Fantasy Football - Pick a Side

[Gwalchmai]

Originally posted by Lost One
Astafas' Team vs Nymphs/Sirens/Dryads (Gwalchmai)

Nymphs/Sirens/Dryads strategy:

There is no doubt in anyone's mind that this will be a tough game for the N/S/Ds. Astafas has challenged them alone, without a team (apparently), which suggests a cunning secret plan on his part. The girls openly admire his bravery and unparalleled manliness. Several of the Nymphs think Astafas is 'simply dreamy' (*sigh*) as well.

Standard policy will be to position the Sirens close to the sides of the field in the hope that the lure of their song will attract Astafas toward them. They really hope that he'll come over for a visit (away from the center of the field) so that they can get to know him a little better.

The Dryad goalie will defend her zone by causing the surrounding grass and weeds to grow up into a pretty, but dense, entanglement. The wooden goal posts themselves will grow up to create a private and very comfortable bower. Astafas is welcome to join her in the secluded, leafy boudoir, provided that he doesn't bring that Smelly Old Ball with him.

The Nymphs will be in charge of running the ball. If they score, they like to get really excited and they tend to jump up-and-down a lot (think 'girls on trampolines’ here).

If the N/S/Ds are winning by at least one goal, they hope to relax a bit, and take the time to openly admire Astafas' fine form and technique. They will complement him on his fine handling and obvious dexterity. If at any time Astafas is willing to forfeit the game, the N/S/Ds would be more than willing to invite Astafas back to their place to 'Party like it was 1282 (Dale Reckoning)'. My duties as team manager will keep me at the Barbeque throughout most of the party, so unfortunately, Astafas will be left alone with all the girls in the Hot Tub.

If the N/S/Ds are losing or the score is tied, the girls will cry every time Astafas tries to score a goal or tries to prevent them from scoring a goal. They just won't understand why he is being so mean, and just when they were really starting to like him, too.

We expect to have a lot of fun and to play a good game. The girls really hope to win, and make it through to the next round, because they really look forward to meeting the other teams. They’ve heard such great things about all those guys!

[Ode to a Grasshopper]

Actually, our dragons have heard great things about your nymphs/dryads/sirens too. For some reason they seem to think your nymphs look "good enough to eat".

[Fezek]

The Titans and wraiths eh? We are going to have to take advantage of team infighting on this. I can't quite see this pairing pulling it off if they go behind. We'll use all our borg phase-deflection shields to prevent any seriously malicious tackles/tactics/level drains. Remember: they can only level drain once before we alter our defences. The Titans may be big lads who can put themselves about a bit but our enhanced-tactical-phase space assimilation response systems (plus any other clever sounding words I can think of) should prevent them from causing too much threat. We are not a good counter-attacking team (too slow and dork-like for that) so we'll have to keep our 3-5-2 formation until any glaring mistakes/weaknesses show themselves. Then we can get them with our sucker punches. Obviously just after kickoff we'll assimilate the ball so that it can follow the hive commands. You wouldn't believe some of the banana kicks our players have been shooting in practice. As soon as players have control of the ball (and I mean full control), we can expect some childish footstamping from the TiTans.

Obviously we have an enormous squad since we just have finished assimilating an entire star system built around a Diego Armando Maradona semen bank. Of course, we have to think about hooligans and so we have put into effect a lot of contingencies concerning crowd control. Yes, controlling the crowd (which is borg for that old footballing cliche, football is a game of two halves played by 22 sentients and at the end of 90 minutes we will have assimilated everyone) will be crucial to this match. It's funny how at the begining of every match we get booed and heckled but at the end we get quiet claps of approval from almost everyone. Almost spooky.

What else is in our armoury? Well we have had some red/yellow cards in the past for assimiltaing the opposition but tactics is tactics and as the great Shankley said " Football is not about life and death, it's more than that". just ask Honduras. We have been cautioned by the FFIFA officials that ".....excess reliance on opposition assimilation will be frowned upon and may result in suspension, expulsion, or other severe penalties....". Looks like we could nick the odd wraith or bullyboy but assimilating the oppostion goalposts or 18 yard area will be our best bet.

Who could forget last year's semi-final, and the looks on the Centaurs' faces when we assimilated their horse halves?

[Lost One]

Dwarves 4 - 2 Goblins

"Well, what a lively match this was, the Dwarves versus the Goblins, two races with a shared history of fighting, killing and ear-pulling each other. The Dwarves took to the pitch with their usual soccer ingredient - tankards of ale! With the crowd spurring them on, the Goblins (with greater agility) seemed to control the first half of the game as they were quick to intercept clumsy dwarves' passes (they need to work on those handling skills!!), run up field, and strike. Thus, it was no surprise when the Goblins were leading 1-0 up. The Dwarves, however, had a secret weapon - the football-firing cannon of the goalkeeper! How did FFIFA allow that in the game? We shall never know...anyway, the cannon was off target throughout the first 60 minutes of the match - initial attempts more often than not landin' in some far off realm. As the goalie got used to it though, he was able to score 3 goals with it! Making it 3-1! The Goblins, infuriated by this, chose to substitute a player in the 70th minute for a catapult-wielding player who lunged himself into the air (with the ball between his legs) into the Dwarves' goal! Talk about Counterattack! Whew! 3-2 it was, but then came the Dwarven centre-forward chargin' down the centre of the opposing half, his head full of ale by then, and wait! he wasn't headin' for goal, he was goin' for the defenders!! As the Goblin defenders ran...and ran...the Dwarf ran faster and impaled each with his spiky armor, finally running into the Goblin goal with 5 goblins hangin' off his armor. Hey, what a finish! 4-2 it was!"

[HighLordDave]

Meet The Elementals

Goalkeeper:
Thog (Earth elemental) likes walks on the beach, turning carbon into diamonds for his special girl and causing misery for road travellers. His patented move is "The Wall" where he takes the shape of a five-foot thick mound of dirt that covers the entire opening to the goal. Thog is the proverbial "rock" upon which the team is built.

Defenders:
Splish, Splat and Kendrick (Water elementals) all went to the same high school and while they aren't related, the are often mistaken for brothers. As teammates, the three like to use "the Tidal Wave" defensive tactic by slide tackling opposing players causing them to wipe out or slip in the mud.

Midfielders:
In the middle of our unusual 3-4-3 formation, Blaze, Wildfire, Comet and Sparky (Fire elementals) anchor The Elementals. Originally, they wanted a career as pop stars, but their hopes were dashed when they were rejected by Making the Band. Fortunately, their talent for football was not overlooked by The Elementals's scouts and they are collectively the light of the team. A fan contest named their signature move the "Napalm Touch" which consists of playing close enough (but not so close as to draw a foul) to the opposing players to cause them to burst into flames. Opponents had better bring the Bactine!

Forwards:
No one can pronounce their real names, so we call our forwards Whisper, Tornado and Larry Ray (Air elementals). They move like the wind and can kick the ball with enough force to punch clean through most opposing goalkeepers. This is a special tournament for Larry Ray, whose father once coached the team to the 1973 national championship, but died last summer after a long struggle with Windmill Syndrome.

Coach:
Prince Gurg (Earth elemental) is the veteran of over two centuries of The Elementals football. In addition to being known for his study of the game, Gurg is an accomplished chef (his mud pie is absolutely to die for) and earned a draw against Iron Chef French Sakai Hiroyuki, only to lose in overtime with the secret ingredient of hummus ("I've never cooked with the stuff before tonight," he explained after the OT match).

General Tactics:
The Elementals attack early and often, trying to jump up early and then play a defensive game later. To counter aggressive teams, the defenders may form "The Bog" by creating a 20-foot wide swath of mud outside of the goal box to slow the opposing team down while the midfielders drop back to defensive positions.

By the way, if the Mimics try their "let's turn everyone into the ball" trick, Coach Gurg is going to go to work on the referee; there's intentionally kicking another player, and then there's the other player putting himself in harm's way, which considering the steep penalties for diving should result in cards for the Mimics. If that doesn't work, we'll just have our mid-fielders stand next to all of the balls on the field. The real ball is presumably indestructible (considering that it's going to be handled by dragons and the like) while the other players should be bursting into flame.

[Weasel]

Originally posted by HighLordDave
If that doesn't work, we'll just have our mid-fielders stand next to all of the balls on the field. The real ball is presumably indestructible (considering that it's going to be handled by dragons and the like) while the other players should be bursting into flame.

Nippy I hope you have a plan.

[Nippy]

The Titan's and Wraiths primary tactic is to play a long ball game over the slow to turn Borg head. The forwards will latch on to it and beat the defence. Simple. Hopefully...

[Lost One]

Mimics 1 - 0 Elementals

"Well, how exciting can it get, the tricky Mimics versus the almighty Elementals! Surely, the Elementals will win, they look like a really strong side! I don't even know if Mimics can even kick footballs! Ha! Well, the match started and to everyone's surprise and delight, the Mimics turned into the very size and shape of the official football and everywhere footballs kept turnin' and movin' one way and the other. The Elementals were not totally caught by surprise, the Coach Prince Gurg having prepared for this - and as ball by ball strolled through the Elemental's half, Splish, Splat and Kendrick would attempt to kick it - leading to the yowls of the Mimics and wait..yellow cards given to each of the defenders!! Gurg's protests went unnoticed...Plan B - and Sparky decides to stand close to the every ball rollin' in to the area, setting each aflame! The beholder referee (known as the Ruthless Eye) to everyone's surprise, gave Sparky the red card! (I guess the colour suits him). Tempers were heatin' up with the Fire Elementals and the Mimics managed to get a corner through Tornado's careless furious kick - which he assumed was another Mimic, not the football. The corner is about to be taken, and what?! with the Fire Elementals' temper flaring up and everyone in the Elementals team preparing for the cross, the proximity of the Fire Elementals means that the Water Elementals start to evaporate! Who would have thought...and then, in a wild splashin' attempt to live, the Water Elementals spray water all around them, effectively putting out the Fire Elementals. Ho ho ho! I bet Gurg never saw this comin'! With 7 players down, out, or put out, only the Air Elementals and the goalkeeper is left. In comes a swarm of footballs, and Thog attempts "the Wall'. The mound of dirt seems to work well, until, noooo, Ruthless Eye has given a penalty to the Mimics! He thought that the blockin' of the entire goal was unfair play...hey, ref, what about them turnin' into balls, is that fair? Despite many protests, a Mimic takes the penalty and scores - the ball (or him) going right beneath the earth golem's wide, thick legs. As the air elementals take up the ball after the goal, once more the Mimics shape themselves into balls and roll in against the real ball, and the Air Elementals score 1-2-noo-3 goals...no wait, those were Mimics as it turned out. The 90 minutes are over, and the Mimics win, this may yet be the biggest upset of the Cup to come. 1-0 for the Mimics."
PS: Much like the real World Cup huh, HLD, bad refereeing & big upsets. Heh.

[Kameleon]

The Gnomes' strategy? Well, we'll never win in a million years, so obviously fate is with us. We lovely but unfortunate people will do our level best, but we're not holding out any hope.

there, do you think that was enough to win???

As for real tactics (as if there's any hope ), we will use our brilliant illusional abilities to shift all over the pitch, mirror-imaging ourselves so that the entire pitch looks like it's covered with star striker Tiax with the ball. Hopefully the elves will be completely confused (but I don't think there's any hope ), and in addition the gnomes will tell stories, long awful stories about people you've never heard of but are somehow extremely funny, and the protagonist of all this will be a certain midfielder Jansen Jansen (the son, dontcha know ), and some of the defenders will regale the Avariel with stories of how their race has helped many a wingless winged elf. Also, they will be well aware of the problems that the Avariel might face when flying, that as they are not allowed to handle the ball, they cannot keep it up for long enough, especially when faced with the Anti-Flying-Elverator developed by Jansen Jr. which forces them to dribble. And drop the ball. When the elves come down to earth (so to speak), the gnomes will tackle. And they will tackle hard the frail petite bodies of the elves. But you couldn't card them, could you? Surely not with their ickle innocent chubby faces?

[HighLordDave]

Originally posted by Lost One
PS: Much like the real World Cup huh, HLD, bad refereeing & big upsets. Heh.

Dammit! Oh, well; we'll be back in four more years . . .

I demand a full investigation into this debacle. That ref needs to have his eyes examined. I'm sure the French are somehow involved . . .

[Lost One]

Titans/Wraiths 6 - 3 Borgs

"Welcome again to Fantasy World Cup! With us is ToyToy and me, BugBug. So, ToyToy, what do you think of the two teams? Uh...I think that the two teams are quite you know the way they've been playin' is kinda sort of like the way they were playing when they played each other, yeah. *ahem* Thank you, ToyToy for your beautiful comments as usual. Today we have Borgs versus Titans/Wraiths. Let's skip the intros, and head to the game...!
Ok, Borgs enter, they look very cool and controlled (I guess they would be) but the Titans look astonishing, handsome giants capable of anything, and the wraiths with 'em, well, they must be the dark counterpart to these godlike warriors. The match starts! the borgs take the ball, and hey...what's that electronic sound? what's goin' on? they're trying to assimilate the ball? holy guacamole! Ruthless Eye must not have noticed, but now the ball is in, and I mean it, total control of the Borgs. The Borg passes to another, Wraiths try to defend, nope, then one of the Titans gets his massive foot to the ball, and wowzies! the ball swerves from him mysteriously and reaches another Borg, who kicks it in the goal! 1-0! Play resumes, and the ball refuses to be taken by the other team...another goal! and another! by the end of the first half, Borgs are 3-0 up!
Both teams come out again, Borgs show no expressions, the Titans/Wraiths clearly frustrated...apparently during the break there have been discussions with the referee, and wait, no it can't be! the old ball has been chucked away and a new ball has been placed!! ok, play starts..Titans with possession, backpass to Wraith, pass to the giant defender number 8, and woooo! it's a loooooong ball up and over the Borg's heads - which are slowly trying to make a 360 degrees spin to see where the ball is goin'...ball reaches area, Titan picks it up (no offside? oh, it's day, I forgot) and slams it in - ball hits the Borg goalie so hard that pieces of machinery and female underwear fly all over the place (hey, ToyToy, I didn't know Borgs wore undies underneath their protective assimilating phaser armour). Anyway, 3-1, Borgs trying to assimilate the ball again...but no, it rolls away from the Borgs at their first attempt (could this be counter-assimilation?)...in fact, control has gone to neither of the teams, but it seems that the ball has found a will of its own and continuously skitters to the Borg goal...again and again...makin' it 5-3 for the Titans/Wraiths by the 80th minute. The Titans press on, the Wraiths not doing much because they can't scare machines nor life drain them, and the long ball tactic seems to be makin' the Borg's heads spin and spin over and over again!...!...yikes, the spinning has gone out of control and after the first Borg head flies out in the direction of the stars, the "collective" cannot resist and do the same thing. Weird...but true. Titans/Wraiths then head it home for a 6-3 comfortable win. Uhm...ToyToy, that ball changed a lot after the first half break, do you reckon it was one of the mimics from the last match? ToyToy: Bugbug, I think that last ball which when he did that thing with it was so you know kind of sorta cool in a way that I thought was not really sure of doin' or makin' dreams come true. *ahem* ToyToy, shut up! Join us in our next match on EROTICFOOTBALL TV - this is Bugbug and ToyToy, goodnight!"

[Weasel]

Originally posted by Nippy
The Titan's and Wraiths primary tactic is to play a long ball game over the slow to turn Borg head. The forwards will latch on to it and beat the defence. Simple. Hopefully...

*Stares at Nymphs*

Great plan Did we win?

I demand a full investigation into this debacle. That ref needs to have his eyes examined. I'm sure the French are somehow involved . .

I third this call. Mainly the French part.

[Nippy]

Yeehaw! Come on the COMM! I knew we would do well Weasel, I am a man you can trust...

[Aegis]

Well, looks like we'll be moving on to the next round soon... I already got some of my plans laid out...

[Silur]

Oh, great! We made the next round, but... I'm a bunch of players short. Where do I apply for permission to get a few more Mimic players included into the group? Some of my main players have... um... dissappeared.

[Weasel]

Originally posted by Nippy
Yeehaw! Come on the COMM! I knew we would do well Weasel, I am a man you can trust...

I have to admit I was scared there for a moment. But who am I kidding..with COMM in the game nothing stands in the way.


(Nice plan of attack Nippy. )

[Lost One]

OK, I'm still waiting for strategies from:

Dragons(+Golem)
Tarrasques(+air elemental king)
Avariel
Astafas
Golems
Human Sorcerers(w/chain contingencies)

There are still some hours 'til midnight (GMT time), so have your strategies done by then (even one or two lines will do). If not, I'll have to assume basic strategies of defend/attack which will mostly disadvantage your team.
4 matches have already been competed, there are 4 left.
Remember: The results & commentaries are based on your strategies, taking into account the perceived effectiveness of the strategy against your opponent (so size of reply doesn't necessarily matter) & also takin' into account standard strengths/weaknesses of each race. If you think the result is unfair, well...take it to FFIFA.
Fantasy World Cup - sponsored by Gobladidas (fit to smell!) & Kobold Droppings (comes in packs of four, creamy and doughy flavours now available!)

[Dottie]

The Avariel team strat:

4 Magicains will concentrate entirly on dispelling gnome illusions.
The rest of the team will try to get the ball up in the air, and then use thier great agility to play it safly over the gnomes heads.

When failing to fly the elfs will point out that including the Anti-Flying-Elverator the gnomes are actually 12 persons on the field and should be disqualified. If the judge does not cooperate they will threaten to sue FFIFA as well as cut the funding of the judges private pleasure chamber.

[Kameleon]

Originally posted by Dottie
When failing to fly the elfs will point out that including the Anti-Flying-Elverator the gnomes are actually 12 persons on the field and should be disqualified. If the judge does not cooperate they will threaten to sue FFIFA as well as cut the funding of the judges private pleasure chamber.

The gnomes will then bring out their secret photos of several high-ranking FFIFA officials with certain members of the Avariel team in said pleasure chamber and suggest that perhaps that decision wouldn't be all that good an idea if the judges don't want to cause a scandal Oh, and the Anti-Flying-Elverator is not an extra man any more than a pair of goalie gloves is.

[Dottie]

Well, If that is the outcome the avariel team will grudingly leave the field after declaring the game invalid. They will then start rioting on the streets.