supply for the rest of you life. I might even be able to fix you some food you are allowed to bite, if you just do me some small favours...

Weasel · Post by **Weasel** » Fri Jun 14, 2002 9:55 pm

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: C Elegans' couch

Originally posted by C Elegans

Yes, you understand me correctly You need an intensive individual therapy session. Here is a prescription for a one week soft-cell vacation, full board including breakfast, lunch, three course dinner and a choice of wines and liquers. Snacks are served in the afternoon and evening. You will have access to TV, computer with internet access and DVD. Straitjackets and handcuffs available. Other personal wishes can be arranged at request.

I believe this is called "money well spent"

(Personal wishes

) I'm no Waverly

Ode to a Grasshopper · Sat Jun 15, 2002 6:02 am

Originally posted by C Elegans
This one is easy, Ode, you are simply suffering from understimulation. Simply put, your brain is going soft. Isolation is contrainduced. You need more girls, more parties and less computers. You also need physical exercise to sharpen up your system, and this is best achieved in combination with the girls and the parties.

My measurements of your heart rate, blood pressure and skin conductance, suggests your body does not react in consistency with a fear response while hugging me. This means you are now cured, so we can exclude also this part of your treatment. Are you sure you don't wish an appointment with doc Waverly?

While I still get those same symptoms at parties, and especially at parties when a few girls I know are there too, this hits closer to the truth than is comfortable.

I do need more parties, thank goodness my friends are having their holidays in a week or so.

Hmm, *hug*. Hey, you're right! I'm cured! *hug* Thanks, Doc! *Goes looking for Georgi*

Georgi · Post by **Georgi** » Sat Jun 15, 2002 12:44 pm

*lies down on CE's couch*
Hmmm, this is quite comfortable...
*dozes off*

Ode to a Grasshopper · Sat Jun 15, 2002 11:45 pm

*Sneaks up and *hug*s Georgi, but quietly so as not to wake her. Quietly walks away again*

Dottie · Post by **Dottie** » Sat Jun 15, 2002 11:54 pm

Originally posted by C Elegans

Dear Dottie, it is common that young men, especially those who feels a bit insecure about their sex appeal and appearance to others, feel that women pays more attention to them that is actually the case. I think you need to reality test your ideation regarding those women you are referring to.

I heartily recommend that you follow Thantor's advice to achive the most reliable reality check - narcotics is the solution for you. Don't worry about the expenses, due to my excellent contact net in the business I can enroll you for trying out experiment compunds with unknown effects!

Bats are however out of the question, since they are protected in Sweden. Should the narcotics offer only limited help, we may go further with wooden bats though. "Impact therapy" may still help.

Dear C Elegans, Im not sure if you did hear what I was saying or not, But you did clearly not care enough to come up with an answer to the question I was asking. Im sure its very fun and revarding for you to discuss my sex appeal but it would be nice if you as a proffesional didnt place your preferences in conversation subjects first, But rather the concern of the client.

Despite your attitude I will give you another try.

During the past mounth I have developed a addiction of sort towards a certain ... on this board. Though im not feeling any discomfort with this someone suggested I should contact you to make sure this was not harmfull in any way.

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Sat Jun 15, 2002 11:59 pm

Originally posted by Georgi
*lies down on CE's couch*
Hmmm, this is quite comfortable...
*dozes off*

Georgi, both Ode and Dot are here, I don't think you should lie here and sleep...especially not with your clothes de-arranged.

Georgi · Post by **Georgi** » Sun Jun 16, 2002 12:11 am

Originally posted by C Elegans
Georgi, both Ode and Dot are here, I don't think you should lie here and sleep...especially not with your clothes de-arranged.

Wha... *blink* Oh, sorry CE.

*looks down at clothes* I don't remember going to sleep like that...

Hmmm, I had a dream that someone was hugging me... what do you think it means?